


Wallflower

by meikahidenori



Series: Classic Thunderbirds smut archive R18+ [3]
Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Brother/Brother Incest, Fluff and Angst, HIV/AIDS, M/M, On the Run, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-02-23
Packaged: 2019-03-10 23:34:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 101,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13512084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meikahidenori/pseuds/meikahidenori
Summary: Warning: this is a tragic fiction, designed to highlight a very common and not openly discussed illness that effects millions of people world wide. If you are uncomfortable with us delving into this sort of thing, it's best to avoid this fiction - specifically chapter Four onwards.For that reason anonymous commenting is turned off. Thank you for understanding.





	1. Long time lovers

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: this is a tragic fiction, designed to highlight a very common and not openly discussed illness that effects millions of people world wide. If you are uncomfortable with us delving into this sort of thing, it's best to avoid this fiction - specifically chapter Four onwards.
> 
> For that reason anonymous commenting is turned off. Thank you for understanding.

It was a quiet night on a hidden island off the coast of Australia, the extinct volcano was now the home of famous billionaire astronaut Jeff Tracy, his five sons and his long time friend and butler Kyrano and his daughter.

Tonight, most of the family were on a weekend away. They had earned it after all the hard work they had been doing though the month and Jeff felt it needed to be rewarded.

Gordon rolled over in his large double bed and grunted. The island cicadas were making a racket just outside his bedroom window, making sleep almost impossible. 

The weekend break extended to everyone, however even though systems were diverted home, someone had to stay back just encase an emergency came through.

Gordon volunteered. He'd been doing it alot over the past few years, for a while he didn't like being left behind when he had worked as hard as his two older and youngest sibling did. 

The last two years however he had a reason to want to stay.

With the new upgrades that Brains had been tinkering with, it meant that he was no longer left alone on those breaks anymore.

Reaching out and pulling the sleeping figure that was also in the bed closer to him, he nuzzled and kissed them on the shoulder. He wrapped his arms around them protectively - this was their time alone. It wasn't much, but a house to themselves for a weekend was better than the alternative they had a few months ago, forced to sneak around the house just to be alone.

Two months every year wasn't enough but now there had been changes and they were getting the benefit out of it.

How long had they been doing this? Since the incident at a party during the last year of university. Even then juggling their time was hard with Gordon’s involvement in WASP until six years ago.

The accident that almost killed him.

To say since then the relationship was rocky due to separation would be lying, they both bided their time, flirted over long distance calls and made those few precious hours they got together feel like they were worth waiting for. The fact Gordon could tease in public infront of his father and brothers and have them shrug it off as him being his usually idiotic self worked to an advantage - because those nights were the ones silent passion occurred and the sex was bliss for several hours.

Now, both at twenty eight - eight months between them - they had it more or less worked out how, when and where they could have their quality time, not all of it sexual - some of it just heavy petting and playful fun or just reading and watching movies from the comfort of the bed.

Yawning, he buried his face into the soft wispy platinum blonde locks of hair in front of him, breathing in the beautiful fruity musk.

His taller, slightly younger lover purred in his sleep.

Lovers for over nine years in secret. Not that they minded, they knew what would happen if anyone knew.

They did get a thrill however going on trips when it was their turn to take leave having people think they were a married couple and a part of Gordon wished it was true. They bickered, joked around, found romance and fun in everything - just like an old married couple who had been together for fifty years and while not far from the truth, they had known each other growing up together for twenty eight of them. If it wasn't for the catch - they would have had thrown the biggest flashiest wedding in the world, invited family, friends and receive their blessing.

Gordon lightly kissed his lover's bare shoulder that he could access, careful not to disturb them too much. He would never do anything to hurt his lover or invade his person without permission, however he knew there would be a day, no matter how careful they were, where one or possibly both of them would come undone due to the health risks they created for each other.

Not only that, it would get them both caught and while Gordon would put up a fight of a lifetime for his lover - he wasn't bullet proof. If a gun was pulled on them, he'd shield him with his own body if he had to, Gordon would risk it all just to keep his lover alive.

He was the reason they were together. He knew the risks and while it took a bit of convincing at the start and the initial panic of being caught to subside, they had been doing it for so long now that any discovery of it now he was ready for.

He would do anything for his ‘Duckling’, an embarrassing nickname that had stuck since they were little and one he could use in public because no one really knew it was one of endearment. 

Gordon brushed some of the blonde hair from his lover's face and playfully twirled it in his fingers, feeling how soft and fluffy it was.

That's not why he called him ‘Duckling’ though.

When they were little, Gordon used to be followed everywhere. His lover trailed after him no matter where he went - the bathroom, the kitchen, mum’s laboratory - till one day he tried to while Gordon was having swimming lessons in the local pool. Twelve year old Olympic hopeful Tracy learned the value of CPR that day and everyone else started to keep a better eye on his follower.

Gordon held his lover tighter just thinking about it. It still terrified him that even now he was still willingly following him everywhere even if it would endanger his life. It was sweet but Gordon never wanted to be unconscious under the sea and have him come attempt to rescue him. If he was almost dead and unreachable he didn't want his lover to die a needless fate.

He lay there, listening to his lover's restful rhythmic breathing to drown out the noisy cicadas and found his hands lightly wandering over his lover's bare chest and stomach, playfully making him feel good as he dreamed. When he stopped, thinking it was time to try sleeping again, his lover started to stir.

“It's alright, John.” He whispered. “It's still dark. You can keep sleeping. I just needed to be reminded that your really here beside me. After all this time, I still need to check how amazing and important you are.”

“Mmm…” John mumbled sleepily, “I was so sure I was dreaming you were here.” 

The younger man rolled over sluggishly to face Gordon and reached his hand towards his siblings face, gently stroking his skin as he yawned, “But there you are.”

Gordon chuckled. “Were you expecting someone else?” he swooped in for a soft kiss. “Looking forward to a day all to ourselves tomorrow? Have anything you'd like to do? We could take the boat out, go fishing or diving...or maybe some rock climbing on Mateo island?”

John stretched his tired body out, a moan forced its way out of his throat, “Diving sounds wonderful, it’s been so long since we’ve done that.”

He moved his hand towards the nape of Gordon’s neck, ghosting his fingers along the sensitive skin underneath the peach-fuzz hair.

“There's some interesting caves a bit further out from Mateo, more along the Three sisters fault line we've never explored before. I don't think they're that big, but we may see some interesting things down there. The manta rays are supposed to be migrating around at the moment, maybe we will see them?” he breathed deeply, picking up those interpret lithe fingers and bringing them to his lips to kiss them one by one.

John slipped his hand away, letting it curl around the back of Gordon’s head, pulling him forward into a soft and passionate kiss, their lips dancing across one another’s.

Pulling away to gulp down a breath, John smiled at his siblings handsome features illuminated in the pale moonlight. 

Gordon’s gaze met those beautiful pale eyes, the colour of the skies when they were clear and bluer than any pigment of paint. Some would find them cold but Gordon found them as magnificent as the ocean reefs near their island home. His own amber brown eyes while not as vibrant certainly returned the attraction with a burning flame like a fire during winter.

He pressed his lips lightly on his lover's thinner ones and parted them slowly so he could gently brush his tongue against his own. His hand ran under his lover's firm angular chin and along his subtlety squared jaw before breaking the kiss to move his exploration along his lover's pale, starglow skin.

John ran his fingers around the toned muscle of Gordon’s strong shoulders, tracing between the raised cicatrices that were strewn across his otherwise smooth skin. They were a constant reminder of the accident that had nearly claimed his sibling those years ago.

Resting his forehead against that of his brother’s, the younger Tracy slipped a hand through the thick copper hair ahead of him delicately clutching it in his fist, his cool-toned blue eyes burning into those warm dark ochre ones.

“Still tired?” Gordon said with a hint of a smile. If his lover wasn't letting him explore and tease, he wasn't going to push it, John was a little bit on the lighter, fragile framed side being more of an intellectual and a master of words and all things about the universe and its secrets, the kind of person who was very adventurous but didn't have desire to build up his muscles unless they were in his brain. Any daredevil adventures he tried always had Gordon checking and rechecking he was going to be safe - one broken bone for John took longer to heal than a broken one on himself.

“Not particularly,” John replied warmly, “Just enjoying this, still feels like a dream… Just making sure you’re really here with me.” 

He tugged his sibling’s hair a little harder, pulling his head backwards to expose his neck for John to explore with his mouth. Distributing sensitive kisses along the silky skin of his lover, he attentively lavished Gordon’s neck with flicks of his warm tongue and occasionally grazed his teeth against the strong jawline of his sibling.

The ginger headed young man breathed out an amused snort, as his head was being toyed with and teased. “I'll always be here, John. Just like the bad smell from the washing basket in the laundry. Doesn't the shower work on board the station? You're always scrubbing yourself raw when you touch down and your uniform smells of ‘ode de duck’ not that I mind.” He flashed his teeth slyly. “I love how you smell, even if you haven't showered with soap and water for a week and a half.”

To emphasize his point he rolled his sibling into his back and theatrically take a deep breath inhaling the musty smell as he rested above him on all fours, supporting his weight so not to squash his naked lover under him.

“You taste just as good too.” He chuckled, leaning down to tentatively taste his brother's pinkish nipples. “Little salty, but I like it alot.” He then began to tease one with his mouth, drawing it in and playfully sucking and nipping it while running the other under and between his fingers to match.

The sound of a gratified gasp filled the air as John twitched and writhed in pleasure. 

“Uhh...” He yelped as Gordon continued teasing the hypersensitive skin, unable to control his body’s response, “Gordo- AH!”

His hips jerked up as a sharp nip and a quick pinch simultaneously sent waves of pleasure through his torso. John’s fingers sunk into his lover’s athletic shoulders as he shot him a suggestive grin.

“You don’t exactly smell like the lavender fields of Luberon when you’ve been at the bottom of the ocean for a few days,” he snorted, pulling Gordon in to catch his plump lower lip between his teeth.

“Yes well you knew I smelt like a swamp creature the first time you slept with me. A little late to change your mind about that.” He mused once his lip had been let go and John had started on his neck and shoulders again. “Also never said you smelled ‘bad’, just that I quite like the strong manly musk you have. I like that better than that horrid soap that Dad insists we all use. It's all well and good after we come back tracking mud, grease and blood inside the house but for everyday use? It's not pleasant on sensitive skin.”

“Best damn smelling swamp creature I’ve found,” John mumbled into his sibling’s neck, a smile sweeping across his face, “You scrub up well when you want to.”

This got a very hearty laugh. At least he could make light of it, rarely did he get the rescues he ended up being covered head to toe in blood in. Those were the ones, no matter how hard you scrubbed and the heat of the water could never clean the smell of. Bacon was no longer allowed in the house or on the dinner menu, it brought memories of things that were unpleasant, just by smell alone.

“So,” Gordon let out a predatory growl that sounded like a creature from the darkness “Should I… or shouldn't I?” He gave John a mischievous glance, awaiting an answer to his super vague question.

John gave him an inquisitive look, cocking his head to one side as his brother’s odd offer.

“You should?” He offered tentatively, resting his head back against the pillow, taking in the sight of his lover smirking impishly, a playful look in his kind eyes.

Cheekiness gave way to the devil's grin and before John could stop him, his long bare slender legs were lifted up onto his brother's strong shoulders, resting his backside in his lap.

Gingerly, Gordon leant downwards and started to run his tongue along the insides of his lover's thighs and drew his long slender length in between his lips. Sure, he could only get it in half way but that didn't matter, his hands were able to caress down to the base and play with his undercarriage, rolling it around in his fingers and massaging it.

“Ahh! Gordon… Uhhhhh!” 

John couldn’t stop his cries of pleasure as his lover teased him with his hot mouth. He felt the warm pad of his tongue encircle around his length, drawing a breathless moan and sending spasms through his legs trapped above him.

Grasping his lover’s biceps, John let his head fall back, groaning at the unbelievably gratifying sensation between his legs.

Gordon wasn't about to stop and allow his younger lover a reprieve. He continued to tease with his mouth while moving his hands away to run his fingers along the undersides of John's thighs to his backside and back again, an area so sensitive to touch it caused his sibling to unload and while he couldn't entirely swallow, he at least made the effort and used his tongue to clean up anything that had escaped.

He crawled back up the bed to lie alongside John, trailing his fingers through his soft but now sweaty hair and kissed him until his breathing stopped hitching and evened out. 

“You should know by now how these games work,” he chuckled warmly. “So...would you like a ride cowboy? The pony is yours if you want to sit in the saddle.”

John ambled up to kneel beside Gordon, gripping his wrists at his sides and gracefully lifted his leg to swing himself to straddle his lover. 

“You know I can’t resist that kind of offer… Yee-haw!” John whispered, smirking and leaning forward onto Gordon’s chest, littering kisses along the tanned skin.

John scraped his fingernails lightly across the expanse of toned naked skin in front of him, provoking his lover’s back to arch and hips to rise up, grinding their lengths together. 

Lifting his body, John positioned himself above his lover’s member, stroking it fully for a moment before sinking himself slowly until it filled him completely.

“Uhhhh! Shit!” He hissed, remaining steady and letting his body adjust to the unique sensation. 

Gordon stretched under him, his narrower hips making it easier for John to sit above. He breathed out a little more harshly than usual. “A little too eager? Usually I don't make you swear, you’re as quiet as a mouse!” He let out a short chortle as his tattooed arms reached up to hold his lover steady. “You miss me that much?” 

The devious grin returned as he raised his hips off the bed, enough to make John almost roll off him backwards and elicit a loud growl from himself...damn several weeks apart really does send him overboard when treated a little more needy than normal.

Gordon’s reaction seemed to ignite an adventurous excitement within him. John grabbed his lover’s pronounced hip bones and rocked his own hips hard beneath him. Eliciting passionate incoherent moans from them both

Being more involved in the intellectual and communications side of International Rescue meant John had little need to be as physically strong as his older and youngest brothers. Their bodies had been shaped and perfected to suit each their roles over the years, moulding the powerful physiques they now possessed. Though he was physically fit, agile and nimble, John lacked their strength and stamina.

“Ahh, uuuhh- GORDON! Nnngh.”

John’s knees shook and twitched beneath him as he fell forward onto his lover’s chest, his body already feeling spent before he properly had the chance to satisfy Gordon.

“Tired you out too early.” Gordon laughed softly, running his fingers through John's soft hair and down his back. “It's ok. You know I don't mind since I tease you so much. How about you slip off and I'll go make us some cold drinks? The humidity probably isn't helping, it hasn't dropped much lower than twenty nine degrees outside.”

“Mmhmm,” John mumbled as he slid himself off of his lover’s chest to lay back onto the bed sheets, his body not yet recovered from his previous orgasm that had been made all the more intense by Gordon’s teasing. 

“An iced tea would be perfect, so long as you don’t mind.”

“Normal or long Island?” Gordon asked as he sat up and cleaned himself up before slipping on some loose shorts.

“Normal please,” John smiled up at him, “don’t think I could handle any alcohol right now.”

Gordon nodded and gave John a kiss before leaving his lover to head for the kitchen down stairs. When he returned he had two thin tall glasses filled with a pink see through liquid, a few ice cubes floating on top and garnished with a fancy umbrella and a straw.

“Ran cold water through a tea strainer so sorry about any floating bits. Strawberries and cream take your fancy?”

John grinned at his sibling’s interesting method of drink preparation. 

“Sounds wonderful, thanks, Gordo,” he answered politely.

Propping himself up on the bed, he gratefully accepted one of the slim glasses and pulled the straw into his mouth with his tongue. The cold beverage was heavenly as it slid down his throat, cooling his body from the inside out.

As Gordon sat beside him on the bed, John plucked the decorative miniature umbrella from his now empty glass and slipped it neatly behind his sibling’s ear. 

“Suits you,” he quietly snorted with laughter. 

Gordon smiled, picking out his own umbrella and twirling it. “Just like the hawaiian shirts you all got me for my birthday as a joke, yes?” Ok so that present gang up was amusing, but so far Gordon had avoided wearing them. Bright and colourful was his thing, but surfers wear - now that was where it was at. Shirts were hot and stuffy on the island some days and only worn because he had to. Sitting in a room with his other siblings it looked ridiculous if visitors came and he was just lounging around in his underwear. That and their old man didn't approve of his body paint, the irony being he approved of cigars, snuff boxes and strong alcohol.

At least the tattoos weren't slowly killing him from inside.

“Feeling better?” He asked.

“Much better, thanks Clownfish,” John smirked, observing the man before him. 

Collecting an ice cube sneakily from his glass into his mouth, John pulled Gordon back towards the bed before sitting atop his lap. He littered a few kisses on his lover’s shoulders with lips tightly shut before making his way to Gordon’s chest, letting his lips part and the melting ice cube make quick contact with the hot skin beneath.

Gordon breathed out sharply, running a hand down his lover's arm in anticipation. “You're a tease too you know.” He purred as another cube was plucked out of his own glass and applied in the same sensual way. “Ahhhhh damn….that's wonderful..”

John, with his icy mouth around one of Gordon’s nipples, he swirled the ice cube around before delivering a quick nip. 

Dragging the ice with his tongue, he kissed and licked cold sensations down his lover’s narrowing torso. He delivered a shock when he let small remaining piece of ice fall into his lover’s navel, sitting up and holding on tightly to Gordon’s shorts as he contorted to remove the offending ice.

The surprise had Gordon spilling his iced tea everywhere, sploshing it all over John's shoulders, ice and all. “D-damn! That's cold!”

John leapt up in shock as his naked body was covered in the freezing liquid. 

“Ahh!” He yelped laughing as he rolled onto the bed beside Gordon, “Maybe I should have taken that off you before I tried that.”

This made Gordon crack up, his laughter full of snorts. “Yeah you should have.” He reached over to the bedside table and placed it down before returning to his shivering lover and leaning over him again to kiss him on the lips. “You still want to play huh?”

“Y-you bet!” John stuttered from the cold of the drink, “I’m wide awake n-now anyway!”

He pulled Gordon towards him, his warm chest touching John’s cool and strawberry scented one. They kissed passionately, barely coming up for air whilst their tongues slipped against each other. 

Hands snaked around their bodies, entangling and entwining, until Gordon gently parted John's legs before whispering, “May I have this dance?” 

“Please,” John panted, his eyes full of lust, “I’m all yours.”

Gordon pushed a little harsher in his next kiss so the pain of entry would be less noticeable and started to be a little rougher with his displays of affection, but not so harsh that he would hurt his lover.

He nuzzled and nibbled as he pressed on listening to his lover makes wonderful noises.

“Nice to know I can still press the right buttons and know the dance moves you like.” He chuckled, breathing in his lover's ear.

“Uhhh… you’ve always known, unghh... GORDON!” John’s body writhed in pleasure, his legs hooking around his lover’s back as his hands gripped harder into his lover’s ribs. 

He pulled Gordon closer and kissed him roughly, using his legs to adjust his position so that his lover was now supporting most of his weight along with his own.

“Ahh! You always were an excellent dancer.”

“Only...for you, I has a great teacher…” Gordon mumbled between heavy breaths, affectionately nuzzling between kisses. “It takes two to learn the tango.”

“You are the perfect student… Uhhh!” John moaned as Gordon’s pace began to pick up, striking something within him that made his eyes flutter shut for a moment from the sheer overwhelming pleasure.

“Uhhhh… Jonathan…. You're always far too kind to me.” Gordon purred. “I don't deserve you sometimes.”

“You’re… Ahh! You’re kidding, right? Uhhh…” John shivered with lust as his lover softly growled his full name.

He quickly grabbed his own length in his fist and pulled firmly in time with Gordon’s relentless pace, his vision blurring slightly as he came ever closer to release.

“No. You know I clown around, but I could never lie to you.” Gordon pushed onwards, also reaching down to help John pleasure himself. Together the reached the crescendo, John yelping little pleas and Gordon with a deep growling moans.

Gordon's hands shot out to support his weight quickly so he didn't collapse on top of his lover and gave him a smile before kissing him lovingly. 

“I love corrupting you.” He teased, playfully kissing John's pinkish nose on his flushed features before giving him eskimo kisses. He didn't want to pull away just yet, being as one was something they didn’t get to share often. 

“I love it when you corrupt me too,” he winked, lightly flicking his lover’s nose, “just wish you could do it more often.”

John pushed Gordon’s sweat-soaked hair away from his eyes, admiring his beautiful and twinkling irises. He reached his head up, wrapping his arms around his lover’s back, nuzzling happily into the crook of Gordon’s neck. He inhaled deeply, savouring the pleasant feeling of his lover remaining in him, listening to Gordon’s huffed breaths slowly return to normal.

“Me too.” Gordon ran his hands over John's lithe figure. “That extra time we had during University is slowly being drip fed back to us. It's not perfect but it's better than nothing at all.” 

As Gordon sits back up to climb off his sibling and to lie beside him, he added, “We both get leave soon enough. Got any suggestions on where you’d like to go? We bungee jumped in Bali last time and went skydiving before that...anything romantic this time maybe? Or do you still need extra thrills?”

“Just because I pick the thrill seeking holidays, doesn’t mean they can’t be romantic,” he offered playfully pouting at Gordon. “I was considering Canada… How’s that for romanticism?”

Gordon laughed and sighed. “I don't find you being laid up in a hotel room because you've shattered your collar bone again a fun idea for a three week vacation. Whereabouts in Canada? I'm not familiar with much but the fancy tourist railways.”

“It’s just an idea, we don’t have to,” John rushed, “I had looked into the hotel on the shores of Lake Louise. It’s in Banff National Park. I’ll show you pictures of you like, it’s romantic as anything.”

John thought about the great deal of time he has spent researching the location deep in the Canadian Rockies. It was an idyllic place, the glacier-fed lake a shimmering turquoise colour due to the surrounding rock debris that washed from the meltwater. 

It was like something straight from one of his older brother’s paintings. There was plenty of skiing, hiking and numerous adventures to be had, but settled in a romantic and atmospheric spot. 

“I don't doubt for a second that you haven't had a really fun time researching it ” Gordon kissed his cheek. “It will be going into spring on that side of the world anyway so anyplace that sounds adventurous would be good.”

Truthfully, Gordon didn't really care where they went as long as they got to go together which was generally ok with everyone else - they either thought John was too boring to tote around or Gordon was embarrassing as all hell and would do everything dangerous he could find.

It was laughable that the opposite was true. John would get up to all kinds of mischief because he was on earth and had a lot more things to do than in space, where's Gordon tended to not mind being a little bit of a wet blanket from time to time after alot of his active duty on rescues involved so much physical activity the idea of just casually taking in the sights was more of an appeal to him.

As long as John didn't wind up in hospital, Gordon was happy to do whatever he wanted to on a trip away.

“Just wait until you see the lake, you’ll want to go straight away!” John’s foot was twitching lightly with excitement.

John rolled himself to face into Gordon’s chest, looking up at rich amber eyes. “You’ll love it, and we can do everything or nothing there… No pressure!”

“I've heard THAT before.” Gordon grinned. “But you know I'll do whatever you want because let's face it, you don't get much time to enjoy yourself otherwise.” His ran his fingers up ulong and under his lover's chin. “You tell me where I have to pay money to and it'll be booked no questions asked.”

“Anywhere with you will be perfect,” he yawned loudly into Gordon’s chest, nuzzling in as his sibling slipped his arm around his shoulders, “I promise to try and behave. After all, it’s your holiday too.”

“Oh? Is that a threat is it? Do I need to bring some of our ‘toys’ along?”

John smirked up at Gordon, crooking an eyebrow up suggestively, “I think it would be rude not to.”

He lifted his leg and tucked it over top of Gordon’s, pulling himself closer to his lover, enjoying the warmth radiating from the tanned chest he was currently using to rest his head upon. “That way I can return the favour of looking after me that time,” he laughed softly.

“What colour? Baby blue, neon pink? With studs or smooth leather finish?” Gordon teased, stroking his lover's head through his hair and studying his reaction. It was little things like this he missed dearly when they were apart, sure the sex was awesome but Gordon always felt it was just a bonus. If John lay with him forever without the extra intimacy he wouldn't mind, to have someone so out of this world who enjoyed your company was so rare and he was lucky to get that at all.

John pouted up at his lover, “you’re making me choose? That’s not fair!” He leant his head back onto Gordon’s hand and shook his head slightly, ruffling his hair through his fingers. “Studs, definitely studs… hmm... What colour? Is purple an option?”

Gordon was always so giving and understanding, it had often made John worry that he was unable to give as much in return. Not being as physically strong as his sibling meant that his mind was all he had to offer.

He didn’t deserve someone as gentle and fun as Gordon, which made him thankful for whatever time they spent alone with each other, no matter how short it was.

“If that's what you want.” Gordon grinned. “Lilac or Royal?”

Gordon knew he was just bantering away and was aware John knew he was talking about leashes and collars. He didn't know about the additional ‘toys’ Gordon was thinking of taking.

As John seemed to think it over, Gordon’s memory decided to play tricks in him - the result was him wrapping his arms around his lover tighter and more protectively.

He could never fully shake it after all this time, but it was the one thing that terrified him more than anything - loosing John.

Sure, his brother almost drowned when they were twelve, but that university party, a few days before Gordon tried asking his sibling to play a sexy game with him which - ended them up here right now years later - where some guys decided his drunken brother would look great in a dress and to be gang raped on camera. 

They only got as far as the dress before Gordon burst into the room and went ballistic 

There were times Gordon regretted getting his arms tattooed, the blood red of the creatures on either side tended to remind him of how much blood he was covered in before other party guests came to investigate. He was lucky not to be arrested for the carnage.

Nobody was ever allowed to hurt John. Gordon was very admit about that.

“Earth to Gordon? Are you receiving?” John laughed in a sing-song tone before seeing the terrified look on his sibling’s face, “What is it, Clownfish? Something I said? Is it because I didn’t choose lilac.”

John tried to make his tone upbeat, but feeling Gordon instinctively tighten his grip around him made John concerned about what was troubling his brother.

“Gordon? It’s okay,” he offered quietly, lifting a slender hand to Gordon’s strong jawline, cupping his face.

“Hmm?” Gordon was pulled back into reality by the gentle touch. “Sorry, was just thinking. Didn't mean to worry my duckling.” He took the hand and kissed it.

John wrinkled his nose up disbelieving his brother’s words. “What is it?”

He knew that Gordon was generally open with him about how he felt, but it wasn’t often that he had to ask multiple times.

“Bad dreams.” Gordon yawned. “Ones where I lose you, or could have lost you.”

John quietly sat up, bringing Gordon’s head to rest upon his lap, silently running his slim fingers through copper red hair to soothe his sibling. 

He knew it had been hard for him, all these years to deal with what had happened, there had been many a night when he had checked in on Gordon only to discover him trapped within a nightmare, unable to escape.

He covered Gordon's head with his body, as if an attempt to protect his sibling from the awful nightmares that plagued him. 

“I’m here,” John whispered, continuing to calm his brother, “and I’m fine… Because I’ve got you.”

“I know.” Gordon sighed. “But our world is so small, John. Whatever happens out outside of it can end it so easily if it got in to our safe bubble….”

“So far, no one has bothered about us or has cared if they know - I mean, I'm certain Tintin and her dad suspect something, every time they come back from these little ‘reward breaks’ the stuff she gives you and I because we didn't go to France or Japan for the weekend with them…” he ran his fingers lazily along his brother's elegant calves. “Sure, Alan teases me as he just assumes anyone who shows off skin around Tintin is gay. Boy has he lived a sheltered life, I mean I bet fifty dollars Scotty and Virge have at least considered getting into her pants more than once..and those two dress like we've got visitors around every damn day. Nothing’s ever casual for them, it's Ralph Lauren or some other fancy crap in Vogue.”

Gordon sighed. “Give me a cheap tie dye shirt anyday.”

“It's not them I worry about. They can carry on, disown us - whatever. It won't change a single thing about how much I want to be with you and I'll find a way, always find a way to be with you. It's the other stuff, the things that I know that will eventually force us apart….things no medicine can cure.”

His eyes closed briefly. “Promise John, that if...if either or both of us get sick beyond medical care...we'll do everything we can to help each other live everything to the fullest, no matter what.” He turned his head as he opened his eyes to look up into the azure skies of his lovers own. “We've been together a long time, I dread to think that something we've been so careful of just tears it all down.”

John moved his head to one side, gawping at his lover’s wide and worried eyes with concern. 

“Our world may be small, Gordon, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t powerful,” John began, aimlessly drawing patterns along Gordon’s chest. “I promise I’ll do everything to help you live life to the fullest I can, regardless of anyone or anything, illness or not.”

He carefully lowered his head to connect their lips sensitively, his tongue gently caressing Gordon’s lower lip.

Gordon held John's finely structured face after they parted the kiss to make sure he held his gaze. “Not just you - both of us, together. All or none.”

John reached his face down once more and whispered his words against Gordon’s thicker lips, “Together… forever and always. Whatever it takes Gordo, I’ll give it my all. I’d bring you each of the damn stars in the night sky if it made you smile for me.”

“Come here, you….” Gordon purred, his arms wrapping around John tight, pulling him into his arms.

No matter what...I'll always protect you, his thoughts growled like an overbearing mother bear, holding his lover close till they both dozed off together.

 


	2. Gordon, the hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to cookiedoughlilac for allowing me to repurpose this location - as it's being used in another fiction and while that's the only thing in common, I thought I beter ask - meikahidenori.
> 
> Also while here, thank you lexi for the spanish - I'd have messed that up since I'm not fluent in it 

John awoke to the sound of pounding feet running towards the room. Gordon was no longer in bed, instead appearing out of breath in the doorway, throwing John a clean uniform.

“Hurry up! We've got an emergency! I've contacted Dad and the others in Singapore and Virgil is flying back with Scott to retrieve their ‘birds’, we're going to need their grapple cables for this one!”

Gordon started to turn to head away and said, “Underwater hotel, off the coast of the Hawaiian Islands, had to evacuate three hundred guests and staff - five are unaccounted, one's a mother and a small child. I'm going to need all the help I can get despite the tight squeeze it will be in the submarine… think you're up for it?”

“Yep… Ok… ready as ever,” John quipped his response, quickly beginning to pull on the spare uniform. 

It was unusual for John to be making an appearance on a rescue, however given the lack of eligible candidates, there was going to be little choice as to cram himself into the confined space of the submersible alongside Gordon to be able to assist.

Yanking the remaining part of the suit on, John attached the sash over his shoulder and runs towards the direction he had watched Gordon leave.

Unlike the other crafts, Gordon met John inside the hanger by his yellow submarine as it moved along on rails and was rotated around to face the boat ramp, ready for a non Thunderbird Two exit direct into the ocean off a ramp rail.

“Ready?” Gordon indicated, holding his hand out to give John a leg up the climb through the opening in the roof of the submarine. “At least you still get to go scuba diving if things go wrong.”

John settled standing awkwardly behind Gordon’s seated position, “Ready, Thunderbird Four,” he grinned wildly.

His excitement for accompanying his sibling on a rescue was buzzing around his head like a caffeine surge. John braced himself against the inside of the submarine and Gordon’s chair as they launched into the ocean down the sloping ramp.

It seemed like a long trip, but unlike the view inside Thunderbird Two which was mostly just horizon, traveling inside Four was like taking the most direct scenic route to the destination. 

Fish swam past, schools of them broke and gave room to the yellow submarine as it made is journey, even a pod of curious dolphins swam alongside it until the water temperature began to change as the currents shifted as they went over the fault lines near the equator.

John remained fascinated and transfixed on the aquatic world before him. This was Gordon’s element, to be surrounded by water and creatures that he could study. 

He had often thought about the comparisons between their two roles, both of them inhabited locations where they could not survive without an oxygen supply. There were pressure issues and hazards all around them both, constantly. Yet they felt at home in the dangerous environments.

“How long until arrival? Do you need me to radio through for more detail?” John offered, shifting his legs of the pins and needles that had formed there.

“Almost there. When it's all over hopefully Thunderbird Two picks us up, otherwise we're not going to make it back. This eats up a lot of power since it runs on biofuel to help aid buoyancy and a trip like this will mostly be one way. Virgil would know that.”

Gordon flipped the com channels the closer they got to the hotel. “This is International Rescue, we're on course for the Aqua Aquilla Sea Hotel, ETA ten minutes.” he fiddled with some dials. “Tracy Island, This is Thunderbird Four, leaving a message for Virgil - require grapples to hold hotel steady and the pod for Four’s retrieval as we can't supply air for seven passengers for long.”  

He looked over his shoulder at John. “Suit up in the wetsuit and clip the tanks and gear on like I showed you. Hopefully we won't be needing to get wet, but you never know.”

“F.A.B.” John called as he made his way steadily to the wetsuit.

It was not an easy task, nor a comfortable one, to try and encapsulate oneself into a wetsuit in a small, cramped and sweaty submarine. However, John persisted and was finally able to zip the gear up and begin clipping the oxygen tanks on.

By the time he made his way back to Gordon’s side, John was now feeling hot and flustered. 

“Was it an earthquake?” John queried, holding onto Gordon’s chair for support, “Is that why they evacuated?”

“Problem with a service deck, the glass was wrongly installed and the weak structure gave way. Some areas are flooded, but most of the water was contained to restricted areas. Problem is the lock down shut every door watertight, meaning if you're not fast enough to get to an evac pod you get trapped in a room or a corridor with a very dwindling air supply.”

He pressed a button and a rough holographic image displayed with several dots on it. Four were clustered together in one section, but the fifth one was trapped far further down in the facility. 

“I'm hoping that one is just a member of staff and not the missing kid.” Gordon’s voice rumbled. Last rescue that involved minors didn't end well and he was the one carrying a dead body from a burning inferno. Virgil and Scott were in the firefly and the dozer while Alan and Gordon checked for victims. 

“Right, docking with the hotel….”

Thunderbird Four surfaced in the bay reserved for the tourist submarine - the area having plenty of room and the most important thing: oxygen. The area wasn't damaged and flooded, meaning this would be the safest route to get everyone out.

He geared up as well, shouldered a few additional oxygen tanks encase the rescue victims required it and tossed John a portable laser cutter the size of a torch.

“Don't cut through any waterlocks unless I tell you alright?” He said. “Sure it's not a backdraft scenario like we're all trained in but drowning isn't what I have on my mind today.”

“I can’t say it’s particularly high on my plans either,” John smiled, clipping the small item to the tool belt.

He began to naturally follow Gordon though the hatch to the flooding hotel beyond. He wasn’t sure how much use he would be on a rescue like this, he felt more of a hindrance than a help. That was a feeling that John found he had been experiencing a lot recently. 

“Ok John, on the holo-schematic, how many rooms away are the first four?” Gordon asked.

Pulling up the information, John quickly calculated the shortest and most effective route towards the group of people. 

“Six,” he responded quickly, pointing towards the wall which he was suggesting, “if we didn’t have to go around the damage, it would be four rooms.”

Gordon nodded. “Warn me if the rooms colours change, though I think I can tell which seals not to open.”

John quickly swept away the holo-schematic before continuing to closely follow Gordon, almost closer than his own shadow till they reached the first sealed door.

Giving it a check over Gordon signalled to his brother to use his laser and both of them started to cut a hole in the door, moving out the way as the heavy concrete mixed with steel fell backwards and at their feet. It was time consuming but methodical both young men calm under pressure despite the clear difference in on hand experience. 

Gordon looked up as something dripped from above them. “Ok John, we might need a direction change...see that leak? It's part of that fracture there...if we cut this door ahead of us we'll be going for a swim.”

John grimaced as he glanced up, watching the water steadily drip down, he made to check the schematics once more when a low rumble of crunching rock and twisting metal erupted around them.

“This way!” John pointed hurriedly at the wall of the adjacent room, “Should be fine…Now it’s Eight rooms…”

They moved on and began cutting carefully through the next wall, hoping as to not exaggerate the already weakened structure. Checking the holo-schematic details, John realised there was a corridor ahead that would lead them much quicker than their current route.

Gordon let him lead until they reached the new seal that he had to check. “They are on the other side?” He asked.

John nodded as they observed the final walls breathing heavily from exhorting his energy. 

“Looks like it. How did you want to go about it?” John asked, staring at the wall in anticipation.

“Cut it open, check the patrons and I'll get you to lead them back to the Sub. While you're doing that, I'll see if I can get to that last person further down. I may need to take your schematics for the trip. You'll be ok up here, just lead them back through where we've cut out.”

Both of them started to cut through and before the hole was finished Gordon called out to one on the other side to stand back and with John's assistance, kicked the door through.

The room was a large extravagant dining area with a glass roof and three sets of eyes fixed on them, a fourth person on the floor stricken with tears.

John immediately went over to them, people skills were right up his alley but Gordon didn't need to be told why the woman was shaking on the dining room carpet.

He tapped his sibling on the shoulder. “If I'm not at the sub in twenty minutes, radio Virgil and Scott and find out where they are. You may need to drive these folks to the surface, offload them into Two and come back for me and the kid.” 

He gave John a reassuring smile. “If anything goes wrong you'll know we'll be ok, it's easier to get two people out of a flooding building than a large panicking group.”

John eyes widened but he said nothing of his worry, knowing Gordon would already understand.

“You go, I’ve got this,” he smiled confidently.

The group of people were fearfully gazing up at Gordon, realising that he would be the one trying to find the young boy. John handed the holo-schematics over to his brother, catching his hand between his own for a moment.

“Be safe, Clownfish,” John added in a whisper as he squeezed his sibling’s hand quickly before finally letting go.

Gordon just nodded. He knew if he spoke now his voice would giveaway the terror he felt in his gut. It was always the same, usually though it was Scott or Virgil doing the talking anyway, aware that he was terrible at saying the right things on occasion and rescues were better if he was left carrying out orders or giving them to Alan. It was rare he gave them to John, usually his precious space hermit was telling him vital information about what was going on up on the surface, as Virgil and Scott had a tendency to cut him out of the communication loop - something dangerous for Gordon if stuff they did up above crashed down into the water and trapped his craft.

It had happened more than once.

Loading up a mini hologram of the underwater building, he set off to locate the missing kid.

John watched his sibling leave with his heart pumping nervously at his sternum. Turning back towards the distressed group of people, he carefully and quickly looked them over for any obvious signs of injury.

“I’m from International Rescue, we’re here to get you out, all of you,” he spoke confidently, watching the reactions of the faces in front of him, there could be every chance they did not understand his language so he needed to be sure.

“Do you understand?”

The woman and two of the men nodded quickly, the older looking man saying nothing. The young man quickly spoke hushed in another language before the old man nodded too.

John recognised the two men’s language as Spanish, quietly smiling before continuing.

“I’m going to need you all to follow me, my colleague is currently on his way to retrieve your boy,” he offered to the distraught woman, tears blurring her electric blue eyes.

After a fair amount to time coaxing and explaining to the group the situation and relaying it in Spanish for the man who spoke no English, John was finally able to lead the small group back to the main submarine bay. He left them alongside the waters edge as he clambered into Thunderbird Four to make contact with his older brothers.

“Thunderbird Four to Thunderbird Two. Do you read me?”

There was a weak signalled response from the green behemoth that trickled through. 

“Thunderbird Four?” Came Virgil’s voice, cutting through the static, “My ETA to scene is eight minutes, I got the message and brought what you need.”

“Great news, Thunderbird Two,” John smiled, preparing the small submarine for the cramped trip to the surface, “I’ve got four people here in need of evac, no obvious injuries.”

“Upon arrival, I’ll do a quick sweep and set up for receiving the evacuees, Thunderbird Two out.” Virgil signed off to prepare for John to surface with the group.

John flicked off comms and manoeuvred himself out of the yellow craft once more. Strolling back over to the group, a little way away, he arrived and spoke quietly, trying to reassure them. 

“My colleague is waiting at the surface to meet us and make sure you’re all ok. I need you to calmly get into our craft and I’ll take you to the surfa-”

“What about my boy?” The woman cried, her Spanish accent thick and worried, “I can’t leave without him.”

John paused, “my colleague is working on getting him right as we speak, he won’t give up until your boy is safe.” 

Managing to usher the small group into Thunderbird Four, John’s thoughts turned to Gordon on his rescue. John pushed away his worry and concern to close the hatch of the yellow submersible and begin evacuating the group to his waiting brother at the surface.

Gordon carefully lowered himself down an elevator shaft he found, realising that this was the faster route to get down to the floor the last rescue victim was. Scaling it would have made sense with better equipment, but the risk was one he was willing to take as getting down to the flooding floors as soon as possible allowed him time to navigate a safer route on the way back up.

There was alot of creaking up above and something sounded like it gave way, the entire building structure shifting.

Gordon's hands slipped and he hit the other side of the shaft on an angle and side rapidly down, losing his extra air canisters and breathing apparatus. Flailing around as he rapidly descended he caught a cable and held it as his body slammed into the wall of the shaft.

Holy shit! He was going to feel that one for the next few weeks! The wetsuits were generally tough, Brains managing to layer fine light weight chain mail into the thick waterproof thermal fabrics but they were not suits of armour. Shark & crocodile resistant to a degree but not injury proof.

He dragged himself back up the shaft to the floor he needed to be on, having fallen right past it on the way down. He hoped that John saw the entire construction shift and alerted Scott and Virgil to secure the damn hotel with grapples, otherwise getting about will be a hell of alot harder.

John had been settling the last of the group into the confined space in Thunderbird Four when the whole hotel had shifted. The groaning and crunching of metal straining was thundering around them. He leapt back to the controls and fired up the small sub. 

Diving immediately into the water, he flicked the comms on.

“Thunderbird Two, do you read? There’s been a massive shift down here, we’ve still got one inside,” he called, mindful of the numerous people listening behind him, “I’m going to need you guys to grapple onto the hotel to steady it whilst I evac this group and head back down.”

“F.A.B. Thunderbird Four,” came Virgil’s stoic response through comms, “I’ve just arrived and made contact with Thunderbird One, will move into position to fire grapples as soon as you surface.”

John sighed briefly as the submersible powered quickly to the waves above them. Virgil had dropped the pod already for John to haul Thunderbird Four into when he finally breached the surface. 

Hurrying the small group out of the tiny sub, John leapt back in and re-launched the craft back into the water. Keeping it above the waves, he watched as Scott and Virgil manoeuvred their aircrafts into position above the hotel. He listened to the communications between his eldest brothers as they organised themselves.

“Hold back Thunderbird Four,” Scott called, his authoritative voice cutting through the deafening noise of the engines, “FIRE!”

Loud explosions filled the air, almost simultaneously, as the grapples were launched into the waves below towards the hotel. 

“Grapples connected, Thunderbird Four. You’re free to return down to assist,” Virgil called as the two aircraft lifted before John, taking the weight of the crumbling hotel.

“F.A.B.” John called as he forced the yellow craft into a steep dive back towards Gordon, concern and worry settling into his stomach as he went.

Water sloshed against Gordon's legs. The level he was on was flooding fast and he was still nowhere near the child.

‘Please,’ he silently prayed, ‘Let me get this one out in one piece.”

The corridor lead to a stairwell that only went further down into deeper water, debris strewn everywhere.

And there was the young boy - Gordon would have placed his age between nine and thirteen - struggling to keep his head above the surface.

He waded over to him and gave him his breathing mask as well as slipping off his remaining tank or air and strapping it securely to the boy who was clinging onto him for dear life. He couldn't just drag him out of the flooding stairwell though, a few steel beams and rods had fallen and had to be removed before he could move the kid properly and then there was the other problem that was below the surface of the sea water.

The boys leg was trapped under huge sheets of twisted metal. With the added weight of the water there was every chance it might not be moveable. 

Shifting what he could he reassured the kid before taking a deep breath and diving underneath to try and free the boy. Clearly he had been stuck down there before it had started to flood and was lucky Gordon got there in time.

He resurfaced and took in more air, without his tank and how fast the water was coming in, he was running out of surface area to breathe on top of.

Thank hells the kid had the oxygen though...with the trouble he was having, the kid would have drowned without it.

Diving again, he swam down and wedged his own hand under the steel to try and shift it enough to free the trapped leg. 

He was running out of time.

Having arrived back in the main submarine bay with no sign of Gordon, John checked the on board hologram of the hotel, trying to locate where his sibling was. 

He leapt from Thunderbird Four when he discovered the boy and Gordon were both in the stairwell, several floors down. John made his way swiftly using his memory of the hologram he’d just seen to navigate his way through the maze of corridors until he reached the stairwell.

“GORDON?” He called out, panicking that the water was already above the level the hologram had located them on.

“No… No, no, no… GORDON!” John screamed.

When no response came, John quickly adorned his breathing apparatus and made his way into the water. 

Struggling to get air into his lungs, Gordon trudged back along the corridor, carrying the boy piggyback through water that was waist height. Coming to another door which lead to another stairwell upwards he checked its stability and decided against it. That stairwell on the other side was flooded, which meant the floor above was already starting to fill even before their floor did. The only way out was through the elevator shaft… unless.

Gordon still had short range communication with Thunderbird Four.

“John? Jonathan?! It's Gordon, can you read me? I need you to bring Thunderbird Four around to my location. I may need you to cut us an exit and use the air compression tube to connect us a safe tunnel of passage.” 

There was nothing but dead air in reply. 

Surly the submarine was in range by now? John couldn't still be onboard Thunderbird Two, not with him still down here.

He tried again. “Thunderbird Five, this is Four. Johnny do you read me?”

Still nothing.

Gordon cursed inwardly. If he couldn't contact John to create an easy escape route he would have to retry climbing the elevator shaft.

He swallowed hard and turned around to head back, the water level rising up around his torso faster than he could move.

John finally made his way to the level above where he should have found his brother and the boy he was rescuing. What he found, however, was a twisted pile of metal which was blocking further down the stairwell. 

Swearing under his breath, John searched around the stairwell, trying to locate any sign of his brother. Unable to push through, John made his way back up to the main submarine bay. 

Reaching the elevator shaft, Gordon could swim out into the middle, a clear sign every floor below them was well and truly underwater. There was no going back into the corridor, just getting into the shaft required diving as the water was almost at the ceiling and he had no doubt the shaft was now the only pocket of air he had.

“You alright mate?” He asked the kid while holding onto the side of the shaft for a breather.

“¡Quiero a mi madre! ¡No quiero morir aquí!”

“Erh... sorry kid. I wish we spoke the same language.” Gordon then looked up and tried to work out how far he had to climb without a rope. “Alright, hold on tight!”

He felt the boys arms gripping tighter and that gave Gordon the little boost of determination he needed to attempt the climb.

As he dragged himself and his charge up with his hand's avoiding the cable this time to avoid electrocution and made it to the door for the floor above and could see water leaking through. 

The floor was also flooded. Gordon couldn't believe how lucky they were that it was sealed… They would have been long dead otherwise.

Looking across at the dangling cable and how close the the water it was - things were not looking too good. Holding onto the side of the shaft would conduct the electricity if the cable got into the water which meant instant death regardless how far away from the water he was.

He had one chance and he had to move as fast as possible, so he started to climb.

Reaching the top of the stairwell, John removed his breathing apparatus and hunted around the level they first entered for any sign of Gordon. Still nothing. 

Straining his ears against the sound of crunching metal, John could hear rushing water and… Was that a voice he heard? 

Running towards the sound, John was greeted by an empty corridor. Frantically he searched all of the rooms for the water sound, for any sign of his sibling. He stood finally at an open elevator door, his stomach dropped as he peered through the gap.

“GORDON!”

Both Gordon and the boy looked upward, Gordon struggling to maintain a hold on the edge of the shaft. “GRAB A ROPE!” he shouted. “HURRY!”

Jumping at Gordon’s panicked tone, John shed the heavy breathing equipment from his back and took off sprinting back towards Thunderbird Four. Jumping into the hatch, his lungs burning, John grabbed a length of thick rope before taking back off towards his brother.

Returning to the corridor leading to the elevator shaft, John could hear the young boy screaming out.

“¡Ayuda! ¡Por favor! ¿Mamá? ¿Dónde está mi mamá?”

Rushing to the doors, John looked to see Gordon still hanging on for dear life trying to calm the young boy wriggling in terror.

“¡Mantén la calma! Mi amigo y yo te llevaremos a tu madre,” John tried to calm the child down, speaking in his native tongue to reassure him they would indeed reunite him with his mother. “Gordon!” He called down to his brother, “I’ve got the rope, hang on a second… Uhh… I just need to secure it to something.”

Desperately thinking of his next move, John looped the rope around one of the cylindrical support pillars, creating the leverage required for his considerably weaker body to pull the weight of his sibling and the small boy. Carefully he tied the shorter end of the rope around his waist, affixing a looped knot at the end of the longer section as a foothold.

“DON’T THROW IT DOWN, LOWER IT SLOWLY!” Gordon shouted. “IF IT CONNECTS TO THE WATER DOWN HERE WERE ALL GOING TO BE FRIED ALIVE!”

John flinched as his sibling hollered at him. Of course, not once had he considered isolating the electrical system to prevent this exact situation from occurring. 

Cursing under his breath, John approached the edge of the steep shaft before gently lowering the looped end of the rope down towards Gordon, mindful that the water level was now dangerously close to the two figures below him. 

Gordon caught it and there was a brief one way exchange and before long the boy was tied up, rope around his waist. “OK JOHN! HAUL HIM UP!”

He saw his brother nod and as the boy was lifted, Gordon slowly started to drag himself upward behind to keep the kid away from the now slightly electrified wall and to keep his body out of water which now had the cable well under the surface. He could feel the current along the walls of the shaft burning his hands, but luckily for him the rubber parts of the scuba suit made poor conductivity points… as long as his feet stayed out of the water…

John stopped pulling the rope as soon as he saw the small boy clamber over the edge of the floor to the elevator.

“Espera aquí, no te muevas…” John sternly told the boy to stay put, “¿Bueno?”

The young boy nodded quietly as John removed the rope from the child’s chest. He dashed back to the water-filled shaft. “Gordon? I’m going to lower it again for you, ok?”

“No need.” Gordon grunted, grabbing the surface of the floor hauling himself out. “Start running for the sub and let's get out of here! If this level starts to flood we're going to need more than just oxygen, we'll need new hearts too!”

He hoped John didn't see his palms - they had blistered badly from gripping onto the mildly electrified surface, though slapping John on the back to get him moving hurt far more than it should have, his face visibly wincing with how much it stung.

John felt the smack of his sibling’s hand on him as he finished untying the rope around his middle. He looked up to see Gordon’s pained expression as he recoiled before sprinting towards the sub bay. John took off at a run, slowing briefly to grab the small boy’s hand as they followed after the aquanaut.

Gordon stopped a little way from the submarine and made sure his brother and the kid were still behind him, ushering them in front of him to board the craft first. He thought the electrical current hadn't affected him much but as John was climbing onto Thunderbird Four to get inside he collapsed to his knees, hand gripping his chest. 

His heart was struggling to stay regulatory, like a panic attack in the middle of a crowded shopping center the day before Christmas.

Gordon wasn't in any position to take over as the ‘birds’ pilot.

Upon hearing a dull thud from behind him, John turned to see Gordon collapsed onto the floor. Leaping from the submersible, he crouched at his siblings side as he twitched and writhed in panic. He noticed the palms of Gordon’s hands were blistered with electrical burns, oozing and raw. 

“Gordon! Hey, stay with me,” John was surprised at the calmness of his voice given the sheer terror he felt, “we need to get you inside Four, ok?”

Gently lifting an arm to support his brother, John heaved Gordon up from his knees to get him into Thunderbird Four as quickly as possible. 

Settling the shaking aquanaut into one of the seats and strapping him in, John grabbed Gordon’s face carefully and stared deeply into his eyes.

“Hang on, ok? Deep breaths,” he called as he fitted an oxygen mask Gordon’s face.

John quickly shut the hatch and took up his seat at the controls of the small submarine, firing the engines to life as he checked on his sibling once more over his shoulder.

“Thunderbird Four to Thunderbird One, we’re leaving the hotel now,” John opened communications with his older brother as the yellow machine sped out of the submarine bay.

“Thunderbird One to Four, I read you loud and clear John. Virgil is going to send some more grapples down to retrieve you once we let go of the hotel. He's noticed you won't have the fuel to reach the surface. Radio when you’re clear of the structure.” came the brief and swift reply.

“Gordon’s taken severe electrical burns, by the looks of it, I need those grapples as soon as you can, I’m clear of the hotel now and systems are already starting to fail.”

John now recognised the fear in his own voice, turning round again in his chair to check on Gordon.

His brother had his head tilted back, the kid hugging him tight. He gave John a weak thumbs up and a nod of acknowledgement just as several heavy thuds against the submersible were not just heard, but shook the little craft around and the sensation of being dragged swiftly upward started.

Killing power to the craft, John carefully made his way over to Gordon before sinking to his knees in front of him, giving his sibling’s legs a reassuring squeeze. 

“Hey, are you ok? What happened down there?”

“Kiddo was trapped in a flooding stairwell. Took a bit to remove the sheet of metal but we got him out.” His voice was quiet but not pained at least. “Only way off the floor was through the shaft without Thunderbird Four so was a risk I had to take.”

He reached down and playfully gave John a nudge against the shoulder as best as he could. “We'll be fine, few days of bed rest and we'll be wandering around like nothing happened. You did great today, don't ever let those moffet- headed brother's of ours tell you otherwise.” 

Gordon’s face then darkened. “Next time please stay where I can contact you though. That's all I ask.” 

He didn't need to tell John about the potential of having both of them electrocuted, his brother knew what he meant. There was no point lecturing him over it though, John only got out on a few rescues and while he was needed for an extra set of hands more than enough, he didn't have the field experience that everyone expected him to have. Shame, as bloody hell was it useful to have someone other than Tintin who was good with languages on a mission and someone who could at least pull their own weight and think for themselves. John clearly trumped the youngest Alan who Gordon often got stuck with despite the extra experience Alan had, the youngest getting a bit cocky and quite a danger with his temper - not good on a mission.

John quickly averted his eyes guiltily as Gordon looked at him sternly. He understood his brother’s concern and nodded quickly, “It won’t happen again, I just panicked when you weren’t there.”

“I know.” Gordon reassured him with a smug expression. “Duckling, remember?”

John snorted as Thunderbird Four was pulled up to breach the surface of the vast ocean, sunlight streaming into the previously murky cockpit. Squinting against the light, John returned to the controls to await further instructions from Virgil.

After the small submarine was finally dragged back into its pod, John cracked open the hatch to exit the cockpit. Lifting the small boy first, he heard a shriek of excitement as the boy leapt down into the waiting arms of his mother. He pulled Gordon up and helped him through as two of the men they rescued had stepped forward to assist with pulling him out. 

“¡Gracias! Muchas gracias por salvarnos a todos,” one of the men called down, thanking Gordon happily as they helped him to the floor of the pod.

“Usted es más que bienvenido, es lo que hacemos,” John smiled in return as he gratefully took the hand of the other man to get out of the craft. 

Fatigue was beginning to set in as the adrenaline finally subsided. He had not exerted himself so much in such a long time that he had forgotten how poor his stamina was.

“Sorry, this was not the weekend I planned.” Gordon nudged his sibling. “With them all at home they're gonna send you back up cutting our time sort until we get our leave in a few weeks. But just think, three weeks alone in Canada eh? Worth the wait to get that much time with you.”

John laughed at the Canadian invariant tag that Gordon emphasised. “Don’t be sorry,” he smiled, “you’re going to be enjoying a fair amount of rest for the next week at least.” 

Gordon nodded. “About time we both do. This stuff wears me out more than dad and the others realise. Just think John, I normally have to do that stuff all on my own down there….I'm just glad for once someone was with me.”

Inwardly wincing at the thought of Gordon being left down there in the hotel alone, John sighed. “I don’t know what I would have done if something happened down there… This is bad enough,” he offered, gesturing to Gordon’s palms.

“You know I’ve had worse.”

“You don’t need to remind me, Clownfish… I still have nightmares about it.”

“You and me both.” Gordon chuckled. “You know my old boss Troy Tempest would have had a stroke if he knew the stuff I get up to since leaving WASP. Though granted I always did give him a heart attack everytime we had things to do.”

John laughed quietly, snorting through his nose, “You're not wrong there! I was always amazed you never killed the man with your antics.”

They felt the pod be pulled back into the empty husk of Thunderbird Two. After they had dropped of the five they had rescued off onto the nearby Hawaiian islands, John and Gordon made their way up to the main cockpit of the gigantic green aircraft, still trash talking as that was Gordon’s way of showing his appreciation that John was there to save his arse.

 


	3. Fun with an elderly lady

“Did you see the look on Scott’s face when he dropped us off here at the station?” Gordon laughed. “He looked devastated we're choosing a three day train ride around the mountains to get to our destination. No, actually he looked more like this.”

Gordon pulled a face which made John burst out laughing. They were both rugged up warm on the station platform, John in a coat and scarf and Gordon in a skivvy and thick sweater. They had most of their luggage to board by their feet, including pillows and several stuffed animals, Virgil’s joke that his younger brothers were still seen as babies to him.

“You know as much as I'm looking forward to getting to Lake Louise, I'm itching to investigate the train. I know we didn't pay for the beds on this trip, but I'm dying to know what the dining car and the bar is like.” He rocked back and forth on his heels. “Supposed to be classy. Never eaten on a moving train before.”

John pulled Gordon closer, resting his head on his shoulder, “I would imagine it’s like eating on board Thunderbird Four,” he smirked, “We can go and investigate whenever you’re ready.”

“Really? Oh God I hope not. Ration Bars feel like sand grinding between your teeth. Real food instead please.”

They both grabbed their things - Gordon lifting all the heavier items - and boarded the elegant looking train, following the porter to their seats for the journey. The seats had a lot of room, Gordon asking that John request for ones at the end of the carriage so they could stretch out undisturbed. Lifting the baggage up onto the overhead space Gordon asked;

“So what seat? You want window or middle? You're legs are longer than mine so you get dibs.”

“Window please, if you don’t mind that is?” John said already placing himself close the vacant space next to the window, beaming up at Gordon.

The shorter Tracy smiled, reaching up to give his lover a kiss. “Of course I don't. You let me know if you need the added leg room of the isle though.”

John pulled Gordon back for a deeper kiss, moaning quietly into his mouth, “If I need to stretch my legs, we can go and investigate this beautiful train that’s our home for next few days.”

Gordon let out a chuckle. “Damn, you make me wish I insisted on one of the sleeping cabins. Maybe we can sneak one for a few naughty minutes?” he teased.

“I’m sure you’ll figure something out,” he shot a playful wink at Gordon, kissing him once more.

Public affection, though however subtle, was something they rarely got to do and waiting for it made it all the more blissful. They could happily act like a normal couple for their few weeks of leave, not worrying or looking over their shoulder when stealing a quick hug or peck on the cheek at Home. They were able to be relaxed and carefree with one another, away from judgemental and prying eyes. 

“Oh you know I will... I intend to make you a member of the ‘railway club’ even if it's a quick shag in that confined looking toilet at the other end of the carriage.” Gordon wrapped his arms around John, drawing him in for more from those sweet tasting thin lips.

Parting Gordon’s lips, John flicked his tongue softly against his lover’s, savouring the pleasurable sensation as Gordon growled quietly. Smiling against his lover’s lips, John delicately sucked the lower lip into his mouth, delivering a sharp, teasing nip before pulling away, grinning wildly. 

“I look forward to it, you better keep that promise.”

“Damn straight I will.” Gordon gave John a attack of tickling, only stopping once his lover was laughing so hard he needed to sit down. “Let's get settled down for a bit, enjoy the ride… then let's explore.”

Still coughing and emitting the occasional sharp snort, John slouched into the window seat, giggling as he leant against Gordon.

“Enjoy the ride, eh?” He laughed again, covering his mouth with a lithe-fingered hand, slapping Gordon’s thigh with the other as he cackled away to himself.

Gordon gave him an amused look before leaning over his lover. “Yeah….” He said playfully, kissing John and snaking a hand down into the hem of his trousers hidden underneath his coat. 

“You know...may not need a private sleeping area for this… We're alone up this end of the carriage.” He teased, his hand starting to tentatively touch his lover's sensitive area. “That damn coat is big enough to hide under.”

To emphasize his point, Gordon got to his knees in front of his seated lover, shifted the coat opening a little to allow him to free John from his trousers through the open fly and start to kiss him along the delicate parts he found there.

John gasped in shock at Gordon’s foreword actions, a heated flush tainting his face as he awkwardly shuffled and avoided moaning at his lover’s touch. 

“Gordon!” He hissed quietly, “Ahhhh!”

The exhilaration of being in broad daylight on a train where people were seated at the opposite end of the carriage sent shivers running through his body. John grabbed Gordon’s shoulder in one hand and covered his mouth with the other, unable to take his eyes off his lover’s form in front of him.

Hidden by the coat, Gordon got more into it, drawing most of the long member into his mouth and out again, using his tongue to caresses it lovingly and also massaged it with with his fingers.

He knew John wouldn’t last. The kissing and tickling had got him pretty excited since doing so in the open was a thrill in itself for the both of them, Gordon had taken John on enough vacation leave in the past to know how the combination of excitement, adventure and open expression of sexuality freedom got his lovers adrenaline rushing faster than a sugar crash.

Biting into his hand and digging his slender fingers into Gordon’s shoulders as a warning, John groaned quietly as he quickly reached his peak. His body tensed and his hips shifted up slightly, small whimpering noises filling the air around them. 

Gordon was a little more prepared this time, not wasting a single drop of the salty, strangely textured release. He was tender in cleaning up too, gently tucking his lover back into his pants, straightening the zipper before pulling the coat closed to keep John warm. Living on a tropical island meant you felt the cold on even a nineteen degree day when you were accustomed to them in the high humid thirties.

He kissed John's panting thin lips again, running his hands along his defined square jaw and then pulling away, he said, “Feeling better?”

John gave Gordon a look of playful disbelief. “Better?” He laughed, “I feel like I’ve been sent to Thunderbird Five and back in a split second!”

Pulling Gordon towards him, John kissed him harder this time before growling seductively in his ear, “Perhaps I can return the favour?”

Not waiting for a response, John quickly pulled Gordon onto his lap and not being one to be outdone, had delved into his dress pants to do the same. He drew his lover’s wide member into his warm mouth, lapping his tongue over it slicking it with saliva. 

Gordon gripped the chair and wrapped an arm around John's head, massaging his blonde hair as his lover played with him. Looking up, he could see a young couple, who were a few rows back staring at him mortified. Slyly he started to smile and instead of the quiet and private enjoyment John was expecting, Gordon started to layer it on, voicing his pleasure very vocally.

“Nuuuh! Ahhh! Oh man! Ahhhhh uhhhhhh! Uhhh!”

Then, as if to really screw with them, he licked his own fingers and sucked in them with the most evil of intention, letting everyone watching him know he was getting a blow job.

The young lady slapped her husband angrily and the two of them after a brief exchange got up and stormed out of the carriage. Behind them however was an old lady who was laughing while knitting and gave Gordon a conspiratorial wink.

Hot damn, Old ladies and their infinite wisdom. Gordon had no doubt she had done a thing or two back in the nineties.

Chuckling to himself, Gordon started to purr as he got nearer to climax.

Surprised by Gordon’s vocal performances, John decided to push a little harder to see if he could provoke more out of him.

Taking as much of his lover’s length as he could, he gently stroked the sensitive skin at the very apex of Gordon’s thighs. John added and removed pressure on the area with impeccable timing to the movements of his tongue around the member in his mouth.

John felt the telling signs his lover was close by the shuddering reaction of his body, his hand softly grabbing at John’s hair.

“Uhhh...John...you still want me to? Anymore of this and your going to find out what I taste like at fifteen miles an hour.” He growled into the top of the seat.

Pressing his finger a little harder and sucking hard on the top of his lover’s member was enough of an answer, John hoped.

Gordon bit into the chair as the wave hit, his body involuntary pushing John back into the seat almost smothering him.

“Uhhhhh….” Gordon growled deeply. Glancing up he caught the old lady grinning. She knew damn well he wasn't faking it.

Looks like they'll have a friend in this trip to sit with at lunch.

Choking loudly, John pushed Gordon’s hips away enough to swallow the release and catch a deep breath as he coughed. Looking up at his lover’s satisfied wide grin, he watched as Gordon waved his hand to someone or something behind them. Feeling embarrassment rising, John grabbed his lover close, burying his face into his stomach, groaning as he coughed.

“Are you ok?” Gordon asked, a bit of concern rising in his voice the way John was holding onto him. “You're not embarrassed after THAT are you? That was nothing compared to us getting kicked off a flight on a stop over for having sex in the first class recliners.”

“It’s more the fact we’re going to be here for the next few days and you’ve made friends already,” John laughed through his siblings jumper, turning to try and crane his neck over the seat to see who Gordon had waved at.

Gordon slipped off John's lap and after he fixed his pants and wiping his hands on a wet wipe from his pack, he proceeded to walk over to the old lady as the carriage rolled around and introduced himself.

“G’day, m’lady, seems you enjoyed the little show me and my newlywed husband were engaged in. My name's Gordon, pleasure to meet you.”

John quickly wiped his face on the inside of his coat before walking over to join his sibling, the elderly woman gave him a cheeky wink before returning her attention to Gordon.

“How wonderful to meet you, Gordon. Quite the show it was too! My name is Martha,” she smiled, “congratulations to you both, what’s your handsome husband’s name then?”

John flashed a smile to his lover as they stood there, grasping his hand and interlocking their fingers before returning to face the beaming woman. “I’m John, and it’s lovely to meet you, Martha.”

“So, Martha, If you don't think of me rude in asking; are you traveling alone or with family?”

The old woman instantly recognized what he meant. “Oh no, I'm not with those other young folks, too stiff for my liking, just like my late husband.”

“Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.”

Martha waved one of her knitting needles dismissively. “Don't be, glad the old toffee is gone. He got rather boring in his later years, hence why I'm traveling. I want to make up all that lost time.”

Gordon’s face was of a big ‘O’, impressed even more with Martha than he was before. She reminded him of their late grandmother, a fiesty woman well into her late eighties. 

“I'm spending my kids inheritance, bugger giving that ungrateful lot my hard earned money.”

This made both the Tracy’s laugh.

“Seems only right, Martha,” John grinned, “after all, we are all here to make the most out of life!”

“Now, you good-looking young men must be on your honeymoon then? Why don’t you sit with me for a while?” Martha smiled, gesturing a knitting needle to the empty seats opposite her. “You can tell me all about your plans.”

Allowing Gordon to sit first, John sat opposite The elderly lady and smiled warmly. “You’re very kind, Martha. Honeymoon… You could call it that,” he smirked at Gordon. “Some time together tucked away in the Rockies. Sounds perfect, does it not?”

“Indeed, it was nice to finally throw something rather extravagant and slip off into the night.” Gordon joked. He placed his hand on John's in his lap and gave it a squeeze.

John smiled knowingly at Gordon as he returned the squeeze of his hand. 

“My that sounds wonderful my dear boys,” Martha regarded them both with a sweet smile that lit up her face, “how did you lovebirds meet?”

John chuckled warmly as he gazed at Gordon, “Well Martha, we met through work actually. Though it feels like since we’ve known each other all our lives,” he grinned, “I knew from the moment we met that this dapper chap would be my one and only.”

Gordon went a little rosey under his tan. He maybe older than John, be the teaser and the joker, but the reality was unless it was a rescue situation or one involving risk and danger John was pretty much the boss.

And Gordon loved it.

Letting John do most of the talking, he occasionally quipped in here and there with a joke or a statement to back him up but words more or less flew over him like butterflies.

He could listen to John talk all day.

“Now, Martha,” John paused, leaning forward to the older lady, “my darling husband had wanted to explore this train, I wondered if perhaps you would accompany us to dinner a little later?”

“That would be lovely, are you sure I wouldn't be imposing?”

“Not in the slightest. You’re absolutely wonderful! We'd be honoured.” Gordon smiled as he nodded.

“Then it’s settled, we shall meet you in the dining carriage at around, oh, shall we say seven?” John prompted, looking at Gordon and grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“My my, I will be very much looking forward to it!” Martha responded excitedly before leaning forward towards the two Tracy’s, a devious smile on her features, “Feel free to continue your show should you wish.”

“Oh I'm sure we will over the next two days.” Gordon grinned from ear to ear. “We'll try to keep the noise level down at night.”

“You mean to tell me you didn’t reserve a cabin?” Martha asked, alarmed.

“I’m afraid not,” John answered, “It may have been a slight oversight, but we will do just fine in here.”

“Besides,” Gordon gave a sneaky wink. “We'll be the only ones left in this carriage at night. Could be fun chasing each other naked around the seats.”

John was unable to prevent the bark that erupted from his throat. Martha joined in with his laughter.

“Now that, I would like to see,” she winked at them both, “Anyway, you handsome men have invited me out for dinner, I’d best go and get some rest before I get ready. See you both later.”

Martha stood and packed her knitting away into a small bag. Smiling at them both as she departed from the carriage.

All alone in the large rocking carriage, John made a move to stand up to return to their seats, however Gordon had a better idea.

He wrapped his arms around his taller lover and nuzzled the back of his shoulders.

“You know what's better than having an audience?” Gordon teased. 

“Being the audience?” John retorted, holding Gordon’s hands together with his own and kissing them softly.

“Not quite… but an empty train in broad daylight with all the windows open is a far more interesting place to make love isn't it?”

“I’d have to agree with you there, ‘hubby’,” John smirked, “Besides, I’ll still be your audience… Win-win for me really.”

“Oh...I was thinking about watching you, my little duckling.” Gordon purred. “These chairs recline right?”

“They do…” John tried to turn to face Gordon, only to feel the back of the chair shoot away from him, yelling as they fell backwards.

Gordon laughed a little mainacly under John's weight as he pinned himself to the chair under his lover.

“You know I love seeing you with a view.” He purred into John's ear playfully from behind. “Though just once I'd like to see you ‘dance’ and put on a show.”

John knew what he meant - Gordon was asking him for a strip tease.

“Will you Jonathan? Would you please show me how beautiful you are?” Gordon begged teasingly, breathing into his brother's ear.”

“Anything for you,” John shuddered as his lover’s breath warmed his neck and ear, sitting up turning to purr seductively into Gordon’s ear, “Sit back and enjoy the show.”

“You got it.” Gordon smiled. “Need me to do anything? Provide sexy music?”

“Just lie back, enjoy it… and,” John paused as he stood in front of Gordon, shooting him a cheeky and playful grin, “Shut up.”

Gordon pulled a face. “Aww come on, where’s the fun without a beat?”

John’s expression shifted into one rarely seen even by Gordon, it was a determined look of sexual boldness. He stood poised gracefully ahead of his lover. Swooping his lithe body above Gordon, John quickly placed a finger over his lover’s lips.

“I said shut up,” he teased, gently pushing his finger between Gordon’s parted lips, “Each time you speak other than to say my name… I’ll stop.”

Pressing down on Gordon’s tongue, John moved to whisper into his ear, “So not another word from that pretty mouth of yours.”

Gordon shook his head, still smiling and as a show of good faith, he pretended to zip his lips, theatrically locking them and handing John the invisible key. Two could play at this game… if John wanted to hear his name instead of music, he'd have to earn it.

Crawling back off Gordon’s body, John quickly ran his hands under his lover’s jumper, gently teasing at his sides and chest. He tentatively pinched one of Gordon’s nipples and used his other hand to undo his lover’s pants freeing him from them so as to watch what responses his actions would cause. 

Standing back up, John gradually started to undo the large buttons of his coat, swaying his hips smoothly as he did so. His steely blue eyes bored deep into the warm honey coloured irises of his lover.

John teased his scarf from around his neck, looping it around the back his lover’s neck to pull him up for a crushing kiss, his tongue gently exploring Gordon’s mouth as their lips collided.

Releasing the scarf, John let his coat fall limply to the ground, swiping off his shoes with dexterity. Underneath his coat, was revealed a rich purple shirt. His nimble fingers slowly and painstakingly unhooked each button from its buttonhole, his face still tormenting Gordon with a deep lust filling his eyes.

Gordon breathed out deeply and fanned himself, very calmly and laying on the theater since he was not allowed to talk. He knew John was watching him carefully to see what he'd do, so teasing he reached down into his boxers and pulled out his rather wide member and held it, flicking it everytime John undid a button.

The self control he needed was amazing, he had to admit. However, this wasn't that new to him; John loved playing hard to get and master of silent sexual fantasy and Gordon was more than happy to comply. All the training and remaining calm under pressure really started to aid him here in the most unlikely scenario for its usage. Hell if John wanted him to delay orgasm, he would - and he knew it. Gordon more or less a willing slave, as long as he got to participate in playing the games too.

He watched in anticipation as his lover stripped free of his shirt as seductively and suggestive as possible while trying to judge how much longer he had to tease before Gordon was begging for sex, the problem was however that John wanted to ‘ride’ that masculine bit of human hardware just as badly as he wanted Gordon to submit to him.

Gordon began to stroke himself playfully as John wriggled teasingly out of his pants, even though he couldn't make a sound, Gordon was grinning as he mentally applied a very sexy tune over his lover's strip tease. It was helping him keep his hand motions in check and in time with John's sexy, pure, unmarked lithe figure. There wasn't a single scratch, bite mark, bruise or freckle and Gordon wished his skin could look so perfect - his own tanned and tattooed skin rife with scarring bruises and marks that will never fully heal.

He wouldn't change it, but he did get a little envious occasionally. John's body was as much for show as his own was, just in a different sort of way.

Hooking his thumbs into the hem of his boxer shorts, John slipped the elastic away from his skin. Looking down at his own excitement, John glanced up at his lover, raising a thin eyebrow and sucking his own lip between his teeth.

Gordon couldn't smile any wider, impressed at the quick emotional flicker in John's face as he was deciding what to do. Clearly he hadn't expected Gordon to hold out this long and was planning how else he could make Gordon beg. 

He indicated John to come closer with one hand, while still lightly playing with his ‘little monster’ with the other. He bucked his hips twice, an invitation for his lover to climb onboard.

Giving into his own desires, John crawled up onto his lover’s body to straddle his hips and resting himself against Gordon’s length. He shuffled his body around, finally eliciting a small moan from his lover.

Satisfied he might actually get what he wanted, John smiled seductively and started to try and seduce Gordon while he watched him from below. Gordon had stopped teasing himself and had moved on to play with John's own lushous slender snake, teasing it and moving in time with his brother's hips.

John lent forward and cupped his face, blonde strands of hair falling forward to frame his graceful features.

“You’re going to be calling my name if it's the last thing I do…” he purred, forcefully kissing his silent lover in hopes to get a yelp.

“Sorry Dearies, I left one of my knitting needles in here, you wouldn't have - ohhh my! Well you two are a very attractive pair indeed!” 

John broke the kiss in shock and Gordon exploded in laughter, quickly grabbing John to hold him on his lap, his lover burying his head into his jumper.

“Don't mind me...Ohh found it!” Martha trilled happily. “Still seeing you for dinner?”

“Yes of course, can't back out now can we?” Gordon snorted and sniggered.

“Good.” She tapped John's exposed bare back with the rounded end of the needle and leaned in so John could hear, “Your such a beautiful young man, you better make sure he takes good care of you.”

And with that she left the carriage, Gordon practically in tears from laughing so hard.

John groaned loudly into Gordon’s chest. He tried to retreat away but his legs were held firmly in place by his lover, rendering him trapped above him and unable to escape. 

Gordon’s body was shaking with silent laughter now, gasping for air every few seconds. John slowly sat up on his lover’s lap, regarding the rosey tear-stained mirth upon his face.

“Oh god,” he spoke, his voice quiet and awkward, “Did that really just happen?”

Unable to respond Gordon merely nodded his head speedily followed by a loud snort. John playfully slapped his hand on his lover’s chest.

“She’s nuts!” John couldn’t help but let out a gleeful giggle at his lover’s contagious laughter. It was the kind of roaring chuckle that lit up Gordon’s whole being, captivating and entertaining.

“Yeah, she reminds me of Grandma, inappropriate timing and all!” He stated to calm down a little. “Shame that we lost that sense of humor in our family when she died. No one fully inherited the ‘humour genes’ she had.”

He sighed. “I'm guessing the fun is over, huh Jonathan?”

“Oh… So now you say my name, huh?” John feigned a look of hurt, before cracking a grin. “You had enough then? Shame, I had higher hopes for you then that!”

“Oh you're such a liar.” Gordon chuckled. “If I didn't grab you before you'd have chickened out!”

John slowly slid himself off Gordon’s lap and began to retrieve his clothes from the floor. “What can I say? I was shocked to have Martha stood behind me with a bloody knitting needle in my back,” he snorted.

Gordon sat up and frowned. “So you really are? Ah...alright I give. It's no fun unless you want to play too.” 

He watched as John started to pull on his boxers and got and idea. Before he could get them up his legs, Gordon was behind him wrapping his arms around, halting the boxers progress. 

“She at least agrees with me John, you...you are beautiful and a wonderful young man, caring lover and a fantastic brother. Heck that thing she said, it's as if she didn’t trust me as someone who deserved to be in the presence of you.” He kissed John on his bare back before he let go.

“Oh give over! I’m sure she didn’t mean that,” John spoke in a reassuring tone, turning to face Gordon as he dropped his hold on his boxers, “Besides, if you carry on like that, my head will be so big that I’ll be stuck in this carriage forever!”

John beamed happily at his lover, tugging his body back towards him as he brushed their lips together. 

“You’re more than I deserve, Clownfish,” he breathed as their lips detached, “You’re always so attentive and compassionate… I’m grateful of each millisecond I spend in your company.”

John affectionately nuzzled his nose against that of his lover’s, a delighted smile upon his face as he held Gordon tight against him.

“You forgot one thing, Jonathan.”

“Oh? I have?”

Gordon pressed himself against John as best as he could to get the point across. “You forgot ‘a horny bastard who's only go eyes for you.’”

“How could I forget that?” John purred, reaching down to rub his flat palm across Gordon’s excited length, “But you’ve got far too many clothes on for my liking.”

“That's no problem.” Gordon snorted. He knew John prefered a show rather than giving one. He took a few steps back and smiled. “Can I ask for a clapping beat?”

John stood back against the window and felt the cool glass make contact on his back. He smirked at his lover and brought his hands up together, creating a slow and steady beat with his loud claps.

“The stage is all yours.”

Gordon took a deep breath as he grabbed both his jumper and his skivvy and peeled them off in one go, slowly so that every inch of him was revealed, his narrow carrot shaped waist which housed slightly visible muscle - not as much as their brother Scott’s manufactured abs or anything as natural as Virgil's Bear wrestling core - but still rather impressive, even if they had lost a bit of the solid feeling they used to have before his accident.

Strangely it didn't bother him. They were good enough for what they were, did the job and importantly, still impressed John everytime he saw them being flexed as he moved.

Scars littered his chest and his upper back which was wide and deep, some still looking as fresh as the day they were made. The entire size of his chest cavity was clearly sculpted, not to look good on the outside but to increase the lung capacity on the inside. Gordon could hold his breath for some incredible periods under water, the downside being it took far longer to refill them with oxygen once he was deprived of it.

As the tops came off over his head and slid down his arms, the deep blood red sea creature tattoos down both of them shone, the tentacles of the octopus and the squid seemed to writhe and wriggle like they were alive as sleek muscles moved under them. 

Dropping them into the floor, he made a start on his trousers, looking at John slyly as he did so, aware his lover was shaking and his body was showing signs of anticipation, his long member jinking in excitement.

Gordon removed his shoes and his socks before dropping his pants all the way and walking over towards John, not quite intimidating but definitely imposing enough to make his lover slink back a little and reach his arms out to receive him.

His kissed John with a little bit of power behind it, lifting one of his lover's legs around his hip and pressed into him with the intention of taking him in front of the window with the Canadian scenery flashing past behind him.

John groaned faintly into the forceful kiss and hooked the leg wrapped around Gordon’s hip closer still, forcing their bodies to unite with an explosive surge of pure bliss. 

The younger man arched his back against the icy glass, trembling as he cried out in pleasure. His lover set up a steady cadence that forced John’s petite and narrow body repeatedly against the tough window glass with a satisfying thud each time. His svelte arms snaked around his lover’s generous shoulders, nails clawing at the bare skin on Gordon’s back.

“Uhhh… Ahh! Uhhhhhhh! ” John’s low moans were involuntary now as his body was pressed ever harder against the window, lush malachite green expanses of fresh forests and fields flashed by in the corner of his eyes.

A solid coarse growl reached his ears as Gordon’s powerful muscular arm shot out to steady himself against the glass as he wrapped his other arm tightly around John to support him through the relentless thrusts. The younger man let out a sharp cry as the angle was adjusted letting his head lull forward onto his lover’s swelling shoulder.

Not only was Gordon physically athletic and energetic, he was remarkably strong in character, a trait that fascinated John deeply. He took a great deal of pleasure watching his sibling take any situation enthusiastically in his stride. Nothing phased Gordon, he felt no embarrassment and was fearless in the face of adversity. His effervescent character was infectious and his buoyant playful demeanour gave John hours of entertainment.

Gordon was as much of a risk taker as any of his siblings, enjoying the thrill and adrenaline rush that came with pushing his limits. Hell… He was pushing John’s body to its absolute limits and he yearned for it. 

John’s moans of pleasure were now falling from his salivating mouth in the form of delicate and delicious whimpers. Constricting his yelps and howls by sinking his teeth into the meaty flesh the trapezius muscle that shaped Gordon's shoulder.

“Damn! I just forgot to ask you boys...my my!”

“Uuhh sorry not t-this time, Martha.” Gordon growled, trying hard not to laugh at being walked in on again. He was beginning to think this lady was more than over friendly but a complete voyeur. “Not uhhhh...stopping for anyone.”

“Well now, I can see that,” the elderly lady mused. “I wanted to know if any of you boys smoked?”

“Martha, Uhhh… Not right now? Ugh… Ah!” John tried to prevent his tone from being as frustrated as he felt. His body was being drained of all energy by his lover’s unrelenting stamina.

“Let's assume yes?”

“Yes Martha!” Both Tracy’s growled loudly, not just because they were a little miffed now, but Gordon was so desperate to cum and could barely hold now he was deep inside his lover.

But he restrained himself, because he knew John might want to stop after this interruption like last time. If that happens he seriously need to wank off in the bathroom as delaying himself like this repeatedly did more than sort of hurt.

“Uhh! Martha? Pleas-ah! Please just give us a minute?” John begged, desperate for his own release.

“Certainly dears, see you soon!” 

They both listened attentively for the click of the old woman leaving the carriage.

“I can't hold John….n-not again.. I’m sorry.” Gordon snarled through clenched jaws.

“Don’t you dare stop,” John growled, pulling Gordon closer to him and resuming the assault of teeth upon his lover’s skin.

Gordon shifted his weight around, but found it hard to get the momentum back even with encouragement. It was a slower pace, less forceful than before and lasted only a few minutes before he yelped as he let it all go.

Fuck, that's never hurt before! He hollered into John's collarbone as he released, his body fully giving way and having his lovers body drop onto his like a heavy bolder as his legs buckled from under him.

Lying flat on his back on the floor of the carriage he could hear John's voice just above the noise, the bump to his head leaving him a little disoriented. 

“I'm ok,” he managed to break out in between panting gulps of desperate air. “I'm ok….shit…” he growled sharply. “That fucking hurt! Never let me hold like that ever again! Geez far out!”

“Shit! Gordon!” John scrabbled around, removing himself from on top of his lover, sitting behind him and pulling his heavy unsupported body to lean against his own.

John carefully wrapped his shaking arms around Gordon’s broad chest and held him close as he tried to catch his own breath back.

“I’m sorry, Clownfish,” he whispered, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, shit. I’m sorry.” 

“I didn't mean to drop you like that either John.” He hissed through his teeth. “I've never been that aggressive with you before… I don't think I will be again either, that didn't feel as good as the movies make it out to be.”

“I’m ok, don’t worry about that,” John soothed tiredly, gently mussing the copper hair of his lover to calm him, “You were definitely going all out there. You don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to. I hoped you’d know that by now.”

John stuck his foot out to hook his discarded coat towards them. Finally able to grasp it, he yanked it gently over them as he shuffled them both against the bottom of the seat. Gordon leaned quietly back against John’s chest. He felt a wave of guilt in his gut for causing his lover to hurt himself.

“Just rest my little Clownfish, I’ve got you.”

The rest of the day bled into a calm evening and was a welcome reprieve from the days activities. They met Martha again for dinner and had enjoyed a few hours of casual conversation along with divine food. 

Gordon had been particularly impressed by the food, enjoying the new experience of eating high quality and freshly prepared meals on the moving train.

Martha, to her credit, had been surprisingly well behaved for the majority of the evening. Aside from occasionally probing them with questions about the more intimate details of their sex life which, to John’s embarrassment, Gordon was more than happy to explicitly divulge, even though it was under the guise of playful innuendo and the only real time he had opened his mouth to contribute to the conversation.

The three of them were sat quietly winding down, John with a cigarette, Gordon a mug of coffee and Martha with a large cuban cigar in hand. Conversation had naturally slowed to a far more manageable rate for John to join back and take over with ease. 

The blonde man had happily spent the majority of the evening watching the social butterfly that was his sibling as he floated in and out of conversations, not just between John and Martha but with the surrounding tables and the staff waiting upon them. Gordon’s genuine friendly nature and handsome appearance meant there were few he couldn’t charm into the palm of his hand. It rarely sparked any jealousy from John, rather it provoked a strong sense of pride that this incredible creature was his lover. There were often times when John could not fathom what Gordon saw within him that he deemed worthy of loving, but love each other they did. 

Their interactions were natural though they very rarely spent time together like this throughout the year. A few chanced encounters and a couple of weeks was still something they desperately enjoyed.

John squeezed Gordon’s hand which lay tangled with his own upon his lover’s leg. The action seemed to draw the redheads attention and was rewarded by that infectious beaming smile. John felt his heart flutter as he took a slow drag from his cigarette before stubbing it into the ashtray.

“Well, I think that maybe us done for the night I'm afraid, Martha.” Gordon smiled, his coffee finished sometime ago. “Thank you for the pleasure of your company, it's been an absolute riot!”

“Oh you boys, it is I who is had the absolute pleasure of wonderful company. Two fine young men such as yourselves spending an evening with an old biddy like me, doesn't happen every day I assure you.” Martha trilled.

“It really has been a wonderful evening, Martha,” John added as he stood, “But we really must be going."

Offering his folded arm politely out to Gordon, John smiled to the elderly woman as they left the dining carriage, arms linked together, to head back to the secluded carriage of their own. 

Sitting back in their seats, Gordon pulled out the pillows and the toys Virgil gave them and laughed as John took the aisle seat, stretching out to read a book. Gordon nudged him and a pillow was placed on his lap along with a fluffy bunny and then sat himself down by the window beside him, tucking his pillow behind his head, a stuffed octopus on his knee and some music from an ancient second hand ipod shuffle he found at a flea market. Settling back he zoned out, until after about half an hour, something heavy rested on his shoulder. 

He turned and realised John had dozed off, pillow still in his lap, using Gordon for one instead. Smiling tiredly, Gordon wrapped and arm around his back to hold him steady and rested the other hand on the arm that draped over the armrest onto his lap and he too started to doze as the rhythm of the moving train rocked him to sleep beside his lover.

 


	4. Help gone haywire

The train journey went faster than it felt, it wasn't long before on the third day, they were getting off onto another platform, this one styled like a log cabin in the middle of nowhere.

Quite a few people got off here, so Gordon had no trouble asking for directions to a hotel he had never gone to before. He came back over to John to help take the bags to the front of the building closer to the road and frowned when he couldn't get reception on his holophone.

“I'll be right back John, have to get us a taxi to get the rest of the way there. No phone reception so hopefully one of the public ones are empty. Why they tried to phase them out still bothers me - some places are dead zones regardless of coverage.” He reached up and kissed his lover on the lips. “I won't be too long I hope.”

John watched on as Gordon paced off in an attempt to make a call for a taxi. 

The people from the train gradually filtered away over the next ten minutes or so, leaving him stood alone waiting for Gordon’s return. Leaving their luggage tucked away under a rotting bench in front of the wooden building. John slowly ambled to the restrooms he had spotted earlier at the end of the empty platform.

Upon entering the gloomy and irriguous room, the stagnant air entered his nostrils. He wrinkled his nose in disgust and hurried to the urinal to relieve himself as quickly as possible. Fiddling his zipper back up, John heard a pained groan from one of the cubicles behind him. He quietly washed his hands in the cracked basin listening for any further noises.

“Hello? Are you ok in there?” 

Another strangled moan came from the unlocked cubicle at the end of the damp room.

Instantly adopting his calming tone he used for the majority of their rescues, John ventured towards the end stall and spoke again.

“Are you ok? Do you need assistance?” 

Yet another muffled noise emanated from behind the partially opened door, “I’m going to open the door, alright?”

John gingerly placed his slender hand against the grime covered door, cautiously pressing it until it swung back creaking loudly.

An astringent growl erupted from the hunched form of a tall and emaciated man, not much older than John by the look of it. His dark hair was mid length and matted, as if it hadn’t been washed for weeks. The skin that covered his arms and face was a bloodless pasty white colour, blotchy in places with flecks of red. There was vomit upon the floor and a collection of needles beside the inanimate man.

John crouched down in the doorway of the cubicle, trying to make himself less of a threat to the man before him. 

“Hey it’s alright, I can help you,” he uttered calmly to reassure the slumped figure. 

The stench of vomit reached John as he leant forward to lay a hand gently on the man’s calf.

He had barely settled his palm onto the outstretched leg when the man exploded with a deafening roar, his body surging into John’s chest, knocking him onto the squalid tiles. The younger man let out a strangled yelp of pain as he smacked the back of his skull against the wall behind. 

John fought his arms out to press the feral man’s body away from him. His attacker was swinging his arms wildly making harsh contact with the John’s unprotected head and torso again and again. The man forced his body weight onto his own narrow form, eyes bloodshot and sunken.

Screeching loudly in shock and fear, John kicked his legs wildly trying to shift the man from above him. He felt a sharp stabbing pain in his side above his hip. Crying out in pain, John threw his left fist hard against his attacker’s face. This stunned the man long enough for John to scrabble out from under him and stagger to his feet, taking off into a sprint out of the disgusting room and out of harm's way.

Reaching the bench where he had left their luggage, John fell back against the wall of the building, choking for air as his lungs burned. 

Regaining a little of his composure, he looked down at his hip to reveal a small hypodermic needle embedded into his skin, it had been snapped from the syringe it was originally attached to. Large red patches had started to form on his skin from where he had been punched repeatedly, sure to turn to colourful bruises over the next few days.

Groaning angrily, he carefully and delicately extracted the shard of thin metal from his flesh before discarding it into the nearby trash. John pulled up his boxer shorts and jeans a little higher to cover the slight wound.

He collapsed quietly next to their luggage as he regained his breath, adrenaline surging through his veins and anger subsiding. ‘The poor man must have been scared, that’s why he lashed out,’ he thought to himself.

Each noise or scuffle he heard made him startle and caused his heart to race. John sat silently, hugging his knees into his chest, anxiously awaiting Gordon’s return. 

Eventually Gordon came back, a veritable stomp of annoyance in his step before he ungracefully plonked himself down, breaking one of the wooden slats on the bench as he did so.

It didn't improve his mood.

“Ah sodding hell!” he snapped, trying to pull himself out of the hole. “Just flippin’ great!”

John looked up at Gordon’s angry form, scraping his hands at the handles of the bench to extract himself. 

“Why do you think I’m sat on the floor?” John asked, noticing the shakey pitch of his own voice. Trying to correct it, he spoke softer this time, “I take it your trip was unsuccessful?”

The taller man stood slowly, offering a hand out to his older sibling.

Gordon took the offered hand but instead of getting free, managed to pull John downwards onto him. “Ah fuck! Sorry John! You ok?”

John hissed weakly, his body aching from the earlier attack. Speedily propping himself up, John forced a smile at his sibling. It wouldn’t be fair to burden Gordon with the little scuffle, after all, it was quite likely that Gordon would seek the man out. His sibling had quite the ferocious temper when provoked or concerned.

“Absolutely fine,” John smiled as best he could, “My fault! Wasn’t ready for you, take two?”

Gordon waved him off. “I'll try in a minute.” He sighed. “Were you aware that no taxi companies operate out here? We either hire a car or take the shuttle bus. I figure I might dust off my old license and drive, that way we can enjoy the scenery at our leisure on the way, maybe stop and take pictures of the view… that sort of thing.”

He then got a better grip on the rotting wood, hauling himself up and out, tearing a hole in his pants, right down the left leg. “Ah… fan-tastic…” he muttered. “Give me a minute to change in the men's roo-”

“NO!” John grabbed his arm. “Uhh… I mean, don't bother - they’re all gross in there and nothing flushes!”

Gordon looked at him blankly. “Already checked them out have you?”

“Yeah, I was so desperate I snuck into the ladies.” John lied.

“Well I certainly can't go in there...people would notice.”

“It's not that bad, Gordon.”

Gordon sighed. “I guess not. Anyway, the car rental place is supposed to be further into the town so I might walk up there and drive the car back here, save us carrying the gear.” He looked up at John. “ You ok waiting here?”

He watched, confused as John seemed to look around nervously, an emotion Gordon had not seen on his face for years.

“How about I get the car?”

“John, you don't have a license.” Gordon frowned trying to gently coax his lover to look at him, “Is something wrong?”

“No, I just don't want you wandering off… Uhh… Incase you don't come back.”

Gordon's expression softened. “I'd always come back for you.” He tried to kiss John on the lips but only managed to graze his cheek which Gordon noted looked a little swollen. Hopefully that was only from the awkward way he slept on his lap on the reclining chair on the train that previous night, both of them lying naked together in each other's arms underneath John's long coat.

Something was bothering his sibling and whatever it was, he'd have to wait till John was ready to talk, having learned some time ago prying into things he wasn't welcome with got him shut out and nowhere. He didn't want that, not while on holiday.

“Alright, you can come with me. Are you ok to carry the lighter bags?”

Gordon took John nodding as a good sign, so gave his brother the two light shoulder bags and then picked up the two large suitcases and the heavy backpack before leading off away from the station and into the main street of town. John tailed behind him, wincing from the pain in his hip and rubbing his face in an effort to make his skin not bruise.

The walk was short, but felt like ages due to dragging around the baggage but eventually they reached the car rental place and after a brief inspection of Gordon’s driving history and his licence, they finally secured a sloppy looking jalopy that Gordon coined ‘king lemon’ for the duration of their holiday. 

Tossing the luggage into the boot, Gordon expected John to sit in the front seat beside him, instead his sibling crawled into the back and lay himself down across the seat.

Assuming John was tired, Gordon got in on the left hand side of the car and took a few minutes to orientate himself since he was used to driving on the right hand side. Getting his license in Adelaide Australia but never needing to drive the whole time he was in university in the US. He looked in the rearview mirror as he adjusted it and look of concern crossed his features.

This wasn't like John, curling up and lying around like he'd had a serious shock to the system. It wasn't as if the station was crowded nor were the streets on the way to the rental depo, so John's mild fear of big groups of people wouldn't have kicked in…

He decided to leave it until they reached the hotel. If it was his phobia acting up it was best to leave it for a while, give him space to calm down. If it isn't, he would then step in and see what he could do. He had years of learning to read the signs of when he could or couldn't interfere but this time, he didn't have a clue.

John was thankful that his older sibling didn’t question his need to lie down across the back seat of the old vehicle and that there was little in the way of conversation. He hauled his knees closer to his chest and kept his mind focused on the thrumming noise of the sputtering engine, attempting to quell the sickness and panic he felt.

Thankfully the journey to the hotel was only around forty minutes, though it seemed an eternity to John who was immersed in his own psyche, panic threatening to overwhelm him as he recalled the barrage of punches that had been delivered by the guy in the restrooms.

As the vehicle lurched to a stop, John looked up to see Gordon’s face regarding him expectantly. Damn, he must have asked him something.

“Sorry, Gordon… What was that?”

“I said, this place is ridiculous! How much did you pay!? It's four times the size of Penelope's mansion!” Gordon repeated, this time with less shock and awe in his voice.

“I… Uhh… Well we’re not actually staying in the main hotel,” John admitted, hauling himself up straight in his seat, not able to help but feel a little disappointed in himself, “We’re going to be in a small log cabin on the shore of the lake, it’s still a part of the hotel… Sorry if you were hoping to stay in the hotel itself.” 

“Ah now that sounds more like it. I mean I know we're billionares but… this is like the kind of joint you wipe your arse with gold leaf toilet paper and they charge you per a sheet. I can live with a small cabin.”

John’s face lifted as he attempted to chuckle at his brother’s words, “I’m glad you’re up for it, I figured it would be nice to be away from the crowds.”

“Crowds? If you mean hangers on, the annoying reporters and the stuck up celebrities then yeah I'm with you. This place looks like a damn paparazzi magnet.” Gordon laughed. Only problem being the sons related to billionaire astronaut Jeff Tracy, the media tended to get wind of your presence and it meant for the elusive and private Tracy clan holidays tended to get either cut short, or have them climbing out windows in the middle of the night for a runner.

Luckily, Gordon and John were low profile on the Tracy family food chain that they weren't bothered until they were almost about to leave or they lucked out finding somewhere secluded and private.

“I can’t wait until you see the cabin, if it’s anything like the pictures I reckon you’ll love it.”

The main complex of the grand hotel before them was monumental and magnificent in size, John was taken aback by the beauty of the landscape around them. Lugging the shoulder bags along with him, he stumbled behind Gordon as he aimed towards the revolving doors to the lobby.

Upon entering the lavish foyer, the pair instantly had their bags removed by a friendly looking well-dressed porter, who placed them upon a small trolley and escorted them towards the expansive ornate walnut desk.

John was in awe of the elegant hotel, it was like nothing he had seen before. It was flamboyant and luxurious without being pretentious.

They gave their details to the smiling woman at the desk and were promptly escorted to an immaculate SUV outside to take them to their cabin alongside the turquoise glacial lake.  
The wooden cabin was modest in size feeling cozy and snug. It had a rustic elegance and was furnished with many with pieces fashioned from twigs and branches along with parts of trees left over from crafting the cabin itself. Dainty fairy lights were strung between the open rafters, illuminating the dark cabin in a splendid warm light.

The porter unloaded their luggage into the open plan living area and bid them farewell after explaining a few details about the eating arrangements and activities on offer, then left the two Tracy’s alone at last to explore the cabin.

“Woah…ok this is still more extravagant than I expected.” Gordon said, unable to hide his impressed emotions. “You know I’d have been happy for something tiny like a fishing hut or a tent right? This…. This is still pretty luxurious for a cabin.”

“I wanted to treat you for a change,” John offered as he smiled weakly, placing a hand on Gordons back, “It was a damn sight cheaper than the hotel itself too.”

“Not by much by the look of it, though you do like to live in style on vacation don't you?” Gordon wrapped an arm around John's waist and gave him a squeeze. “Am I to assume there's a spa and all the other flashy bells and whistles? Will I'll still be allowed to go fishing for dinner?” He teased, poking John playfully. 

He calmed down a little. “Are you feeling a bit better John, after your rest?”

John stiffened slightly and shifted his hand to hold his hip protectively, “Much better thank you, I must have been more tired than I realised. I’m sure you’ll still be able to catch some dinner for us!”

“Well I can agree there, sleeping on the train recliner with your naked body on top of me while still intimate with you might not have been the smartest idea.” Gordon chuckled. “Alright, how about I let you catch some sleep and I'll go and have a wander down the lake with my rods, give you a bit of peace and quiet?”

“You don’t have to go do you?” John answered hurriedly before catching himself, “I mean… Well, of course you can go and enjoy some fishing, I just- Don’t go too far please?” 

John ducked his head down as he picked up his shoulder bag and rushed towards the stairs to the bedroom area of the cabin, “You’re right, a nap might be just what I need,” he called back to Gordon over his shoulder.

Gordon watched his brother carefully as he bolted up the small staircase to the bed which overlooked the rest of the cabin.

He knew he shouldn't but it didn't take him long before he was also walking up the stairs and tapping John on the shoulder lightly as he sibling was just leaning over the bed.

“John….is everything alright?” He asked softly. “You not upset with me are you? I just expected something simpler when you said ‘Canadian Mountains’. Not disappointed, and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings.”

“I’m not upset with you at all, far from it, Gordon,” John whispered, focusing on preventing his arms from shaking. 

Turning and sinking on to the plush bed, he looked up at his sibling, the bruise on his cheek beginning to darken in colour. “I just… Don’t want you to leave me alone and I don’t feel up to joining you out there just yet.”

Gordon’s face showed concern and genuine worry. Hiding how he felt or what he was thinking tended to be impossible so John knew what was coming long before he uttered it.

“Jonathan… did someone rough you up at the station?”

Shock immediately spread across John’s ashen face, his gaze twitching away from Gordon’s face as he took sudden interest in scratching at the sore dry skin on the back of his hand. Cursing his sibling’s perceptive nature, he felt the heat of panic swirl within his chest.

“It’s fine…” he confided, stuttering, “I’m ok… I… Oh, I must have startled the poor guy. H-he was unconscious and… I’m ok though, it’s just… I didn’t know what to do, you weren’t there so I tried to help him.”

Gordon sighed, getting onto his knees in front of him and brushing John’s hair back to get a better look at the mark on his face. “Let me guess, he was drunk or something and lashed out?” Gordon smirked but it was one of honest shared amusement. “Yeah… it happens sometimes. Hey, don't let it get to you. You did the right thing showing concern for a stranger, you can't be at fault for that.”

He pressed his forehead against his brother's. “Your too caring for your own good sometimes, my duckling.” Gordon held his brother's gaze for a few minutes to reassure him it was fine before getting back up. “Did he hurt you anywhere else? Am I allowed to look?”

“I don’t know… I haven’t even properly seen for myself yet. The guy looked awful, Gordon... Like a zombie or something. There were syringes everywhere so I guess he was on drugs or something,” John admitted, his arms wrapping around his torso, embarrassed and trying to change the subject. “We could always go for a walk beside the lake?”

“John… Don't make me have to undress you. If you’re hurt, at least let me take a look. I'll see it eventually anyway.”

Heaving a despondent sigh, John reluctantly stood up in front of Gordon, not able to make eye contact as he carefully unbuttoned his shirt. Shrugging the ultramarine item of clothing from his shoulders, he stood awkwardly in front of his sibling, his bare body covered in contusions.

Gordon was very careful, only touching his lover gingerly over a few dark blotches around his arms which were clearly defensive wounds, and only looking at the bruising on his chest and upper back, painfully aware that touching those without visible permission would make John uncomfortable.

There was however a strange red mark at the top of John's pants, hiding under the hemline. It looked like a mosquito bite the way it had welted.

“If you'll let me, I'll rub in some cream to soothe them a little..then maybe if you feel up to it we can go for a walk together while it's still light, to take your mind off them.”

John nodded silently as he looked into his lover’s concerned golden eyes, shivering at the ghostly touches of fingers upon his skin. “I’d like that, I’m sorry for all this… I didn’t want to worry you.”

Gordon kissed John's’ exposed shoulder before going off to rummage through their things for some soothing antiseptic cream. “I'd be more worried if you kept it from me John. You'd feel the same if it was me, so don't feel guilty alright?”

He walked back over and sat his brother down, tenderly dabbing cream on the swollen skin and rubbing it in very light, keeping an eye out for any signs of distress instead of general discomfort which could indicate something more serious. John had his eyes closed and relaxed, allowing Gordon to freely apply the soothing balm all over.

That red mark however, looked worse when he reached it. Curiosity got the better of him. “John, what's this here…” he touched it gingerly and pulled his fingers away when his brother took a sharp intake of breath.

Gritting his teeth against the shooting pain, John snapped his eyes open and glanced down at the wound on his side where the needle had pierced his skin. He noted it looked angrily raised and the skin was radiating a burning heat outwards. John knew that if he told his Gordon the truth, it would likely be the end of their holiday as he would want to get it checked out immediately. 

However, John could not bring himself to lie to his beloved sibling, he respected him too much to offer any poor attempt at deception. Looking remorsefully at his lover, John pulled away slightly to peer into his eyes.

“Promise you won’t lose it?” 

Gordon gave John a crooked smile. “Who do you think you’re talking to?” He mused. “Bad stuff happens to me EVERY rescue without fail. I'm pretty sure I’m not going to go all ‘Scott and Virgil’ on you.”

“I know that, but… Just don’t let it spoil this…” 

Gordon rolled his eyes. “I swear.”

“The guy stabbed me with one of his needles,” John sighed, a little more relaxed that Gordon was being so reassuring, “It snapped off in there, I managed to pull it out though so it’s fine.”

Gordon’s face contorted and he clicked his tongue. “I promised didn't I?” he sighed and playfully added, “My finger's weren't crossed were they?”

“You did promise,” John smiled, reaching his hand towards Gordon’s and gripping it tightly, “No backsies now, Clownfish.”

Gordon nodded. “Ok. Well not much we can do anyway, by the time we got back to town the doctors would be shut and I’m pretty sure I didn't see a hospital or an ambulance base though they must have one in such a fire risk area.” He took a deep breath. “I'll see what I can do myself, maybe try and call a doctor to do a visit-” he held up a hand before John protested. “It won't affect our trip unless it's serious ok? I've looked forward to this as much as you and I'd rather not have to go home either.”

He rested a firm hand on John's knee and gave it a squeeze. “It's hopefully nothing. Just let me know if you feel sick though, you don't look anything else than just tired at least. Alright, lay back and let me clean it up and at least try and stop any sort of infection. That's the least you can let me do.”

John quietly obeyed and lay steadily back on the vast bed, his head nowhere near the plump pillows. “You’re too good to me, Gordon,” he murmured, letting his eyes fall shut.

Feeling the bed shift slightly, he heard as his lover padded softly across the wooden floorboards, probably in search of some antiseptic wipes or something similar. He felt calmer knowing that Gordon wasn’t as worried as he’d expected, reassuring him that all would be ok and there was no risk to their long awaited time away together.

Out of sight from John, Gordon hunted through the luggage down stairs trying not to go back on his promise.

Of COURSE he was worried. This was something that had happened to Alan once trying to take a rescue victim to a hospital. That had been a terrible day - a woman who was unstable in the emergency room who had been waiting for hours on a drugged fueled knife's edge lashed out at them for taking in a young pregnant woman pulled from a plane wreckage in Thailand, the accident happening in a isolated area where no one could reach them.

Alan ended up in a slight catatonic state as the woman jabbed him a few times before Gordon and security managed to get her off him. Gordon never found out what was in the needles she had but it was a good three weeks of waiting before Alan was given the all clear.

But, this was John - not Alan. Alan was bloody hardier than a dog with fleas and a serious skin disease…. John however…

Whenever John got sick, it always hit hard. Just like any injuries, it took a long time for him to bounce back from something basic like a cold due to his isolation from everyone for long periods of time.

Gordon was honestly terrified. This was a nightmare scenario he never would wish on anyone let alone his brother and lover.

He had to put on a brave face. John was counting on him not to go back on his word, but also to look after him.

He walked back up the stairs with the portable first aid kit from his backpack and started to properly tend to the puncture wound, mindful that John had drifted off to sleep on the soft mattress so once he was finished and the area patched over he rolled John over onto the other side of the bed after he moved the sheets before wrapping them over his half naked body to keep him warm as the temperature started to drop.

Gordon then went back downstairs to hunt through a phone book to call a doctor visit for the next day, eventually falling asleep himself on the wicker loveseat infront of the fireplace, phone book open on his knees and the cabin's holophone on the floor from falling out of his hand.


	5. Medical call out

John stirred slowly as the early morning sunlight reached his thin eyelids. Turning his body over, hissing and wincing as he leant on the tender skin on his side, an acute stabbing pain radiated through his body.

Inspecting the wound, the raw and irritated inflammation had now spread far beyond the bandage he assumed Gordon had applied whilst he slept. John’s slender body was in excruciating pain, it ached and his muscles were cramped in a vice-like state. His skull was wracked with a splitting headache, as he blinked the sleep from his eyes. A heavy wave of nausea crashed over him like a wave in a storm surge.

Dragging himself from the bed he dashed to the ensuite to expel his stomach contents, sweat dripping from his forehead as powerful stomach acid burned his throat.

The sound echoed through the cabin and was loud enough for Gordon to start stirring from his awkward twisted position on the loveseat and roll onto the hardwood floor.

“Uuunngh, what the fu-”

He paused mid-grumble when his ears attuned themselves to the sounds of vomiting.

His heart filled with dread, even with his old and in need of refreshment medical knowledge he knew what might be going on.

He prayed that it wasn't.

He stumbled to his feet and ran for the stairs, clumsily tripping up over the top ones on his mad dash towards to the ensuite around the otherside of the bed. 

The smell from the vomit was overpowering, Gordon fumbling for the extractor fan before venturing in further to start running water in the basin to quickly clear the mess so John had less of it to breath in and throw up from again.

“Easy Jonathan…” Gordon purred softly, trying to sooth his sickly sibling, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and rubbing his back which felt as if it was on fire but was clammy and covered in sweat. “It's going to be ok. I have the doctor booked to come sometime today so if I get you to lie back down, I'll bring up a bucket so you won't have to keep hovering over the sink.” 

“Mmm… Yep,” came the low mumbled response as John looked up from from his kneeling position in front of the basin. He gratefully accepted the assistance from Gordon to help him stand, his body slumping against that of his older brother as his knees failed to keep his weight steady. “S-sorry.”

“Shhh. Don't be. Seen worse remember?”

John’s body was wracked with tremors as Gordon guided him back towards the bed, a feverish sweat covering his skin. Dizziness clouding his tunneling vision and threatening to make him blackout.

Perching on the edge of the bed, John shuffled painfully out of his jeans and pulled off his boxers. Both items of were soaked through with sweat. He shivered as cool air licked his pyretic skin.

He watched his brother’s eyes scan his battered body before his glance settled on the irritated and swollen skin around the dressing he had fitted. John quickly pulled the covers over himself, feeling ashamed as he lay his head back against the voluminous pillows.

“Sorry, I’m ok,” muttering under his breath, unsure if it was to reassure his lover or himself, “Stay?”

Gordon nodded. “One second ok?”

He left his feaverish sibling to grab a bucket and place it by his bedside before stripping off his own shirt and deciding on whether he should climb into bed with his lover.

John felt the mattress depress slightly beside him as Gordon slipped into the spacious bed beside him, tugging the covers over them both. Turning onto his side, the younger man rested his head against Gordon’s sculpted chest, letting fatigue slowly take control of his aching body.

“I'm right here now. You'll be ok… I promise no matter what I'm not going to leave you hanging, not after this… I shouldn't have left you at the station. It's not going to happen again.”

He lay with John, stroking his feaver soaked hair until there was a knock downstairs forcing him to move.

The doctor had arrived.

Slipping on a clean shirt he rushed down to let the woman in and directed her upstairs and with as much control he could muster, left her with the patient.

He couldn't watch this. He didn't like it when he had to have invasive check ups and felt John might not want him present for this one.

Gordon stepped outside into the crisp cold spring mountain air and took a deep breath, his heart sinking heavily at the possibility John got something like Tuberculosis from the drug user, but also was getting concerned that someone that ill was wandering around the town possibly infecting people who tried to help them.

The scariest thing was not knowing exactly what was going on… and that they may not find out for days if blood tests and the like were involved.

He ran his hands through his hair and paced around on the front decking, unsure what to do.

John winced as the doctor drew yet another vial of blood from his arm. The tourniquet was drawn tight around his bicep and made his arm feel numb. 

She thankfully stopped after the tenth vial and removed the needle from his inner elbow before covering it with a small plaster. John leant back against the headboard feeling a little light-headed. The doctor sat and labelled each of the small containers with John’s details that she had taken to begin with. 

“Mr Tracy, if you could tell me anything more about your attacker and the way he was acting, I may be able to speculate to the lab about the kind of drugs to check your system for,” the doctor spoke calmly as she continued writing his details down.

John carefully described the man’s appearance and the state of the cubicle he had inhabited, paying particular attention to how skeletal the poor man had looked. The doctor listened carefully and made a few notes on her papers as John continued to relive the ordeal he had faced.

The young woman continued to carry out tests and making notes on John’s condition. Blood pressure, heart rate, oxygen levels, lung capacity, saliva swabs and finally body temperature. This was by far the most awkward and invasive test, leaving John cold and a little uncomfortable.

She delicately removed the dressing from the puncture wound, investigating it thoroughly and pressing the swollen edges to gauge a pain reaction from John. She then cleaned it and covered it with a new sterile gauze.

“I’ve got a few final questions for you, Mr Tracy, if that’s ok?” She smiled, perching on the edge of the bed once more.

John nodded slightly as he sunk back against the pillow.

“Do you typically bruise this easily?” The doctor began, gesturing to John’s chest.

“I guess so,” he answered politely.

“Have you vomited since your exposure to the needle?”

“Yes.”

“How many times?”

“Just the once so far.”

“Are there any illnesses that you have a history of in your family?”

“No.”

“Have you ever received a blood transfusion?”

“No.”

“Have you been exposed to non-sterile invasive procedures such as tattooing, piercing or male circumcision?” 

“No?”

“Are you generally healthy? By which I mean do you suffer any chronic illnesses?”

“No, but my immune system has always been pretty weak,” he smiled, huffing a small laugh, “The damn sniffles will knock me out for a week.”

The doctor did not return his smile, instead she scribbled down a few more notes, making John feel suddenly more uncomfortable. 

“Are you currently sexually active?”

“Yes.”

“Have you been involved in high-risk sexual practices such as vaginal, oral or anal intercourse without the use of condoms?”

“Uhh… Yes.”

“Have you been involved in anal sex? If so was it anal-receptive or anal-insertive sex? With a male or female partner?”

John was shocked at this question, his mouth falling open in disbelief. “That’s a little personal, uhh... Is that relevant to catching a fever?”

“Answer the question please, Mr Tracy.”

“Oh, ok… Yes I have… Uhh, both of them… And… Umm… Just male,” he responded, staring as his hands as he scratched his knuckles.

“Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?”

“No.”

“Thank you, Mr Tracy,” she concluded as she scribbled more information onto the chart, “Your friend downstairs has informed me that you will be staying here for at least the next two weeks?”

“Yes.”

“Very well, I would suggest that you drink plenty of fluids and get sufficient rest until we get the results back from your oral swabs and blood tests. They shouldn’t take longer than a few days.”

“Thank you, Doc,” John smiled weakly as he yawned, his eyes grew heavy, “Would you mind letting my… Uhh… friend know? He’ll be able to remember this better than me right now.”

“Of course, Mr Tracy,” she leant in closer and lowered her voice to a whisper, “May I strongly advise that you don’t engage in unprotected sexual intercourse until we get the results back?”

John nodded quickly even though he was confused.

“Okay then, I shall leave you to get some rest, Mr Tracy. If your condition deteriorates or if any new symptoms appear, contact us immediately. We will be in contact as soon as we have the results.”

The doctor smiled politely as she packed the last of the items away into her back and made her way down the stairs.

John just sat there, mulling over the surreal conversation he had just had, trying to piece together the different parts of the puzzle. He hoped that the doctor would give Gordon more of a clue as to his condition. It was confusing in his feverish state. He hoped his sibling would return soon.

Outside, Gordon was at a loss. Like a helpless puppy without and owner he milled around until the doctor walked over to him as she was leaving.

“So..is he going to be ok?” Gordon asked, swallowing the desire to grab her, shake her round in sheer panic. “How long would it take to find out what it is? If the tests cost extra I'll pay whatever it is, I just want him ok.”

The woman gave him a strange look. “If this isn't a personal question, are you his brother, friend or lover?”

Gordon looked affronted. Glancing at the mock gold ring he wore on his wedding finger he replied, “Husband.”

“Then I suggest you come down and take a test too when he's feeling better.”

Alarm bells started going off in Gordon’s head. “Wait, he's not -”

“At this stage, it’s just a precaution that I am suggesting we should take to rule things out,” she interrupted, holding a hand up, “We have to make sure we cover all bases in trying to understand what the cause is.”

She paused for a moment as if considering her words. “I would, however, suggest the same to you as I have to your husband… Please do not engage in any unprotected sexual intercourse until we get our results back.”

Gordon nodded uneasily. The way John was, sex was the last thing he would consider doing to his sibling while he looked like he caught a very virulent form of malaria. That still left so many things John could be suffering from - the drug the user had, hepatitis….or the one Gordon had panic attacks at night over when John was on shift - HIV - a possibility since alot of their work involved dealing with sick and injured people and dangerous situations and between the two of them, because they we having intercourse with each other.

“How long will it be before you know?” He asked, hiding the shaking in his voice.

“Within the next four days I would imagine. Until then he needs fluids and rest, call us straight away if there are any new symptoms or if he gets any worse,” she offered a hand out to Gordon’s shoulder, “I’m sorry I can’t offer you any more, it would be cruel to speculate at this early stage. Do you have any questions before I go?”

“Uh… well I'm sure you've probably answered them…” Gordon felt his own skin crawl as he said it, “But is there any other precautions I need to take to make sure he's ok?”

“Like I said, plenty of fluids and rest. Offer him painkillers if he is uncomfortable.” The doctor sighed slightly, removing her hand from Gordon’s shoulder as she looked him straight in the eye. “However, there are precautions I would highly recommend YOU take to ensure your own safety. Do not partake in any unprotected sex of any kind, I would even go as far to suggest you refrain from it completely until you hear from us. Make sure that if he is bleeding that you prevent it from getting into any open wounds you may have. I don’t wish to alarm you, but I cannot stress to you the importance of this situation if my initial thoughts are correct.”

“You think it's infectious? So not drug related?”

“It would appear so, though the blood tests will confirm that if it is the case.”

“Ok...well thank you Doctor. We'll be staying put I think the way things are.”

“A wise decision. I also suggest you contact his family, to let them know if they happen to drop around.”

Gordon nodded. Oh god! He'd forgotten about that! What the hell was he going to do?

“We are only a phone call away should you have anymore questions, I understand that you may need some time to process this. I will be in touch the moment I have his results. Thank you, bye for now.”

The doctor smiled quickly before leaving Gordon standing alone on the porch overlooking the lake.

The short stocky Tracy sat down on the steps in a heap. This was one rescue mission that will end in failure, regardless what he chose to do from this moment onwards.

Slipping off the ring on his left hand, he smiled at a writing. Gordon was closet Lord of The Rings fan so for his twenty fifth birthday John went to the trouble of getting ‘Gordon and John forever’ inscribed on it in elvish, a language that Gordon had impressed him with the fact he could read and speak Tolkien's fictional dialect. It was a simple promise ring, other than the writing it wasn't too inherently special - unless you knew the significance of it.

Putting it back on, Gordon stood up and headed back inside. He had promises to keep, and never once has he ever broken them. 

He wasn't going to start now.


	6. Major worries and a dangerous decision

Gordon had spent hours, scrubbing the bathroom down, emptying buckets of vomit outside in the bushes, at certain points hovering over John to make sure he drank plenty of water at regular intervals so that by the time he crashed down on the loveseat with his last thing to do in his hands - he wasn't sure he had the ability to go through with it.

Scott would probably be waiting for one if them to call to confirmed they arrived. Gordon was not looking forward to making the call.

But he had to.

He started to dial the from the cabin’s holophone.

“Gordon! Good to see you! Did you survive the world’s slowest train with Johnny?” Scott’s cheerful image flickered into life before Gordon, his pale shirt collar puffed and top buttons left open. “Keeping out of trouble I hope?”

“Hey Scotty… the train wasn't that bad you know.” He tried to force a smile.

“Thunderbird One could have got you to your hotel in a fraction of the time!” Scott chuckled, picking up his beer bottle and taking a long swig. “What’s it like there, Gordo?”

Gordon’s expression softened. “It's beautiful. Yet to explore, but I'm dying to go fishing.”

Scott’s hologram cocked an eyebrow at his younger sibling. “Yet to explore? You’ve been there a day or so already by now, right? Ah, I’ll bet you’ve already impressed a couple of the ladies there to keep you busy, hey?” 

“Ladies? What? Ohhhh yeah… John got a few impressed looks.” Gordon didn't exactly lie, people always looked at John like he was a living breathing angel and quite frankly Gordon loved rubbing it in that he was indeed his personal guardian. “You know me though, don't quite fit in unless there's a beach.”

Scott picked up on Gordon’s unusually reserved demeanour, “Is everything ok, Gordo? You look a bit peaky.”

“Peaky? Well I don't know about that. It's pretty laid back here and we have three whole weeks… spread out our activities you know?” Gordon lied. Did he want to tell his oldest brother he was doing nothing but playing nurse? He'd fly over to retrieve them in a heartbeat, Scott not one to think Gordon could look after a goldfish let alone a person.

“Pacing yourselves? That’s good to hear,” the eldest chuckled heartily again, “Where’s our astronaut then?” 

“Resting. He didn't sleep well on the train.”

“Ah, ok,” Scott pondered, “Thanks for letting me know you got there safe, will let the others know.”

“Hey Scott? Can I talk to dad before you go?”

“Sure thing, Gordo. I’ll patch you through to his office. Have a great time, try not to let Johnny end up in too much trouble!”

With that Scott’s face disappears and is replaced with a temporary static until Jeff’s commanding figure filled the spot where his eldest brother had been.

“Gordon!” The patriarch began warmly, “I trust all is well on your leave?”

Gordon glanced away before asking, “Are you alone dad?” His voice wavered.

“Why yes son, I am,” Jeff looked at him, puzzled. “Why do you ask?”

Gordon swallowed his pride, bit his tongue and half came out with it. “John's been unwell since we got here. Thought I better let you know, but I didn't want to alarm Scott as he'd fly here like a maniac to retrieve us. I'm hoping it's nothing however I have had a doctor come and look him over and I figure if things don't get better I can ask for us to get a lift home? That's assuming the mountain air doesn't make him any better.”

The older man took a moment to consider his son’s words before continuing on. “What’s wrong with him? It’s not just another cold again is it?”

“No… food poisoning.” Gordon flat out lied.

“Nasty!” Jeff recoiled, “Make sure he gets plenty of sleep.” Reclining deeper into his desk chair, their father offered a small smile at Gordon, “Well, please call us if there are any further problems or developments. Scott can be there in a shot if need be. At least you might be able to get a decent R ‘n’ R away from here!”

Gordon nodded. “FAB, dad.”

After the call ended, Gordon had to admit, he got away with it. For how long though? If they had to leave their father would wisk John down to the infirmary and it would all come out into the open.

He stood up, grabbed his fishing gear and a thick blanket and one of John's books by the front door before going back upstairs and over to his sick sibling. Sure, he was unwell but lying in bed wasn't doing him any favors. He leaned over and whispered, “John, I'd like you to come down to the lake with me. Short walk, rugged up in your coat and a blanket with a book and rest under the trees… fresh air for a few hours and if you throw up it's ok...we're outside so…

John rolled over towards his sibling, smiling up at him with those oceanic blue eyes which were still red and puffy. “Thank you,” he muttered, quietly shifting as to took in his surroundings.”Where?”

“We're in the cabin you booked by the lake, remember?” Gordon said softly, gently moving blonde strands stuck to his lover's face. “Was going to fish a bit too, you know the drill, I forget I put the line in and cuddle you on the bank and you poke me when you see the line move before me, the usual.” He smiled.

Shaking a little, John smiled up at his lover. “Sounds perfect,” the younger man stretched out slowly.

Gordon helped John up carefully as if he was made of glass, though for Gordon he most definitely that fragile and helped rug him up in layers to keep out the cold.

Once his long coat covered in stars and brass buttons was securely on, Gordon asked, “Are you ready, Jonathan?”

“Sure am,” John nodded as he followed Gordon down out of the cabin, down the steps and outside into the crisp spring air. 

They walked a little way along the shore of the crystal meltwater lake. John walked a little behind Gordon, who was carrying his fishing gear, a thermos of tea and some blankets. Feeling the fresh mountain breeze across his feverish skin brought a pleasant shiver through John’s tired body.

The younger man stopped to take in the view of the idyllic landscape, still unable to believe they were finally there together. Even with the inconvenience of his fever, John was finally alone with Gordon in the picturesque snow-capped mountain range, away from the stresses of International Rescue and able to indulge in the peaceful company of his lover. Turning back, he saw that Gordon had walked on a fair way whilst he had stopped to take in the sights.

John pushed on to try to catch up with his sibling. His footsteps fell heavily upon the shoreline, legs working hard to carry him across the undulating soft ground.

Thankfully Gordon had stopped and set up blankets a little way ahead by the time John caught sight of him again, staring fondly back towards his slim lover as he approached, hand out awaiting to offer him s seat.

“For you, my dear. A perfect shady place with a view.” Gordon took John's hand and gently lowered his brother - his lover - onto the blanket like a gentleman, even if John knew Gordon would scoff at being called as such.

He then draped the other blanket around his already coat warmed shoulders, adjusting his scarf so it poked out making sure he was all bundled up from the cold spring air. 

Gordon leaned in and gave him an eskimo kiss, a last minute decision as he had to remind himself he couldn't kiss John at the moment and that probably extended to oral contact with his shivering skin. Understandable really, last thing John needed was an extra reason to be sick because of him.

He gave him his novel, a splendid hardcover edition of the ‘Necronomicon’ by HP. Lovecraft and went a little way away to set up his fishing gear, casting the line out far into the lake and mounting the rod on a stand before returning to sit by John's side.

John huddled himself beneath the many layers of warmth to lean against Gordon’s shoulders as he fumbled to close the book balanced on his knees, slotting in the bookmark to indicate his current page. He glanced up at the fishing rod that his sibling had set up, assuming his role as line watcher for him.

“Thank you,” the man wrapped in a muddle of blankets mumbled, “For looking after me, for bringing all of this… For being so wonderfully caring. For being mine.”

John leant across to kiss his lover on the lips, only to have Gordon shift his face away so that his lips met the soft skin of his cheek.

“Sorry John… doctor's orders...for the moment.” He smiled, trying to make sure the deflection didn't hurt his lover's feelings. “Though regardless of the result, when we find out I'm gonna be all over you and you’re going to wish I was still banned from kissing you. Until we know that I can't make you worse than you are, best I do as I'm told….”

The expression on his face showed he wasn't thrilled about the situation but John knew Gordon would do anything as long as John got better.

“You mean to say we can’t do anything? On our ‘honeymoon’?” John smiled, feeling a little disheartened by the news, “So what else did she say to you? Did she say what it is? She asked me a helluva lot of intimate questions.”

“Let's just say when you're feeling better I need to be tested too.” Gordon looked as confused as John did. “So I’m in the dark as much as you.”

“Oh, right,” John mused, trying to figure Gordon’s connection in this, “So she knows we’re lovers?”

John was still watching as the luminous orange float at the end of the fishing line bobbed around on the lake’s surface. It was a force of habit he had to watch Gordon’s line for him, it gave his mind something to focus on and was therapeutic to watch the oscillating movement in time with the gentle lapping sound of the water.

“Yes. I said we were married.” Gordon gave Johnna playful nudge before wrapping his arm around him. “Though I did have to tell dad you were sick. Didn't mention why, said it was food poisoning.”

John smiled sideways at Gordon from under his blanket. “Probably best you got hold of him and not Scott,” he scoffed, “He’s so over the top wi- FISH ON!” 

Gordon jumped slightly at the outburst from John, eyes travelling to the lake where his line float had been dragged under the water’s surface. 

“Ah crap!” He shouted bolting for the rod as the line whizzed out from the reel at speed before he reached it. He locked the line on the reel until he felt the line relax a few seconds and then it was on, the game of cat and mouse, giving the fish enough line to run, but managing to take it all back when it tired.

The battle of man and aquatic creature, though Gordon probably didn’t see it as something that poetic. He just didn't read many books and this was usually his chance to spend time with John back home when others were around, a bit of quiet time they could both enjoy together alone by the beach as everyone else disliked fishing…. Catching anything was a bonus.

John watched on with amusement as Gordon battled with the apparently sizeable fish. It was a pleasing sight to watch his sibling working hard to reel his catch in. Standing up, John carefully picked up the landing net and steadily ambled to his siblings aid. 

It had been John’s role to provide the net ever since Gordon had attempted to do both off the rocky shore of the island back home. He had been reeling in a monster catch, the net pole clamped between his knees when he lost his footing and plummeted into the water, catching his head on a rock and almost knocking himself unconscious. 

John stood back and waited patiently with the net for Gordon to win the battle and claim his scaly prize.

“You know, I didn't really look up what you could- wholly smokes!”

The line snapped and the force was so strong the rod snapped back and clipped him in the face.

“Ah shit!” Gordon dropped the rod. “Ok… that was either caught in a snag, or that was some monster fish!”

He started laughing. “Looks like I'll have to reset the rod. Ah bugger.”

John chuckled as he dropped the net, moving forward to check his lovers face. A large red line had been whipped across his cheek. “I think you’ll find there are mostly trout here,” he pondered as he held Gordon’s unmarked cheek softly in his hand “Perhaps it may be safer if we order room service for food?”

John turned to walk away before throwing a comical look at Gordon, “It’s a shame, it looked like you were REELy getting into that.”

Gordon chuckled. “That I did, that I did. Give me a few minutes to reset the rod. If your stomach is still playing up I suggest you walk away a bit, this live bait stinks like a fart in a field of flowers.”

John happily obeyed, retreating back to the blanket to lie down, snickering at his brother’s words. 

It took roughly ten minutes, Gordon nicking himself a few times trying to replace the hook but once it was all reset he went back to join John again, this time with something on his mind.

“Remember how I said ‘no matter what happens, we'll each help each other live our last days to the fullest’?” 

John looked over to his lover, confused. “Yes? Of course I do.”

“I intend to keep that promise. If - if it turns out we get bad news, I'm not going to take you home after this trip, no matter how sick you are. I'm going to take you for a huge trip, starting with The Mardi Gra in Sydney, then to Africa for a safari tour… then maybe a road trip through Europe...even when there's bad days and you can't travel I'll try so hard to make it worth while, stargazing under the night's skies, dog sledding with you bundled up in the sled...you name it we'll do it, where ever you want to go.” Gordon wrapped both arms around John tight.

“I know I don't say it enough, but I love you John. I'll do anything for you and heck, I'll do anything to stop you becoming a shut in at home if worse comes to worse. You deserve the world and I'm going to give it to you, no matter what it takes.”

Blinking away tears, John leaned into Gordon’s chest, stunned. Slowly processing his lover’s words, fear and doubt began clutching at his stomach. 

“I… I love you too, Gordon… More than anything,” he choked quietly, biting back his emotions through his foggy mind. “What’s wrong with me? She’s told you hasn’t she, what… What is it? I want to do all of those things with you anyway, why...”

John knew his mind was racing and severely impaired by his feverish state but he seemed to have an endless stream of questions. Finally he gave into his weakened body and the tears started to fall, pattering onto his star covered coat.

“She...she didn't say what she assumes it could be.” Gordon admitted. “However she told me it was best to no have sex, not touch any fluids from you.. That sort of thing, which means whatever it is it's infectious and the fact she told me to get tests when I can, says to me it's not going to be a good test result.” his grip tightened around his brother. “If anything I'm more worried about making you worse as by the sounds of it I can if I get too intimate with you too.”

“But no matter what, good or bad, I'm going to break every damn rule just to see you smile. We already broke the rules by being lovers, I don't see me stopping breaking more to protect the only thing that's so precious to me on this entire planet.”

John tightly grasped his brother’s clothing, pulling him tightly to his body as he shook. “It’s bad isn’t it?” he sighed through tears, “I’m scared, Clownfish… I can’t… If this is it, I mean... if this is bad news, I can’t risk you too. I can’t… Damnit, I WON’T be responsible for destroying something as incredible and beautiful as you.” 

Tears were falling faster now, his sweat-soaked body shivering against Gordon’s. Still he refused to sob.

“That's not your decision to make, John. If I risk it all for you it will be worth everything. You're not going to be responsible for anything because it's my damn responsibility to look after you. I screwed up leaving you alone at the station, hell it would have been my responsibility if we both got it from each other. When I asked you all those years back to give it a try with me as a sexual partner, I knew the risks involved.” 

“What happened to me at the station was NOT your fault, Gordon. And as for our relationship? I knew what I was doing back then too, I knew the risks that would accompany it,” John tried to wriggle out of his grip to protest but Gordon didn’t budge. “The way you’re talking is scaring me, you know something I don’t… What do you think it is?”

Gordon held fast and was running fingers through John's hair, massaging his scalp to soothe him. 

“There's two really bad things it could be, though I'm hoping it's neither and just something else that the person who attacked you had, but the worse case scenario is Hepatitis C or Human Immunodeficiency Virus. One of them is at least survivable - if you look after yourself and I help you.. But sometimes doctors can exaggerate you know? I just want you to know even if it's just something minor or major I'm gonna do absolutely everything for you.”

John felt his entire body stiffen upon hearing Gordon’s suspected diagnosis. The entire base of his world had been ripped from him like a rug being tugged out from under his feet.

“I just hope she said those things to scare us.” Gordon’s grip tightened as he fought back the desire to panic and give in to his nightmares. He needed to be the strong one here, the older brother John could trust to look out for him.

He didn't want to be the other kind.

He couldn't hide the shaking though. This was his worst nightmare come to life, even if John used to jokingly brush it aside whenever he brought it up.

Now, it was like the monsters had decided it was time.

John’s throbbing muscles were taught and he was rigid as stone in his lover’s twitching arms, not daring to speak for fear of provoking fate to deal a more bleak hand of cards than it already had. John had no choice to internalise such thoughts to prevent him imploding or spiralling, he was barely holding his fever-inflamed mind together as it was.

Gordon was willingly laying himself down in danger’s way to care for his sibling, completely disregarding the horrific risk to his own health if their fears were correct. The thought of inflicting a deadly disease on the most precious thing to him, filled John with sickening dread. He felt like a monster, wielding power over a life that was not his.

Perhaps his thoughts were soggy from the fiery infection, maybe it was the panic of his potential diagnosis, John did not know… But his head was spinning perilously out of control. He was lightheaded and weak as his body burned up, a shivering sweat covering his clammy skin. 

Panic rose in his throat as he gasped for air. Though wrapped in the protective arms of his lover, he felt alone and fearful. Vision tunnelling, John collapsed unconscious against Gordon’s chest.

“John?” Gordon could feel the sweat coming off the back of John’s head onto his hands and slowly while slightly terrified, loosened his grip only to discover John has passed out, his body awash again with shakes and fever, his pale cheeks were vibrantly red with the darkest almost blue marks under his eyes, an area where his pale skin always looked a touch on the grey side.

Removing the extra blanket so there was less weight, Gordon then lifted his lightweight of a sibling onto his back to piggyback him towards the cabin, abandoning all their stuff just so he could get John somewhere safer than the chilly wilderness.

Gordon felt horrible bringing up his fears and was blaming himself for making things worse. As he neared the cabin though he could see that he and John were not alone.

Thunderbird One was gracefully parked in the clearing behind it.

Fuck! Scott couldn't resist checking on them unannounced could he?

With fear knotting in his guts Gordon made his choice. He still had his wallet with his passport chip card credit cards and the keys for the rental car at the chateau, the rest? John might not like him just abandoning everything they brought with them but truth was everything else was replaceable - but John.

Hiding his sibling in the trees of the wood, Gordon checked to make sure he had the aforementioned items, then check to see if John has his own wallet.

No such luck. DAMN!

It was probably by the bedside table where he put it when John stripped off to lie down when they arrived.

He had to go and get it, he couldn't get medication for John without it, or get him in a plane without his ID card and passport chip.

It meant venturing inside. 

Gordon made sure John was safe before leaving him alone in the woods and keeping low to the ground, making his way for the cabin.

From the front, Scott had left the door open and appeared to just be lounging around in wait for them to return. It was highly likely that he had already cased the joint, found the bucket John had used to be sick in and decided that this was worth hanging around and investigating further. Their father wouldn't have told him, but Scott being Scott never seemed to trust Gordon on anything until it was seen with his own eyes - something that had almost cost Gordon his life in more than one occasion on a rescue he himself had to lead.

Why were older brothers such suspicious bastards?

At least Scott was easy to outwit. He was too relaxed to go hunting for them unless he was forced to and Gordon had learned as a kid Scott had the most useless sense of direction, it was possible to run rings around him and get him utterly lost which, hopefully if he gave chase he could use to an advantage... That's provided he didn't have back up.

Gordon was relieved Scott was alone. He wouldn't dare attempt it if Virgil was lurking around. Their other elder brother loved hunting and could track them down like big game deer, stalking you like a giant grizzly bear. Slow yes but he would eventually find you.

Gordon moved around the back of the cabin, climbed up on top of the wooden fire log storage shed and using his skills in climbing utilised the drain pipe and the grooves between logs on the cabin to climb in through the large ensuite window he had left open to air out the place.

Quiet as a mouse, he ducked over to the bed, grabbed John's wallet and checked nothing was missing, before stealing a look over the balcony edge to check where Scott was.

He was still in the loveseat, drinking a beer.

Thank heavens for minor distractions.

Gordon proceeded to leave the same way and when his feet finally touched the ground, he made his way back to cover and to John who was finally starting to stir.

“Shhhh! John, we're going to have to book it, NOW!” He hissed, voice low.

“Huh? What’s happened?” John moaned groggily earning another plea for quiet from his sibling. 

Gordon’s eyes were wide and it looked as though he had been running. John was no longer wrapped tightly in his arms on the blanket. He blinked quickly and noticed Thunderbird One settled behind the cabin. Was he dreaming? 

His sibling didn't give him any chance to answer, instead hauling him up onto his back again and weaving his way through the trees along side the road towards the main hotel.

John was confused and uncomfortable, being piggybacked across rough terrain wasn’t the most pleasant sensation after one had recently regained consciousness. The younger man now realised he wasn’t dreaming and it was all the more overwhelming.

“Gordon!” He hissed into his lover’s ear, “Just stop a second… What in hell's name is going on?”

“Can't stop, Scott will come looking for us. I've got to get you into town, get those doctors tests and then we're going to scram.”

John was surprised at Gordon’s firm tone, he clearly had a plan though it was lost on the younger sibling.

“Why is he here? You know that he’ll call Virgil up if we take off, right?” John queried, his head throbbing in pain as the sight of the breathtakingly beautiful Canadian Rockies jolting in his mind as Gordon hurried along. “Maybe if we show him I’m alright he’ll be satisfied enough to leave? He’s probably just using it as an excuse to get out for a few hours.”

“You’re not ok John, you're really weak and keep having the fever take over.” Gordon grunted, adjusting his brother on his back. “If they see you they'll want to fly you home, stick you in the infirmary…and I won't be allowed any alone time with you again. They'll watch you like hawks all day everyday to make sure your fine but there's no way you'll be allowed off the Island, not without dad's supervision.”

He stopped. “You think I'm a horrible annoying nurse? You've got no idea how much worse it could be.”

“I don’t think that about you at all!” John snapped, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise how bad it was… You’re right, we can’t go back… We can just start over, right?”

John slowly slid from Gordon’s back, feeling a little queasy from the jolting movements. Leaning forward, he braced his palms against his thighs and took a few deep breaths, trying to fend off the nausea. “Just give me a sec.”

“It's still a long way to walk John.” Gordon huffed cold air into his lungs. “Once we get to the hire car and everything sorted in town we can high tail it as far away as possible without any strain on you.”

“Ughh,” John ungracefully spat on the floor, “I’ll get there, it may take me a little time but I’ll be sick otherwise. Soon as we get to the hotel complex, I can sleep in King Lemon if need be.”

Gordon nodded but still put his arm around John to keep him steady as they walked. Eventually John had to concede to being carried again as his legs gave way under him, too weak to continue.

It was nightfall by the time they reached the chateau and after all the check out details were sorted, Gordon helped John into the back seat of the car and proceeded to drive King Lemon away back towards town, only to park outside of it to wait it out till morning to get to the doctors. It was risky, but they couldn't do anything about a closed surgery at night so Gordon clambered into the backseat beside John and cuddled him into his body for warmth and drifted off into a fitful sleep, hoping that they can allude Scott long enough to make a clean break for the nearest city airport which was quite possibly a week or so drive away.


	7. Positive Diagnosis

The following morning came and Gordon awoke to the sound of retching again. John was hanging out of the rear door which caused cold air to flow around the stuffy cabin. 

He had been sick again. Once finished, John hauled his way back into the car before falling back against the seat.

Gordon leaned over and checked his forehead. “John, I'm going to have to ask you to wait in the car when I run inside and get your results. If I take you in there they're going to put you in hospital… which probably might be the best option but it's the end of the road if we do.”

He held his sibling tight. “I'm sorry about this, sorry for everything. I hope you can forgive me for what I'm about to do, even...even if it's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life.”

Gordon let him go and moved out of the car and made the lonely trek into town. He should have driven, but this was safer, John stayed hidden and Gordon would be back as fast as possible.

What he was doing was dangerous. John NEEDED medical attention. He knew these actions were selfish but what other options where there? John under twenty four hour watch unable to be let out of their father's sight? Sure the old man loved them all and doted on them like crazy but being trapped on the island and not able to be left alone would drive John up the wall.

Not only that, Gordon knew they'd be kept separated around the clock, everyone blaming him for leaving John alone in the first place. 

John deserved so much better, heck probably deserved far more than Gordon.

Gordon knew in his heart if his lover got much worse he would have to give it up. John's life was more valuable than his selfishness to keep them together.

At the doctors the results were still not in, so Gordon gave them a forwarding phone number to his portable holophone before ducking into the chemist to get as much pain killers, stomach medicine and anything else he could think of before going to a supermarket and getting tins of soup, bottled water, a stove kettle and some matches before trekking back for the car.

John had dozed back off into a feverish state so Gordon just loaded up the car boot, tried to gets John to wake up long enough to drink some water and start driving off on the long winding road back to civilization.

Sometimes he would need to pull over for John to be sick or to stretch his legs, which gave him time to check on his sibling, adjust his clothing to suit his temperature, give him water and heat up some soup in the kettle on the radiator, filling an empty bottle to give it to John to make sure he was at least getting something other than water into his system.

Getting back into the driver's seat, Gordon rested his head on the wheel. What was he doing? Postponing the inevitable. Glancing back to his brother in the back seat he started the car again, hoping they'd come across a motel somewhere as John need more than to sleep in the back seat… he needed a real bed.

A light was beeping on his holophone, the device finally having some reception so he pulled over to check it.

There was a very worried message from Scott who had gotten concerned that they hadn't returned to their cabin and another Gordon felt he had no business to read - at least until John did. 

Reaching back over to the backseat to give John a shake to wake him, he handed him the phone and told him that the doctor's message was in.

“I haven't looked.” He said. “Figured you should do so first.”

John grimaced as he plucked the small device from his sibling. Opening the message, he grabbed Gordon’s hand within his own shaking one. His sibling watched on in terror as John’s eyes quickly scanned over the digital document.

“You don't need to tell me if you don't want to, John. Just tell me what to do.” amber eyes looking down at John's hand, afraid of looking him in the eyes.

“Positive…” he mumbled as his voice scratched. 

John’s mouth was gritty and dry, unable to form words without a painful sound. His body shook from the tension in his muscles.

John quickly thrusted the small device back into his brother’s hand for him to read, sinking back to his lying position, pulling his knees up towards his chest as he desperately attempted to quell the rising panic he felt.

Small sections of text sprung out at Gordon as his eyes scanned the document.

...

_Tests Performed on Patient:_

_Enzyme-linked Immunosorbent Assay - Positive test._

_Nucleic Acid Testing - Positive test._

_..._

_Patient Diagnosis:_

_Human Immunodeficiency Virus - Positive_

_Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome - Positive_

_…_

Gordon’s face softened, but he remained silent as he read all the jargon. Only a few sentences made any sense to him and his knowledge. There was an attachment which Gordon had to find somewhere to print it which may be difficult where they were. His eyes glossed over the prescriptions.

…

_Recommended treatment progression:_

_Enclosed prescription for Highly Active Antiretroviral Therapy (HAART)._

_HAART helps to maintain function of the patient’s immune system and helps to prevent opportunistic infections that can often lead to death._

_A combination of drugs prescribed due to adaptability and resistance of virus._

_Take ONE pill from each prescription, FOUR times daily._

_..._

“Are you ok with me knowing all this John?” He asked.

John sighed and nodded, tears glinting in his eyes as he stared at the back of Gordon’s seat. “You need to see it,” he whispered guiltily, “It could potentially affect you too.”

“Anything that affects you does. I wouldn't expect it any other way.” Gordon gave John a weak smile of assurance then looked at the message and saved it, making sure he couldn't lose the prescription. “Right...first things first. Motel, somewhere to sleep for the night. Then we'll find a pharmacy to get what you need….and anything else you think will help everything feel normal, like clean clothes.”

Gordon then kissed the back of his brother's shaking hand. “Then you tell me what YOU want to do.” His smile widened. “You're my boss, you know that.”

“I need to shower or something, I need to feel clean,” locking his deep blue eyes with Gordon’s golden ones. “Can you… What I mean to say is… Uhh… Can I kiss you now? I could use a hug.”

Gordon knew he shouldn't, but it was quite possibly too late for that. He turned the idling engine off and got out of the car, only to climb in the backseat, kissing John as he did so with a silent and caring passion like they were sneaking around the house at home when Virgil was snoring his head off in the bedroom next-door to John’s.

You would need to wedge a stick between them to pull them apart, Gordon kissing the tender thin lips of his lover just as much as he had wanted, ignoring the strange metallic taste John’s mouth tasted of from being sick all day. He was used to unusual flavors as John regularly changed his brands of cigarettes and enjoyed flavoured tobacco, thinking if your going to do it, do it in style.

John returned the kiss with as much need and love as he had to give. He knew Gordon was still trying to be the stable anchoring point that he always was for him. He felt incredibly guilty as his thoughts drifted back to the letter while he showered little kisses over his lover’s face as they both gasped for air. 

“At least that’s one thing we can do…” John mused.

“Well..there is other things we can try.” Gordon grinned. “But I'm not about to push it with how bad your feeling.” He sat back and dug into his pants pocket for his wallet, pulling out a small square packet with a devious grin. “When I was getting the stomach medicine and things back in town I...well it's obvious.”

He let out a nervous laugh. “Your still my lover, John, no matter what. I never want to keep intimacy from you even if everything in that phone message says I should.” He put it away and tucked his wallet back in his pocket.

“At least… at least you're going to be ok if we don't get you sick or anything.” Gordon tried to find a brightside to the darkness. “Lots of people with it live normal lives, though I'm not sure if you being the lover of a crazy man who wants to whisk you off your feet and give you the world counts.”

John’s face was filled with a genuine smile as he looked at his lover. “You and I lead nothing like normal lives,” he chuckled, pressing his forehead against Gordon’s, “Thank you, I'll do whatever it takes to protect you from this. I can fight this with you by my side, I know that much.”

He slipped his arm around Gordon and pulled their bodies closer. “You and I together.”

“Protect me?” Gordon snorted in amusement. “John, if I was THAT worried I'd have never asked you to have sex with me, heck I could have just taken you to hospital and thrown it all away if I was that much of an arsehole who didn't want to deal with the consequences.”

He let out a very long breath. “But I didn't and I'm prepared for it. You're not doing this alone and if you think I'm not stupid enough to follow you to a place where there's no return then I've got news for you ‘duckling’, this time I'm coming with you even if I have to leash you.” He looked up all coy and grinning like a fool, reaching out and brushing his hand against John's jaw and cupping it.

“I'm not the one who needs protecting John...your the one who is more fragile than the thinnest glass, and just as delicate, pure and beautiful, inside and out.”

“Besides,” he said a little amused. “I'm going to get it one way or another. We don't take proper precautions on rescues that other professionals and volunteers do and I've had more blood transfusions than anyone in our family from pretty nasty accidents. You can't shield me from it, and if anything...I’d rather it was you.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way... If we’re skipping out, you won’t be taking part in rescues anymore, it’ll be much safer,” John offered. “And I’ll be doing all I can to prevent you getting it, I won’t have you suffer this because of me… Regardless of what you think, I can’t be the one to destroy your health. Please don’t put me in that position, Gordon.”

John looked pleadingly into Gordon’s eyes, “You’re the one good thing in the world, I don’t want to make you suffer… Hell I don’t want you to have to watch me suffer with it.”

“Sure...whatever you say goes right?”

“Please don’t be like that, Clownfish… If this were the other way around, you would do all you could to protect me.”

Gordon nodded. “I'm not arguing with you. If that's what you want then that's….that's what we'll do.” He kissed John's forehead. “Anyway, it's getting dark and we really need a bed for you to rest in. I better get driving ok?”

John sighed heavily as Gordon slipped from the back seats to return to the wheel. “I don’t want to argue with you, it’s the last thing I want. You might think I’m being deliberately stubborn, but I’m not. I just want you to be safe.”

He looked up at his lover’s eyes reflected in the rear view mirror. “I’m sorry for all of this… I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me.”

“You’re fine John. I understand ok?” Gordon wanted this conversation to stop, but was at least gentle in the delivery of his words. He started up King Lemon again and before belting up and leaving the slip road, he took the square packet from his wallet and hid it in the dash box. 

He'd do anything for John.. Even if it meant tossing any ideas of cardinal intimacy aside. Still he could be close and look after him so he wasn't entirely being shut out.

At least, not yet. He knew it would come eventually.

Driving in the dark on the hunt for a motel was fruitless, it was nearing daybreak before they reached the first fuel station and while inside paying for a full tank he bought John a coffee and a toasted sandwich, and a eight carton box of a caffeinated energy drink. 

Back in the car he passed a very tired John his breakfast and he downed himself two cans of energy drink to recharge, hopefully long enough to reach some place to stay or at least find another pharmacy.

John gratefully wolfed down the sandwich, cringing slightly as it traveled down his acid-burned esophagus. “Did you not get any food?” He asked as he sipped his coffee gently, head falling back against the headrest. “You need to rest too, y’know.”

“I'm fine John. I’ll rest when we get far away enough and get you some medicine.” He glanced down beside him on the other seat in the front where he threw the drinks box, his wallet and his holo phone. It was blinking on and off with messages from not just Scott, but Virgil and their father. He was glad John didn't have his own one otherwise they'd be trying to get him on that too.

The car ride had been silent up until this point as John had drifted in and out of restless sleep. Feeling guilty that Gordon felt compelled to help, but incredibly grateful he was being so supportive.

Their relationship had always been strong, they understood one another on an entirely different level. Gordon was strong, caring and patient, more than able to coax John out of even the very worst of his madness. 

“I can’t tell you how appreciative I am for all you’re doing, I’m sorry I’ve not been the most compliant,” John muttered, his eyes flicking across to look at Gordon in the mirror again. “I love you and I’ll follow you wherever you go. Thank you…”

“You don't need to say or do anything, John.” Gordon turned his head for a second or two to flash a smile. “Think of this as a never ending vacation! Though sure it could be better than this, but hey, Road trip with the creature from the swamp! What more could you want?” Gordon was of course making fun of himself, aware he smelled pretty bad. “Maybe if your feeling up to it the next break I take you can join me up the front here? Pretty lonely with you sitting behind me.”

“I stink too, we can be swamp creatures together,” John giggled, “I can climb up front now, if you’ll have me. I imagine it’s no fun to drive alone when you’re tired.”

Gordon laughed. “Alright, let me clear the crap from the front seat. And I'm not tired John, just...worried. This petrol dump is the only thing I've seen for miles bar a few logging trucks heading back the way we came but that's about it. Maybe you could see if the GPS on the holo phone is working and see how far the next town is? Maybe there's a motel or a pharmacy there.”

John placed his coffee into one of the cup holders before pulling himself between the two front seats, clambering awkwardly through and settling himself in the front seat next to Gordon. Pulling his seatbelt on and shuffling the seat forward so he was level with his sibling.

Taking the holophone from Gordon as his sibling tossed the cans in the back and pocketed his wallet, John checked the GPS and assessed their location in relation to the nearest small town. There were bigger towns and cities they could have travelled to that were within a reasonable distance, but that would have made it far too easy to be tracked down if Scott had enlisted Virgil’s help to find them. They had to think smart if they were to avoid getting caught.

“If you take the next Northbound exit in about three miles, we should be able to reach a place called Rainbow Lake. There’s a small airport there as well as a pharmacy and motel. But it’s still a good few hours away. There’s plenty of fuel stops on the way there too. I figured if we continue heading North, it would be harder for them to catch up.”

Gordon shot him a brief glance.

“I can see you’ve got messages from everyone coming through on here, don’t worry though.”

Gordon sighed as he pulled the car round onto the road again. “I know, and I haven't opened them. I can't ditch the phone because it's got your prescription on it and I know unless were in a dead zone, they can get a fix on our location. Alan's on duty on Five remember? He's a damn hound sometimes with the right motivation.” He frowned. “We have to get to a major airport though, a small airfield is useless and gives our brothers a place to land. Neither of us have a pilots licence anyway so it's no use to us.”

“Edmonton and Calgary are the two main airports, but they are back the way we came. Think about it, we just need someone to fly us from Rainbow Lake to one of the bigger ones, we could always pay someone?” John offered.

He began hurriedly searching the car, popping open the glove box, finding a map of Alberta. Smiling, John returned his attention to the small holophone, unclipping the back of the device.

“Alan might be a whizz with all of the equipment up on Five, but I’m pretty hot on technology myself,” he beamed, tinkering with the phone and picking apart the back. “A few little adjustments and this little beauty should be untraceable.”

Gordon smiled. “That sleep helped recharge your brain I see?”

“There! All done,” John grinned up at his sibling, holding up the phone proudly, “I do feel much more with it, perhaps it’s the caffeine. Downside is we are unable to use the GPS, though at least the rental company left a map in here.”

“Hopefully they don't mind us taking it. After we get sleep, get you sorted and in some clean clothes we're going to hop on a bus. I guarantee this car is now a target once we arrive.”

“Whatever it takes, Gordon, you’re on the right lines… We’ve got to outthink Virge on this one, and he’ll have Alan’s help too. I’m just desperate for a shower.”

Gordon chuckled. “You really are a neat freak sometimes.”

 


	8. Thelma and Louise meet War of the Worlds

Rainbow lake at least, was a decent sized town compared the the last one. Dropping the King Lemon at the rental place that was owned by the same company, Gordon took John over to the nearest small shopping complex, got the scripts filled for John's important drugs and ducked into the clothing store.

It wasn't top end fashion, but immediately Gordon noticed they sold hair dyes tuck away in the corner of the store and had an idea.

John ambled after Gordon as he dashed through the small store, looking at clothing and other items. He stopped next to some thick plaid shirts, frowning at the limited selection on offer. Flicking through the clothes, he selected a few shirts and three pairs of jeans before he stilled, feeling as though someone was watching him.

Turning slowly, John was faced with Gordon standing there, a mischievous grin on his face and packets of hair dye in his hands.

“Really?” He chuckled to his sibling. “That’s going to wreck my hair…”

“Not as bad as mine. I have to bleach the colour out first. Besides,” Gordon’s grin widened. “The ones I picked for you are washes. Sure they'll stain a little since you’re so blonde but they won't stay in forever. I was thinking flame red, like Jessica Rabbit… though I'm unsure what you'd turn red hair into…”

“Wow! I don’t think it’s inconspicuous, but damn I’m excited!” John grinned, “I think you should try a darker colour, that way you won’t have to bleach it, besides… If you go blonde, we’re still going to fit the same description.”

“Maybe… or I could shave it off. Take your pick?”

“Please don’t do that,” John laughed, “I love your hair too much for that! No matter how temporary it may be. That and I don’t think you’d be able to pull it off,” he added with a wink.

“I don't think a colour will either… how many natural redheads do you know dye their hair other colours?” Gordon sighed. “Don't worry about it. Got clothes and underwear? Backpack to chuck them all in and toiletries?”

“You’re going to shave it aren’t you?” John smiled, nudging his lover, “You’ll do it in the middle of the night to scare me, I know you… I’ve got clothes, I was just about to look for some underwear. I haven’t found a backpack yet, I ll go and look.”

Gordon nodded. “Right, meet you at the counter when you’re ready.” He walked off to return the dye where he found it, abandoning the idea. He scratched the stubble that was starting to emerge on his face. Maybe just letting it grow out would be enough?

He went to grab two shirts, both regrettably long sleeve and utterly dull in colour since very little else would fit his shoulders and displaying his tattoos would get them caught easily. As if he needed more reasons to feel ashamed of his own body but it was sadly necessary at least until they left the country.

He grabbed spare pairs of cotton trunks and a pair of jeans as well, but only one pair as Gordon didn't care if they went unwashed till they hit another shop in another town. Picking out a backpack and a toothbrush he glance over to where he could see John heading for the check out, his face full of excitement.

Gordon hadn't figured on that, this would be the ultimate adrenaline rush for his lover - living on the run. In a way it was highly amusing but a very real reminder that Gordon was quite possibly putting John in danger by not giving up and going home.

What was worse though? Giving up intimacy to give John freedom or give it up to be constantly cared for?

In nine years of their intimate relationship, Gordon never felt so powerless.

John approached the checkout area where there was no sign of his lover. He glanced quickly around the small store in search of Gordon who was nowhere to be seen. John frowned a little as he dropped his items into a basket, it was getting harder to hold it in his arms. He kicked the basket along the floor in search of his sibling.

“What are you doing?” Gordon stepped out from behind some shelving, startling his sibling. “I'm just grabbing some toothpaste and soap and I'm good.”

Gordon kissed John under the chin before picking up the basket and headed for the registers like the pack mule he was usually treated as. At least for John he didn't mind, knowing full well if he could do so, he would.

“Was just resting a moment, couldn’t find you was all,” John shuffled his feet as Gordon lifted the items on to the conveyor belt. “Oh, I got a lot more clothes than you did, d’you want me to put some back?”

Gordon shook his head. “You get what you think you need. You've been sick the last few days, you may need extra just incase.”

John assisted Gordon in packing the clothes and other items into the rucksack that his sibling had chosen. When he looked up at the young woman behind the counter, she smiled happily at him, before taking a keen interest in Gordon. The twenty something year old brunette woman was extremely pretty John mused, watching with delight as she bat her eyelashes unashamedly at his brother. Emma, according to the name badge pinned to her chest, began asking Gordon plenty of questions about what his name was, where he was from and why he was there. It made John snicker watching his brother squirm uncomfortably at the gorgeous woman’s attention. 

Gordon swiftly paid for their goods and took out quite a bit of cash, quickly plucking the rucksack from John who was attempting to shuffle it onto his back before marching away. The woman waved at the older man as they left the store to check in at the motel across the street.

John caught up to his sibling and nudged him gently on the shoulder, “I think she liked you,” he cooed impishly.

“That's too bad,” Gordon pulled John in for a kiss. “I only have eyes for you.”

John had found them a small, cheap motel amongst a grouping of larger ones on the assumption that Virgil and Scott, if they came, would immediately look in the other one's first. There was a small single bed but at least a decent bathroom and kitchenette, all neat and tidy along with a elderly couch in front of a tv. Immediately, John ventured into the bathroom for a shower, discarding his clothes quickly to get the smell of vomit off him.

Meanwhile, Gordon sat on the couch and skimmed through the holophone messages.

_‘OMG! How could you just UP AND LEAVE on me?! I only flew over to check you guys were settling in ok.’_

_‘Seriously Gordon, don't scare me like this! It's been twelve hours! Where are you both?’_

_‘Where in God’s name are you? Scott found all your stuff by the lake and has been shitting himself thinking you guys have been kidnapped! Please fucking tell me your just on a boat on the lake! ’_

_‘Gordon, it's me again. I've just gone around asking the hotel staff if they'd seen you and they told me you checked out the same night Scott arrived. What the fucking hell is going on? They say guy you were with was really sick! Is John ok? Fucking hell Gordon answer me! IS OUR BROTHER OK?’_

_‘Gordon, this is your father. Is everything ok? You told me if it got worse you'd get a ride home. Is it so bad that you'll avoid your brothers? Please contact me when you reach the hospital so I can fly out and check on both of you.’_

_‘Alan tracked your last location in town via your phone. The signal is spotty but he says you were in a doctors. Seriously Gordo if something is wrong with John you better fucking tell us RIGHT NOW! Dad is worried and Scott is going out of his mind, don't you DARE LEAVE US IN THE DARK. YOU KNOW FOOD POISONING CAN BE SERIOUS!’_

_‘Gordon, your signal is leaving town. WHAT'S HAPPENING? Are you rushing John to hospital? Is it that serious? Come on Gordon just answer!’_

_‘If this is some kind of a SICK JOKE, you're in DEEP SHIT GORDO.’_

_‘Gordon, Virgil just spoke to the doctor in town… what did she mean by you leaving in a hurry? And how - how did John get HIV? Were you in a brothel or something overnight instead of the cabin? Gordon? Please tell me that diagnosis isn't true.’_

_‘Is that why you've both done a runner? John, if you're reading this instead of Gordon talk some sense into him and please both of you come home! Don't make Virgil hunt you down… especially when he's really pissed off.’_

The messages continued, from Scott they were all pleading, from their father there was concern and from Virgil there were threats.

Gordon ran a hand through his hair. He was as good as dead now if he tried going back without at least one of them in hospital and a good excuse, heck there was every chance Virgil had checked every hospital or clinic in the area looking for them so that option was well and truly out now.

He glanced up as John reentered to go through the duffle bag for his clean clothes they had just purchased and Gordon had to look away. He had no right to perve anymore, not if John set the boundaries of not getting him infected too.

And yet, even averting his gaze he was still thinking how beautiful his lover was, how soft his skin was to touch, the taste of his lips and the smell of his musk….

Gordon sunk deeper into the couch, almost drowning in regrets. The only thing he didn't want taken away was slipping from his fingers regardless of what he did. His intimacy and closeness with John was on a knife edge.

But he promised. Whatever John wanted, he'd comply.

He stood up and went to take his own shower, venting his confused frustrations out on the tiles till his knuckles were swollen. It's early days, he tried to remind himself. Neither of you know what your doing and John's right, no use both of us getting it as one of you needs to keep the other going. 

You can do this, John's counting on you to do the right thing.

But you broke the first precaution on that medical readout - oral contact. 

Fuck! Why was it so hard? He didn't want to upset John but knowing that his one action could get John sicker just by passing on cold or flu germs or anything else his body wasn't up for fighting yet because he had yet to take his medication made Gordon feel disgusted in himself - supposed to be protecting him and doing the opposite.

He would need to make sure next time. Kissing was probably be the only intimate action besides cuddling for a while till they worked out what they could and couldn't do, and Gordon didn't want John even sicker just from showing him affection.

Stepping out the shower and lightly toweling off, Gordon wandered back into the main room still naked and started pulling out his own clean outfit too.

Water still trickled down over his tattoos, making them glossy ontop of his tan, his shoulders flexed hidden muscles and he sifted through their stuff.

“Ah shit! I left that other stuff in the car!”

John looked up at Gordon’s wet body as he scoured the bag, “What other stuff? I thought we got everything?”

“The painkillers, stomach medicine, the bottles of water and the….things…” Gordon faltered. “The other stuff I figured you'd need to feel better.” He sighed. “Doesn't matter. I'll buy more before we go if I get a chance. Did you take your pills?”

“I’ve just taken them, was reading all of the details beforehand. I don’t feel so sick anymore,” John admitted, scratching his knuckles slightly as he looked at Gordon’s hands, “Uhh, what happened to your hands?”

“I was frustrated and took it out on the tiles. No big deal. Virgil’s going to skin me alive if he finds us… in pretty graphic detail too. They...they found out and well, they're blaming me thinking all I do is taking you to sleazy places of the night. You know we shouldn't have teased them after our last lot of leave that we were brothel hopping and having sex every night.”

Gordon started laughing. “Fuck that was funny. Scott fully believed us and still does.”

“Th-They know?” John stammered quietly as he walked over to Gordon and took hold of his hands, gently turning them over in his own as he inspected the damage. “Did you speak to them whilst I was in the shower? Is that why you’re frustrated?”

“No, just their messages. Calling would give Alan a fixed location remember? But Virgil is very thorough when he tracks things...he went to the doctors as that was our last location before the petrol station and you turning the tracking off. It means they're not far behind us too….so if I have to wake you up in the middle of the night, don't question it.”

He grabbed John’s face and pulled his head close, noses touching.

“This isn't a game. This is your life we're dealing with. Running like this, I'm putting it as risk. If at any point…. You feel I'm a threat to your safety I want you to call dad and go home…and be safe. I can keep Scott and Virgil busy enough while dad thinks of how to break it to them. Promise me that...please? I never want you in danger but maybe that's all I'm doing here…”

“Stop it!” John hissed as he gripped Gordon’s shoulders tightly, “Stop saying you’re putting me in danger, that you’re a threat. You’re not! If I wanted to go home, I would have said… What we’re doing… Is as much my decision as it is yours. If Virgil has already spoken to the Doctor, it’s likely at least he knows that we told her we were married… I dread think what kind of warpath that would put him on, we’ll be lucky if he doesn’t tell the others. Don’t get me wrong, I want them to know we’re safe, but shit, the last thing I want is to go back and risk losing you because they don’t understand.”

John took a deep breath as he stood face to face with his lover, an angry heat rising in his cheeks as he spoke. “This is about us… What we want… I know you want to make this for me, but I just want us to go and have the time of our bloody lives! Sod everyone else. You’re what matters to me. This is the most excitement I’ve had for a long time, probably since the last time we had a decent amount of leave time together… I’m in it regardless. I love you little Clownfish.” He nuzzled their noses together as he closed his eyes.

“Well if that's the case…” 

With a quick movement, John was pinned to the bed underneath a very naked and very cheeky Gordon.

A finger was quick to touch his lips. “I know we can't… but I can still play and treat you like a god.”

John was stunned to silence as Gordon held him down, a fantastically seductive look in his eyes. The younger man was powerless to resist his lover, every inch of his tanned skin was perfect. John knew each scar, freckle and tattoo of Gordon’s skin in detail, it was like a map of his body and life combined. 

This is what he had missed, being close to his lover. Being able to touch him and be touched without apprehension. He trusted Gordon fully not to do anything too risky. He waited in anticipation, body twitching and breath racing.

Gordon gently started to massage John's body, tending to each individual muscle, removing tension and turning them into gooey limp puddles. He didn't undress his lover, instead using the feel of the soft fabric do most of the work lotions would have done. He hummed softly and chuckled when John joined the tune as ‘Life on Mars’ was their special song, both feeling like aliens in their own world from everyone else.

John’s body had been reduced to a limp warm splodge of flesh as Gordon’s fingers worked to ease his aches. His lover had the most wonderful talent to release pain and panic from those he touched, almost as though he was drawing it out of them through his fingers. John had often watched his sibling calm those around him with a reassuring touch or brush of a hand, it was mesmerising.

Tired blue eyes had fallen shut as his lover continued to pamper John’s weakened torso, delicately working to relax him further. Gordon’s humming was melodic and soothing, each note an exact match for the song they so enjoyed. He could listen to his sibling’s beautiful singing voice all day, it was a talent that people were rarely lucky enough to experience.

“Are you falling asleep on me?” He purred as he started on John's calves. “Don't blame you if you do. Rest is still important.” The irony being that Gordon had gone without any for over the past thirty two hours and was barely keeping alert. He needed to be still, if Virgil and Scott were on the chase...but he couldn't do it forever.

 He started to massage John's feet, eliciting moans and loving purrs. Gordon leaned down to kiss them, blowing his warm breath on John's toes for fun before letting his hands mindlessly wander over John's back as he lay beside him, watching his lover with interest.

Eventually he stopped when he was sure John was asleep, kissed him on the lips before getting up to get dressed. There seemed to be some commotion outside so dressed in his clean jeans and not much else he went out the door to have a look.

He nodded at another holiday maker who had come out from another room to investigate and asked the woman, “What's going on? Why are we all out here in the cold?” he indicated to all the people coming out of their rooms to have a sticky beak, not just from their motel, but from the ones around them

The woman looked him up and down. “From Australia.” He said hurriedly. This seemed acceptable, as the woman just nodded before pointing over towards where Gordon assumed the lake was.

“That big Green aircraft that belongs to International Rescue just landed in the air field. There must be something bad happening if they're involved.”

“Ah yeah they're a last resort aren't they?” Gordon smiled weakly. “Well we should let them work in peace. Last thing those men need is more civilians in the way.”

Slowly, Gordon headed back inside and started to stuff all their gear into the duffle bag as well as stealing a few sheets off the bed, rolling John around as he did so.

“Hey, John, you need to wake up.”

“Why?” Came a mumble. “Gordon why are you still awake?”

“Thunderbird Two has touched down in the nearby airfield,” Gordon grunted, shouldering the bag over his bare back. “Get you shoes, we have to get out of here before Virgil finds us.”

Gordon then checked the coast was clear. “Hurry up John, while everyone is too distracted!” 

Ushering his brother out, Gordon lead the way across the street into a car park and started to case the cars. John paused looking towards the airfield where Thunderbird Two could now be seen looming over the trees. He turned in horror at the sound of shattering glass and a few feet away, Gordon had smashed the drivers side window of an old car to open the door and was busy trying to hotwire it.

Even though the hand used to to smash the window was wrapped in a shirt, blood was streaked up his arm from the glass.

The engine started and Gordon shouted to him, “Get in now, John!”

The taller man quickly shuffled his body into the passenger seat of the car next to his blood-covered sibling. Gordon stamped on the throttle and the car sped into action down the street as John fumbled for his seatbelt.

“Shit!” John exclaimed as the car sped through the small town, his eyes were focused of the large green outline of Thunderbird Two. “How the hell did they find us so quick?”

Gordon continued to drive speedily away from the main area of the town, not taking his eyes of the road for a single moment. His sibling, however, was nervously glancing across to the airfield that edged ever closer, meaning they would have to drive past the colossal green aircraft on their way out of town.

Cars up ahead of them were stopping, a group of people huddled around the passenger side of the vehicles. 

“Uhhh… Gordon,” John murmured as he glanced at the people, tapping his lover on the arm in a panic, “It’s Virge… He’s up there. We have to find a different way. Maybe just drive around them or something!”

Adrenaline was surging through Gordon’s system, raw and feral, the kind of buzz that rescues or reckless sex couldn't fuel. Something that had been buried deep within his soul was fighting to be unleashed, something John had not seen since they both were in university.

Back before then though - after Gordon had got his licence at sixteen - he used to steal cars. Their father felt sending them to different countries to study was a good idea to protect them and keep a low profile and to raise them humble, but sending Gordon to get his High school education in the middle of a backwater in the desert with nothing to do turned out to be a bad idea.

Unlike the rest of them, Gordon was a bad boy that reverted to good...if you were to ignore his relationship with John of course. John watched Gordon flick on the radio and turn up the volume as ‘Fa-fa- fa’ by Datarock kicked on as the wheels spun wildly, John seeing the flames burn deep within his sibling as he was forced to grip the seat and the dashboard as Gordon swung the car around violently, causing it to skid, bounce off road onto the median strip and around the roadblock. The car tore through a low fence and a hedge before skidding back into the road on the other side and speeding off at high speed unto the dark, leaving shocked onlookers and the roadblock set up by Virgil in the dust.

John started laughing quietly. A small and concerned laugh. He looked on at Gordon’s arm in the dying light of the sky, investigating the potential damage caused.

Gordon hadn’t uttered a word since they got in the car to make their escape. John sat there quietly with the occasional giggle, constantly checking behind them for any sign of pursuit from their older brother.

Eventually the car started to slow down, though not from Gordon’s rush of impulsiveness waning off but from the damage to the frontend and underside of the car.

“We need another car.” Gordon breathed out, letting out a mild laugh. “Whew! Fucking hell, it's been AGES since I did something like that!” The awkward laughter became an outright explosion of it when the entire event sunk in. “Did you see his face? Was he shitting his pants like all those people milling around?”

“Didn’t catch him,” John admitted, impressed by his siblings driving.

“Doesn't matter.” Gordon was grinning wildly. “I needed it. Don't ever tell Dad, it took him ages to wipe my criminal record and he thinks it's because I blew a few brain cells from the strict olympics crap that he put me through when I was fourteen. Want the truth? Adelaide has tons of open roads leading off to nowhere without a speed limit and it's hilarious to drive your teachers stolen car into the middle of the outback and ditch it for a lift back home in a road train…or a divvy van, take your pick.”

The car was pulled into a slip road and chugged it's dying breath. 

Gordon took a little while to relinquish his grip on the wheel, at least he was calm enough to think straight but the wave of burn out wasn't far behind. “On the map in the dufflebag, how far till the next service station? We're going to have to hoof it from here overnight...hey, do you think there would be a bus or something nearby?”

John quickly grabbed the map out of the bag on the back seat, studying it intently. 

“There’s a town about a hundred kilometres away from us, about an hour by car. We’re going to need to hitch a lift or something, we can’t walk that, not in this state.”

“Problem with hitching a lift could be Scott is already in the next town and the driver recognizes us…”

John sighed, rubbing his temples and stuffing the map into the dashboard. “We need to look at your arm first, give me some time and I’ll see what I can think of.”

“Arm can wait.” Gordon seemed to relax a little. “We need to get out of the car and at least get hidden before we do that. We might have police after us now.” 

He leaned over the passenger seat and gave John a very deep and passionate kiss before getting out the car and staggering around it to get their bags. He did a quick check and breathed a sigh of relief when he located their wallets and as an afterthought, pulled on one of his shirts and tossed the one wrapped around his arm on the back seat, making sure any shards of glass were no longer in contact with his skin. Blood still soaked through the sleeve of the new shirt, but at least it wasn't anything serious, the other one was supposed to protect his hand after all .

Shouldering the duffle bag, he waited for John to come around his side of the car before they both headed off into the alpine forest deep enough they were hidden from the road in the dark, but close enough to still follow it.

When they stopped their trek this time, it wasn't because of John. Gordon had slumped against a large conifer, exhausted and unable to continue. The lack of sleep, food and the emotional stress was now weighing him down to the point he was about to crash.

John rushed to his lover’s side, helping him slip gently to the floor. He looked at Gordon as he lay against the tree trunk, his dark ringed eyes barely staying open and his breathing laboured. John pulled his star covered coat from his shoulders and flicked it out across his sibling’s fatigued body. 

“We need to stop and let you rest, you can’t keep on like this when you’re exhausted!” John hissed, cupping Gordon’s face and rubbed their noses together. “I’ll keep watch until you’ve rested, ok?”

Kissing Gordon softly, John allowed himself to fall at his brother’s side, pulling more clothes from the bag to cover them as he stared off through the dark forest towards the road in the distance. He tangled his hands with that of his lover’s, squeezing them reassuringly. John had pushed his sibling to exhaustion with the repercussions of his idiotic actions, it wasn’t fair that he was having to single handedly protect them both.

“Just give me an...an hour…” Gordon breathed out heavily. “I'll be alright then.”

“You should rest until you’re ready, Clownfish.” John breathed, “We might have a long walk ahead.”

John’s ears were filled with soft snores from beside him after a short time, Gordon’s head resting against his shoulder. The noises of the forest kept John awake with no difficulty, each set of headlights that traveled from the direction of Rainbow Lake set his heart rate racing, preparing to run with Gordon should he need to, but each car continued onwards on its journey. 

Even if Virgil did spot their car, it would take him some time to reach them there in the forest. Thankfully, Virge didn’t have a hunting dog so it would buy them that little extra precious time to escape.

Gordon couldn't have helped it. He would have loved to have lasted long enough to get to the next town...and if he was a teenager he would have. Sure twenty eight was still young but his body while it looked quite fit was still very damaged. Muscles were screaming in agony, too taut to move around, once the big thrills and adrenaline rushes wore off him he felt drained worse than a sugar high crash…

He began to stir a few hours later when it was still reasonably pitch black, though mainly it was due to John gripping him tight as the big green wallowing behemoth flew over them with searchlights on, scouring the forest floor. Gordon shifted his legs into the shadow of the Conifer tree along with John and waited silently as the light by passed them still hidden safely behind the tree. 

Virgil must have discovered the abandoned car and Gordon’s blood stained shirt, choosing to scour the area on the fly over to the next town to see if he could spot them incase they did a runner on foot.

It was like something out of a dystopian science fiction war film, the slow wide light and the sound of this monstrous airborne UFO hovering overhead, using the thrust of the vertical engines to flush out animals from hiding as it made its way over them and forwards.

Gordon returned the grip on John, both keeping their heads low tucked under his coat increasing their blend into the shadows as one of the jets blasted them as it went overhead.

Thank the god who smiles her favour onto desperate men, the lady you don't dare whisper her name as to utter it your luck runs dry.

Virgil hadn't seen them, which meant he'd waste time in the next town ahead of them. 

“He'll fly back eventually.” Gordon whispered. 

“Why?” 

“Because the trail ends where I last used my credit card at that clothing and junk store. Unless I use it again he's got nothing to go on.”

“But you have to right?”

“Not unless we blow seven hundred dollars in one go.” Gordon looked at John tiredly. “We'll have to at the airport and our chip cards would leave a trail but we'd be deep within another country by the time that evidence shows up...airport companies are still incredibly slow in processing money.”

“Will he fly back there tonight?”

“I don't think so, John. We may be ok to stay here until morning. Keeping him ahead of us works in our favour for now. Virgil doesn't bother describing things to people unlike Scott so we maybe ok.” Gordon kissed John's forehead. “I think we're sleeping here as of now till daybreak. Hope that's not a problem?”

John snorted softly, “I don’t think we have a huge amount of choice.”

They settled back against the wide conifer trunk and Gordon almost instantly slipped away into a welcome sleep. 

John was still wide awake, the intimidating sight of Thunderbird Two towering over the treetops not fading from his mind. Guilt washed over him when he thought of his remaining brothers, the worry they must be feeling from snippets of information they had grasped. Perhaps if he let them know that he and Gordon were safe, the remaining three siblings would halt their chase? 

Quietly unzipping the bag beside him, John fished around until he grasped the small holophone device. He flicked it open and noted the numerous messages from his brothers. He regarded one in particular that had been the most recently delivered. One from Virgil.

_‘Guys, please... Stop running! We just want to know you’re alright. Alan’s losing his mind with worry, we ALL are! I’m doing a sweep of the area tonight before I’m being MADE to go and get Scott. Look, I spoke to the doctor… She told me what’s wrong and then said that you guys told her you were MARRIED? WTF?! What the hell is going on?!_

_John, please… if you’re reading this, just let us know you’re ok for God’s sake… If you don’t make contact before I fly out in the morning, I’ll have no choice but to tell Scott what I’ve heard. I really don’t want to do that…_

_It’s for your own good, though it might not seem like it right now. I know you’re probably scared… Hell we all are!! But we can help you if you let us. We love you both, please be safe.’_

John closed the message, slumping back against the thick tree trunk. Was Virgil being genuine or was this a new tactic aimed at guilt tripping them into surrender?

He sat for a moment before returning the device into the bag and zipping it up. 

Maybe the best thing would be to turn himself back in, he was running Gordon into the ground with worry and the sheer responsibility of caring for him. 

NO. 

They were in this together, their relationship meant far too much for him to even consider betraying his lover like that. They would have to think faster, be further ahead than their siblings, especially Virgil.

John slowly gave in to the lure of sleep as he thought of their next move.

 


	9. Playing with Fire

Gordon was awoken by a loud rustling from behind the tree. He startled and groggily rubbed his eyes before turning to his lover. The space beside him was now empty. 

Scrambling to his feet, Gordon glanced around the forest in search of John. There was no sign of him anywhere. Gordon dug his hand into the bag and retrieved the holophone to see if John had left him a message on there. 

Nothing.

Nothing except an opened message from last night. Scanning his eyes quickly across the woods in horror, Gordon dropped the phone to the floor as he took off running through the forest back towards the road, frantically searching for any sign of John. 

Upon nearing the edge of the forest, Gordon skidded through the crumbling soil to a halt, keeping out of sight as he peered around the nearest tree towards their abandoned car in the distance.

Two figures stood next to the vehicle, their postures strong and instantly recognisable as his eldest brothers, Scott and Virgil. His heart dropped as he watched them pace around the car, Virgil defensively throwing his arms up as Scott marched towards him in a rage. Gordon could not make out the shouted words over the sound of passing cars but could hear the aggressive tone of his eldest sibling’s voice. 

He observed Scott heaving his hands into Virgil’s chest, pushing him hard into the side of the vehicle. Gordon felt a flash of remorse for Virgil and his temper flared as he watched Scott deliver a furious right hook into his sibling’s face causing his head to snap back and collide hard with the side of the car. Virgil disappeared from view as he collapsed behind the car.

Gordon heard the hurried fall of muffled footsteps deeper in the forest behind him. Whipping his head around, he saw that it was John running full speed away from the direction of their brothers. 

Sprinting after his lover, Gordon finally caught up with the younger man as they neared the tree where they had slept. 

“Where the HELL have you been?” Gordon hissed, grabbing John’s shoulders and shaking them slightly before pulling him into a vice-like embrace. 

“The map,” John squeaked, his eyes wide as Gordon released his grip, “I went to look for the map this morning and realised I’d left it in the car… I only went to get… And then… They didn’t see me though, I heard Thunderbird Two in the distance and took off before… Holy shit did you see what Scott did?”

“Yeah I did. And that could have been you. Now you understand why I said you ever have to go back to dad, you leave me to distract them.” Gordon pulled John into a tight and very terrified embrace. “They will be having a fist fight up there for a while, Virgil won't take Scott’s abuse just like that. Dad would at least protect you, I know he would. He's given me more chances than I've ever deserved, he'd be more lenient on you for a first offence.”

He kissed John reassuringly before picking up the duffle bag and giving John his medicine. “Don't forget these, love. I know it's going to take time to get used to them. If you want I can keep track for you till you work out the times yourself. We'll have to buy you a watch or something where we can set an alarm for each dose.”

John swallowed the pills and grimaced, not taking a sip of water with it. “That would be helpful, I don’t even know what day it is anymore, let alone how many hours have passed.”

Slipping the bottle of pills into his coat pocket, John pulled Gordon in for another tight hug. “I’m sorry if I scared you, I just wanted to help. We need that map for now.”

Gordon’s fingers laced themselves through John's blonde hair as he held him before he had to let go. “It's ok. Come on, we need to start walking otherwise we'll starve out here.”

John watched as Gordon wandered off in the direction parallel to the road. “Woah, wait!” He called after his lover, shuffling the crumpled map out of his pocket, “I was thinking of heading directly south of here, look,” he pointed to the map, “There’s a tiny town on a crossroads that’s a much more reasonable distance, there’s not much there but at least there will be food!”

Gordon smiled. “That sounds like a plan. You ok to hike? I fear me carrying you this time is out of the question.” He indicated the shirt sleeve that was now crusty with dried blood. “I'm afraid to look to be honest but it's not numb or in pain.”

“I’m fine to walk, for as long as I can at least... Are you sure you don’t want me to take a look at that?” He asked, gesturing to Gordon’s arm.

Gordon shook his head. “If I get to a sink I can fix it. It's probably still got glass in it which might not be a smart idea for you to pull out….sorry John.” He sighed. “Looking after you means making sure you don't do certain things that put you at added risk.”

He shouldered the bag and nodded. “After you, navigator.”

John trudged through the thick forest until they were able to get their bearings from a small track about an hours walk from their camp. Checking the map again he clambered over a gate that led them alongside a fast flowing stream. 

“This track should lead to the crossroads, looks like another five kilometres or so, shouldn’t take too much longer,” John turned around to help Gordon over the gate, “How are you doing?”

“We're fine. Regretting not eating for the last few days but we'll live.” Gordon then had a devious grin. “Besides, I get a good view of that arse of yours in those tight jeans the longer you walk in front of me.”

“Cheeky,” John shot him a wink as he playfully grabbed his own backside with one of his hands, “Admittedly, they’re not my usual style but they are comfy.”

Gordon shook his head and laughed. “They better be, you're going to be wearing alot of denim since it's a hardier material than the other stuff you wear. Besides, I like perving on your arse.”

“You got a fair bit of perving time in already, when’s my turn?” John snickered, grabbing Gordon’s arse as he walked by. 

“I'm nothing in compared to you, John. You've got that very perky perfect backside anyone would want.”

John frowned at Gordon for a moment before grabbing his backside in both hands and tugging him close for a kiss, squeezing the toned muscles under his long fingers.

“Lucky it’s all yours then,” John purred quietly, “However I’d have to disagree, yours is so beautifully toned and sounds great whenever I spank it.”

“You just ASKING for me to pin you to this gate and fuck your brains out aren't you?” Gordon growled hungrily. 

“I’m impressed you haven’t done that already,” he smirked as he kissed Gordon softly, “Shame you lost those things.”

“It wouldn't stop me if you wanted it.” 

To emphasize his point, Gordon pushed John roughly against the rocky gate post and started to kiss him strongly and passionately, his hands teasingly rubbing the outside of John's tight jeans until he could feel a bulge that was more than solid enough to indicate arousal. He broke away and kissed John's cheek before helping him onto steady footing. 

“Keep teasing me and next time I won't stop, no matter how much you tell me we can't.”

“You started it,” John smirked, “You know I want nothing more than for you to do that, but it’s your health!”

He watched as Gordon walked away, feeling terrible for teasing him again. John shook his head in an attempt to clear his mind before he jogged after his lover.

“Gordon I’m sorry!” He piped as he caught up with his sibling, resting a hand on his shoulder, “It was just a bit of fun, I’m sorry… I didn’t think.”

Gordon gave him a confused look. “What on earth are you worried about? I thought we were just playing?” He ruffled John's blonde hair. “Don't assume the worst in me all of a sudden. You've always been the boss of me and that's never going to change.”

He sighed. “Maybe I shouldn't tease either if it makes you feel uncomfortable, John. Would that be better?” Gordon gave him a smile and walked onwards along the trail, leaving John to follow into step behind.

Eventually they stopped again, this time Gordon pointing ahead. “Is that the town? Looks just like an eatery and a service station.”

“I did say it was small,” John offered as he caught up with Gordon, “It’ll do just fine! Hell, I’ll bet you’re starving.”

Gordon nodded. “If I can't have you, I may as well have a huge stack of waffles I can shape into you eh?” He chuckled.

Snorting and casting his brother a suspicious grin, John began to lead them across the road to the small building. They were starving and in dire need of a break from the relentless walking. 

Entering the small diner, Gordon was quick to cover his injured arm from view as they slipped into a booth, the young waiter offering them menus. The diner was dimly lit and extremely quiet, three other people were dotted around the establishment drinking coffees.

John glanced up from his menu to survey the large timber trucks and arctics that waited in the parking area. This was obviously a truck stop but it gave him an idea.

“Hey Clownfish,” he nudged Gordon’s attention away from the list of food, “We could hitch a lift on one of these trucks, then we could be anywhere away from here within a matter of hours!”

Gordon had already been thinking about it. “I reckon I could win us one in an arm wrestle.” He smirked, then pointed at a big bloke in the far corner who was having a big hearty steak put in front of him. “I have an idea...but after we eat.”

“Please don’t break your damn arm,” John shook his head looking back to his menu, “What are you going for?” 

“The bacon and eggs sounds ok. That and a REALLY black coffee.”

“I was thinking the sausages, eggs and mushrooms.”

Gordon raised his brow. “Sure your stomach can handle that?”

After ordering their food and several pots of tea and coffee, they sat and gratefully gulped down the hot drinks as they arrived. John quickly popped another of the pills from its container before gulping it back with some tea.

“This is heaven,” he sighed, as the hot liquid trickled down and began to warm his body from the inside, “I’ll be back in just a tick.”

Rising from his seat, John shuffled from the booth and made his way to the restrooms. Upon entering, he noticed a vending machine next the door selling all manor of assorted condoms. 

John smiled to himself before buying as many of the packets as he could with his spare change and stuffing them into his deep coat pockets. He then relieved himself and washed his hands before splashing some of the cool water onto his tired face, wiping it with a paper towel.

Looking at his reflection in the large mirror above the basin, John was a little shocked at what he saw. His porcelain skin was ashen and sickly grey, his eyes surrounded by dark circles and his usually shining hair was now dulled. Lifting his shirt a little, John was able to see the dark bruises that still littered his body and the inflammation that expanded further still from the puncture wound of the needle. It did not look as raw as it had done a few days ago, but it was still sore.

John sighed a little as his shirt fall back down, fiddling with one of the foil packets in his pocket. How could Gordon still find him remotely attractive whilst his body seemed to be wasting away and covered in hideous marks. 

Returning to the table, John saw Gordon happily wolfing down the food that had been placed in front of him. The younger man slipped back into the booth and began to eat his own food speedily.

Gordon smiled. “Nice to see your appetite back, Johnathan.” He placed his hand over the one John had resting by his plate. “When we finally get you some proper rest you'll feel much better too.”

He lifted John's hand and kissed it. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I'm going to win us a ride.”

Gordon stood up and almost gleefully made his way over to the large bloke he spotted earlier and as he got closer it was clear this man was even bigger and more well built than Virgil - if Virgil wrestled bears, this guy wrestled elephants. Gordon was scrawny in comparison to him but it didn't seem to phase him. 

John watched his older brother worm his way into a conversation with the man and slowly the other patrons were taking notice. 

You couldn't take Gordon anywhere without him making a scene - and boy! What a scene this was! Gordon smiling like a demon and the big fella all cocky and sure of himself, locked in a tough as nails arm wrestle.

That's when John noticed Gordon was using the arm covered in fresh cuts and dried blood. His brother must be trying to mentally phyc him out!

Or was he?

John moved closer to see what going on, only to witness his brother lose much to the enjoyment and expectations of the small audience which now included all the counter staff amongst the few patrons and when the cheers went up Gordon patted the man like they were chums and bought a round of beers, much to everyone’s enjoyment.

As Gordon walked away from the counter after he paid for the food and the beer, John grabbed him and hissed, “You’re supposed to be getting us a ride! Not buying them booze!”

Gordon palmed something into John’s hand. It was a set of keys. 

“Once they've got their beers...we're stealing that green ute out the very front there… and we're going to do it in style.” He whispered, walking back to the booth to grab their stuff,waving goodbye and nonchalantly walking out with John at his heels. Once outside though he growled, “Go for the ute, now!”

John ran for the large pickup, clambering into the passenger seat and grabbing the bag from Gordon as he jumped in behind the steering column. Passing the keys back to his lover, John stared out of the window as people were standing from their tables in the diner, staring at them before chasing out of the door after them both.

“GO NOW!” he hollered as Gordon started the large roaring engine and stomped hard on the accelerator, the giant vehicle wheel spinning due to the engine’s power and torque.

The vehicle barked as they hit the road and sped off down the highway. John was unable to keep the delight and excitement on his face as he stared at his older sibling, who was grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“Go on, you know you want to shout it.” Gordon mused.

“YEE-HAW, Cowboy!” John shrieked, his voice cracking slightly as adrenaline pumped fast around his body, “That was AWESOME! I don’t know how you did it but WOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Gordon started laughing. “You need to spend more time with Parker. Be amazed what stuff I picked up from watching him… oh by the way, in my pocket, I relieved the waitress of her watch. Put it on to keep track of your meds.”

John reached into Gordon’s pant pocket, slipping his hand in a little further than required to brush against the sensitive spot there as he grasped the watch and retrieved it with a wink.

“I had no idea you were such an accomplished pickpocket!” He snorted as he clasped the watch buckle around his wrist, setting the alarms for every three hours during the day. “Thank you, Clownfish.”

“Again, thank Parker.” Gordon grinned, pretending he didn't notice John's tease. He reached for the radio and tampered with the station til something he recognised came on. Tapping the steering wheel along to the guitar riff he started singing along to ‘Space oddity’ and his smile widened when John started to join in. This is what he wanted, something simple to do together - granted they had to steal another car and speed off as fast as they could go - but nevertheless it was still quality time. 

John was peeved at first when Gordon hadn’t responded to his teasing, realising that it probably wasn’t the best time to do so. He relaxed back into the comfortable warmth of the dark leather seats, having two spaces in which to spread out over.

The younger man pulled his feet up onto the seat with him, singing away with his eyes shut as he listened to Gordon’s soft singing voice, it was so beautiful that he could listen to it all day.

Gordon gave one of John's legs a nudge while still concentrating on driving. “You give up too easy you know?” 

With his free hand he slipped it under his loose jeans and freed himself for John to see. 

“Is that better?”

John crawled along both passenger seats and knelt beside his lover. He slowly snaked his fingers around Gordon’s half-hard length, releasing hot breaths into his lover’s ear and using his free hand to tangle into thick copper hair.

“You changed your tune from earlier,” he whispered, pulling softly on Gordon’s sensitive skin.

“Had to get the car into a safer speed.” Gordon purred. “Nice and slow though...still need to concentrate. Just saw Thunderbird one land back where we just sped away from. This might need to be a non stop journey except for fuel until we reach a city.” Gordon rubbed one of his eyes with his free hand before changing gears and letting out a deep pur. “I hope I can stay awake that long.”

“Maybe this will help you stay awake?” 

John nibbled his lover’s ear softly, gripping tighter on his member as he slicked his hand up and down the sensitive skin. He pulled himself closer to Gordon, mindful not to block any view of the road from his position. Bending down slightly, he kissed his lover gently on the cheek and moving down to his neck.

Having sunk fully down on his knees, his stomach almost against the seat, John reached his head forward under Gordon’s arm and tentatively licked slowly across the head of his lover’s length. 

“John..Thought yoududntwant” Gordon growled incoherently. “Not too m-muc-!” 

He slammed his foot on the brake as he involuntary swerved the car a little and regained control. “Shit! Ahhh! Fuck John! Ease it please, otherwise I have to pull over!”

A shiver went through him and he was forced to break and swerve as his concentration was compromised, thankfully not enough to drive them into the oncoming logging truck. The ute rolled off the side of the road and Gordon slammed it to a halt. “Ahhh shit! Uhhhh! Ahhh! John!”

Gordon lost control of himself, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles were white as he released.

His head flopped forward onto the wheel, panting desperately to calm down.

“Fuck, John I could of killed us then!?” He snarled. “Shit I'm sorry!”

Coughing slightly on Gordon’s release, John slid along the seats towards the door, recoiling at his lover’s angry tone. 

“It’s fine! I trust you! It was supposed to be a little fun, a pick me up,” John smiled wiping his mouth on his sleeve, “Don’t know about you… But I’m on one hell of a rush now.”

Gordon didn't move, his head still slumped on the wheel. “That scared the utter crap out of me John….” He mumbled. “If I hit that truck… not sure we’d be alive right now.” His hands now gripped his hair. He had been running mostly on fear, defiance, panic and now borderline sheer terror for far too long. The psychotic adrenaline rushes that his lover took great delight in were fine, but they were greatly outnumbered by other stuff that had been weighing him down.

When he finally sat back he had to wipe tears from his eyes. For the first time since they made break for freedom, Gordon was starting to crack. “I just need a few seconds...I'll be good to go in a tick. Need my head in the right space.”

John pulled his legs up to his chest, sinking down against the door. “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean- I just didn’t think… I just wanted you to…”

The younger man paused, studying the face of his lover intently. “Gordon? What’s wrong?” John leant forward, reaching out his arm to his sibling, “You're not okay, are you?”

Gordon’s arms wrapped around John tight until he was able to stop shaking, burying his head into his shoulder. He didn't want to let go.

John was surrounded by his older sibling, his strong hold around him. He was the cause of this, John thought as he looked up at his lover’s tightly shut eyes, tears streaking down his skin.

“I’m sorry Gordon, I didn’t mean to cause all thi-”

“It's not that…” Gordon whispered “It's finally hit me that I'm going to lose you, it's only a matter of when...and I'm not ready for it one bit.”

John froze. 

His own mortality had been forced to the back of his mind as an afterthought ever since the moment he’d received the diagnosis of his condition. 

Pushing his sweaty palms against Gordon’s strong chest, John tried to escape the claustrophobic feeling in his head. His brother held him steady, his grip tighter still. Neither of them dared to speak and break the silence.

John’s mind was suddenly assaulted by all of his thoughts that he had tried to quell, to ignore. His brain raced through each and every one in terrifying detail. How easy it would be to infect his lover. How simple it would be for a small infection to completely overcome his weak immune system. The fear Gordon had of losing him, and his fear in turn of abandoning the one person who made life worth living.

John felt the rushing dread forming in the pit of his stomach, forcing acidic bile into his sore throat, causing a spasm in his breathing. 

“The hardest part of all this… This shit...” he choked out, his throat swelling, “Is the fear of leaving you.”

John’s voice hitched as he tried to speak again, “It’s not a death sentence… Right? We can… We can still fight it? Can’t we? You and I together.”

Gordon remained silent as John’s panic was threatening, like raging flood waters eroding a weak riverbank. He took a moment to try and compose himself, with no luck. 

“I don’t want you to have to watch me deteriorate… To see me die… It’s not fair on you,” John sobbed quietly, tears landing on Gordon’s chest. “I want you to have the happy memories of us, not ones of fear and being hunted by our family… But… I don’t want to live without you. You are my everything, my existence! The last nine years have been the best of my life. I don’t want that to end.”

“Fuck…” John breathed, causing a slight flinch from Gordon who was not accustomed to his younger sibling swearing so openly, “I don’t want to die, Clownfish.”

“I’m….I'm sorry John. It's just then I….” Gordon let his brother go and let him crawl away against the door on the otherside if the utes cabin. “Look, I almost killed both of us. HIV isn't a death sentence, if we aren't stupid and look after you properly you can live a pretty healthy and long life just like everyone else. So don't get any ideas about dying on me today from anything but the truck that almost hit us.”

He killed the car's engine and took a deep and thoughtful breath. “Nobody is going to die ok? And once we're out of this shit hole of fucking endless trees I don't recognize I promise we'll get back to our big-arsed extended holiday. This place feels very….enclosed, even though it's in the open. More at home underwater and in the middle of the fucking desert you know that!”

Gordon then turned to John and smirked.

“It also seems to me you don't want to believe this bullshit of a death sentence either and why should you? It's not and you tried very hard just now to prove it, even if it was a bit more than I bargained for. You're not going to waste away, not on my watch. Right now you've been very sick, had little rest and I've been pushing you more than I ever have. It's going to show John, can't hide that. Same as that few hours of sleeping in the woods has left me worse for wear as I need more than that and a damn bloody coffee so strong my brain can see next week Thursday. No one is broken, we're just high strung and need a FUCKING HOLIDAY where we just relax.”

He then grinned. “As for sex, it's still your call. And I still will hold you to what I said earlier today. I don't give a fucking rats arse your HIV positive, if we're going to do it, I'm going to do it properly - with my damn naked dick buried deep inside you making you a bad boy and call me an arsehole for fucking you too damn hard.” 

His expression softened. “You're all I've got John. Don't wish it away on me.”

“I’m not,” John sighed looking up at Gordon, “I’m trying my damned hardest to keep up. Thank you for not treating me like a damn china vase.”

He pushed himself forward onto his knees again, “So, you mean to tell me I wasted all my change on these?” 

John smirked as he emptied his pockets of silver foil packets.

“Yeah, you did.” Gordon laughed.

“At least it’s less risky from your point of view, but you have to appreciate I was trying to protect you from this as much as you are trying to keep me from getting sick.” 

John leant forward and wrapped his arms around his lover, pulling him tight against his chest.

“You and me, Clownfish.” He mumbled into Gordon’s hair, “Whatever it takes to get away. Oh… Sorry for driving you to take the ute off the road.”

“It's alright...I just got a shock then. It's been a while since I drove anything and on the other side of the damn road! My brain hasn't quite caught up yet with what it needs to do.” Gordon gave John a squeeze. “Come on, find us somewhere we can get to out of this backwater where I can dump this ute and get a good night's sleep without paranoia. Struggling to think straight, both of us. We need our wits about us if we're going to need to go through a proper airport where they'll be able to track us again.”

“Hey..when we find somewhere to rest…. Do you…? Fuck it… want me to right now?” I'm kinda dying to take you here in the damn stolen ute!”

John speedily hopped to straddle his lover, mindful of the steering wheel, sitting himself on Gordon’s lap. 

“Wet your appetite, did I?” He purred softly into the redheads ear, nipping at the soft lobe before bringing his hands up to grab his shoulders.

“John, I've been wanting to since that crazy old woman kept interrupting us on the damn train! It's not like I've just suddenly decided on it now!” He kissed John rather roughly and desperately, unable to control his desires for his lover. He gently indicated to him to shift back onto the seat so he could unbuckle himself from his own and straddle ontop of John, kissing him with fierce passion and a burning need to be one with his brother, his lover, his soulmate.

John lifted his hips slightly to force their clothes restricted members against one another, biting down on Gordon’s lip eliciting a growl.

“I’ve wanted you to take me like you said at the gate back there,” John panted, running his hands through his lover’s hair, pulling his face closer as the kissed passionately.

“Is that so?” Gordon purred seductively. “Then will you allow me the honours without regrets?”

Slowly Gordon tugged at John's tight jeans, indicating he was ready to pull John's legs upwards, strip the denim off far enough so he could enter. He needed the permission however, he wasn't going to just take. That’s never how it works, nor should it be allowed.

“Always, so long as you’ll forgive me. Please, Gordon,” John begged, trying to pull his lover closer in an attempt to join their bodies.

“You don't need forgiveness.” Gordon growled as he kissed John again with the utter most hunger. “You need my Dick in your Arse.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” John hissed, pushing his hips up to meet Gordon’s. “What are you waiting for?”

Gordon made fast work of opening John's fly and yanking hard at the jeans and his underwear till he had enough room to slide in. Sure the position was awkward but he had sex with John in more strange and tight spaces before. He couldn't lean over or see John's expression from behind the denim infront of him but he didn't need to. The begging and the noise was enough for him to know he was pushing him hard, his shoulders pressed up against the passenger door giving him the intimacy he needed.

Gordon let out a low animalistic growl as he thrusted as hard and as deep as he could go. “Fuck, Jonathan.. Uhhh...I've missed how you feel, missed how warm...how uhhh...inviting you are….your just perfect...soft and know how to take me...uhhhhh…”

He reached under the denim screen infront of him and fumbled for John's own slender member, the long length a stark contrast to his own. One day John was going to have to wield it properly and put it to the test - one where it was deeply inside Gordon as far as it could go...even it it was only from behind with John tugging on a leash to keep him in all fours. Gordon could imagine that for hours….having John roughly and playfully dominate him.

“Uhhhhh ahhhh! John….fuck….uhhhh!”

“Ahh! Gordon… I’ve missed how incredibly… Uhhh shit! How complete you make me feel… UHHH! Don’t hold back,” John purred, panting as Gordon buried himself deep within him. 

Gordon grabbed John roughly and pulled out, only to get his lover to turn around so he was on his knees and his arms pressed up against the door before proceeding again to roughly thrust into him. From this new position he could now kiss, nip and bite the back of John's neck, areas of exposed skin on his shoulders and more importantly, properly masterbate his lover in time with his own hips.

“Uhhhh! Ugh!” John cried out in pleasure as his lover was able to thrust deeper within him causing his vision to blur as he skillfully matched his harsh thrusts in time with the movements upon his length. 

John’s face was pressed hard up against the glass of the window, his hands scrabbling to brace himself as his lover drove into him repeatedly. His breaths fogged onto the glass and he was unable to prevent himself salivating at the unusually desperate pace of his lover. 

“Sh- Shit!” The younger man gasped, feeling the prickling sensation of pleasure pooling in his groin.

There was no way he’d be able to walk anywhere resembling a normal pace after this, and it felt great. The delicious mixture of dull pain and shooting pleasure deep in his body was almost unbearable. 

Using the remaining sliver of strength he had, John pushed the door with all his might to force himself back against his lover’s hips, pushing deeper than he’d usually manage to accommodate Gordon’s thick member. Blurred shapeless blots exploded in his vision as the sensation shoved him roughly to his shuddering release.

“AHHHH! Gordon!”

Gordon knew John was spent and withdrew, pulling off his own shirt to clean himself up and help him continue to pleasure himself really roughly, snarling and bearing his teeth until he let it all go into the shirt. He needed the intense release but didn't want to hurt his lover with the intense violence he required.

John hauled himself up to lean back against the door, watching his lover growl and shudder as he came down from his hard release. He shuffled his jeans back into place, reaching his hand out to pull Gordon close for another deep kiss, this time slower and more tender.

“You’re out of this world,” he panted as they separated their lips.

“Careful, still tender…” Gordon growled, his voice like someone skidding a car through gravel. As John sat back he could see Gordon's right arm, fresh blood dribbling across skin.

“Forgot to tend to it at the diner.” He hissed. “There must be glass in the wounds….but I can't touch it till I wash my hands. There's some wet wipes in the bag, grabbed them encase you threw up and needed to wipe your clothes….” His head lulled back as he bit down on his lip to mask the pain.

John went to reach into the footwell for the bag, wincing slightly at the aching in his body. Retrieving the wet wipes, he plucked a few sheets from the packet and gently wiped Gordon’s hands and wrists.

“Shit, Gordon,” he breathed, pointing at the largest wound, “I can see the glass under your skin just there.”

He gingerly placed a hand upon his lover’s shoulder, carefully cradling Gordon’s injured arm in the other.

“Yeah...you might need to take it out….and maybe drive a while….” Gordon flinched.

“I’ll do my best, love.”

Grabbing another few wet wipes, John proceeded to clean his hands and lightly wipe the area around the dribbling wound. He barely pressed the slight bump under his sibling’s skin but Gordon hissed loudly, jolting his arm away.

“I’m really sorry about this,” John offered quietly, settling his lover’s arm in front of him and keeping it in place by clamping it under his armpit.

John was thankful that the glass was laminated and therefore had not shattered into dangerously razor sharp shards. The small cube-like piece was still sharp, but not enough to cause any major damage. 

Gritting his teeth, John worked his thumbs either side of the wound, meticulously easing the offending glass out with great care, mindful of each pained howl and juddering movement from beside him.

Finally freeing the little glass piece from his lover’s arm, John delicately wiped down the tattoo covered skin, scrubbing away the dried blood.

“Thank you.” Gordon smiled weakly. “I don't regret just now, though I'm not really in a state to drive. Want to have your first ever lesson in a stolen car?”

Gordon shifted around to let John sit in the driver's seat. “Now the ute is an automatic, so once it's in drive you won't need to touch the gear stick. Few people on the road so you don't need to drive fast, just whatever you're ok with. You're left handed so driving on the right hand side should be easier for you…flick the indicator to signal to other drivers...you’re going back onto the road...” he leaned back his head against the seat as his voice trailed off. He'd seen enough deaths in his short career with WASP and with International Rescue that that death scare was enough to trigger bad flashes of repressed memories behind his eyes. 

He didn't want to say that's why he couldn't drive… though he figured John would understand. As good as sex feels, it doesn't block out the smell and the fear of death. If John could drive at least for an hour, maybe two, he'd be ok to take over again.

John scanned his eyes over the tattered map one more, memorising names and landmarks. Twisting the key in the ignition, the ute fired up, spluttering into life. 

John carefully selected drive with the gear stick and pressed his foot cautiously on the accelerator, causing the vehicle’s engine to increase its growl and the front of the huge truck to rise up like a horse rearing on its hind legs.

“Get some sleep if you can,” John offered quietly, confused as to why the vehicle was not moving. “Damn what’s wrong with this thing?”

“Handbrake…” Gordon murmured as the car lurched.

Reaching down beside him, John depressed the handbrake. The whole vehicle launched forward, wheels spinning through the soft verge of the highway. Tyres screeched as they pawed for grip on the tarmac, the ute swerving sharply towards the opposite lane before John quickly pulled the steering wheel back to correct it.

“Sorry… Got it,” John squeaked, fingers curled tightly around the large steering wheel as he eased off the throttle. 

It took a few bunny-hops of acceleration before the younger man was able to filter the pressure from his foot to translate the action into a smooth motion. Unable to look at Gordon for fear of driving them both off the road, John settled for straining his ears to listen for his breaths over the noise of the engine. He was saddened to hear the quickened pace of laboured gasps.

“Are you alright? Did I scare you?”

“Gotta get Scotty, kids… trapped on fourth floor...school group...aftershocks...Johnny Need mole…..nee… Scott! They're try….trying to jump!”

“Gordon! Hey!” John tried without success to reach his brother with his hand.

Feeling helpless as they sped down the road, John listened in horror to his sibling’s panic, unable to help.

He pressed the brake down, harder than necessary, causing the wheels to lock and tyres to screech. Finally he coaxed the vehicle onto a slip road. Rolling to a stop John pulled the handbrake up and returned the gear stick to park. 

Unbuckling his seatbelt, John leant over to press his forehead against Gordon’s as he whispered sweet and soothing words in an attempt to calm his lover.

“T-That was….that was the teacher….Scott we have to get the….up there…..t-those kids…..”

“Come now, Clownfish… You’re safe… Shhh, it’s going to be alright, ok?” John brought his hands to his lover’s shaking face, trying to pull him back from his cruel mind.

It occurred to him that this might startle Gordon, but it was a risk he readily took to try and douse the fire of panic that was ripping through his brother’s thoughts.

“Hold...hold on...almost….almost reached…..AHHH!” Gordon let out a terrified outburst, gripping onto whatever was nearby out of terror as the memory threw him and the small crew he was leading on the rescue all fall three stories as the floor gave way.

Unfortunately this meant digging his fingers into John and the yelp elicited only fueled the nightmare.

The memory had been repressed for sometime, hard to relive it when you were so badly hurt you blanked the entire rescue out. Scott told John later on that they both took teams of rescue men and women in to get the children only to have the floor give way under Gordon's team on the way out - all falling through to the bottom floor. Luckily, no one had died but the injury list was long with several children and rescuers left critical.

Gordon had been one of them. When they found him under the rubble he had his arms protectively around a small child, his body hitting the ground first and rolling to shield the girl from the rest of the cave in. She was fine but calling out, shaking her rescuer to wake up in Japanese.

In a way Scott said it was good Gordon remembered nothing from it.

At least...until now.

Post Traumatic Stress was a huge issue within International Rescue, many a night Scott, Virgil and Alan could be heard reliving horrors of things gone wrong. Some of those trapped nightmares John used to sooth were the result of unspoken traumas, Gordon usually one never to be as vocal when they struck. 

They all needed serious counseling. Every single one of them.

John fought back tears as he watched his lover trapped within the horrific memory of the rescue and felt pain shoot through his wrists as Gordon gripped them tightly, his nails buried in the sensitive flesh.

He could remember the panic he had felt during the radio silence following the floor collapse. He recalled the worry and concern he had experienced as he sat at Gordon’s bedside, tubes and wires littering his battered body. John was shocked at the vocal display of fear and trauma playing out before him. It was unlike his closest sibling to vent his pain in such a way. 

It was terrifying.

“Ahh! Gordon!” John yelped, trying to free his wrists, “You’re alright! The little girl survived, Gordon… You saved her! AH! It’s all ok, just breathe deep for me. Listen to my voice. Deep breaths for me…”

Hands started to loosen, Gordon’s grip was subsiding to the sound of John's voice repeating and calmly talking him around. He stayed fairly tense but at least now it was a restless sleep, something that John could at least manage by tapping him occasionally if he stirred with another horrific dream. Gordon was not going to remember anything when he awoke later.

John slouched back into the driver's seat and took a moment to compose himself as he rubbed his wrists. He started the engine up, nerves causing him to shake slightly as he eased the car back into the road. He had to keep going, Gordon desperately needed the rest and they couldn’t afford to stop.


	10. Mortality

Checking his watch briefly as dusk settled, John yawned and flexed his shoulders, trying to shake the fatigue that was weighing his body down. He had been driving for hours, slowly gaining confidence as he went, thankful the roads were wide and straight. He finally spotted the fuel station in the distance that he had seen signposted for the last half hour or so. 

Gordon was still submerged in restless sleep, nightmares plaguing him and causing him to shout out occasionally. Each time, John’s heart fell as he was powerless to help, only able to shake his sibling lightly on the shoulder to rouse him long enough to escape the horrid creations in his mind before slipping back to sleep.

Slowing the vehicle to steer it into the fuel station, John brought it to a stop beside the fuel pump, cutting the engine and slumping into the seat with a heavy sigh.

Pulling his medication from his pocket, he swallowed another pill and grimaced at the powdery texture. Sliding out of the cab, he made his way around to the fuel pump, realising he had no clue what fuel to put in. 

He reservedly made his way around to the passenger door, quietly easing it open so as not to startle his lover. John slowly shook Gordon’s shoulders.

“Hey, I’m sorry to wake you,” he spoke softly, “we need fuel, which one does this take?”

Gordon groaned. He felt like someone had stuck all his limbs in buckets of cement. “W-what time is it?” He frowned, taking a little while to work out his surroundings.

John repeated his question, rolling his eyes and pointing out it was almost sunset.

“Shit! You let me sleep all day? Ergh…. Look, I'll fill the car and take over. Need anything while I'm inside? Smokes? A coffee? Maybe some potato chips?”

“You needed the rest, you still do,” John offered, pushing Gordon lightly back into the cab of the ute, “Please just tell me the fuel type, otherwise I’ll be forced to guess and risk killing the damned thing. I’ll grab us some food and bits when I go to pay.”

John shuffled his hand into Gordon’s pocket to collect his wallet, resting a hand on his shoulder. “I can do this, just get some more rest, ok? We’re not far from the next town now, should be there before midnight.”

“I don't know...it's all gas in these new ones isn't it?” Gordon moved John's hand to look. “I usually put in cheap unleaded, there's usually no difference other than price. Look, I can fill the car and you can still drive. But I'm more than happy to take over if you need it. You've already driven for…. Fuck that long?” he was looking at the clock on the dashboard. “Uh...no John, I'm definitely taking over.”

His hand shot out. “Keys.”

Standing back slightly, John fumbled the keys in his hand, “You need to rest,” he offered weakly, “You gave me a hell of a scare back there. Please?”

Noting the look on Gordon’s face, he reluctantly held out the wallet and keys towards his sibling.

“Sorry John. If anything we both need real rest but it's time to rest your eyes a bit.”

He took the items and kissed John as he slid out of the cab still shirtless, helped John back into the passenger seat and went around the car to refuel.

Coming back after paying, he handed John a coffee, packet of flavored tobacco cigarettes, a lighter and a large bag of cheese twisties before climbing in and starting the car along with the radio and driving them out of the servo. 

A smirk crossed his face when a news report mentioned the stolen ute and the description of the perpetrators was so vague if they ditched the ute at any point as of now no one would have known who the heck they were.

“Coffee good?” he asked.

“Great, thanks,” John replied as he sparked the lighter to ignite his cigarette, rolling down the window slightly. “How are you feeling now?”

“Better than I was. Still feel like shit though.” He held his smile and asked, “How was your first ever drive? Sorry it was unsupervised.”

“Pretty uneventful actually, I got the hang of the throttle though,” John exhaled a thick plume of smoke out of the window, smiling proudly at his driving achievement. “But there were hardly any corners, few other drivers and thankfully I didn’t need to stop for fuel until back there. Shouldn’t take long to get to the international airport…We can ditch this truck and try and rent another before we get there? I don’t know how obvious this truck is to the police.”

John sat for a moment, smoking quietly as he watched the sun disappear behind the mountains. He was unsure if he should ask Gordon about his nightmares or the traumatising thoughts that plagued him.

“I’m… Uh…” he began timidly, fiddling with his wrists and cigarette, “I’m sorry that… When we went off the road… I’m sorry you got… I’m sorry for what I did, what it caused… I had no idea how it would affect you.”

“Sorry for what? For letting me have sex with you while I was a mess? Not your problem, ok? I knew something was going on in my head I couldn't stop. That's not your fault… you shouldn't ever see me like that but I couldn't control it.”

Gordon rested a hand on John's lap for a few minutes to reassure him before moving it back to the wheel.

“We're heading towards a city, yeah? If we are arriving in the cover of night we can ditch the car in a car park and walk around for a decent hotel, one with a mattress that's so soft we can't get ourselves out of it. We've earned it… actually add a restaurant downstairs to that wish list, I think we deserve a decent dinner too.”

“That sounds like heaven, I can’t stop thinking about crisp sheets and fluffy pillows,” John smiled, chipping the remains of his cigarette out the window. “You shouldn’t feel bad about earlier, you can always talk to me… About anything… It’s never good to clam up and keep it all to yourself y’know.”

Gordon’s brow knotted. “Ohhhh gee sorry John, that… I can't promise anything about it happening again huh? Might need a real session of therapy sometime.” He let out an uneasy laugh. “They'd have a field day hunting through repressed memories, there's enough there to fill several books a thousand pages thick.”

John sighed lightly, flicking his fingers over the raised marks on his wrist, “Therapy wouldn’t be a bad idea, but still… If you don’t let me in, I can’t help… I just don’t want to do something that will make you worse like that again.”

Sitting in an uneasy silence, John stared out at the road ahead, thoughts swirling in his mind about ways to help his sibling heal. There was no set way in which to move forward, no instant cure. But he would be willing to do whatever it took to ease the pain Gordon felt.

“John if I'm slipping into a panic I can't control or screaming things in the night I don't know how I can talk about them when I don't really remember anything.” Gordon said, breaking the silence. “The cure might be drugs I don't trust myself not to abuse.”

“I understand, really I do…” John offered peacefully, “I just want to help… Do you really not remember anything from earlier?”

“Beyond panicking about driving again? Not really.” Gordon’s expression went soft. “That bad was it?”

“It wasn’t great… I was just so worried about you,” John withheld any upsetting details of Gordon’s panic attack, not wanting to exacerbate his sibling’s upset. “But you’re alright now, right?”

“I guess…” Gordon was still confused on the matter and didn't know what to say.

John embraced the comfortable silence as he let his eyes fall shut. Though he didn’t sleep, it was nice to enjoy the rhythmic rolling of the ute as they rumbled along the highway. Gordon sang along with the radio, causing a wide smile on John’s face. He occasionally joined in but mostly leant against the back of the seat, his hand placed firmly on his lover’s thigh.

As they neared their destination, the roads became increasingly busy with oncoming headlights glaring into the pair’s tired eyes. John had picked his way through the majority of the cheese snacks that Gordon had provided, offering several to his sibling. 

The Edmonton city skyline appeared in the distance as Gordon steered the ute onto the slip road which would take them onto the flyover towards the bright lights.

Pulling into a large car park that was surrounded by several hotels, Gordon coaxed the truck in one of the gigantic parking bays before switching off the engine and sitting back into his seat, rubbing his eyes hard with his palms. 

“We’re spoilt for choice,” John mumbled sleepily as he scooted closer to his sibling, resting his head upon his shoulder. 

Gordon let out a soft snort, pulling John into a gentle embrace and breathing softly into his platinum hair. After a little while, the older sibling released his hold and retrieved a shirt from the bag, pulling it over his head.

“You ready?”

John nodded as he collected the few bits they had and slipping them into the bag before zipping it closed. “How much cash do we have left? Don’t want to risk using the card after how quickly Scott rocked up at that diner.”

“Enough for a night in the hotel of your choice and cheap food.” Gordon smiled.

John regarded the multiple buildings around them before pointing at the one hidden behind a gigantic abstract sculpture, “That one, seems nice and looks like they’ve got a restaurant too.”

They both slid slowly from the ute cab, Gordon pulled the bag onto his shoulder before taking John’s hand as he joined him. They walked steadily towards the hotel, John’s body aching and sore from their earlier shenanigans. 

The hotel lobby was modest in size and decoration, nothing like the flashy up-market chateau back in Lake Louise, not that either of them particularly cared. Thankfully the receptionist informed them that the check in was open twenty four hours, as was the restaurant. After Gordon paid for their room, the pair made their way to the restaurant and sat themselves at a small table by the window that overlooked the illuminated sculpture.

Ordering starters, a large meal each and several soft drinks, the pair sat there finally feeling relief wash over them. 

John quietly slipped a pill out of his pocket and helped it down with a swig of fresh orange juice, the final dose of the day finally taken. He made quick work of the remaining juice before grasping Gordon’s hands in his own from across the table. 

“Thank you, for all of this,” he beamed squeezing his lover hands with excitement, “It’s nice to be able to relax, if only for the night.”

“It’s nothing. Just think, hopefully either tomorrow or the day after I can get us on a flight somewhere...doesn't matter where, just as long as it's away from here.”

There was music in the dining hall and people getting up taking their partner's hands to dance on the small ballroom floor and Gordon stood up to take John over too, wrapping his arms around his lover and just slow dancing, resting his forehead against John's collar.

John let his arms rest around Gordon’s narrow waist, pulling their bodies closer as the music flowed around them. They instantly fell into a soft and swaying rhythm, feeling the melody work its way into their motions. The taller sibling let his head slip lightly on top of Gordon’s, nuzzling his cheek into his lover’s hair.

“I'm yours for all eternity John. No matter what.” Gordon whispered. “Don't you ever doubt it.”

“Never for one second,” John kissed his lover’s forehead, “I love you with everything I have, together always.”

Back upstairs in the little room John flopped on the bed and sunk into the sheets, grinning at the appreciation of missed comforts. He looked up from the fluff of the feather pillows curious as to why Gordon had not joined him.

His sibling was lazily stripping down to his underwear, sitting on the end of the bed to remove his socks. He seemed to be less than watchful, his guard having fallen since they abandoned the ute.

He rolled his shoulders, the muscles in his back too stiff to move and eliciting a groan as something cracked. They really needed more than one or two nights to recharge.

“Bed ok for you?” Gordon asked. “Sorry it's only a single and so small. I'll sit on the floor if need be, as it’ll be a tight squeeze getting us both on it.”

“The bed is divine,” John remarked, snuggling his face into the pillow before sitting back up, scooting himself behind his tired lover and resting his slim legs either side of Gordon’s hips. 

He began ghosting his fingertips over the scars and marks that littered his sibling’s skin, watching as the muscles flexed and twitched beneath it. John leant to gently kiss Gordon’s neck as his hands found a former pressure on his lover’s tight shoulders.

He silently pushed his thumbs firmly against the knotted muscles of his sibling’s back, easing the tightness and relaxing them slowly one by one. John observed as the tension lessened in Gordon’s posture, his shoulders slumping as his breaths deepened. He moved his nimble fingers over the long pale scar that spanned the width of his lover’s strong back, returning to work the muscles that surrounded his spine.

Each time he pushed his thumbs into the solid muscle, John lightly kissed the back of Gordon’s neck as a means to take the edge off the shooting sensation it caused.

“Mmmm...I don't deserve this...you should be laying down for sleep.” Gordon mumbled.

John silenced his lover by gently pulling his face to one side and kissing him softly. “Just let me pamper you for once, please?”

Nuzzling into the crook of Gordon’s neck, John’s hands completed their stress relieving journey to the base of his lover’s spine before he lightly ran the tips of his fingers up the entirety of his back and slipped them into the fuzzy hair at the base of his skull.

Gordon shivered, his breathing kept catching itself like he was struggling to breathe inside a walk in freezer. It wasn't unpleasant but certainly was a sensation he had never quite gotten used to. He melted into John's embrace, reaching his hand up to touch his lover's cheek as his face was nestled in the crook of his neck.

“You can do whatever you desire with me.” He purred. “My body is yours.”

Smirking into Gordon’s neck, John pushed his fingers to massage his scalp. Fingers twirling and threading through the tousled mess of copper hair, he enjoyed the soft moans that slipped from his lover’s lips. 

“Are you sure?” He queried, not wanting to push his lover too far.

“Always for you.” Gordon kissed John's other cheek. “I want to call you name so loud that everyone in the hotel can hear me.”

John kept one hand working through Gordon’s hair and slipping the other around his waist and under the band of his lover’s boxers, sliding his fingers around to grip his length and tugging at it gently to match the movements in his hair. 

He slowly worked his fist until his lover was fully hard before helping him ease the boxer shorts away. John stood and pulled his own clothes off before turning back towards his lover who sat eagerly at the end of the small bed.

John took Gordon’s hand and pulled him to stand in front of him, kissing him softly as he worked his hands onto the taut muscles of his lover’s chest.

Placing a hand on Gordon’s hip, John slowly guided him to turn and face the bed, gently nudging him forward to his knees.

Gordon complied, lying half on, half off, his face buried in the sheets, his legs wide ready to take whatever John was going to do.

“Please….make me yours Jonathan. Claim my soul.”

Stepping forward, John dug his thumbs into the muscles at the base of Gordon’s back, letting his own length press against his lover’s backside. Gingerly he reached a hand around to continue to stroke his lover and used the other to guide himself into position.

“Uhhhh!” Gordon growled , fingers knotting in the sheets as his lover entered all the way. “John you’re so long!” He grunted and arched, his feet shifting to accommodate John's length inside him, parting his legs further. His narrow hips were not really shaped for this sort of entry but there was no way he'd ask John to stop.

Panting, he cried out, “John! uhhh ohhh John!” Before biting down on the sheets. His lover hadn't moved within him yet and already Gordon wanted to let it all go with how full John made him feel. He was too overly sensitive since he rarely was in this position to receive his lover's gifts and the light teasing had got him far too excited.

John hissed out a long breath as he sunk himself fully into his lover, he’d almost forgotten the maddening fire that the tightness of his lover ignited within him. He cautiously retracted his hips before pressing forwards again with a little more force and confidence. 

A lustful growl drawled from his lips as he set up a slow rhythm, one hand firmly gripping Gordon’s slender hip. 

“Fuck! Uhhh… Gordon!” He snarled through gritted teeth trying with all his might to control himself as he gripped his lover’s member a little harder, his hand slicked with the precursor of Gordon’s imminent orgasm.

“Ahh! Shit… You’re so… Uhh! So tight.”

“Johnnny….John...Johnathan...J-JOHN!” Gordon begged and pleaded loudly, shouting his need for his lover. “Johnny...John….uhhh ahhh! Fuck me harder Jonathan...uhhh!”

John’s pace faltered at the sound of his lover calling his name, he let go of Gordon’s member to claw at his shoulder. Using the extra pull he thrusted harder, burying himself deeper and with more force. John bit down on his lip as he tried to prolong the inevitable long enough for Gordon to reach his release.

“Gordon! Uhhhh! N-not gonna last much - AHH! - longer!”

“John! Ahhhhh uhhhh! John!” Gordon was flustered and his muscles tightened as his legs slipped from under him as his body gave out to his lover, his own heat dripping all onto the floor.

John reached his own release, shouting loudly as he tried to hold himself up to stop his body crashing into Gordon’s. 

His knees buckled as his arms slipped off the bed, causing his body to slump to the floor, gasping for air as he recovered from his intense orgasm. 

“Shit… Are you ok?” John panted as his head was swimming from pleasure and exhaustion.

“John….Johnny….J-John….” Gordon panted, calling his name in a mantra. He reached out to pull his lover close and help lift him off the floor and onto the bed to cuddle into him, pulling John on top of him so they would both fit.

He nuzzled and caressed John, running his fingers through his feathery blonde hair. 

“You are incredible,” John purred as his eyes fluttered shut, hands snaking around Gordon, pulling him closer. “I love you so damn much.”

The feeling of his lover’s fingers through his hair calmed John’s racing heartbeat and he quickly gave in to the strong pull of sleep.

Gordon kissed John. “I love you too...forever yours.”

Morning came and went and there was only a shift of movement from Gordon in the late afternoon for a shower and try to book plane tickets on the hotel phone and ordering food to come to their room. He cuddled back into his naked lover until the food arrived and lightly roused John to make sure he would eat.

John stirred and stretched out on the small bed, rubbing his eyes before looking up at his lover.

“Morning, you,” he grinned sleepily, squeezing Gordon’s hand.

“Evening.” Gordon leaned over to kiss him. “I ordered dinner. Hope you don't mind deer.”

“Evening? Damn I missed my medication,” he frowned, shuffling up to lean against the headboard and yawning silently, “What’s for dinner?”

“Deer.” Gordon laughed. “Actual deer.”

“Venison? Really? And here I thought you were being affectionate,” John laughed, “Should have seen that one coming!”

Slipping out of the warmth of the plush bed, John padded over to retrieve his coat, digging around in the pocket to pick up the tablets. Returning to the bed, he pulled the covers up over his naked body and read the pill bottle for missed dosage instructions.

“How did you sleep?” He questioned, not looking up from the tiny printed wording.

“Better. You?”

“Like a log, clearly,” he snorted, tipping out three pills out of the container. “Dig in, I’ll be with you in just a tick.”

John grabbed a glass from the bedside table and went to the bathroom to fill it with water to take his tablets. There was no clear instructions on the bottle that explained what to do in the event of missed doses but he figured there would be little harm in having them at once. He gulped the water and washed the pills down with no trouble. He looked up into the mirror. He noted that the bruises that covered his chest were still dark and mottled, frowning as he noted fresher ones along his hips and wrists. Though his almost translucent skin was prone to bruising, they were never normally this bad, nor would Gordon’s hands ever be harsh enough to cause them. Almost all of the numerous marks were extensive and a deep aubergine colour, no longer the fresh red welts they had been.

He sighed and drank the rest of the water before upending the glass and leaving it on the basin. John walked back into the room and pulled the bedcovers around himself as he dropped himself to sit beside Gordon on the floor to tuck into some food.

“Good?”

Gordon nodded. “By the way, I got us tickets, issue is we're stuck here two more days. Will need to relocate to another hotel tonight since I had to use my card...but they'll only look here and the hotels around and at the airport so I figure if we go and stay at one nearer to - John, you're looking paler than before, are you feeling alright?”

Gordon touched his hand to John's forehead and frowned. “You don't have a fever…wait..have you taken your medication?” He tilted John's head upward with a bit of resistance. “Your eyes look a little dilated. If you start feeling sick you need to tell me ok?”

“I’m alright,” John insisted, shaking his head away, “I’ve taken the pills so I should feel a bit more with it shortly.” He pulled the covers tighter around his cold body and leant forward to tuck into the dinner Gordon had ordered. “I’m probably just hungry anyway. Where are the flights to?”

Gordon sighed. Maybe John was right, he was worrying over nothing. “Stop over in Singapore, but the flight is to Sydney. The stop over is overnight and I hear you can do an entire walking tour of the city in an hour or so meaning we can waste time poking around the place.”

“That sounds great,” John mused as he slowly picked at his food, “I’m looking forward to the warmer weather.”

“Only issue is Sydney is too close to home...but that's an easy fix.” Gordon smiled. “We can ditch the city for the outback easy and loose them. I know my way around out there so we'll be ok until we're forced to come back.”

“Perfect, so where are we going to have to move to?” John queried, finally giving up on the rest of the plate of food before him, “Sorry, I guess I’m not as hungry as I thought, d’you want the rest?”

Gordon shook his head. “No thanks. The meat has a flavour I'm not keen on...that and well-” 

He lifted the fillet to reveal blood dripping out of it. “That, can kill you. Parasites live in meat and they can mess with your brain. Either char the crap out of it or don't serve it.”

He let it down onto the plate in disgust. “Whenever you're ready we'll scout a new hotel. Maybe enjoy some sights while we do so.”

“Great, so we can expect to be deer-brain zombies tonight then?” John laughed, pushing the plate away from him as he slumped back against the wall, “Do we have to leave straight away? I’m still feeling a little tired.”

“We should, but...if we have to stay one more night-” Gordon caved. “Alright, you stay and rest, I'll organize a hotel for tomorrow, that's if you don't mind being on your own for two hours?”

“Thank you, I just need a few more hours,” John smiled gratefully as Gordon kissed him goodbye, “Just feeling a little light-headed.”

Waiting until Gordon had left the room, John crawled towards the bed and hauled himself up onto it, groaning as he curled up with the covers surrounding him. Perhaps it had been unwise to consume all of his missed doses at once. 

John slept for a short time before awakening to a pounding headache as the room blurrily swam around him. A nauseating rush filled John’s stomach, forcing him to stumble out of the bed and crawl towards the bathroom. Leaning over the toilet he retched painfully, vomiting until he collapsed onto the icy floor tiles, gasping for air as darkness tunnelled around him.

Gordon had gone into a few more hotels, booking rooms with his credit card and a bus ticket to screw with Alan's tracking back on Five and went to use an ATM. Sure, that last one wasn’t the best decision, but they needed the money if they we’re going to be stuck there for another two days to keep a low profile.

It would have worked too, If Gordon hadn’t factored in that Alan would be doing everything he could to get a fix on them because he was bored onboard Thunderbird Five with little else to do.

Walking across the street in the dark, Gordon started to head back the several winding blocks he had taken and paused when he could hear footsteps behind him.

He spun on his heels and lashed out striking his pursuer hard in the guts, only for them to grab his arm and pull him downwards and a swift blow was delivered to the side of his head, knocking him to the ground.

Gordon was never a fighter, he prefered to avoid it whenever possible but Scott however, was a combat specialist when he was in the air force and had taken Gordon down with minimum effort.

Grabbing him by the collar, Scott spat, “WHERE IS HE GORDON?”

“Where’s who?”

WHACK!

Blood dripped onto the pavement and Gordon’s head was yanked upward to meet the fury of the eldest Tracy. “Where the FUCK is JOHN, Gordon? Why the hell did you guys fucking run!?”

Gordon smiled. “Should be halfway to Montreal by now I should think.”

“WHY!?”

“To get away from you. Isn’t that obvious? Or hasn’t that occured to you yet?”

“AND YOU LET HIM!? WITH WHAT HE’S GOT?” Scott snarled, baring his teeth.

“Got what?”

“Don’t play FUCKING DUMB with me GORDO. I could slit your fucking throat for the shit you’ve put us all through!”

“Don’t believe me? I just bought a ticket to meet up with him. Check my wallet.”

Scott roughly let Gordon go and indicated to a figure in the darkness and before he could stand, Gordon was slammed down onto the concrete with serious force.

Virgil had him pinned to the ground, his sheer weight crushing him as Scott searched for his wallet and inspected it. 

“Fuck! Virgil he’s telling the truth!” Scott waved the ticket he found. “Why the hell would you do such a thing Gordon? You know he needed help!”

“Did he? John seemed sound of mind to me when he asked me to create a diversion.”

“A WHAT!?”

“You heard me.” Gordon smirked, his head inches from the pavement. “And it worked like a charm too.”

“You damn idiot! You know with what he’s got all he’d need now is one fucking cold and he’s in deep shit!” Scott kicked him as hard as he could, causing Gordon to yelp in pain. “You irresponsible fucking little shit! Dad should NEVER have ever trusted you to keep an eye on him! You fucked this up BIG TIME.”

“Really? Seems to me I haven’t.” Coughed Gordon, blood being hauled up and out as he did so. “I’ve always done exactly what John wanted to do, let him decide everything, let him be in charge because he never gets to be otherwise. If he’s done a runner instead of going home to become a prisoner on the Island then kudos and good luck to him. Bad enough Thunderbird Five is like a interstellar prison cell-”

He was cut short by Virgil’s foot ramming down hard into his ribcage. “You could have KILLED people back there with that car stunt back in Rainbow lake.” He said very quietly. Virgil didn’t need to yell, nor did he need to shout. When you’re built like the front end of a Australian desert road train, you command fear and compliance with very little resistance.

“I did what I had to. I had to keep you following me…”Gordon dribbled more blood out from his lips. Something had been broken, he had heard it clear as glass. “I had to keep... my promise…”

“What promise?” Virgil asked calmly, adding more pressure to the ribs.

“The promise of helping him be free… to not be made to live trapped… at home… till he dies… That’s no life.” Gordon managed to get out under the pressure. “If he asked you… what would you have done?”

Virgil's foot moved away and he got down and helped Gordon sit up.

“Virgil!” Scott snapped. “He bloody nearly killed people!”

“He has a point. If it was one of us John asked, would you have said no?” Virgil looked at Scott, his expression stone cold and hard to read.

“Still that’s not ours or his decision to make.”

“Kind of think...it is.”

“Don’t push it Gordo.” Scott growled. “You’re going to find you own way back home to think about what the fuck you’ve done.” he nodded to Virgil who also stood leaving Gordon to sit there, bruised and spitting up blood. “Come on Virgil, we have to make sure John is ok. We’ll cut him off in Montreal.”

“As for you,” Scott shoved Gordon back down again, “You’re going to explain this all to dad before we fly John’s sorry arse home. Then by the time you show up dad might have mercy, though I don’t think you deserve it this time.”

They both stepped back into the shadows, heading off to return to their crafts to continue their pursuit.

Gordon staggered to his feet, coughing more thick red chunks up onto the hand he used to muffle the sound. Well at least the decoy worked, though he was shocked it had to happen so soon. Those two were fast! They must have been in the area at least a few hours - Gordon wondered if ditching the ute so late was part of how they found him. He didn’t start walking till he could see lights of the two craft whoosh overhead heading away from the city. Now as long as Gordon kept John from using his own credit cards they’ll be on a wild goose chase for at least another day or two, assuming they still thought Gordon was in contact with John and wiring him money with his card to move him around the country.  
It didn’t matter, what mattered was Gordon had bought them some time and now with more cash on him he could hold them off a little while if they tried circling back.

Back at the hotel, Gordon stumbled into the room and was confronted with bed sheets that had been dragged halfway across the floor into the bathroom.

Oh no no nononono…

He staggered into the bathroom and collapsed to his knees to check over John’s limp body on the floor.

“Come… on... Don’t don’t do this… n-not not after… not after all this…”

Gordon fought back tears as he checked for a pulse and his brother’s breathing. The pulse was there, but the breathing…

It was stopping.

He knew he shouldn’t with his jaw all covered in blood, with the cuts on his lips and everything else, but if he didn’t get air into those lungs John was going to die.

Gordon breathed air into his lover’s lungs.

There was no improvement. John’s breathing had completely stopped as he lay unconscious on the bathroom tiles.

Gordon continued to breathe for his lover, fear gripping him tightly as he did so, tears falling from his eyes as he begged John to pull through. At a loss for what to do, he rolled John onto his side to see if there was anything that was blocking his airways. He delivered a sharp hard punch to the centre of John’s bruise covered back, followed by several more until there was a gurgled coughing sound. There was a spattering of thick dark blood on the tiles that wasn’t his own.

Rolling John back and pulling his body towards him, Gordon gripped him tightly as he listened as the choked and gasping breaths grew stronger.

“It’s ok John… I’m here… I- I shouldn’t have left and gone with my gut when you looked pale to me.” he stiffly ran his fingers through John’s matted blonde hair, mingling blood from both of them into it. “I fucked up. I truly fucked up. This is all...my fault. I never deserved you and you deserve so much more than this...please hold on, please get better.”

Gordon began to cough again, this time into his shirt sleeve, clotted blood stringing out and oozing as he pulled it away. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t take John to the hospital for proper care - he wouldn’t even make it out the door of the room with the damage to his own lungs and his guts.

He gripped John tight to his body, no longer caring about his own injuries or the blood that was now all over him and his lover. If John was ok after this and eventually came back around, maybe he’d bury him in the forest somewhere….

Slowly, everything faded to black.


	11. By a thread

John awoke coughing harshly. He was coated with blood, freezing cold and trapped awkwardly up against clammy skin.

He twisted round to see Gordon slumped awkwardly against the bath, covered in blood and bruises. John peered blearily at his lover’s face, noticing his bloody nose and torn lip.

“Gor-Gordon?” he whispered, tears pooling in the corner of his eyes. 

John reached a trembling hand to rest on Gordon’s unmoving shoulder, shaking him a little as continued to cough up the acidic and metallic substance out of his lungs.

“GORDON!” John hissed, his voice breaking as he cried out, “Wake up! Please… No, no… Gordon!” He pounded his fist weakly on his lovers arm, “WAKE UP! PLEASE!”

There was a groan. “Told… you, Scott. John's long… gone… probably on route… to America…” Gordon mumbled very softly wincing as his chest heaved in pain.

“Thank fuck,” he breathed, “Gordon! It’s ok, I’m not in America? I’m here, with you,” John placed his hands lightly on Gordons face, lifting it up to look at at him, “Look at me.”

“Ha… you'll n-never find him… even- even if you and Virgil kill me.” Gordon started to weakly smile, despite how much his face screamed he shouldn't. “Long… gone. Fell for… distraction. Take no prisoners.”

It wasn’t often that anyone was unfortunate enough to see John lose his temper. The mild-mannered Tracy was blessed with a longer fuse than all of his siblings, able to reason with most and calm a situation down before it even arose. But the realisation that his eldest siblings had been the ones to do THIS to his lover was infuriating and sickening. He snarled loudly as he smashed his fists hard against the floor.

“Gordon,” John spoke firmly, his muscles stinging from how taut they were strung, “I’m here, It’s me… I’m right here with you.”

Gordon’s amber colored eyes barely opened and his brow furrowed. “Can't be. I watched you die in my arms. I left you alone… I killed you.”

John looked closely into his lover’s eyes, searching them as his eyelids fluttered, “You what? No! I’m not dead, you didn’t… I’m right here, ok? Shit, Gordon… What the hell happened? Was it Scott?” He growled angrily, swiping away the blood from Gordon’s chin.

Eyes shut tight, Gordon tried to move. His body was waving cheques at him his brain just couldn't cash, some of them, like his chest and stomach, seemed to be demanding lawyers.

He fell forward onto John, choking cough into his already blood stained hands, adding a fresh coat, dribbling down his shirt sleeve and through his fingers.

“John… you're…” he choked. “You're ok? Why did… how? You stopped breathing. I felt and heard… everything. You died in… my arms.”

“I… I did?” He stuttered, staring at his blood soaked brother, “When?”

Gordon groaned as his eyes were clenched shut. John attempted to wipe some of the blood off his lover to no avail. “Stay with me, Clownfish… You need to stay awake for me, ok?”

“After… aft-after they beat me. I deserved it. S-seeing you in here… I deserved that beating. I abandoned you when you… you needed me.”

Gordon slumped heavily and limply against John, unable to talk anymore without fear of coughing up his insides.

John struggled to hold the weight of his sibling as he collapsed forward. “Ugh, Gordon, c’mon,” he attempted to sit him back up against the bath, “Just stay awake with me, just a little while longer.”

There was a small whimpering noise that came from his lover’s body, his head hanging forward. John knelt either side of Gordon’s thighs, using his body to support his limp lover. 

“They’ll regret this, I promise you… You’re safe now… We’re safe here, together... Ok?”

John gently wrapped his arms around Gordon’s shoulders, careful not to apply any pressure to his lover’s broken body. He softly hummed a familiar tune against Gordon’s ear, tears falling slowly down his face as he held him close. Too terrified to let go. 

He could feel his lover attempt to move again, his hands resting on John's sides. “May all your… dreams come…. true…” Gordon added, trying to join in even though it was a nightmare to do so. John needed him, needed him to be ok.

Even if he had to pretend it was true.

“It’s all going to be ok, Clownfish,” John whispered, easing away from his lover who protested silently. “C’mon, lets get you into bed.”

John’s head was throbbing as he gently crouched beside Gordon, helping him to stand, grunts of pain falling from his lips. 

“I know, love… It’s going to hurt, but you need to lie down and warm up… You’re doing great.”

Carefully supporting as much of his lover’s weight as he could bare, John shuffled them both towards the bed before easing his sibling to the soft mattress to lay on his side. He stripped the blood saturated shirt from Gordon’s skin, wincing as it revealed large red marks from his beating. 

John slipped down to the floor and searched the bag for the wet wipes, lovingly and tenderly wiping away the drying blood from Gordon’s skin. Settling down on the floor beside his lover, John placed a soft kiss upon his sibling’s forehead, sweeping his hair from his eyes.

Crawling to collect the covers he had dragged across the floor earlier, John carefully draped them over his sibling and shivered at the chill of cold air it dispersed onto his own naked skin. 

He suddenly felt exposed and conscious of his damaged skin, pulling his arms across his chest. He finally allowed himself to feel the swell of sickness to return to his body, wincing as bile rose in his throat causing a choked whimper. Had he really stopped breathing? 

He felt anger towards his eldest brothers, for the injuries and pain they had inflicted upon his lover. Shit… What if they had followed Gordon to the hotel and were waiting to do the same to him? Or worse, cause his lover more harm?

John grasped his hand around the pair of boxers he had thrown on the floor the previous night, shuffling them onto his thinning hips. Reaching into Gordon’s coat, he gripped his hand around the small pocket knife that travelled everywhere with him, normally used for fishing. He pulled the chair out from under the desk and pushed it closer to the door before hauling himself into it. Flicking the blade from its sheath and focusing his blurred vision on the slit of light leaking beneath the door, John sat in wait shaking with fear and anger as shadows moved beyond the threshold in the hallway.

“They won't come.” Gordon's voice whispered. “They're going to be tied up… in Montreal f-for a while.”

“But they found you? They did this to you!” John breathed, gesturing the knife to point at Gordon before turning his dwindling attention back to the door. “I’m n-not taking any chances. Why Montreal?”

“I can't lie to you… but I can run rings around those two just with words.” Gordon smiled as best as he could. “They're going to think I gave you money… fttt! Arrrgh… So you can't be tracked. With...with the plane tickets they're...gonna be waiting to… catch - aarrrrghhh!- you at the airport till...tomorrow night.”

John winced at each pained gargle that came from his lover’s throat. “Please... Rest. We’re going to have to get you to a hospital or a doctor… Or something!” John fiddled with the knife as he watched more shadows under the door, tensing again. “What if they came back? I won’t let them anywhere n-near you.”

“You've got time to go….” Gordon mumbled. “I can hold them off if they come back.”

Whipping his head round to face his sibling, John eyed him suspiciously. “Time to go where?” He hissed, “I’m not leaving you… Not now… Not ever.” 

“To escape…” Gordon tried to sit himself up. “Be free. They won't ever hurt you...you know that.”

John sighed, “I don’t care if they do or don’t… Please lie down, you need to rest! I’m not going anywhere without you.” 

Retracting the knife, John placed it next to him on the desk. “Are you… You’re not giving up… Are you?” He asked weakly.

“Why should...sh- should I? I'd find...a way to meet...you later...when I can.”

John felt a lump form at the back of his throat. Biting back tears, he shakily got to his feet before making his way over to the bed, falling to his knees beside his lover.

“Please… D-Don’t…”

Growling, Gordon moved fast with all his left over energy, pinning John to the bed under him. “I didn't fight last time… if I ha-have to… I will for you to be… safe.” His arms shook violently as he leaned over John, his figure always a menacing presence and more so now he looked like someone tried to feed him into a grinder. “I keep my promises...” 

Gordon’s body then dropped ungracefully down beside John and he snarled in pain. 

John lay there in shock for a moment before scrabbling off the bed looking tearfully at Gordon.

“Don’t… Don’t leave me,” he whispered pleadingly as his eyes locked with his lover’s, “I don’t care about being safe… I care about YOU! Look at what that’s done to you so far! Please don’t leave me alone… I… I love you so damn much!” His breath hitched as he slumped against the bedside table. “S-so much.”

Gordon reached a hand out to brush it against John's face. “You're the boss…” he mumbled before he gave into the pain, his hand cupping his lovers jaw. “Tomorrow...we run.”

John gripped the hand that caressed his jaw and nuzzled into it. “Together forever, remember?” He returned Gordon’s hand to the bed and pulled the covers back over him, threading his lithe fingers through his lover’s hair to soothe him. “You need to rest… For me?”

There was a semi-conscious nod as Gordon gave into sleep, feeling assured everything was going to be ok.

John continued to run his hands through Gordon’s hair, convincing himself that the man before him was still there. He allowed himself to collapse onto the hard floor, exhausted and wound tighter than a spring. Mind racing as he slipped into a restless and uncomfortable sleep.


	12. Another wild rush

The next morning, John woke up to loud coughing from the bathroom and a sneeze. Gordon had managed to drag himself off the bed and into the shower tub but only after a half arsed attempt to clean the bathroom. He glanced at John from under the water and held out a hand to invite him to join, even though Gordon shouldn't have been standing.

He was at attention though and that was a sight that couldn't be ignored. Wide and erect, throbbing with a need to be touched, to be tended to. 

Shuffling off his boxers, John eagerly took his sibling’s hand, clambering into the tub and kissed his lover softly, gripping his hand around Gordon’s thick shaft.

John slowly sank to his knees, more than happy to lavish Gordon with the attention he deserved, lapping his tongue against the sensitive head and setting a smooth rhythmic movement within his mouth, bobbing his head steadily. He was careful to let Gordon lean against the wall and held his legs in place.

“John… you didn't have… to… just wanted to hold you…” Gordon gasped, a mild grunt of pain escaping his lips from his chest. “Don't… think… I can for long…”

“John… Johnny… you don't need to...” Gordon begged between short, sharp intakes of breath. 

“You said I'm the boss... Remember?” John reminded Gordon coolly, bringing his head back to stare up into those golden amber eyes. “And that your body was mine, yes?”

Gordon nodded.

“Then I'll do what I like with it.” He reached around and gave Gordon’s backside a pinch. “If I want to pleasure it, I will. If I want to fuck it, I will. If I want to protect it, make it better so it's stronger than before...” 

He kissed Gordon's erection. “I will... Because you're mine. No one else is allowed to touch you, only me.”

Gordon gripped the shower tiles as John resumed teasing, taking his sweet time and delaying his release. A grin was plastered on his face, covered by his wet red hair as he accepted John's demands of him.

John was always his master.

John dipped his head forward to accommodate Gordon’s length into his mouth, his cheeks hollowed as he stared up seductively with his deep blue eyes.

Before continuing, he slowly slid his lips from around his lover’s member and pressed his thumbs into the sensitive skin either side of his erection, looking up and grinning wildly. 

“I want you to not hold any of it back… Give all of yourself to me… Let me take whatever you have to give…”

Gordon didn't need prompting. His body giving into John, buckling forward slightly as his hands slid a little against the tiles.

John grabbed one of Gordon’s wrists and directed his hand to rest in his blonde hair, he persisted to take Gordon’s erection as far into his throat as he could manage. His hands shot to push his lover’s hips back against the wall to help support him there against the wall.

Slicking his tongue around the wide length in his mouth, John slipped it to the back of his mouth and swallowed around it, muscles squeezing Gordon’s member unexpectedly.

“Uhhhhh! Hhhhuhhh uhhhhh…..” Gordon gasped out as John was attempting to drain him dry. “Johnathan….” Hands knotted tightly into his sibling's blonde hair as his hips bucked again. Multiples were not something guys would do normally but somehow John knew exactly how to get Gordon to release on cue with the dexterity of his tongue and had once worn him out just by giving him head alone. It wasn't going to be long before he was going to begging for John to put his own body inside him, make the stronger Tracy beg and being made to submit to his more lithe sibling.

Sure, Gordon loved giving it to John anytime he wanted it but being the one receiving it, made to feel vulnerable and exposed was something he quite liked too. It didn't come enough and being made to be weaker than his lover gave him an unusual thrill. John knew how to use to his advantage when he had a point to make with him.

John growled throatily as Gordon fisted his hands in his hair. He willingly took the pain it caused, knowing the moment he drained his lover, John would take him again right there in the tub. 

Water doused their bodies with steamy hot water, washing them both of their worries for that moment. John continued to flick his tongue and tease his lover, taking it all in his mouth and then causing a strong suction to send him closer, digging nails into Gordon’s hips.

“John….John….Johnny…” Gordon seemed to be calling softly in a type of gentle mantra as he felt fingers slip a around an insert themselves playfully as his hips bucked again. It was torture on his body but it felt so good, like all the pain that was poison was being sucked away. He whimpered, rocking his hips a little allowing John to keep teasing, keep showing him who was the boss in their relationship.

John grinned around Gordon’s erection as he continued to tease his fingers inside his lover, earning moans and his name being begged deliciously over and over. 

Pushing his long fingers further, he sucked harder as he felt Gordon’s body trembling. John braced his shoulder against his lover to keep him in place and in case his body was unable to keep itself upright. 

With a final push, John took the full length of Gordon into his mouth and pushed it deep into his throat, letting his gag reflex envelope his lover in tight muscles as they contracted. 

Gordon’s body shuddered more violently and he begged more desperately, wanting John to dominate him, treat him badly and above all - put him in his place.

“John….please...please…”

“Patience,” John whispered, pulling Gordon gently down to lie on his back in the tub, water spattering onto his heaving chest and stomach, “Remember…” he smirked at his writhing lover, “Don’t hold back… Give me everything.”

Stroking his own length lazily, John returned his lover’s erection to the warmth and tightness of his mouth. He teased and tugged at his lover before finally setting up a quick and deep bobbing rhythm, bringing his lover shuddering to his release.

John used the brief distraction to lift Gordon’s legs and bury his long and solid member into his lover’s orgasm struck body.

Gordon was beyond begging now, over exhaustion weighing in on his features and his body language. “You… you uhhh...trying to keep me….in this room… -uhh!”

“Uhhhhh!” John stilled, checking his lover’s face and leaning to kiss his water and saliva covered lips. “You don’t… Ahhhuhhh… mean to tell me you’re not loving every second of this?” He smirked down at his lover.

Gordon nodded. “Mind is willing…” he whispered, wincing as his lower half was pressed in against his chest which was struggling for air. He reached out to touch John softly indicating he wasn't going to be as loud as his lover wanted but was still game as long as he didn't mind.

John adjusted the position of his lover’s hips to ease the pressure for him. He began to rock steadily into Gordon’s backside, watching their bodies mould into one as he used the side of the bath to balance himself.

He lightly stroked Gordon’s member using his release to create a slipping sensation as he continued to play.

It didn't take long for John to reach his own climax, crying out his lover’s name and shuddering did so. 

“AHHH! Gor-Gordon! Shit! Uhhhhahhh!” 

Gordon pulled John close kissing him into silence as he thrusted into him uncontrollably. He was trying to be tender, to be gentle before he started to let himself crash dive into tiredness, drowning into the world of limpness. 

“Thank you, for not giving up in me.” he breathed out rasping hard. “We're not going anywhere are we? Even...even though we need to.”

John sat back on his ankles, breathing heavily. He rubbed a bar of soap in his hands, lathering them as he ran them up and down Gordon’s thighs.

“I’m afraid not, even though you may need it.” John added calmly, “No matter how badly we need to get going.”

Gordon nodded. “Fair enough. I don't have clean clothes anyway. Didn't get that far the other night.” He swallowed, managing to find his voice. “Need to rebook those tickets too, flight was tonight. We won't make it.”

“I can get you some clothes?” John offered, gently washing Gordon’s bruised body, avoiding the darker patches of skin. “I just need to get dressed, it won’t take me long.”

He smiled down at Gordon, who’s expression was fearful. “I’ll be there and back before you notice I’m gone.”

Gordon didn't argue. “In my jeans, there's one thousand in my pocket. Was going to get that exchanged at the airport but take anything you need.” He smiled and kissed John.

“Be safe love.”

John nodded as he finished washing himself and his lover before he stepped out of the tub onto the tiles.

“I will.”

He slipped back into the main part of the hotel room and pulled clean clothes from the bag. Once he was dressed, he dug around in Gordon’s jeans and pulled out the wad of Canadian dollars, counting out several hundred before he returned the rest back into the pocket. Taking the first of his pills for the day, John pulled his coat over himself and exited the room.

Wandering around an extensive shopping mall, John gazed into the different shops around him. Choosing a drugstore, he trudged in and picked a selection of bandages and dressings. Grabbing some painkillers and paying for his items, he left to investigate the clothing shops.

Choosing several shirts and a few t-shirts in Gordon’s size, he ambled over to collect more underwear for them both. As he was heading for the till, a rich purple and blue smokey shirt caught his attention. He picked up the shirt in his size and smiled as he held it up. It was covered in reflective silver thread stars with pearly iridescent buttons. There was a fleece lined leather jacket which he picked up too before finally setting off to pay at the till. The cashier smiled widely as he scanned each item, John shifting around as they made small talk. 

“You wouldn’t believe it! The sound of those Thunderbird aircraft last night!”

John looked up at the young man, intrigued.

“I must have missed those.”

“No worries! A pal of mine a few towns over messaged me to say the big green one was heading back this way… Seems strange that it’s here, I mean, nothing’s happening!” The man chuckled, neatly folding the shirts into another bag. “Perhaps they’re on holiday, eh?”

John felt his heart sink, anger rising again. “How long ago was that?”

“Ohh, I dunno… Maybe a half hour ago? Hundred and sixty dollars please.”

John flicked the correct amount of notes out of his coat pocket and handed it over to the cashier, thanking him and leaving the store in a hurry.

Dragging the multiple bags of shopping through the mall, John rushed back towards the hotel as fast as his fatigued body could take him. Weaving between the vehicles in the carpark, John noted the valet parking area. He scanned the licence plate of a jet black european sports car, memorising it as he neared the hotel.

Confidently striding across to the young valet driver, John spoke confidently in his best attempt at a British accent.

“Good morning,” he smiled at the man, causing him to jump slightly.

“Morning, Sir.”

“I say, my partner and I are departing shortly and will require our car to be ready for us, it’s the Black Mercedes, registration Zulu, Romeo, Foxtrot, nine three seven four. I just need to get changed for our flight and then I will be back down.”

He pulled a couple of bills from his pocket and placed them into the valet driver’s hand. “There’s a good man.”

As the valet driver smiled and hunted the keys out for the vehicle, John hurried through the lobby heading straight for the elevator, noting the clerk was not at her desk.

 

Gordon had been lying on the bed his old boxers, figuring that it wasn't going to hurt doing what he was told. Not that he could do much else, John had drained every ounce of his energy leaving him more or less in a dream like state, walking on clouds despite feeling heavier than several tons of steel.

He was about to doze off when he heard movement by the door and someone arguing with what sounded like the clerk from the lobby.

Dragging himself out of the bed he slinked over to the wall, out of sight as the door burst open.

Virgil moved like leopard, casually taking in his surroundings as if he was stalking his prey. He yanked sheets off the bed, rifled through the open duffle bag on the floor and inspected the bloodied clothes. Virgil growled, low and deadly. Gordon realised he was not here for John - he was here for him instead. 

He watched as Virgil prowled into the bathroom and exclaimed, “Shit. How the hell does Scott expect us to find out more from Gordon if this is how we left him? I told him he would have ended up in a hospital somewhere…”

Gordon crept forward and while Virgil was investigating the blood on the sink, Gordon grabbed the door and slammed it shut.

“Hey!” Virgil yelled. “Gordon?! If that's you then open the door! I don't plan on hurting you, I'm after more information!” 

Gordon remained silent. He didn't have much of a choice, it was that or breathe and he'd rather get the hell out of there alive.

John exited the elevator on their floor and made his way quickly back to the room. The lobby clerk almost knocked him flying as she turned the corner of the corridor. 

“Oh my gosh, there’s someone who’s just broken into your room… I - I tried to stop him, I’m calling the police!” She dashed quickly towards the elevator, leaving John in a panic.

“Gordon?!” He called out as he sprinted towards the open door of the hotel room, dropping the shopping bags on the floor.

Gordon looked up and held a finger to his lips as Virgil thumped and shouted at the door, resorting to bargaining again. Gordon indicated to the bed, hoping that John could move it over while he held the door shut. John was about to speak again till Gordon shook his head. Virgil didn't know John was there and it was better to keep it that way

John nodded to show he understood before he moved over to the bed to push it towards the door. It was heavier than he expected, but the rush of adrenaline caused by the fear and rage he felt meant he was able to persist and slowly manoeuvre it the thankfully short distance to the bathroom door, allowing Gordon to shift out of the way as he slammed the bed against the door.

Straight at Gordon’s side, he helped him towards the bags, pulling out a shirt and the jacket, yanking off the tags and assisted his lover in dressing. 

He silently looked at Gordon, checking him for further injuries, before switching his own shirt for the one he had purchased, pulling his coat back on and stuffing the remainder of his shopping into the duffle bag before picking it up and helping his sibling out of the room.

Virgil’s shouts and thuds against the door could be heard even as they entered the elevator.

“They don't know your here.” Gordon’s voice rasped. “Let's keep it that way.” 

He smiled. “Catch your eyes did it? You're turning into a magpie, my little duckling. Careful not to stand out too much or we'll have a harder time escaping.” He kissed him. “Suits you though…why orange for me? Not my colour.”

“Because clownfish are orange,” John smiled, “You should know by now I like bright colours on you.”

“It's the whole surfer thing isn't it? You know clownfish do come in other colours besides fluro safety vest right?”

“Can you blame me?”

“I swear it's you who tells everyone to buy me those horrendous hawaiian shirts I refuse to wear.” he shook his head, letting out a gravely laugh. “How many times can I tell you I hate those things?”

“I admit to nothing! They suit you, even if you hate them.”

“Even if I've never worn one?”

As the elevator reached the lobby, John led them quickly to the Valet parking desk outside. He smiled as the valet driver who stood waiting beside the sleek sports car, door open and engine running.

“Flashy. Who'd you kill John?” Gordon joked. “How much was the hitman contract?”

“Never underestimate my resourcefulness,” John flashed a stern look at his sibling before addressing the driver with his British accent again.

“Ah, jolly good my dear boy,” he belted heartily, giving the driver another few bills from his coat, “Please excuse my companion here, he had a little too much free roam of the minibar last night.”

“Very good, Sir,” the driver puffed his chest out as he opened the boot so John could unload the bag into it, “Safe journey, Sir.”

Gordon mumbled under his breath. “You sure only my dick ever penetrates into that arse of yours?” He was aware John had heard him and was ignoring him completely. “Swear you have been fucking Lady Penelope instead by the sounds of it.”

John smiled and waved the man off, settling Gordon into the passenger seat before slipping into the expensive leather driver’s seat and pulling the door shut. To his horror, the car was a manual, there was no gear stick and nothing displaying the ‘PRND’ lettering he had expected.

“Shit!” he breathed, feeling an additional pedal beneath his toes. “How the hell do you drive one of these? Where’s the gear stick? What are these ridiculous paddles behind the wheel?”

Gordon folded his arms and gave John a dirty look in the rearview mirror. “What's the problem, Mister Tracy?” He clicked his tongue which made his voice sound even more like crunching gravel. “Left your chauffeur in the hotel?”

John turned his head towards his sibling, “Seriously? What is your problem? I’m trying to get us the hell out of here! Please help, I’ve got no idea what I’m doing,” he pleaded desperately.

“How about relinquishing your power fantasy a minute and let me drive?” Gordon raised his brows.

“Stop it, Gordon. You really think you’re in a reasonable state to drive?”

“For a short trip? More than ok. Chest pains doesn't affect my brain or my ability to concentrate.” Gordon leaned forward. He also didn't harbour the desire for creature comforts that reminded him of home. They were on the run and this little ‘panache’ while cute was more than enough of a sign to Gordon that this was starting to no longer be fun for John and second thoughts were slowly creeping forth without his notice.

He couldn't blame John, his younger brother was pretty much a pampered pet more or less and while Gordon tried hard not to add to it and give his sibling independence he usually missed out on but everyone else made him rely on comfort and the fact they were all rich - didn't need to set foot in a common man's country.

Gordon while he admittedly enjoyed some of it knew the reality was more or less going to ruin them all. Sure, rescuing people and saving lives was something they did, but it was treated as an act of charity, not like a real life and death situation. All those serious accidents and near deaths tended to put things into perspective -even if they only ever happened to Gordon more than anyone else.

He wondered how much longer John would last before he wanted to go home, a place clearly Gordon was probably no longer allowed to set foot in again after all this trouble.

“So you going to let me drive?”

John flung open the door and got out of the car, walking around to open Gordon’s door for him. Thankfully the valet driver had wandered off as John assisted his sibling out of the car before settling himself into the front passenger seat. He waited as Gordon ambled round and slumped into the driver’s seat.

He tried not to feel that Gordon was being unreasonable, after all, he had just been ambushed in their hotel room. John sat silently wondering what was eating away at his lover. Going from feeling like he was helping their escape to getting the impression he was useless, had knocked the wind from his sails somewhat.

The engine roared into life and the exhaust spat loud crackling noises around the carpark Gordon speeding off away from the hotel in the direction of the airport.

Overhead, looming over the huge building Thunderbird One was gracefully making a landing down at the airport beside her sister craft. Scott had lost contact with Virgil and decided he better find out where he was, assuming he was still nearby his big beautiful flying machine.

He started his investigation at the airport, on the assumption Virgil wouldn't have bothered wasting time with the old outdated air transport but he knew that if Gordon took John into the middle of nowhere via a train, any old transport would do to get them out of the country in a hurry.

Gordon frowned from the driver's seat and John was looking over the dash and anger was boiling under his skin again.

“This is going to be interesting,” Gordon murmured, his voice still coming and going. “Scott’s probably going to put it into lock down.”

John sank back into his seat, seething. “Go straight to the airport.” He spat viciously, “I’ve got an idea.”

The car's speed increases as Gordon’s foot pushed the pedal to the floor. “Main entrance?”

“You could say that… Just head for the runway.”

John was now simmering silently with rage, eyes fixed on the candy red nose cone of Thunderbird One as it appeared on the runway ahead of them. His hands were clenched into fists, shaking as his heartbeat thudded in his ears.

“Get ready, Gordon. High tail it towards the runway in... Three… Two...”

As the main building drew closer Gordon was watching, waiting and once John called out ‘ONE!’ he made the whole car swerve, skidding along the road and through the chain link fence, breaking off one of the side mirrors and dragging a large chunk of fencing behind the car as it went off roading at high-speed towards the silver rocket shaped sky bullet that was Thunderbird One.

As Gordon applied the brakes, the car screeched beside the aircraft. Before it came to a complete stop, John leapt out of the door. Grabbing their bag from the boot of the car, he stumbled slightly over the trailing fence panel rushing towards the steps that led into the cockpit. He searched around, finding no sign of Scott. 

Dropping the heavy bag to the floor of the cockpit, he descended the steps to help Gordon board the aircraft, sitting him into the passenger seat behind the cockpit bulkhead with little resistance, his older brother wincing in pain, aware he couldn't fly the craft. Not that he was wanting to, flight not really something he was comfortable with when you couldn't see what was ahead or below you. 

Back in the main cockpit, John looked over the navigational equipment, remembering the systems well from the detailed information he had read over several times on Thunderbird Five. Plotting a course for the Australian city of Canberra, making sure to avoid the air space surrounding Tracy Island, John recalled his lover’s mention of the flights he had previously booked to Sydney. 

“Australia bound, Clownfish,” John beamed excitedly, staring up at his sibling through the open bulkhead screen. “You ready?”

“FAB. I trust you know what your doing in there. You know I'm not great at flying.”

Sitting himself in the pilot’ seat and pulling the restraints in place, John inhaled deeply, his hands shaking with excitement and nerves.

“I know the whole flight procedure… Uhh... Theoretically that is,” John murmured, “I’ve read the craft details enough during rescues and downtime.”

Only being able to fly a craft with instruments alone and no visual guides would usually mean adhering to the Instrument Flight Rules set out by the aviation board. However, Thunderbird One was no ordinary civil aircraft and John had no intentions of flying it as such.

Thunderbird One operated within the high-hypersonic class of aircraft and was more than capable of flying at just over nineteen times the speed of sound. By John’s quick mental calculations, it would take them a little over thirty five minutes to travel the eight and half thousand miles or so between them and their destination. 

Radio switched on, John spoke clearly and slowly through to the airports control base. “Edmonton Air Traffic Control, this is International Rescue, readying craft for vertical take off to the West of your airfield. Please confirm of any aircraft occupying the airspace above and to immediate South-West bearing to a height of eighteen thousand feet.”

“International Rescue, Edmonton Air Traffic Control reading you. Can confirm all aircraft diverted away from your position. Immediate clearance to take off, clear to thirty six thousand feet South-West of your current heading.”

John confirmed receipt of the information and fired the thundering VTOL engine into action using the steering and altitude controls to keep the juddering aircraft steady as they lurched into the air. 

Gaining sufficient altitude, he retracted landing skids and wings to further streamline the aircraft. He took a moment to compose himself as the feral aircraft ferociously twitched in the air, shuddering through the wingtip vortices from other planes and localised wake turbulence.

Firing the variable cycle engines, John switched to fluttering the throttle control cycling the howling engines up gradually to full capacity, cutting power to the VTOL engine. Boosting the speed with the launch engine, the slender aircraft roared and exploded into life as it powered through the sky.

John could imagine the sickened and astounded look that would be plastered over the eldest Tracy’s face as his beloved craft soared across the vast expanse of clear sky. A delighted grin spread across John’s face as he pushed he pushed the aircraft into a steep climb towards the stratosphere. Levelling off around fifty thousand feet where the air was thin enough to cause little drag and resistance but still contained sufficient oxygen levels to sustain the deafening engines.

“WHOOOOOOOP!” John shrieked emphatically as he throttled the jet fully up, hearing the engines whine as they spooled up on power.

Endorphins surged through his bloodstream, a feeling of phenomenal euphoria swelling within him as Thunderbird One rocketed through the thinner atmosphere.

John thought briefly about how long it would take his eldest brother to locate Virgil trapped in the hotel, providing he hadn’t been arrested of course. Then the huge amount of time it would take for Thunderbird Two to reach them. They’d have one hell of a head start, if they drew out enough cash upon arrival, they’d not have to risk discovery for quite some time.

After the brief flight, John found he had a harder time maneuvering Thunderbird One at slower speeds, the engines not as efficient as they were at full tilt due to the lessened air flow. Finally he managed to manipulate the craft in an immense field just West of Canberra.

“Nicely done John.” Gordon’s voice trickled over the communications relay. “How come you never bothered getting your pilot's license? That was smoother than Scott’s fly over to Canada.” He coughed. 

“Thanks,” he smiled, standing up from the seat, “Not sure really... Guess I never saw the point being that I was always up on Five.”

“Fair enough. I guess space is a bigger thrill hey?” Gordon mildly regretted thinking about his lover as a pampered pet, but only in the context that he at least got a huge benefit out of it. Gordon couldn't see the upside but then, space never interested him. If John was wanting to go back home it wasn't because he missed Tracy Island, it was because he missed Thunderbird Five and seeing the world from above.

Gordon wondered if it wasn't for him, John might have wanted to live up in the station indefinitely, never wanting to leave his position of feeling like he had the ultimate freedom.

In a way, this was depriving him of it.

Gordon only wanted John to be happy, but when his happy place was alone thousands of miles above the planet, could he truly give John everything he wanted?

“It’s a different kind of thrill… Sure, re-entry is faster but this was different,” John admitted, moving to meet his brother behind the bulkhead. “This was brilliant, I couldn’t stop smiling… I kept thinking to myself how pissed Scotty would be if he saw us… I just wanted to trash this damned machine, see how he feels when something he loves gets destroyed.”

Gordon was relieved John couldn't see him through the closed screen that separated them on the flight. Those words struck a chord and made him feel worse. “Revenge isn't the way to go about things, John.” His voice faded out.

“Hey, its still in one piece isn’t it?” John offered as he stood outside the area Gordon was in, confused at his sibling’s tone. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, just hard to talk.” That much was true, his voice had barely any improvement on the flight over despite resting it. “You know I deserved that beating they gave me right? I did everything I could to deceive them, nearly killed people with my driving back in that town...put your life in danger, John the list of shit I did to deserve it is HUGE. Revenge doesn't' justify all of that, even Virgil was feeling guilty for what they had done...though he's probably regretting that now.” Gordon coughed harshly, talking clearly something he should keep to small sentences in future.

John paused behind where Gordon was seated, watching him cough painfully. He waited until his sibling had ceased, catching his breath back in gasps and leaning forward in his seat.

“But… But you’ve done all of that for me,” he muttered quietly, picking at the flaking skin around the bruises on his wrist. “You’ve done nothing more than try to keep me happy… I’m the one at fault in all of this, putting all of this pressure on you. I understand you feel like you need to protect me, but at the moment? Look at what’s happened to you because of me! How is this justifiable? They had no right to do this to you, especially since this whole thing is MY FAULT.”

Gordon made to reply but John swiftly moved in front of him and held up his hand. “No, I won’t have you taking all of this on your shoulders.”

“The dangerous stuff wasn't your fault. You didn't steal those cars, you didn't drive a car around innocent people at high speeds… you can't excuse that.” Gordon sighed. “You never asked me to be that reckless and we probably could have escaped without breaking the law or endangering people...but I wasn't thinking.”

“But I can make sure we learn from it. What separates us from them, is we never hold a grudge and take responsibility like we're supposed to. I'll be fine and will be far more careful having that eye opener.” He gave John a reassuring smile. “I don't want to kill us either love, but If I keep being stupid I might and that's not something I can live with if only one of us survived.” He coughed again, this time with a big grin on his face.

“Fucking hell, is this how it's going to be for the next few weeks? Ergh..they should have just slit my throat.”

John winced, screwing his eyes up at Gordon’s words. “Don’t even joke about that.” He whispered. “We need to get you to a hospital or something, you can’t keep running if you can barely talk.” 

John smiled up at his lover, lowering himself to his knees and falling into Gordon’s lap. “So you’re not leaving me?” He asked, his voice small and pained.

“Who said we have to run?” Gordon mused. “I know how to drive around here even if bushland looks all the same as the woods in Canada. At least here I know what the fuck I'm doing.” he kissed John's lips. “As for leaving, it'd be over my dead body.”

He nuzzled John and a thought crossed his mind. “If you're so dead set on revenge though, how about we leave Scott a little present when he checks the pilot recording log videos?” He kissed John playfully. I'd love to make love to you while in the pilots seat...maybe give it to you nice and hard…”

“Now that sounds like my kind of revenge,” John winked leaning up to pull Gordon into a hard and passionate kiss. “I’m all yours.”

“Well we're in the wrong compartment… so I need to get that tight little tasty body of yours back in Scotty's chair.” Gordon purred, the quieter tone of his distressed sounding voice more sexy that it usually was. “Then I'm going to lick you, strip you, suck and fuck you… though not necessarily in that order.”

Gordon watched John lead him out and back up into the cockpit and before John could sit down, Gordon’s hands were all over him. Before he started making light work of his lover's clothes, he flicked on some of the internal recording devices and checked the lights were on before going back to feeling John up again.

Sliding his hands under the shirt he began teasing, not just with his fingers but with his words being whispered into John's ear, all dripping with sexual desire despite the clearly mocking tone.

“This shirt… while it looks stunning on you, is a ladies blouse.” Gordon’s voice purred. “The satin is far too delicate for the likes of you as well, especially if you like to be tough with me.”

The shirt was almost yanked of John's lithe body, and would have jerked him around if it wasn't for how Gordon had him now pinned down to the pilot's seat and was massaging his healing skin roughly and vigorously with the ultimate purpose of having John make as much noise as possible. As Gordon lavished attention to his upper half with his lips and his tongue, one of his hands slid into his tight jeans stroking John playfully before freeing him from his confines and making sure every recording device got a good look as his lovely long length of masculinity.

Taking his time, Gordon nipped and suckled his lovers nipples, drawing them in and out, lightly blowing warm breath onto them and making them pop out a little begging for more attention.

John’s body was ablaze with desire as his lover teased him and put on the sexiest show for the cameras. Unable to bare the loss of contact, he roughly grabbed Gordon’s shirt collar and yanked him into a crushing kiss, their tongues stroking together as they moaned softly. 

Gordon continued to tease his nipples and stroke his exposed erection, driving him mad.

“Uhhhhh… Gordon! I-I’ve… Ah! Been so damned - Uhhh… Naughty… Running away like that… And stealing Scotty’s ‘bird too,” John purred, his eyes smouldering with desire as he dipped his head to pull his lover’s lower lip between his teeth, sucking hard and nipping it quickly, encouraging Gordon’s reaction. “Nuhh! Perhaps you should punish me for -ugh- it… Teach me a lesson?”

“Certainly.” 

Gordon was rougher, pushing John into the seat, effectively pinning him there, unable to squirm. Leaning over him and using his strong arm to hold him in place, Gordon lowered himself over his lover’s lower half and began licking and drawing his erection into his mouth while his other arm roughly fought to remove John's jeans and boxers so he could push several fingers into his lover and push them in time with his oral tango.

John cried out in pleasure, trying to push himself further onto his lover’s fingers but still unable to move as Gordon’s arm held him firmly. His head fell back against the headrest as he purred and whimpered as Gordon pleasured him slowly, his body aching for more.

“Ahhhhhungh, p-please!” He called out to his lover, “Ohhh… Gord-GORDON PLEASE! Uhhhh please… I n-need you… Oh… Hell I need you so bad.”

Threading one hand lightly into the copper coloured locks lazily bobbing before him, he gently lifted Gordon’s head so their eyes met. He groaned at the sight of his lover taking his member deep into his mouth, eyes devious and daring. John shuddered and moaned, desperately trying to shift his hips down.

Gordon ignored the pleas and continued, inserting a fourth finger into the already tight space and using his thumb, stroked the rest of John's genital area as he attempted to fully get his lover into his throat in a way he never had before, trying to block out his desire to gag and choke, his muscle spasms constricting and massaging the head of John's member while his tongue wrapped around and up and down it's base. He did this multiple times, each deepthroating longer and riskier.

John bit down hard on his lip, stifling the scream of pleasure that fought its way from his gut. “Fuck! Ahhhhh! Gordon… Gordo… Ughhhh.”

His hands curled in his lover’s shirt as he fought to pull him back slightly. The internal struggle of not wanting to choke his lover and the unbelievable pleasure that was shooting through his body. 

“Won’t… last if you- Ahhhhh! Keep going,” John hissed as he squirmed in the pilot’s seat, his moans growing ever louder.

Gordon roughly shoved John back and pinned him harder so he couldn't squirm. He was determined to make him feel the entire convolution of his orgasm, the shuddering sensation and the let down from the massive high all from his prone position. Gordon knew he couldn't make his lover cum on cue over and over in small bursts like John did to him but he could however make him erupt in one go like a full body involuntary sneeze.

John yelped as his lover took his member deeper into his throat, muscles tightening around him and making his entire body shudder with prickling anticipation.

“AHHH! GORDON! Ugh f-fuck… Don’t stop! Oh don’t stop!”

John’s body was convulsing against his lover’s touch. Muscles spasming as his climax approached.

Gordon then eased off the deep throat choker, just before John went off like a firecracker, exploding out in a very violent eruption. Gordon swallowed and licked his lover clean before standing again and dragging his now limp lover off the seat to bend him over it and while John was still trembling from the afterglow, unleashed his monster girth in to replace his fingers.

John gasped and cried out as his body was filled completely by Gordon’s impressive and sizeable erection. His hands gripped the red cushioned fabric of the seat before him as Gordon pounded into him relentlessly.

He felt his lover’s hand grasp in his hair and pull his head up. John’s mouth was hanging open, gasping and moaning as saliva dripped from his lips. 

“Uhhhhh… Ahhhuhhh, G-Gordon! Feels so… Ahh- Good! Unhhh… HARDER! Please!” 

John’s mind was filled with every sensation Gordon was inflicting upon his body. Each touch, thrust, noise and kiss sending him into a lustful frenzy, pushing himself back towards his lover’s wide member.

Gordon roughly manhandled John, tipping back his head. “Not so fast.” He purred. “I want it to last, to have you buckle beneath me until your body is nothing more than quivering jelly.” And with that he let go of John's hair and wrapped his muscular arm around his shoulders to hold his body down under the rest of his weight and slowed the pace down, however it didn't stop the intensity and how hard Gordon pushed into him, the more relaxed pace allowed him to slide in all the way as deep as he could go and slide almost right out again, the tip of his manhood rubbing pleasurably inside his lover, giving him the enjoyment of feeling every inch of him inside, savouring every rough and long penetration.

John could torture him by just sucking on him but Gordon could do the reverse with an almost tantric grace, able to draw sexual satisfaction out for longer than a few hours if he felt so inclined.

That's why John loved to ride him.

Each punishing thrust was hitting something deep within John that dragged whimpering moans and delicious murmured half-formed words of worship from his lips. The torturous force of each slow and precise thrust was delectable, he lapped up each slipping sensation as his lover’s body pinned him to the chair before them. 

John didn’t even register their surroundings anymore. They could have been in the middle of a crowded theatre for all he knew, yet still he moaned and begged for all Gordon could give to him. 

With his clean fingers from the arm wrapped around his lover, Gordon inserted them into John's mouth and whispered in his ear. “Suck them like it's my dick.”

John willingly obeyed his lover’s command, hair pricking to attention on the back of his neck. He pushed his mouth further onto Gordon’s fingers, gently flicking his tongue around them to coat them with saliva before hollowing his cheeks and sucking hard to draw them further. Matching his movements to Gordon’s deliberate thrusts, he heard a moan from behind him as he continued to lap and rotate his head to access the entirety of Gordon’s long fingers. 

With the other hand, Gordon started to tug John's newly aroused length again, keeping the stroking and teasing in tandem to his own movements. He was never this full on with John before but after the shit Gordon had put himself through, John needed reminding that while he was the boss, Gordon was the creature he kept on a leash, the only thing standing between himself and their brother's taking him home to be a shut in the rest of his life.

Sometimes, you need to feed the beast.

John’s senses were overloading as Gordon was assaulting him with pleasure in every way. Each rhythmic thrust filling him, each tug surrounding his member and the fingers in his mouth sent him closer to the edge.

John had not experienced this new side of his lover but it was insatiable, mesmerising and hypnotic. Everything timed with perfect precision. 

“Uhhhhh… Ahh! Fuhhh! G-Gord-ohhhh!” John’s choked moans vibrated in his throat, muffled by the slender fingers in his mouth, unable to prevent himself drooling from the extreme tantric and orgasmic sensations.

Gordon knew he would have to give soon, his body still wasn't quite up to this level of intensity yet and he was starting to feel the effects, his grip of John loosinging steadily.

With one final injection of willpower, the fingers in John's mouth grabbed it open and held it, taking him by surprise and the shock forced his lover to make a mess in his other hand, the tightness from his entire body shuddering involuntarily triggered Gordon’s own to break under the pressure. 

Gordon sunk his teeth into the boney joint of John's shoulder as he let it all go, keeping the session end as quiet as he started as if the caged monster of the abyss was slinking back into the mighty ocean depths.

John yelped as he felt teeth bite in his flesh, a warm sensation filling him simultaneously as his lover was spent. He collapsed forward onto the floor, his lover finally relinquishing his grip around John’s shaking body. 

His body twitched from the intense orgasm, his eyes fluttering shut. John could feel Gordon move closer to him as he went to switch off the recording devices.

John smirked as he looked into one of the cameras while Gordon stripped off his shirt to give them both a rough clean up. Then he felt Gordon quietly shift him with a disgruntled snort from the chest pain as he shouldered one of his arms, to help escort John down to the ladder and again once on the ground, shouldering the bag of stuff and casually hobbling John into an old derelict looking farm house that was nearby to do a proper wash up before going to investigate the homestead and finding an old mint condition tractor.

That’ll do until they got a bit closer to Canberra where they could ditch it and get a proper car and be off in no time.

“Hey John,” Gordon coughed as he came back inside to retrieve him. “How's about the slowest ride of the journey yet into the city?”

John sat up quickly at the sound of his lover’s voice, his body rippling with pleasurable aches and pains. “Hey, you,” he enquired. “What on Earth have you found?”

Gordon merely beckoned at him to follow. John tentatively rose to his feet and headed off to see what transportation his sibling had discovered.

Glancing at his watch, John pulled his pills out and swallowed one back, coughing as it stuck to his dry throat. 

Following Gordon into a small barn, John sniggered as his sibling gestures happily to a large grass green tractor that stood in the centre of the dusty floor. Bright orange rust patches littered the panels that housed the engine and the exhaust stack had corroded in places.

“No way,” John grinned, “That’s awesome!”

“It still looks serviceable, but will be a very slow ride. It's not your fancy mercedes back in Canada but it’ll do.”

John took the bag from Gordon and hurled it into the tall trailer. Placing his foot on the hefty tyre, he hauled himself up over the rotting wooden side, rolling onto the soft hay that lay on the floor of the rickety trailer.

“Slow is fine by me!” John called, popping his head up over the side and beaming down at his sibling. “Our dear brothers won’t be catching up with us for quite some time, I imagine!”

Snuggling down into the warm and sweet smelling hay, he settled himself back against the rear of the flatbed trailer and watched as his sibling clambered into the cab of the tractor, smirking back at him. John gave Gordon a little wave as he reclined on his back with his legs crossed and arms locked behind his head, his shirt riding up on his stomach.

Gordon shook his head. As tantalizing as it was, even he had to admit the moment he lay down anywhere he was going to be down for the count and he didn't want to scare John if he struggled to wake up the next day. He hadn't really rested - calling the state of uncomfortable unconsciousness sleep was stretching the definition of it and even then, Gordon hadn't done much of that either.

He shifted the gears of the tractor and made the extremely slow trip off the farm onto the highway, the sparse bushland stretching out for miles and barely a car in sight. A mob of kangaroos decided to follow them down the road a few miles and more than once Gordon had to stop to let an echidna amble across the road. 

Once they reached the outskirts of the capital territory, Gordon shut the tractor off and lifted the now asleep John into his arms along with their bag, grunting as he did so and careful not to clip his lover's long legs against the sides of the trailer and carrying him over to the nearest car rental place within walking distance, placing John down in a chair while he sorted out another ride to get them the last three to four hours drive to Sydney. This time the car was plush red Holden Commodore with a very big engine, a car that was pretty much vintage since they were no longer manufactured but more powerful that the Canadian Mercedes.

Putting his exhausted bundle in the back seat, Gordon got behind the wheel to make a start on the long journey along one hundred kilometer freeways hoping that they'd make it before nightfall - or at least - before he burned out.


	13. Memories old and new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy valentines day (and happy bday Gordon Tracy)

John awoke with a start in the back seat of an unfamiliar stationary vehicle, confusion and dread prickling his stimulated senses. He warily scrambled up to search for his sibling, whom he promptly located asleep in the driver’s seat. Sighing with relief, John took a moment to absorb their surroundings. The vehicle they were in was parked in a long layby occupied by only one other car, a small empty blue hatchback.

A yawn escaped the younger man’s lips as he hauled himself through to stand hunched awkwardly between the seats to stare out of the windscreen. He noticed a sign up ahead in the distance for a town named Goulburn. 

Peeking at his sibling’s motionless form, John brushed the hair away from Gordon’s eyes and nudged his cheek with his pointed nose, though his lover was enveloped in a deep sleep and was still unresponsive. Sighing, John jumped out from the expansive back seat of the car and wandered around to the passenger door. He opened the car door and crawled in, shifting the armrest up out of the way. Slipping Gordon’s arm over his shoulder, John was careful not to nudge his lover’s chest against anything as hauled his sibling’s deadweight across the seat and pulled his legs into the spacious footwell, closing the door as quietly as he could manage.

Opening the driver’s side door, John clambered in and adjusted the seat back to accommodate his lengthy legs as he looked down. He was more than relieved to see only two pedals beneath his feet and after glancing across to the gear stick he confirmed the car did indeed have automatic transmission. 

Twisting the key that was still sat in the ignition, John was shocked by the sound of the rumbling grunt of the car’s engine. He smiled as he revved it louder as he was rewarded with a deep roaring growl. This was more like the fire spitting power he was after, he could hear the supercharger whining as he tried to remember Gordon’s driving instructions.

John shifted the gear stick into drive and depressed his foot on the throttle, the car’s bonnet lurched up and the engine cut out. He looked around the cabin and the dash in front of him before realising he had neglected to disengage the handbrake. He was for once thankful that Gordon was asleep, the ridicule he would have been subject to was not something he would have enjoyed. 

Starting the car again he let off the handbrake and pressed the throttle down, the car screamed forward with such force that John yelped in surprise. This was drastically different to the old ute he had driven in Canada. He eased off the throttle and checked his mirror before pulling back onto the main road. The car lunges violently several times whilst John adjusted to the featherlight accelerator, learning quickly that he barely needed to touch it in order for the powerful car to respond.

John exited the highway towards Goulburn. Driving through the large town, he searched for a currency exchange point. Controlling the car at slower speeds was trickier as the automatic gearbox shifted between the gears and reacted to John’s harsh braking. He finally spotted a post office with a foreign currency service attached located next to a small car park. John steered the bruteish car into a parking space and shut off the engine, leaning over to his lover and rummaging his hand in Gordon’s pocket to retrieve the wad of Canadian currency they hadn’t spent before fleeing in Thunderbird One. 

John locked the car and entered the small post office and exchanged a short but pleasant conversation with the older lady behind the counter, her looks and cheeky smile reminding John of Martha, before being given over eight hundred Australian dollars in return. He politely thanked the woman before returning to the car and returning the money to Gordon’s pocket.

Starting the engine, the blonde haired Tracy tentatively attempted reversing the car out of the car park, earning a few impatient beeps from other road users as he blocked the road. In a fluster he pulled away with a little more speed than he had intended as he sped back towards the highway. 

Settling into a comfortable position a fair way behind a large arctic truck ahead of him, John felt his arms relax somewhat. He figured that if he matched the speed of the arctic that there was no way he could be in trouble for driving too fast. Though having to reign in all of the horsepower that he had at his disposal under the hood of the beefy car was proving to be easier said than done.

John even managed to keep himself amused by overtaking a few of the trucks ahead of him before slowing back down and letting them fly angrily past him. He was very mindful to keep an eye out for the signs that would direct him to his destination, keen to get them there safely and impress his lover with his new found confidence away from the safety of Thunderbird Five and their luxurious home.

It had been a running family joke, at John’s expense of course, that he was unable to function independently away from them. As a child his family had always sought to protect the accident and illness prone boy he had been, never letting him stray too far from their watchful eyes and often having his older brothers step in to do things for him, instead of letting him learn from mistakes. Then, in young adulthood, he had been hidden away and protected on Thunderbird Five, away from the hazardous rescues and dangers that his older and youngest brother’s faced with little care almost daily. It was something that John struggled with when he was younger, though he was now at an age where he realised that he cared very little about what the majority of people he knew thought of him. However there was always a small part of him that worried Gordon thought of him as the same precious and sheltered man the rest of them did.

Due to the slower speed at which he drove, it was several long hours later and the evening was drawing in when John finally spotted the exit that would take them towards the glorious City of Sydney. The bright lights and warm atmosphere immediately  

Approaching the waterside, the Sydney Harbour Bridge appeared up ahead of them. John hurriedly roused his deep-sleeping lover with great enthusiasm, excitedly grabbing Gordon’s thigh and whispering, “Clownfish! Look! Hey, Gordon wake up, you’re going to want to see this!”

Gordon let out a strangled sounding moan as he stirred, lifting his head off the window.

“John?” He mumbled faintly, a little disoriented before he registered that they were moving . “Hey...glad to see you driving….” he breathed out, his voice barely audible. 

He pushed himself up straighter and rubbed his eyes before making the conscious effort to look out the windscreen window. Looming over them was the magnificent structure as they started to go over the harbour. Wordlessly he smiled, placing a hand on John's thigh before moving it to behind his lover’s head as the car was forced to go slowly over the bridge, massaging his scalp as his way of saying thank you.

Gordon, unlike John's other brother's, always believed John could do anything they could, though unlike most of their adventure seeking holidays, his younger brother had started to really blossom and push his independence. Whether John believed it or not, Gordon always let him choose where they went on holiday, what they would do, everything - because he wanted to give John the extra confidence that he had living alone in space an extra boost, mildly aware that sometimes even having such freedom at his fingertips, John felt useless up there.

All these weeks of leave Gordon shared with him over the years wasn't just about getting away to spend time with a lover, they were used to give John choices in his life he rarely ever had.

Seeing him driving, attempting to take more control of things than just being a passenger and letting Gordon push him along even though he knew he chosen what to do for them, made Gordon feel warm inside.

Eventually a day might come and John may decide to throw Gordon off as a lover for a real one that wasn't related to him. Gordon was painfully aware that while he was the one to initiate the relationship, John originally gave him the terms of how they should proceed with it.

Letting John go if he wanted to pursue someone else was part of that agreement, as back then he thought Gordon wasn't serious about wanting one with him, like he was just teasing him for being gay.

Looking over the harbor at the beautiful sails of the opera house, Gordon thought back to the first ever week of leave he took John on nine years ago - the only difference now was John driving them across Sydney harbour, a place of surprising significance.

Gordon couldn't wait to take John to the restaurant they had their first ‘real’ date. Even then John thought he was joking, until the night they stayed in the Novotel on the harbour.

He got to prove he meant every word of what he said about how much he wanted to be John's lover.

Sure it had been a very strange beginning, John doing everything to him as if to make ‘the joke’ just stay that way - but when alone in the candle lit hotel room with the curtains open and the windows from floor to ceiling giving a magnificent view of Sydney at night the attitude was changed, from a stupid joke at Gordon's expense to Gordon making passes, kissing John and making love to him pressed up against the glass all night long illuminated only by the city lights.

Things then got shaky, Gordon realising he may had gone too far...John doing everything to pretend that didn't happen.

You don't go around fucking your siblings or, for that matter, let them have sex with you.

It was months before he saw John again, avoiding him until Gordon's university graduation.

That night, John crawled under Gordon's bedsheets, feeling lonely, unwanted and unloved, saying sorry and that he didn't want to be alone.

“You will never be alone.” Gordon whispered looking out the window in front of them as he stroked John's hair while he drove. “Even though we tread a different path and are apart and even if you hate me forever...I'll always be here beside you, because I love you.”

“You doing okay?” John asked, smiling slightly but never tearing his eyes from the road ahead for one moment. “Sorry I woke you, just wanted you to see the view.”

“Just...remembering something.”

John’s heart lifted at the fondness in Gordon’s tone. He wondered if his lover was recalling their first trip to the beautiful city of Sydney. He had been thinking about it for the entire car journey there, about taking Gordon back to the hotel where they had first made love. He was nervous, unsure if Gordon would appreciate the importance of the location though confident he would remember.

“I was thinking of… Umm, well,” John took a moment to compose himself. “If it’s ok with you… I wanted to take you somewhere… But you gotta close your eyes, ok?”

Gordon nodded. “I can guess though can't I? Do you need the exact room number?” he chuckled softly. “Surprised you want to remember that night after how you reacted afterwards”

He moved his hand back onto John's lap as the car started to pick up speed a little. 

“Your still as beautiful as you were on that night, even if you're a little older and have a bit of face fuzz. You haven't changed much on the outside, but you've grown so much within.” Gordon’s voice rasped. “You scared me after that night, I was afraid you thought I took advantage of you and that we'd never speak again.”

“I've always loved you, you are so innocent, so naive and always full of big dreams and ambitions… Something I… Something I never was. Hearing that you had achieved such high grades at the higher education college in Britain and then when I visited during university you were so focused and believed the rest of us were too. You pushed me to be better than a drop out, hell I only joined WASP because you believed in me, even if it caused dad so many problems clearing my police records and made us separated for a while when our relationship was just getting off the ground.”

Gordon coughed, his voice deciding to dive again into faded softness. “You got everything from the others sure, but never from me - the one you used to follow around until that stupid Olympics and that fall from grace. I wanted to give you everything too but I was afraid you wouldn't take the only thing I could ever give you. That night you did and...and I felt very special. I never expected you to run… nor have you come back to me. University was a long time ago and so was that first kiss, our first night of intimacy, one I'm glad wasn't our last.”

Smiling, he added, “Wonder if that music shop is still near the hotel? It wouldn't be a proper recreation unless we have that...sure my voice is shot, but it wouldn't be the same if I didn't serenade you like I did that night.” he laughed hoarsely, “Though it probably won't sound the same as it did nine years ago.”

John snorted as they drove on, his plan rumbled. “Geez, that obvious huh?” He chuckled, allowing the car’s growling engine fill their ears for a moment as they sped towards the Novotel.

Parking the vehicle in one of the few free spaces, John left it running as he put it in park and engaged the handbrake.

“I freaked out back then, I was wrong to… But I was convinced you were having me on,” John admitted as he turned to face his lover. “It was the most incredible night… Unforgettable. I never expected it to lead where we are today… But I wouldn’t change a thing.” He leant forward to caress his lover’s leg and nuzzled his head against his neck, warm breath tickling Gordon’s skin. “I’m so unbelievably proud of you… Your achievements and the endless strength you possess. I don’t deserve to have someone as loving and special as you… But I’m thankful for every moment I get to cherish your company. You don’t have to sing, I want you to rest up and regain your strength… You’re the most important thing in the world and I can’t thank you enough for sticking by me through everything… I love you… Endlessly.”

Gordon rubbed his cheek against John's like a cat, both of them now had a layer of face fuzz that tickled as they displayed affection.

“If it wasn't for you coming back...I'd have thrown my life away. You have always been and still are the only reason I have worth living for.” He kissed John's forehead. “And I do need to sing that song...it's important, even if it's lame. It's signified the start of an uncharted and unexplored journey for us...even if I just play and you….sing it.” Gordon rested his head on John's shoulder. “You know I chose to escape here on purpose, right?”

“You did?”

Gordon nodded. “You'll see tomorrow night.” He murmured. “I think...it's time we got to be US.”

John smiled lovingly at his sibling, “I couldn’t agree more.”

They sat for a short while, just enjoying the soft caresses and kisses that they exchanged. John cut the engine and passed the key to Gordon. “Did you really only join WASP because of me?” He asked softly. 

“Yeah.” Gordon smirked. “Wanted to prove I was worth being someone you could rely on, strong, able to lead….that crap. Come on, I was young and stupid then too, would try anything to impress you.”

John pulled Gordon in to a passionate kiss, holding their foreheads together for a moment. “I’ve always been able to rely on you,” he whispered against his lover’s lips. “You’ve saved my sorry arse more times than I care to mention. C’mon then, Clownfish… Let’s go get cleaned up and settled in, I expect you’re starving too.”

Sluggishly exiting the comfortable vehicle, John picked up the bag and slung it over his shoulder, holding his arm out for Gordon to link with his own. They entered the hotel lobby, Gordon indicating to John to wait by the elevator, he obeyed and stood back patiently letting the heavy bag slip to the floor as he watched his older sibling book their room.

Gordon wore a crafty and cunning grin upon his full lips as he strode over to where John was stood, looking particularly satisfied with himself. “You look like the cat that got the cream,” John smirked, only to have his lover poke his tongue out at him. He followed his sibling into the elevator and waited patiently whilst he selected the floor and the small box shuddered into action.

Gordon slotted the room card into the door and pushed it open, theatrically bowing and ushering his lover into the dark room. Once John was inside, the redhead flicked the lights on and let the door fall shut behind them. 

John blinked a few times and drew a sharp intake of breath as the soft lighting illuminated the room before them.

Kicking his shoes off, John stepped through from the entrance hall, where there was an ample ensuite bathroom, before moving forwards into the main section of the room. 

All walls were awash with dark colours spattered with swirling clusters of rich blue and violet tones that hazed around central nuclei of brilliant whites and pale yellows. There were splendorous elliptical bursts of bright hues against the obsidian background, representing distant galaxies and stellar remnants each seeming as if it were in motion before his eyes. The plush dense carpet beneath his feet was a warm and rich cream colour.

The expansive sized bed was a wondrous optical illusion, appearing as though it were floating in mid air with diffused cool-toned light pouring out from the vacant space underneath. The glistening satin bed covers were a deep lustrous grey colour. There were two full height windows that framed a sizeable glass door which led onto a modest balcony.

LED lights were embedded into the ceiling, randomly twinkling like stars in the night sky and a large mirror occupied the wall behind the bed.

There were sliding screens which, when John tentatively investigated, revealed a built in wardrobe. Closing the door, John turned to his lover.

“This is… Extraordinary,” he breathed, dropping the bag to the floor with a muffled thud, “It’s magnificent!”

He pulled Gordon over to the bed where they lay with their limbs entwined, soaking up the magnificent room around them. John laid his head upon his lover’s chest as he murmured his sibling’s name and expressed his gratitude faintly under his breath.

“It's as if we never left.” Gordon said quietly, a laugh playfully elicited. “But you forgot the pièce de résistance…” he sat up and touched a button on a little remote beside that controlled the room's curtains.

Two very thick light blocking curtains moved across from the floor to ceiling windows, revealing the room was not only located in the corner of the building but surrounded by the late evening views of the harbour going into dusk - the warm pinks, purples and blues washing over the water and the skyline making the bridge and the opera house stand out as it changed colours into night. John had sat up and walked over to the windows, his eyes wide, impressed by the view.

Gordon smiled as he took up position beside his lover, running hand down his back and turned when he heard the door knock.

“That, would he dinner.” He said, as loud as his voice would allow. He left John to enjoy the view while he let the hotel staff in and fussed over their dinner, setting it on the small table in the room, just like the first time they set foot in it nine years ago. The food was not quite the same, Gordon opting for roast pork with coffee and cakes for dessert instead of the seafood platter and champagne of that first date night. He thanked the staff who had slipped him something else and placed it by the bed before going back to John to take his hand and sit down in front of the other windows to dine.

“You’re spoiling me rotten,” John giggled as he sank into a chair opposite his lover. “That view never gets old.”

Gordon glanced out the window they were seated beside and smiled. “No, it doesn't. Out of all the places we've gone over the years, the views we've been allowed to see, this one has always been the most stunning.” He reached across the table and rested his hand on his brother’s. “It may not be as beautiful as space, but there's somethings you need to be on earth to appreciate.”

“I wouldn’t have you if I was stuck up there,” John lifted a finger to lock it with Gordon’s as they sat there. “I do miss it sometimes, but I wouldn’t miss this… With you… For anything. My place has always been and will always remain with you.”

John reached for one of the coffees and brought it to his lips, the scorching rich liquid warming his throat as he sipped. Rummaging in his pocket, he flicked the lid off the pill bottle and retrieved a tablet before speedily knocking it back, scowling. “I’m not going to lie to you, these things are a pain… I keep forgetting doses. This food smells absolutely delicious.”

“Hope you like. I didn't think either of us we're up for slimy seafood right now. A real dinner is better for our bodies I think.” Gordon chuckled, cutting into the roast. “Perfection. You know a good chef when they can cook food without it being pink and still tender at the sametime. That sweet butter zone of deliciousness.”

John picked up the vegetables on the end of his fork and placed them in his mouth, savouring the taste he’d missed. He enjoyed vegetables whenever he was back on earth, the fresh flavour a stark contrast to the tasteless food he was provided with whilst in orbit.

He groaned softly as his eyes fluttered shut. “This is divine,” he mumbled, “Thank you… So much.” John dug into the rest of the plate, each flavour comforting and pleasant.

“Funny how it's simple things like this that make up lots of luxuries.” Gordon mused. “Just think, while there is no longer third world countries anymore, things like this is still out if reach for many people. Not everyone can waste two hundred dollars on a fancy one off meal. Makes me feel like a class traitor every time we do.”

John glanced up at his sibling, finishing his mouthful before speaking. “I understand where you’re coming from, but you’ve worked hard dedicating yourself and risking your life to help others, try and enjoy the treats that come once in a while,” he smiled softly. “We don’t have to live extravagantly any more, we can live however we want.”

“You know I could. Backwater middle of nowhere education remember? You know I never understood why dad chose to send us off to learn in different countries when we were little only to see each other on holidays...though I guess he wanted us to have a wide spectrum of experiences. If I didn't lose that race in London I’d probably be as smart as the rest of you and at a better school. Learning to be sneaky and to read people rather than books are not the best traits to have sometimes.”

“However, without them I wouldn't have been able to keep you interested in loving me for as long as you have.” Gordon let out and amused snort. “I don't know what I would have been without you, you know? Probably reverted to crime maybe…”

“You are smart, Gordon. You’ve got far more life experience than I’ll ever have,” John reassured his sibling. “You’re too kind to be a criminal,” he laughed, “I love you for so many reasons, don’t you ever doubt that… You were the one I always looked up to as a kid, the only one with enough patience to tolerate me for any duration of time... You were so strong during your recovery, still smiling and joking, it was so inspiring to see your strength endure it all. Your loyalty and protectiveness is boundless… If it wasn’t for you, I doubt I would have seen out half of the things I’ve done.”

John laid down his cutlery and placed his hand around Gordon’s wrist. “You are far more intelligent than you give yourself credit for and more adored than you will ever know.”

Gordon blushed. John had never said anything so openly to his face, usually in bits and pieces at times where Gordon was too mentally distracted or in such a state the words didn't feel weighted due to panic or the desperate tone of John's voice to get him to respond. It was nice to be reminded that those words were always genuine.

“I don't deserve you at all. You're like my guardian angel.”

“You deserve everything in the observable universe and so much more.” John smiled, squeezing his lover’s wrist. “Now eat your food, wouldn’t want it to go cold.” He shot Gordon a quick wink before returning to his food.

Gordon let out a sigh. “If there's leftovers, I'll eat in the morning. Sure we can wack it in that little bar fridge overnight.” He wanted to eat it all but the damage to his stomach was still being felt as much as the pains in his chest. Scott and Virgil had really done a number on him this time and there was little chance it wasn't going to heal over a few days...it could take months - months Gordon didn't have if he wanted to make sure John got everything to forget his potential looming death sentence that may come sooner the way they were going. If they slowed down a little, maybe John could live a few more years? He really hoped that would be the outcome.

While John started on his cake, Gordon left the table to retrieve his requested parcel by the bed, hefting it onto his lap as he sat down and started to strum. 

Unlike that magical first night, instead of Gordon walking over to John sitting on the bed, serenading him with ‘Space Oddity’, the bed strewn with cherry blossom petals surrounded by candles, John stood up from his chair flicking off the lights as he walked over and started to strip down while he prepared to sing instead, Gordon’s voice too damaged to hold a tune.

Gordon effortlessly strummed his fingers lightly over the strings and the opening bars of the song filled the room. 

_“Ground Control to Major Tom. Ground Control to Major Tom…”_

John’s strong yet silky voice continued to curl around the lyrics that followed as he slipped the star spattered coat from around his shoulders. Rising onto the balls of his feet, he allowed the movement of his limbs to flow in graceful arcs with his words and the acoustic tone of the guitar. 

_“Ground Control to Major Tom. Commencing countdown, engines on. Check ignition and may God's love be with you…”_

Gordon plucked a chord and let it ring out, sustaining the sound as he rocked the neck of the instrument. John used the instrumental break to gracefully remove his socks to feel the soft and luxurious carpet between his toes. He locked eyes with his lover as he slowly unbuttoned the feminine shirt covering his torso, its silver threads glistening from the ambient city light that seeped through the vast windows. 

_“This is Ground Control to Major Tom. You've really made the grade. And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear. Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare…”_

Gordon was mesmerised by his lover’s sensual movements, relishing each of the graceful yet purposeful actions. The shirt leisurely falling away from his arms to reveal the anemic and fragile skin that covered his lean frame.

_“This is Major Tom to Ground Control. I'm stepping through the door. And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different today…”_

John ran his lengthy fingers over his rapidly diminishing figure, unaware of how much slimmer he was becoming, until they reached the buttons of his pants, his song unfaltering as he continued.

_“For here am I sitting in a tin can. Far above the world. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do…”_

His voice attained the higher notes of the chorus with little effort, holding the pitch in perfect time. Gordon played the shorter more staccato section of chords before returning to the slower section. John’s eyes had fallen shut as he slid one of his lithe hands under the hem of his own boxers to gently rub his length with his palm. Painstakingly drawing out the process of unbuttoning his pants one handed and tip toeing out of them as they dropped to the floor.

_“Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles. I'm feeling very still. And I think my spaceship knows which way to go. Tell my wife I love her very much, she knows…”_

John came to stand in front of his lover, hooking his thumb into his boxers as he sang, lowering them slightly to give Gordon a look at his length wrapped in his fist, his eyes flickering open to offer a foxy and sly grin to his lover.

_“Ground Control to Major Tom. Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong. Can you hear me, Major Tom?”_

John continued singing as he turned to face the window overlooking the city, his back towards his lover, pulling his boxers down and bringing his free hand diving back to grab the pronounced curve of his backside with a satisfying slap.

_“Can you... Here am I floating 'round my tin can. Far above the Moon. Planet Earth is blue and there's nothing I can do…”_

He turned back to face Gordon and leaned his back against the glass windows of the deep, darking skyline as his lover played the outro of the song, putting the guitar down against the bed before walking over towards John, his skin all glowing from the light of the night sky, kissing hims softly, hands snaking around his body, feeling every indent, every visible bone and muscle under his fingertips.

John’s fragile state was forgiven, Gordon caressing it as if he had the powers to heal it, make it as delicate as it was only a weeks ago and never pulling his lips away from his lovers, as if to be the only air he needed to breathe.

Silently, he felt hands slide under his own shirt and peeling open the buttons as fingers ran across his own skin which unlike John’s absorbed the light instead of reflecting it, turning him into shadow.

Light was being teased and seduced by shadows but not in effect to smother it, instead it was to make it burn brighter and glow like it never had before. The shadows never existing without the beam of light, it was required for its own continued existence.

Gordon was slow, exploring John like he had never touched his body before - every single bump, strange curve and unusual scar was cataloged by his hands, his finger tips. It was like he wanted this moment to last forever, to keep time frozen so he could caress and encapsulate his lover for eternity. Just like a slow burn of a candle, turning his lover into a pool of wax under his touch.

Denim fell to the floor, Gordon’s loose jeans being cast aside so John’s fingers could return the favour, both of them roadmapping each others bodies in the city lights as they twinkled like stars, thousands of shining beacons guiding them home to each other's arms.

John took his time to gently move his fingers down his lover’s chest and into the hem of his boxer shorts, lazily pushing them down past pronounced hip bones as his lips mouthed unspoken words on Gordon’s neck. 

He made sure to savour each sharp intake of breath and barely audible sigh that his lover produced. The space between them was electric and hot, the heat of their bodies and the sensual silence was delightful.

Looking up from his lover’s shoulder, John spotted themselves in the reflection of the expansive mirror, observing the expanse of Gordon’s back as he shifted his arms around, muscles twitching and tensing under the darkened skin. His sibling’s once blood red tattoos were more sepia toned in this muted light. To John, Gordon looked like a perfect sculpture, each of the chiselled marks in his skin had its own story to tell.

Gordon moved one of his arms to slide under John’s thigh and lift it up to hold against his waist, just like when they were younger lovers all tentative and unsure exactly what they were doing though this time the movement was only shaky due to how tired and injured they both were from the past few days. This brought them closer and while showering his lover with tender worshiping kisses he pushed them closer, a quiet rasping breath, almost like a sigh escaped his lips. 

He held his lover still in this position, letting them both adjust to the sensation of filling the other before Gordon started to treat John like the god of lust that he was, drawing out each movement he made so that everything was felt deep within his lover’s core, his soul, his being - much less messier than their first time from the lack of experience with a more sensual promise, not to just have sexual intimacy but to feed each other’s intertwining and mingling auras, the ocean and the skies becoming one.

The slower pace was welcomed by John, now finally able to appreciate each delicate touch upon his skin, each inch of his lover inside him and could feel Gordon’s racing heartbeat through his fingertips. 

It was like they had ceased to exist as separate beings, instead becoming an amalgamation of them both, weaving together like choking vines.

John’s breath hitched as his lover pressed into him all the way before flicking his hips up to reach further, his remaining foot being dragged from the floor for a brief moment. The sounds of their skin touching and their breaths raced around them.

Gordon held John in a tight embrace, kissing and nuzzling his face as John's hands jostled between holding his lover and the glass behind him. 

Then Gordon had an idea.

Unlike their first time, Gordon pulled most of the way out and turned until John's front was pressed against the glass, his erection flat and upright on the cool surface. 

“Thought this time you'd like a view.” Gordon whispered while kissing John's shoulders and resuming his drawn out entwinement of their bodies. “You missed it last time.”

John shuddered as the chilled glass pressed against his chest, a stark contrast to the magnificent heated body of his lover that was holding him in place.

His face was squashed up against the glass as Gordon held onto John’s hips and entered at an agonisingly slow pace. John’s mind was overwhelmed by the sensation of Gordon’s thick erection filling his tight body, his breath fogging on the glass as he exhaled in pleasure. He pushed his hands on the glass so he could stare out over the dark expanse of the sky that enveloped the glinting city lights.

John knew that if he uttered any words of reply to his lover, his voice would betray the effort it was taking to remain quiet, a small whimper escaped his lips and immediately echoed off the window.

Gordon didn't intend to stay against the window, grunting as he pulled John away from the glass and turned him around, picking him up off his feet and carrying him over to the bed, kissing him playfully and rolling him ontop of him allowing John to take the lead from above.

“You know, while that skyline is wonderful, you're the only view that I ever need.” He kissed John softly and lovingly.

Leaning forward, John deepened the kiss and laced his fingers with those of his lover to lightly pin him in place whilst he sat back, sinking gradually onto his solid erection. His head lulled forward, eyes shut as his lover permeated and filled his body. Shifting his knees further apart, John immersed himself fully and engulfing his lover completely.

Gordon’s hands moved as he grabbed the younger man’s hips, holding John’s hands firmly in place as he began to rise and fall smoothly. John’s breathless and blissful expression was framed against the faint star like LED lights, his eyes shut and mouth open as he panted softly.

His lover purred beneath him, his own body trying to keep in time with John while being pushed back into satin sheets. It was almost blissful, since they started this ‘trip’ they hadn't had time to do what they intended - despite all the sex - to have a romantic, sensual evening alone, letting their bodies do most of the talking. 

Gordon’s hands began to slip away, his breathing starting to become far more laboured than it had been for the last few days, however this was the first time he had been intimate with John lying on his back since the train and the chest injury was now fighting its way to be heard.

He pushed back, gripping onto the satin sheets and let out a soft growl as John’s hands explored his torso and could feel the internal damage, trying to heal it by touch. His head arched back on the pillows, his body stretching out and shuddering as it gave into his lovers playful tease.

Recognising the pain his lover was in, John waited until Gordon had completely released before carefully dismounting his hips and lying next to him on the silky sheets.

John pulled his lover gently towards his chest into a delicate embrace, ignoring his own desires to cradle his injured sibling, placing fluttering kisses upon his forehead. He waited for Gordon’s breathing to settle before hissing him softly on the lips, whispering into his mouth, “I love you.”

“I love you more….” Gordon joked teasingly, his voice barely existent. “That….hasn't happened before…”

John nestled into his lover’s hair, breathing in the reassuring scent quietly. “What do you mean?”

“Not being able to breathe when we make love…” Gordon’s breath caught painfully in his throat. “It should've happened in Thu-” he winced, burying his head into John's embrace. “ -if it was this bad still.”

“You always said I left you breathless,” John laughed nervously, “This isn’t right, I think I should call a doctor to come and look at you.”

“And have them call our father once they drag me to hospital?” Gordon rasped. “After our ‘present’ for Scott - aaahhhh fffft! - no… just need rest….’n maybe no sex laying down a while…”

John gently pulled the covers from under them both, slipping the soft sheets over his lover and resuming his gentle embrace. “Then rest, Clownfish. We’re safe here, rest as long as you need.”

He was mindful to keep his sibling’s chest free from any pressure as he lightly brushed his fingers over the shadow covered skin before him. He listened carefully to his lover’s laboured breathing, wincing at each painful hitch and splutter. 

Once he was assured his lover had slipped into a deep sleep, John crept out from underneath Gordon’s body and walked over to the window. He stared longingly out of the thick window across the silhouetted skyline of the city. John placed his hand against the glass and noticed the way in which his flesh had receded from his knuckles. 

Frowning at his hand he glanced down at his wasting body. The bruises were darkening further as the colours had started to bleed into one another. John cast his mind back to his attacker, the zombie-like appearance and gaunt skin. He wondered how long it would be until Gordon was no longer attracted to him, how much time he had before his lover was repulsed by his own weak and skeletal body. 

Sleep seemed to elude him as he sat before the collosal windows, mind too busy though his atrophied body desired it so. John returned to lay beside his lover in the hopes that he would be welcomed soon into the arms of sleep.

 


	14. Deep Abyss

_Fire burns...Gordon shifted uncomfortably, reaching out for John -_

_But he wasn't there._

_He was used to waking up alone, but this was different… This time he was waking up in his bed on Tracy Island in the here and now, long after John's passing._

_Sitting up in a panic, he gripped the sheets to toss them aside, only to be pushed back onto the bed._

_“Gordon, you shouldn't be moving.”_

_He couldn't place the voice or the blurry figure infront of him but felt something being pushed into his palm._

_“Dad said to make sure your taking these… supposed to help level your emotions and other...issues out.”_

_“Level out em… why?”_

_“Because you've been diagnosed with a mental illness and dad doesn't want to risk you turning on one of us.”_

_“Turning?”_

_“You know, trying to trick us into having sex with you...like you did with John.”_

_Gordon grabbed the blurred figure and struggled to make them out. “But I - we...we loved each other!”_

_“Sure...and I totally believe you but just to be certain, you NEED to take these.”_

_“Never!” Gordon growled. “You can't make me! You can't turn the only good thing in my whole life into something that it wasn't!”_

_“No, you did that yourself. Your sick sexual attraction was what killed John. You're lucky you’re not in prison for what you did.”_

_“I didn't kill him…”_

_“Yeah, you did. The moment you asked him to have sex with you...you more or less killed him.”_

_Gordon sat up to take a swipe at the figure before him only to fall off the bed, or what was at that moment a solid bed. He never hit the floor, instead floating downward into a deep abyss, fish swimming past him, screaming and hollering in pain._

_Those terrified cries all had faces, people who he rescued, people who died in his arms and the families of those dead, the heads of the fish distorting and becoming human to intensify the screams._

_A hand reached down, pale slender and glowing with light and everytime he stretched his own out to touch it something pulled him away, long suckers tearing into his naked skin as blood red tentacles dragged him further from the light._

_He woke up with a start - but looking around everything was black, a void without life, beginning or end. As he stood up fire flared before him, surrounding him and blackened figures shrieked from the flames, one of which he recognized as the small child he failed to rescue and another of a family that neither he or Alan could reach as another building exploded in a ball of fire._

_Rescues that went all wrong, the stuff that fueled his nightmares._

_He fell to his knees, clutching his head praying for them to stop, begging for forgiveness of those he couldn't save._

John awoke on the floor of the bathroom his body feverishly shivering. His throat was raw from the acidic burn of stomach acid. Pushing his head from the floor, John froze as he heard deep gasping breaths from the other room. Stomach lurching, he began dragging his aching body across the floor. Using the solid side of the ample bathtub to help him stand, heading towards the panicked choking breaths. 

Gordon was writhing and gulping for air on the bed. His eyes were screwed shut and his sweat-covered face was painted with anguish as he was tormented by invisible demons. John sank onto the bed beside his lover, careful not to startle Gordon as he barely avoided a hand that lashed out in fear. 

“Hey! Shhh, it’s alright. Gordon it’s not real, please wake up! Come back to me.” John tried to soothe his sibling as his body convulsed beneath the covers. He firmly held Gordon’s shoulders down to stop him from causing any further damage to his injured body.

_The screams got louder, the ashened bodies drew closer, reaching out and then -_

_Silence._

_He lay there lifeless, eyes dull in colour, no longer breathing, no heartbeat._

_Beautiful celestial hands touched and fingered his corpse, trying their hardest to give him life._

_Then he blinked, coughing up something big and impossible and he knew he was dead when his heart was vomited up onto the ground before him, the hands picking it up dripping dark blood over their perfect white skin before transforming to bone leaving nothing but skeletal digits which squeezed his heart, spilling more blood and forcing Gordon to grab his chest as he felt the constriction and the brittle bones breaking and piercing the heart itself._

_“_ Gordon!”

John shook his lover’s shoulders gently, trying to pull him from the monstrous and terrifying nightmare that engulfed his mind, twisting his thoughts in grotesque ways. John didn’t possess the vigor to hold his more athletic sibling still, struggling to hold on as he twisted and turned.

“Gordon, wake up! C’mon!”

_Vultures circled. They liked a good view._

_The birds shadows loomed overhead as Gordon rolled the body in his arms closer._

_Well it should have been a body._

_It was a skeleton, dressed in John's clothes...long since dead and picked clean of flesh. He himself had a gaping hole in his chest cavity where once his heart, lungs and ribcage had sat._

_He couldn't save John...he failed him, just as he had those people in those rescues. Why were they all dead and he still alive? It made absolutely no sense why the innocent must die around him and he, trouble maker, sinner, monster was allowed to keep living - especially when on more than one occasion he should have died._

_He lifted the skeleton, choosing it as his own burden to bare and started to carry it forward away from the birds until his feet were drenched in water, raindrops dripping from a non existent sky._

_Salty tears started to create a flood around his ankles, rising up to his waist as he walked, clinging to the dead like weights of cement that were to pull him down, to drown him._

_He didn't deserve to live while they all died_

Panicking that his lover was not rousing from his terrifying nightmare, John clambered on top of Gordon’s tormented body as he shook, trying arduously to fend off and trap his lover’s flailing limbs to keep them still. His outstretched hand crashed down swiftly on Gordon’s arm in frustration. 

John understood though was unfazed by the potential risks and dangers of stirring his lover from a nightmare in such a way, however he desperately needed Gordon to wake up so he could bring his breathing under control. There had been a few occasions where Gordon had lashed out in his sleep whilst fending off his darkest fears, John recalled a particular incident in which Scott had ended up with a broken nose, rather deservedly John had thought at the time, whilst attempting to push his sleep-trapped sibling off the sofa. John, who had been on rotation at the time, had received an embarrassed call from Gordon and had spent the following few hours attempting to reassure and calm his sibling from the confines of space.

Holding onto Gordon’s strong arms with all of the dwindling strength that remained, John brought his face close to that of his lover. A gurgled choking sound was coming from Gordon’s throat causing John to shout out, his voice cracking with urgency. “GORDON! Wake up! Fuck… Just... WAKE UP!”

_As the sea of tears washed over him, he let go of the skeleton, crying out for it not to leave him. Next thing he knew, he was having sex with it, his own body not just missing its chest cavity but turning into tentacles, becoming a monster as it abused the bones before him, screaming in horror as they started to grow skin and become his living lover who was desperately fighting to keep him away._

_He was damaged, broken and dragging his lover down with him till he started to scream, but no voice, no sound came out. He couldn't get off John, nor stop the monstrous limbs violating him, forced to watch until the body of his lover stopped moving._

_Until he killed him…_

_Fire consumed him, eating his soul. Gordon awoke startled but was alone on his knees still full of holes, blood caked and coughing up more._

_All alone, his angel long gone…_

_“John...don't -don't go….” Gordon rasped. “D-don't go…”_

_It was a funeral and everyone was there - Scott sat with their father, Alan and Tintin and Virgil sat a few rows ahead - he was never one to want emotional baggage other than his own at these things and Gordon was in front of everyone, this tiny gathering of family, John's professors from college….no friends in sight…_

_He felt so bad that so few people truly knew how beautiful a person his brother was. He wanted to tell them all, but there was nothing, his voice was gone and broken._

_He looked out into the little audiences of saddened and ashamed faces and saw a peculiar set of blue eyes watching him._

_Startled he ran over to the casket and peered inside._

_It wasn't John lying in there...it was himself. Looking back around the room was now empty bar this one person in tears. He walked over to them to see if they were ok._

_Those blue eyes stared through him, whispery blonde hair stuck to his teary face._

_“Because you killed me you died alone,” the voice whispered like the gentle rustle of trees in the wind. “No one came, no one cared about you anymore...only I did and you didn't save me. I'm already dead, this hall is empty because the only person to love and want you doesn't exist anymore in this world….”_

Gordon rolled over, taking John by surprise and was on top of him, his voice struggling for sounds as pain shot through his chest. “You've got no right to say that about yourself! You were loved by everyone and still are! No matter what you say to me John you are forever loved, will never be forgotten! Even… even…” his words were badly mouthed out as he started to give in to his lack of ability to breathe. “Even if….even….no one knows the truth about us…and how much I need you...how much I miss you, bleed out my heart for you in my darkest hours….they can drug me, take you away…. But they can...can never…tell my soul that… it wasn't love….that I'm a monster and that I killed you….”

The last few words were choked out without sounds at all, his muscles spasming as he collapsed, his heart racing but no longer able to keep breathing, his body all clammy with his forehead aflame.

John lay pinned to the bed under the weight of his unconscious lover, terrified and confused. 

“G-Gordon?” He stuttered, his own chest constricted by the pressure above him. One of his hands was stuck between their bodies but he shakily tried to shift Gordon’s weight off of him with the other. 

Panic consumed him as he could no longer hear the rasping breaths of his sibling.

“GORDON! Ungh… Gordon!”

John pushed hard against Gordon’s chest, tears stinging at his eyes as he cried out in terror.

“No no no… No! Gordon, please! Mmmph- Don’t leave me!” 

Finally heaving Gordon’s weight from his own body, John freed his trapped hand and rolled his lover away onto his back.

Kneeling beside Gordon and gripped his head, John hovered his ear against his lover’s lips, frantically listening for any noises and staring at the chest before him. Gordon’s chest was unnervingly still.

John tilted his lover’s head back and locked his fingers together, placing them upon Gordon’s sternum. 

“Fuck!” John cried out, tears streaming down his face, “Don’t do… Don’t d-do this! G-Gordon! PLEASE!” 

He pushed his entire weight down onto his lover’s week chest, focusing his panicking mind on maintaining a steady and firm rhythm and counting his compressions as he went. 

“Come b-back! Gordon?” 

John tentatively pinched Gordon’s nose and sealed his slim lips around those of his lover. He delivered two long breaths into Gordon’s silent lungs, listening carefully for any noises.

Nothing.

John called out for his lover once more as he slammed his fist weakly onto Gordon’s chest. 

“NO!”

Setting himself back up to resume the process of the tiring compressions, John began to pump his hands against Gordon’s chest once more, desperate and petrified. 

If only he were stronger, maybe then he would be able to save his lover. John’s body was exhausted and he was struggling to deliver the pressure needed to fully depress Gordon’s breastbone to complete the chest compressions. 

Once again, he drew a deep breath and delivered it as powerfully as his own lungs would allow through Gordon’s blue tinged lips.

Gordon’s chest finally heaved, his battered lungs clawing for precious oxygen. It sounded terrible, like the rattling of a train carriage going full steam along a rickety bridge.

“Yes!” John cried, lifting Gordon’s chin to give the incoming breaths of lifesaving air a more direct route to his lungs. “That’s it! K-keep breathing! Oh Gordon you BEAUTY! Come on, just keep going!” 

John sighed as he collapsed exhausted beside the pained yet reassuring gasps of his sibling. 

He rested his head beside his lover’s, watching as Gordon’s chest transitioned from jagged and harsh movements as he gulped down oxygen, to a slower and more steady rate. 

Sobs finally escaped John’s throat as he latched tightly onto Gordon’s arm. His body shook with fear as he lay there, realising how close he had just come to losing the most important person in the world. 

John’s fatigued body ached as he lay next to his lover, unable to do anything but silently cry for his injured lover, feeling pathetic that he could not move. A combination of adrenaline, pure fear and exhaustion meant he was trapped within his own body unable to make a noise or move a muscle, rooted to the spot.

_The hands that tried to heal his lifeless corpse where back, this time wielding swords with sharp blades, tearing the monstrous limbs away, ripping them free and while what was left was mangled and broken, they cupped what was left of Gordon’s tortured soul and held it in their palms, breathing new life and giving the remains the wings it deserved._

_Feathers fell around him as a creature of pure light held him tight, trying to save him from the torturous darkness._

_This being would never leave him, shining brilliantly whenever the monsters started to pick themselves up to attack, forcing them to slink back into the shadows._

Cradling his lover’s head within his shaking arms, John pulled himself closer so that he could smooth his long fingers through Gordon’s damp hair.

“You’re okay… You’re alive… You’re okay!” John repeated his hushed mumblings, more to reassure himself than to offer as words of encouragement for his sibling.

Feeling his lover twitching, John looked down at his flickering eyelids. Gordon was back in the torment of his sleeping mind. John winced as he pawed at his lover’s neck and face. 

“No… No, don’t you go there again… Come back to me,” he begged, tears threatening once more. 

“Let him go! Let him come back!” John clutched possessively at Gordon’s arms and shoulders. “C’mon, Clownfish… Wake up for me? Gordon please, I need you to wake up!”

“John…..Jonathan...please don't go…” Gordon's lips mouthed softly. “Please……”

Relief flooded like a swollen storm surge through John’s body, overwhelming him.

“I’m right here Gordon, right here,” he soothed, pressing his face against the side of his lover’s head and nudging his ear before whispering, “I’m not going anywhere, I’m staying right here with you. You’re not alone… you’re safe here.”

John pulled Gordon closer to his chest, “I thought I’d lost you… thought you’d gone.” His breath caught on the emotion that stuck in this throat. “You’re alive and safe now, your dreams can’t get you here… I won’t let them get you.”

“Please...don't leave me….” Gordon whispered out finally, his grip tightening around his thinning lover. “Don't...ever leave….”

“I’m not leaving you,” John breathed softly into Gordon’s ear, pressing a kiss to his temple. “I’ll be right here with you, for as long as I live.”

 


	15. Public cock tease

“I swear I am fine, John.” Gordon assured him, despite being very inaudible. “There is nothing that's going to stop me taking you by the hand up to that restaurant, not even you.” 

He playfully tapped John on the nose. For the first time Gordon wore a three quarter length t-shirt with a wide neck and a pair of tight leather pants - both things John purposely picked for him back in Canada to show off his wide chest, small waist and tightly packed muscles and the last thing he expected him to wear after his mild complaint before they escaped Canada.

Heck, walking around wasn't expected either but at least being upright made Gordon seem to breathe without a problem, so next time they slept he wasn't allowed to lie flat anymore.

“Does this look how you expected? I'm not good with clothes….” he admitted chuckling quietly, reaching his hand out to grasp John’s long fingers, ignoring his lover’s attempts to prevent him. He wasn't to be deterred by John's sudden strange behavior around him trying to erase the fact his lover was being overprotective after last nights minor episode.

Gordon had slowly started to revert to his ‘secret lover’ behavior, the one he usually used around the island back home when he and John couldn't be alone. Without words he would drop little teases and displays of affection, a secret code for John alone but with the addition of a few extra public variations.

It was easier than fighting for words that were struggling to be uttered from his lips, still making him able to show John he loved him. Sure sometimes talking had been unavoidable but John seemed to be ok with it, picking up in the silent lingo.

“You should be resting,” John hissed, protesting as Gordon dragged him along as they walked through the crowded streets, “I just think- call me a spoilsport - that you should at least have a few more hours sleep? Given that you nearly died?”

The last words were barely audible as John gulped and shifted uncomfortably as people whizzed by him, mind racing and chest tightening. John had not recovered from the terrifying ordeal in the hotel room, wanting to remain there until he was sure Gordon had rested.

The older sibling however, had bigger plans for them. 

Gordon then stopped and looked up, grinning and giving John a gentle nudge and his hand a squeeze, pointing upwards before kissing him and uttering quietly “Remember yet?”

John’s gaze followed Gordon’s index finger to the top of the impressive tower ahead of them. Memories flickering through his mind. He couldn’t help he wide grin that plastered his face.

“Of course I remember,” he breathed before turning to Gordon and playfully pushing his arm, “How could I forget? You’re a sensitive soul under all that.”

John hung back to stare at the towering structure ahead of them, lost in the memories of that first night…

Gordon stood at the tower base entrance and waited calmly for John to catch up before holding his hand again as they entered and entered the lift that went up to the rotating platform in the sky.

They were warmly welcomed onto the distantly familiar revolving restaurant deck and directed to a table that was dwarfed by the tall glass windows that surrounded the level. Taking to their seats, John politely thanked the waiter as the menus were placed gently before them.

John’s expression lit up as he watched Gordon excitedly flick through the menu. “You never cease to amaze me, Clownfish. You’re always full of surprises,” he smiled affectionately. 

When the waiter returned after a short while, John selected a small salad and a single glass of tap water, all signs of an appetite dwindling away.

Gordon pointed to something on the menu before him and the waiter looked at him, and decided best not to argue. While John may have looked like he was wasting away from anorexia, Gordon looked just as sickly, the bruises healing only a little but the dark circles under his eyes we definitely an indicator that something wasn't quite right with him and that he should be kept a closer eye on incase he collapsed at the table.

Both of them held each other's hand from across the table and watched as the view rotated around, providing an uncompromised three hundred and sixty degree view of Sydney below them. Gordon pointed to a rooftop pool and snorted, as you could just make out a nude pool party.

When their orders arrived John gave Gordon a worried look which he waved off, as Gordon knew fine well he couldn't eat anything more than soup and since it wasn't usual for him to so he expected a look of confusion. He did hope the glass of white wine was ok, he himself unsure if he could swallow it.

“Still struggling with food, huh?” John asked quietly as he picked up a few leaves of his salad. Gordon merely nodded in response, tentatively sipping his soup from the spoon.

Looking out of the full length windows, John took in the stunning city below them as it was bathed in glorious sunlight. He was becoming increasingly anxious about his sibling’s injuries, terrified that one false move could cause his weakened lungs to fail again.

John absentmindedly nudged the food around his plate whilst he was lost in thought, considering his options on how best to care for his lover.

Gordon watched John play with his food a little and while he was distracted, he swapped their dishes around, so John's salad fork splashed into the soup. He gave him a smug look, holding out the spoon for him.

John smiled, shaking his head as he took the spoon from Gordon’s hand. He sampled the soup whilst he watched his lover dig at the leaves on the plate before him. 

“Soup is wonderful, how are you enjoying your salad?” John smirked, suppressing a giggle as Gordon looked up, a slender green leaf sticking out between his lips.

Gordon coughed and spat it out. He couldn't swallow the salad, even if he wanted to. He excused himself, located the waiter and ordered another bowl of soup before returning to his seat. At the very least they could both get that food down, no fight required.

“Thank you, I didn’t think to go for soup. This is truly as perfect as the first time we were here. I’ve even got the same butterfly feeling in my stomach.” John grinned as he grasped Gordon’s hand, squeezing it tightly.

Gordon leaned over the table and kissed John's cheek before the extra bowl of soup arrived.

Eating in silence wasn't exactly how it went though, Gordon picking out the garnish and tucking it behind John's ear playfully and licking the spoon before balancing it on his nose - silly things to hear John's wonderful laughter. 

John snorted loudly whilst trying to swallow his soup, his sibling’s daft actions causing him to dribble the liquid down his chin, grasping for the serviette to cover his face as he laughed heartily. It earned a couple of questionable looks from the waiting staff and the table behind Gordon. 

Lifting his head from the cloth in his hands, John contorted his face, crossing his eyes and darting his tongue out in retaliation.

Gordon gave a devious grin in return and then teasingly lowered one of his hands under the table and began to pantomime wanking himself off, the expressions and little panting noises clearly deliberate because he had an audience.

John tried his best to look shocked but failed as he exploded into laughter once more, covering his mouth with his hands as his shoulders began to shake.

“You’re gonna get us kicked out,” he muttered under his gasping breaths. 

Gordon raised his brows, grinning. He hinted for John to look under the table.

Raising an eyebrow, John gently lowered himself so he could peek underneath the wooden table. He gasped and knocked his head against the table as he sat back up to look Gordon in the eyes.

His lover wasn't faking it. 

Gordon pressed a finger to his lips and gave John a conspiratorial wink. 

“You’re filthy,” John smirked deviously, pushing his soup to one side and leaning closer to his lover across the small table, “Now imagine I’ve got you bent over this table,” he purred in a sultry tone, “My cock deep in that tight arse of yours…”

Gordon's expression changed to one of ‘you serious?’as he bit on one of his fingers, then licking it teasingly.

John leant back against the seat, smirking at Gordon before biting his own bottom lip. He let out a quiet whimpering moan, eyes falling shut as he theatrically ran his hand down his own chest, reaching the hem of his pants before snapping his eyelids open and staring back at Gordon, eyes smouldering.

Gordon waited until John's eyes fluttered closed for another tease and ducked under the table so when his lover's eyes reopened he had vanished. Assuming Gordon had gone hastily to the bathroom John started sniggering until he felt hands under the table undoing his pants fly and freeing him from his boxers before enveloping him in something warm and moist.

John gasped in shock as he felt Gordon draw his length into his mouth. “Ahh!”

Moaning quietly, John brought his hand to his mouth biting on his thumb and using the remaining fingers to cover it. 

“Nnnnnngh, uhhh.” 

John forced himself to close his eyes, biting down on his thumbs to prevent his moans. The rhythmic moving of his lover beneath the table sending shivers and shudders through his body.   
“Is everything alright with the meals, Sir?”

Eyes flying open, John glanced up at the waiter who was hovering awkwardly beside the table looking at him with concern.

“J-Just fine!” He stammered behind his hand.

John looked up at the waiter just as Gordon took his erection deeper into his mouth. He bit back a moan and swallowed thickly.

“Food’s great!” He squeaked, breaking eye contact and flicking his eyes towards the window. 

“Glad to hear it, Sir,” the waiter offered, giving John a strange look, “Let me know if there’s anything else I can get you.”

John nodded his head quickly and was grateful when he was finally left alone. He thrust his hand under the table and tried to push his lover away, only to have it captured as Gordon laced his fingers firmly with his own.

Then there was a very deep throaty growl under the table that John could just hear. “You better order dessert.” 

Lapping his tongue along John's member and teasingly sucking on the head he then added, “Better make it ice cream.” before drawing him deep into his throat into a choker. Luckily the table cloth touched the floor, otherwise it would have been obvious he was playing with himself down there too.

John yelped as he felt the head of his length be tightly surrounded by his lover’s throat, desperately fighting to remain still as his body was assaulted with pleasure.

He glanced around before making eye contact with another of the waiting staff, smiling awkwardly as the young man walked over.

“Can I get you anything, Sir?” The waiter enquired happily, observing John’s forced smiling facial expression, a thin veil of sweat was forming on his brow.

Gulping quickly, John spoke, his voice a little higher than usual, “Would it… I mean- Can I order two ice creams please?”

The waiter shot John a strange glance as he raised an eyebrow, “Of course, right away… Is- uh- everything alright, Sir? Was the soup not to your taste?”

“Soup was lovely!” John cooed, shifting his hand down gently into Gordon’s hair, “Just- Uhhh- Wanted something a little sweeter-AH!”

Just then a hand appeared up on the table, feeling around until it found a napkin before disappearing again.

The waiter stared at where Gordons hand had appeared from with a mixture of shock and disgust. 

“Ohh, ignore him!” John offered, holding the gaze of the waiter, “Gets real sick when he’s high up, terrified of heights…”

Just then, Gordon use his mouth to do one last throat choker forcing John to let it all out.

John let out a quiet moan as his body tended and hunched forward, his elbows hitting the table as he bit down hard on his thumb. 

His body was tending and shuddering as Gordon lapped up whatever remained, coughing quietly under the table.

“I think you need to leave.”

A loud growl came from under the table before a hand shot out from under the table and grabbed the man by the ankle. 

“I own this restaurant.” Came a low gravelly voice. “Property of Tracy Investment Building Holdings. I can do what I like.”

“I think you should be careful of who you speak to in such a way,” John smirked as he lay back against the seat, observing the waiter as he tried to shake Gordons arm from his leg. 

The waiter hurriedly left the table, allowing John to relax a little against the seat, leaning towards the window.

“You’re a cheeky minx, y’know that?” He breathed heavily at Gordon as he peered under the table cloth.

Gordon sat back in his chair, grinning slyly and pulling his id out of his wallet and flicked it indicating they may need it. They both had very special id cards to prove who they were and that indeed on any scan system showed they were considered owners of any of their father's investments - and while this was indeed the first dinner date place they ever went to nine years ago, Gordon knew for a fact their father acquired it for their mother as she loved it so much and didn't want to see the place shut down. It was one of the few places Gordon didn't mind showing his face in of their father's holdings, because all it took was one swipe of their identity cards and they were completely left alone.

The waiter returned with someone from management who took a minute or two before saying to the man, “These two men can have anything they like on the house and do whatever they please!”

“But they were-”

“They are the big boss's sons, man!” He snapped before turning to Gordon and John. “I'm dreadfully sorry Mister Tracy, sirs. Peter is new...we won't disturb you with his nonsense again.”

John nodded at the man as he apologised again before he left, muttering to the waiter whose face was growing more flushed.

He leant his head back against the seat and sighed, his body still recovering from Gordon’s actions.

“That was brilliant,” he breathed, looking across the table at Gordon.

His lover resumed eating his now cold soup and twiddled the spoon around in his mouth and playfully messing with it using his tongue.

He was giving John an invitation.

Glancing around, John ducked his head down and slipped underneath the table, settling between his lover’s legs on his knees.

Gordon’s erection was still freed from the confines of his boxers so John wasted no time, engulfing the entire wide length into his waiting mouth. 

He slipped his slender fingers underneath his lover and teased his entrance slowly, tentatively pressing a digit inside and using his free hand to gently caress his lover’s balls.

Gordon’s legs shifted wider to accommodate his lover and unlike John, he was able to keep his reactions under some considerable control but only because there were plenty of times the situation demanded it - Gordon usually being the ride of choice when they needed things secret and silent.

It didn't mean he wasn't enjoying it though.

One of his hands was under the table, massaging his fingers in John's hair, very careful not to grip it, pull it or force his head to go deeper. He knew that one: John wouldn't like it, stopping and ending his playtime there; and two: Gordon had noticed more and more blonde hair coming out in John's hair brush, meaning the stress of everything was affecting him and Gordon had no intention of adding to the problem - John was probably more aware of the hair shedding than he let on for Gordon's benefit and Gordon didn't think that was right. John could be bald as a billiard ball and he'd still make love to him - looks were not the reason Gordon loved him, never had been, never will.

John added another finger inside his lover as he matched the pace with his other actions. He knew Gordon was unlikely to react in the same way he had, though it wasn’t deterring him from trying to pull a moan or at least some involuntary noise from the stoic man above him.

He nestled his head back into the affectionate touch of Gordon’s hand, pulling his fingers out before inserting a third as he pushed his mouth hard onto his lover’s length pushing it deep into his throat.

Gordon involuntary kneed the table. It was either that or buck his hips and have John's head connect with it. He tapped the spoon on the tables surface twice so John knew that he didn't want him to stop.

John grinned to himself, his mouth still full with his lover’s impressive member. He heard footsteps walking over, the young waiter from before announcing his presence as he heard the sound of bowls being placed on the table above him.

He angled his arms to hold Gordon’s knees in place before quickly inserting all of his fingers as deep into his lover’s body as deep as he could manage, carefully gripping Gordon’s hips below his free hand.

He lazily swirled his tongue around the width of his lover’s erection and created a little pressure by sucking his cheeks in.

There was a growl up above and the feet if the waiter making a hasty exist, clearly word had gotten around that the owner’s son was out having a stress relief engagement with a ‘male consort’ and wanted to be left alone. It's not like they hadn't seen weirder in public before and at the very least, it was kept to themselves and out of view. 

Eventually, a small bowl was passed under the table with a spoon - cold pistachio ice cream filled it to the top.

Gordon hoped John got the message.

Keeping his fingers firmly in place, John placed a large spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. It was delicious, so much so that he ate the first spoonful before adding a second, keeping it in his mouth as he gently brought it upon the tip of Gordon’s waiting erection. 

John pressed his tongue against the underside of the length in his mouth, the cold ice cream melting and dribbling out and down into his shirt. He ungracefully loaded up more of the frozen soft pale green dessert into his mouth before pressing the frigid spoon against the skin below Gordon’s balls.

Gordon’s body shivered, his legs pulling inward more to stabilize himself.

He tapped his spoon on the table three times, a warning that anymore and John was going to get more than a throat full of ice cream.

John lifted more dessert into his mouth and continued to envelop his lover in the cooling liquid, speeding his efforts as he felt muscles tighten around his fingers and beneath his hand. 

Gordon’s free hand gripped the table, fighting to control the spasm as he released his orgasm, hard, fast and brutal into John's awaiting jaws however he held his lovers head in place as the intensity of holding out for so long meant there was a large load to come out, not just filling his lover's mouth but quite honestly forcing him to milk everything out.

Every single last drop.

Spluttering slightly, John choked as Gordon finally released his grip on his head. The younger man fell backwards onto the floor, panting as he coughed down all Gordon had given him.

He quickly wiped his face and hands on the tablecloth and sat back panting against the chair, satisfied he had drawn everything from his sibling as he slowly reappeared from below the table, ice cream bowl clutched in hand.

Settling himself back in his chair, John shoveled more of the cooling dessert into his mouth as it mixed with the slightest hint of the taste of his lover.

“Better?” He giggled, observing Gordon’s shocked expression. 

Gordon gave him a sidelong glance and nodded, smiling as he did so. “How's the flavour?” He croaked, his voice still a shipwreck.

Locking eyes with Gordon’s, John licked his bottom lip slowly, smirking. “Delicious.”

“Good.” He grinned devilishly. “As you going to taste it again when I hold the elevator for a few extra minutes.”

The smirk grew wider as he spooned more of the ice cream slowly into his mouth, savouring the flavour on his tongue. “With pleasure,” he winked.

The ride back down in the elevator was longer than Gordon promised - halting it for a good hour while John gave him another head session but because of the mirror at the back of the little box, Gordon also gave his lover a quick and fast session so he could watch his body and how it moved with Gordon within it, telling him over and over how beautiful he is.

Back at the hotel room, John flopped out on the bed and pulled the freshly made sheets around himself, watching as Gordon stripped his clothes off and strode over to the shower. 

Stretching out in the bed, he peeled away his own clothes and shoved them to the floor. John curled up and yawned, gently slipping into a peaceful sleep.


	16. Monsters

John awoke to the sound of grunting as Gordon’s was dressing himself by the windows. Rolling over he watched as his lover struggled into his pants, his bruises still dark but paling around the edges indicating their healing. John paused as he looked down at his own bruises, still as fresh as the day they had been inflicted.

“Sorry,” he called softly, letting Gordon know he had roused from his sleep, “I must have dozed off. Are you alright?”

“Sort of.” Gordon’s voice mutedly mumbled. “You picked really tight pants for me this time. Leather doesn't fit everyone you know.”

He looked up and awkwardly walked over, choosing not to sit on the bed incase his pants split. “Feeling a little better? You had a mild fever so I let you sleep” he rasped.

John nodded sluggishly though he still felt exhausted, “Just tired, I’ll be fine,” he waved off Gordon’s concerns, “I happen to think they look great on you, besides, I’ve never had any trouble with them.”

He grinned as he avoided a playful swipe from his lover, grabbing his hand and kissing it fondly, “What are you plotting, Clownfish? Do I need to get ready?”

“That camera I bought you before heading back, bring it.” He purred softly, raising his lover’s head gently off the bed. “You'll want to remember this night.”

John nuzzled his head into the hands of his lover, sighing contentedly. He let his eyes fall shut as Gordon lightly stroked his thumb along John’s cheek.

“Oh?” He questioned, raising his eyebrows but keeping his eyes closed, “Where are we going?”

When there was no response from beside him, John opened his eyes to look up at Gordon’s smiling yet smug face. “You’re not telling me, are you?”

Gordon nodded, leaning over to kiss John on the cheek. “Grab clothes you can dance in.” He whispered. “Tonight, we're going to be free.”

John smiled excitedly at his lover before climbing out of the bed to clean himself off in the shower. His head was spinning by the time he stepped under the scorching stream of water. He exhaled shakily as he gently scrubbed his skin with some soap. Switching the shower controls to a cooler setting, John let the fresh water cool his skin, refreshing him from his sleepy state.

Stepping out of the shower, he stumbled slightly, falling back against the wall as he grabbed a towel. He took a moment to compose himself before he wrapped himself in the large bath sheet and sank to the floor to rest. 

He lazily dried his skin and crawled over to the door, carefully pulling himself to stand up, leaning against the basin. Chucking the towel back onto the rail, John exited the steamy room before entering the other room, grabbing the bag to select his outfit.

Choosing a tight pair of black leather trousers, John slipped them on over his underwear before frowning as they hung loosely around his hips. He dug around the bag looking for a belt to no avail, instead selecting a pale pink shirt and a rich blue off the shoulder top to wear over it.

Glancing up, he saw Gordon eyeing him with concern. 

“My outfit that bad?” He joked, pushing the bag away and motioning for Gordon to join him on the bed. 

Gordon shook his head. “Are you sure you are ok? We...we can skip it you know. I've run you a bit into the dirt since we arrived.” He rasped as he gave John a kiss. “It's your call you know. It won't be the same if you can't enjoy it too.”

“Oh I won’t be sitting tonight out,” John replied, kissing his lover again, “Wouldn’t miss anything with you for the world.”

Beaming up at his sibling, John reached for his tablets on the bedside table. “We can always rest tomorrow.”

Gordon nodded. “If you collapse though, we're heading straight back here. I'm not going to risk losing you, not yet, not ever.”

John looked down at his feet briefly before returning his gaze to Gordon’s honey glazed eyes, “Damn you read my like a book,” he paused, “I’m pretty sure that was from getting up a bit fast, I promise I’ll let you know straight away if I don’t feel right, I just don’t want to miss this, not when it’s clearly going to be something so fun and interesting!”

“That's open for debate, though being there is better than watching it on television for a change.”

The younger man searched his brain trying to think of what Gordon was talking about, before it clicked as he looked on in wonder at his sibling. “The Mardi Gras? Yes! This is going to be amazing!”

John leapt to his feet and threw his arms around his sibling. “Thank you, I don’t deserve you… After all these years, you still surprise me.” He pressed their lips together, careful not to put any weight against Gordon’s chest.

“I figured better late than never.” Gordon nuzzled him in return.

It took a while to walk around through the crowds of thousands of people, Gordon shouldering his way through and parting a safe way for John to follow him before the crowd filled the space behind them. Gordon could feel John holding onto his shirt and sticking very close, his fear of crowds trying hard to fight his desire to enjoy himself.

Eventually at around the Flinders Street Gordon had managed to get John infront of him and facing the action as floats of all sort with bright colours, amazing costumes and dancing filled the street.

For the first time, John was speechless, usually using the time watching it on the television to tell Gordon about each one, what they're representing and the theme of the parade - not that Gordon didn't already know but let his lover explain anyway as it was always something he wanted to see up close and always got him excited.

Gordon watched as John's camera clicked away as he suddenly started to relax and get into his groove. In a way, this was all for John, he never felt he needed his sexuality to be validated nor his unorthodox relationship - only John could ever do that last one anyway.

He was either mellowing out now they were finally free or something was seriously wrong with him, more than the damage to his chest cavity. Even John who was clearly sicker than he let on was doing better than he was. The reason he was quick to get dressed was due to strange lacerations that had seemed to appear over the last few hours around his hips, marks that were not there before they went out to lunch.

He must have over done it, it had to be the case...what else could they be from?

He watched John dance around excitedly until something yanked him into the street. Well they certainly were something - the performer in question was a drag queen dressed in one of singer Kylie Minogue’s famous peacock stage dresses, all magnificent and all in colorful plumes.

“Why hello cutie, why such a long face? Supposed to be enjoying the parade hun.”

Gordon blushed as the performer held his hand and gave him a playful twirl. “You alone or with friends?”

Gordon stuttered. “M..m..my husband…” 

“Oh? Well he must be a charmer to have such a wonderful looking catch like yourself, tell me-” the beautiful drag queen leaned over his shoulder and pointed. “Is that him?”

Gordon nodded. John was getting chatted up by a David Bowie drag king, playfully flirting with him while he took pictures.

“He seems to be the life of the party, let's go join them!” They said pulling him along until they were with the company of the other performer.

John was ecstatic, grabbing Gordon excitedly and shaking him a little as words just jumbled out in one huge blob.

“Settle…” Gordon rasped. “One word at a time”

“This is amazing,” John spoke slowly, shimmering crystal blue eyes lit up as he held Gordon tightly, “It’s everything I ever dreamed it would be and so much more… I can’t thank you enough! Look who I found,” John smirked as he gestured to the magnificent Bowie drag King behind him.

He pulled Gordon into a breathtaking kiss, a few cheers and whistles coming from the crowd around them, “Are you having fun?” John beamed happily.

Gordon smiled a little shyly. “Yeah. Not used to it.” He mumbled.

Scratch that thing about Gordon feeling comfortable about his sexuality. Here, surrounded by so many people who were open and proud to be who they were made Gordon realise how much he really was still inside that closest, this was nothing compared to the little public displays of affection or outrageous silliness at places like the train and the restaurant. This made him feel exposed and a little inadequate because none of the billions in the crowd would be committing the crimes he had been - nine years of incest with his same sex sibling, all hitting him hard with how cruel he had been to do that to his younger brother - to not direct him to someone else to love properly that wasn't related to him.

He watched John bound around and get lifted up by the performers onto the float to dance with them and wished he could have been a better brother than the creature he was discovering he had been this entire time. He walked along watching John have a blast before slipping off into to crowd to return to the hotel.

John deserved to be happy and free and Gordon had been keeping him chained to him, trapping him in a world where nothing else was allowed in and that made him feel rotten to his core.

John wasn’t sure how long he had been dancing atop the colourful flamboyant float, surrounded by people in magnificent costumes and outfits. The atmosphere was electrifying, like nothing he had ever experienced in his whole life. Feeling for the first time that he could truly be at ease around such a large group of people, each of them going out of their way to welcome him and make him feel comfortable. He swayed his hips with the loud music, his eyes shut and body lost in dance. 

Feeling tired and as though he was ready to take a bit of a break, mostly wanting to share this moment with his one and only, he opened his eyes and looked into the sea of unfamiliar faces from his vantage point on top of the float. John searched frantically for his lover, though his sibling was nowhere to be found, a panicked fear rising in his chest as he desperately glanced around the many faces in the endless crowds. 

Exhausted and panicked, his body crumpled to the floor as he leant up against the platform at the centre of the float. A shirtless man wearing bright red leather pants, stocky and muscular in build, who had been following beside the float and watching John as he collapsed, leapt upon the float with a graceful ease and rushed over.

“You alright there, mate?” The man called, placing a large hand on John’s shoulder, lifting him up gently with his other arm. 

John looked at the man blearily, struggling for breaths and nodded silently.

“C’mon, let’s get you off of this thing… You don’t look well at all.”

The larger man scooped John up into his strong arms and slipped carefully off the sluggish float, making his way over through the crowd, as the smaller man protested, shoving his arms weakly against the strangers chest and trying to look past his dark hair. “G-Gordon!” he called out into the mass of people for his lover. The man placed a wriggling John onto a bench, sitting him up as the blonde mumbled out his lover’s name repeatedly.

“Hey, calm down a minute,” the man offered, kneeling in front of John, “I’m not gonna hurt ya, was just watchin’ ya dancin’ back there when I saw you collapse.”

“I’ve… I’ve lost… I can’t… M-my husband… He’s not here!”

“Okay, okay… It’s alright, I’ll help you find him, ok?”

John nodded breathlessly as he stared past the man before him into the crowd, unnerved and shaking as his eyes flicked quickly over the people before him. 

“What’s your name sweetie?” The man queried, smiling sympathetically at John as he tried to calm him.

“John…”

“Pleased to meet you, John. I’m Adam… You’re doing great, ok? So your husband, Gordon is it? Where was he when you last saw him?”

“Gordon… Uhh… He was walking beside the float... Then I looked and… He was gone.” 

“Hey, it’s alright. We’ll find him for you,” Adam reassured, watching carefully as John’s body shuddered. “Are you ok, sweetie? You don’t look well at all.”

The smaller man shook his head, “T-tired… Got to find him.”

Adam looked up back towards the procession that was slowly advancing along the street, “You got a phone, hun? Tried calling him?”

John shook his head slowly as he slumped back against the bench, terror-stricken as he thought of how injured his sibling was, “No phone… Got a photo on my camera… Shit! He’s injured! H-his chest! Oh God, his breathing- how could I have not seen him? What if he’s hurt?”

John’s body had fallen limply on the bench and his eyes were shut. Unable to process anything over the as his vision blurred coupled with the noise around them and unreasonable panic in his head. Adam tried to hold him upright from his crouched position on the floor.

“Hang on sweetie, you’re ok.”

“Excuse me.” A soft voice spoke up behind John's savior as they tapped his shoulder. The man turned around and Gordon was standing there, shirt a little smeared with blood down his sleeves. “Is there a problem?”

“This man’s lost his husband out there somewhere,” Adam looked up at the man stood before him, standing up to full height a good foot or so taller than Gordon, “What’s it to you?”

“What's it to me?” Gordon held up his hand with the shiny gold ring on it. “That man, is my Jonathan.” 

“Oh? Really? So where were you when he collapsed? A fight elsewhere I see.”

Gordon coughed into his sleeve and more blood soaked it. “Had a chest problem I had to attend to. I thought he'd be safe on the float for a while until I got back.”

Actually, Gordon had wandered into and beyond the crowd but hadn't gotten far before running head long into Scott in a closed off alley. Scott thought he had the upper hand in aggression but had not banked on Gordon viciously fighting back because his brain was in a very confused state. He had to go back for John, whether his lover would benefit from it or not - as standing up in the parade float made it super easy for his brothers to locate him.

Gordon may have felt worthless and ashamed of the person he was, but he was damned if he'd fully abandoned John, knowing exactly where he left him in safe hands and in public view. He planned to walk off his confusion and come back in a better frame of mind since the hotel was only a street away and to then be jumped by the eldest Tracy didn't go down to well.

Coming back to see this big tall and muscular stranger carrying John off the float gave him a shock however he hung back incase the stranger turned out to be Virgil who wouldn't hesitate to attack him anymore.

Luckily it wasn't, so the ruffled feathers settled - but only just. If this bloke saw him as a threat no doubt would Gordon lash out, however there was no guarantee he'd survive another fight, his body already pushing its limits with it's forced and stubborn breathing.

“So you’re Gordon?” Adam eyed Gordon suspiciously before turning his attention back to John, sitting down beside him and gently nudging his shoulder, “Hey... John, sweetie. You’re husband’s back.”

John’s eyes snapped open as he tried to focus on the man before him, “C-clownfish?”

Gordon squatted down so he and John were eye level. “The one and only, little duckling.” He rasped, wincing in pain.

John frowned slightly, confused at the blurred figure before him. This caused Adam to eyeball Gordon suspiciously, before John recognised his lover’s gravelly voice and affectionate nickname for him.

“Gordon! It’s really you!” He gasped as he tried leaning forwards and reaching an arm out towards his lover, before slumping limply against Adam’s bare shoulder.

“Woah, steady there, sweetie,” Adam shifted slightly before realising the man that had collapsed against him was unconscious. He glanced up from John’s form to look at Gordon, baffled concern written on his face, 

“What the hell is going on with him? Is he on something?” Adam demanded gesturing his head towards John as Gordon reached a shaking hand forward and placed it on his lover’s thigh. “He said you were injured… What happened to you?” 

“Big family disagreement.” Gordon muttered. “His siblings didn't like us getting married so there had been a big kerfuffle. This was supposed to take his mind off it. He's been unwell since our wedding was crashed and I just wanted him to forget it for a short while. We don't come from somewhere as-” he paused to cough harshly. “Open to ideas as here.”

“Like the Amish?”

“Close enough. You know that people are still closed minded, even to all of this… celebration of diversity.”

Gordon touched John's feverish head and let out a audible rumble. “I better take him to a doctor. You got directions to the nearest hospital? I can get us a taxi, no problems.”

“Looks like you both could do with some medical attention by the sounds of that cough,” Adam grimaced, “I can take you there myself, save the taxi fare. I live a couple streets up from here,” he held his hand out towards Gordon, “Adam by the way.”

“Nice to meet you Adam, excuse me while I don't shake your hand.” Gordon indicated the blood on his sleeves. “The help is appreciated but if it's all the same it's best I do it myself. We're not the sort of trouble you want to get entangled in.” He rasped. Looking up he could see Scott weaving in and out the crowds, his bloodied shirt making him stick out despite not being dressed in uniform. 

Gordon grunted as he lifted John off the bench with some difficulty but he was resolute in not letting this nice bloke get into more trouble than he was about to. “Directions? Fast if you please. We're kind of being followed.”

In truth, he had no intention of going to the hospital. He was being polite so when he left he could head for the hotel, load John into the hire car, grab their stuff and make a get away.

Adam didn't need to know that.

The larger man looked up as Gordon glanced around nervously. He stood up and noticed an angry blood-covered figure heading straight for them.

“It’s a ten minute walk along the main road up there,” he gestured off to his left, “Your company is here by the looks of it. Get going, look after yourself… and take good care of him… I’ll keep this punk busy for you.”

Adam slapped his broad hand on Gordon’s shoulder, smiling as he stood up straight awaiting the arrival of the angry figure.

“Thanks, advanced warning - he's military trained. Mean right hook, weakness is in his dodge.” Gordon whispered. “Trust me.”

And with that, he ambled off as fast as his tired legs could carry him them both, only pausing once to change his carrying position so John was slung over his back to be easier on him to get into a run.

He didn't once look back.

By the time he reached the hotel, he went straight for the underground car park and unlocked the car, gently lifting John into it and kissing him and putting the keys in his lap.

“If I don't make it back,” he whispered softly, fighting his labourd and distressed breathing. “Get the fuck out of here. Toll gate doesn't stand a chance if this thing comes at it at speed. It's only plastic.”

He coughed harshly, almost collapsing from the pain but he needed to grab what he could from their room, most importantly, John's medication. It was risky going back for it but John would be worse off without it.

Heading up in the lift he got out and swapped elevators in the foyer before heading to their room.

The door was still locked and their things untouched so Gordon grabbed it and the medicine from the bedside table before walking right into several pounds of pure bear wrestling muscle.

Virgil grabbed him roughly and shoved him against the wall. “Where do you think you’re going?” He growled, his hand wrapping itself around Gordon’s neck, causing him to drop everything in his hands as they shot upwards to claw at his constricted throat. “You think you were clever back in Canada? I offered you a chance to give up, come clean and you do this!?”

He clicked the wrist com on his arm that was holding Gordon in place and up came a hologram of the recording they had made to get back at Scott onboard Thunderbird One.

Gordon’s heart leapt to his throat. He was as good as dead.

“To think I almost felt sorry for beating the shit out of you in that alley… Hell, I should have let Scott kill you there and then. You sick fuck! How could you do this to your own damn brother, Gordon?”

Gordon’s lips moved but there was no sound. He was thudded against the wall again and let out a strangled yelp.

“Where’s John? Save the bullshit this time, Scott told me he saw you carrying him… Even if your pal back there did cause a few problems,” Virgil hissed, pushing his weight against Gordon’s chest.

Nail's dug into Virgil’s hand as Gordon clawed more frantically, air supply now cut off. His feet were dangling off the ground at least enough for him to kick out and push against Virgil’s solid brick stomach in a vain attempt to get free.

Virgil growled as he lifted Gordon further off the floor, watching as he pawed weakly at his hand. He held him there for a moment before dropping him back down and loosening his grip.

Gordon coughed as he hit the floor heavier than a sack of potatoes, Virgil repeating his question quietly in a terrifying manner.

“Hospital.” Gordon rasped, gulping for air. “I've come back for his medication.” He shakily held up the pill container that rolled towards the bed. “If you stopped chasing us he wouldn't be as bad as he's gotten.”

Crouching down beside his choking sibling, Virgil gripped a handful of Gordon’s hair yanking his head up as he grabbed the medication out of his hand. 

“If you hadn’t fucked your own damn brother, he wouldn’t have the disease in the first place,” he snarled into Gordon’s face, pulling his hair furiously. “Don’t you dare blame this on us, we were trying to help, to take him back and look after him.”

Virgil heaved his hand against Gordon’s throat once more, pinning him to the floor. “Then you’ve got the fucking nerve to screw him in Scott’s ship? Film you fucking our BROTHER like the sick perverted bastard you are and put it out for display. You fucking DARE blame me for this? Like I’m the one in the wrong?” His left fist came down harshly across Gordon’s cheek.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t kill you right now,” Virgil whispered into his ear, loosening his grip enough for Gordon to respond.

“Your right...you should.” Gordon gurgled. “But you haven't got all the facts.”

“I think I’ve heard and seen quite enough, spare me the fucking details.”

“Actually, y-you haven't.” Gordon forced himself to smile, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth. “S-since university… we've been doing it...and John gives it to me just as hard….”

“Shut up.”

“Why? You jealous John would rather make love to me than someone like….you perhaps?”

Virgil growled angrily, “You’re sick…” He proceeded to push against Gordon’s throat, cutting off the air supply once more. “Just because it’s your twisted fantasy, doesn’t mean you get to try and paint me with your sick shit.”

“Your right…”Gordon rasped with his last few breaths. “But what's more fucked up is expecting both of your gay siblings to act normal, have normal relationships when we're locked up like fucking inmates in a penitentiary nearly every day of the year.”

There was a growl before Gordon sunk his already bleeding teeth into Virgil’s hand. If John had given him his illness, Virgil may need to seek a doctor. Gordon however couldn't have cared if he was infected - he could now clearly see what was important, what had been so this entire time.

Who cares if they were wrong? They've ALWAYS been wrong! That's why they loved it to begin with! It was like an illicit drug, both addicted to each other.

Who cares if they are brothers? Only society. It's not like they could BREED. Gordon’s lapse in his security because he was weak, because John was slowly dying infront of him the stupid parade - all of this bullshit they had never dealt with before - was going to kill them both.

Gordon didn't care about himself, how he felt anymore because it was never about him, it was NEVER about what he wanted.

It was all for John. HIS Jonathan.

He bit harder and kicked out with all his anger, landing his foot squarely in Virgil’s family jewels.

Virgil howled in pain as he doubled up on his knees clutching at his hand and nursing his crotch. 

Gordon made to scramble to his feet, grabbing the pill bottle and his holophone with the prescription and ran as best as his body would allow, down the hall for the lift as they were too high up for him to attempt going down stairs. He gave Virgil a little wave as the doors closed inches before his older sibling could reach him.

By the time he got back to the car, Gordon was dragging himself along, airways desperate for oxygen. John was still asleep in the back seat so there was no option but to drive himself. He grabbed the keys and put the pills and the phone in the glovebox which was now covered in his bloody hand prints and started the car, swinging it around and flooring it, smashing the car park boom gate as he sped off out in any direction from the city.

It was a few hours before he found an empty and hidden spot to park the car to check on John, wrapping him up into his arms before he had to give up the battle and go to sleep, not before whispering how sorry he was for how stupid he had been.

Gordon knew next time Scott and Virgil will kill him on sight…if he lived that long.


	17. John the glass lion

Stirring slightly in the dazzling morning sun, John shifted uncomfortably around trying to get his bearings. He felt a pair of strong shirt-covered arms around him, panicking in his sleepy limbo state as he remembered the man that had hauled him off the float the previous night. 

Opening his eyes he saw grey fabric of an unfamiliar seat, blood smothered all over it. John yelped loudly as he tried to wriggle himself free only to feel the arms constrict and tighten instinctively around his ribs.

There was a slight grunt as the arms gave as John persisted to get loose, Gordon had no more energy left in him to hold him to his body for comfort.

He had lost too much blood and was barely staying conscious. He needed to incase he had to drive again, incase John wasn't well and needed a doctor. Hell, he needed one but that was the last thought in his head right now...John's safety..he'd let him down twice now…

He was a terrible nurse.

John scrambled back, hitting his head against the window as he looked down terrified at the bloodied figure lying on the car seat. 

“G-Gordon?”

The figure let out a rattling moan as he lifted his head. John gasped as he looked at his lover, face bloodied and bruised, dark contusions in the shape of fingers around his neck, partly coagulated blood spilling from his mouth.

John’s eyes burned with tears as he tentatively reached a hand out to touch that of his lover’s. Blood coloured everything around Gordon, his face framed with crimson stained hair and clothes. 

The younger man shook with fear, having not seen his sibling look so horrendous since the crash that almost claimed his life all those years ago. 

Reaching his other hand to his face, John covered his mouth and recoiled slightly, drawing his hand back revealing fresh blood coming from his own face. He delicately touched his upper lip and felt a trickle of warm liquid pouring from his nose. He hurriedly wiped his hands on his leather pants and sat back against the door, feeling dizzy and nauseous once more. 

“Gordon… Wha- What happened?”

Gordon tried to speak, but no sound was to come. Everything was damaged beyond recognition, including his voice. He shifted uncomfortably and handed John the keys before sitting back and trying to drag himself out the car to get into the front passenger seat. 

John sat a while longer as Gordon painfully crawled into the front seat, wheezing and producing a curdling noise from his throat.

“Y-you need a d-doctor,” he stuttered quietly, “I don’t know if I sh-should drive.”

He felt pathetic that even with his lover in such a desperate state, he could barely hold his own weight to stay upright, fearful of getting behind the wheel and putting Gordon’s life at risk. 

“You n-need to go to a h-hospital, I c-can… I can call an ambulance. They can h-help you, ok?”

John watched as Gordon’s exhausted expression shifted bitterly in the rear view mirror as he shook his head sluggishly.

The younger man carefully slipped through the gap in the seats to slump into the driver’s seat.

Gordon reached into the glove box and gave John his pills and opened the holo phone where there was now a very angry video recording from Virgil and Scott. He handed that to John too and pressed play before leaning against the window as if the video was laced with poison.

The small device lit up a small hologram of their older siblings. Scott was covered in blood, his nose crooked and deep wine coloured bruises forming around his eyes, furiously glaring out towards John as he held the phone before him. Virgil looked far better off apart from a split lip and the mangled left hand he was cradling to his chest, sporting deep elliptical marks and dripping with blood.

_“I don’t even know where to fucking start,” Scott’s hologram spat, blood spraying from his mouth._

_“Gordon, this HAS to end. Your sick contorted fantasy is going to get John killed! The bloke back at the parade? Your fucking buddy? Broke my fucking nose! He’s in the damned hospital now because of you! People around you are getting hurt because of your irresponsible actions! You’ve brainwashed our brother into this twisted game of yours, he’s in serious danger and you’re playing with his LIFE! Do you not understand that?”_

_“John’s life hangs in the balance because of you! You need to realise just how fucking vulnerable he is with this condition? He was unconscious when I saw him last I swear to god, Gordon… If anything happens to him it’s on your fucking head!”_

_“You’re fucking disgusting! UTTERLY VILE! That video you left in my fucking ship? You’re lucky to be alive right now… I’d kill you with my bare hands if I got the fucking chance! I can’t believe you would be so stupid, so… So obnoxious!”_

Scott’s hologram appeared to deflate slightly as he softened his expression.

_“John, please… If you’re listening to this, we’re begging for you to come back, back to safety. We can look after you and make sure you’re getting the care you need. Gordon has tricked you into thinking this is some kind of... Love… You HAVE to get away from him, your life depends on it! Just call us and we’ll come and get you straight away, alright?”_

Virgil’s hologram shifted slightly before speaking quietly. _“Come home John, we just want you to be safe… Don’t let that rabid monster convince you that this is anything more than a game to him. He’s fooled you, little brother… He’s caused all of this misery and pain. Just call us, John… We want to know you’re ok.”_

The holomessage ended and John was shaking once again. Not from fear or his illness, nor fatigue or nausea, but from searing anger. He used his trembling hands to set the phone up for one last phone call. The call that would put an end to it all.

Gordon watched on in surprise, unable to speak as John pressed the keypad to engage the call, the small phone recording his gaunt and sunken features. A small hologram of Scott flickered and appeared in front of John.

“You’ve got some fucking nerv- JOHN?” 

John’s expression was stoic like it was carved out of marble, Gordon’s stomach was lurching as he felt his world being ripped away from him.

_“Johnny, gosh it’s great to talk to you! Where are you? We can be there in seconds! I’m so glad you’ve seen sense and-”_

“Shut your fucking mouth you BASTARD!” John hissed bitterly, “You condescending, pretentious jumped-up ARSE!”

Scott’s face was plastered with shock and Gordon’s mouth fell open in awe.

“How DARE you say those things! You’ve no idea what we have, how could you? How could an emotionally stunted imbecile like you even BEGIN to comprehend a love like what Gordon and I have?”

It had been a long time since Gordon had truly seen his eldest brother at a complete loss for words, gaping like a fish as John fiercely tore into him.

“To set the record straight,” John paused, “I contracted HIV from an ill man I tried to help, he stuck me with a used needle. I did not get infected by my lover.”

Scott opened his mouth to speak, but John immediately jumped down his throat.

“Oh… don’t like that? Gordon is my LOVER! My everything, my universe and my reason for living. I’m proud to say we’ve been together over nine years! That’s right! Nine years and you clueless morons never suspected a thing! He’s the only person in the world who treats me like a human being, the only one to make me feel ALIVE!”

John’s voice was cracking slightly as he savagely spat his venomous words at Scott.

_“J-Jonathan… I…”_

“NO!” John screamed, “You do not get to call me that! My name is not for you… It belongs to Gordon alone for him to use.”

There was a quiet mumbling in the background as Virgil’s face appeared beside Scott’s, looking equally as shocked.

_“John we just want to help you get better, ok? We’re just here for you.”_

“Better? BETTER?! To go home and be locked away in a protective bubble, never to be exposed to another human being? Kept away from the one thing in my life that’s real? No thanks.”

“If you want to look after me? Leave us the hell alone! You’re not trying to protect me at all! I just have to look at what you monsters did to Gordon! And you’re calling him sick? Take a long hard look in the mirror.”

_“John, please… Think of your health!”_

“I am… I would rather live a short life enjoying myself than live longer trapped away from Gordon. After this phone call, I’m taking this phone offline… You are not to follow us any longer or try to make any more contact. I am so done running away when we desperately needs medical attention because of you ANIMALS-”

He was cut short Gordon's hand squeezing his knee, mouthing the soundless words ‘you're better than this, better than them. Don't sink to their level.’ he looked very serious and meant every pained word. John knew if he said much more Gordon would step out of the car and never talk to him again. He didn't go through all that crap just to turn John into one of them, he just wanted him safe, that was all.

He took a deep breath and thought about something Gordon mentioned about his time in prison as a teenager before adding, "I know what your thinking but want to know something? Even though you blame Gordon because of his criminal past, at least he accepts he's got a few issues that make him a beast to other people but at least he's not a MONSTER parading around as a model example of humanity....so stay away from us.” John growled before he hurriedly ended the call and set about making the phone untraceable again, chucking it into the back seat and shoving the key in the ignition. 

Gordon sat in silence a while, John glaring at him until a smile crossed his face. ‘Hope they had their rabies shots.’ Gordon’s lips mouthed with a hint of amusement. He couldn't help himself, he had to fight back to get away and for some reason it made him strangely happy.

John gave Gordon a small smile before leaning his aching body over the steering wheel, propping himself up as he calmed down. There was no hatred in his heart, just worry and sadness. He reached his hand to hold Gordon’s hand upon his thigh, squeezing weakly.

“Now will you let me take you to hospital?”

Gordon shook his head, held both their hands up and squeezed them. Being emitted to emergency meant leaving John alone as they'd take him away to another ward to patch him up too. If anything happened to him while there….Gordon wouldn't be there to protect him or worse - say goodbye.

Or if anything happened to him for that matter, Gordon would need surgery and was never great under anesthesia at the best of times. 

He reached back painfully for the phone again and pointed to the shut off internet John had set in his haste to make them untrackable and pulled from his wallet the receipt for the hotel, hinting at the word.

“Hotel?” John queried, looking up at Gordon’s darkened amber eyes, “I can get us to a hotel, you can rest up there, ok?”

Gordon nodded then flicked through some images on his phone until a picture of scuba gear came up, handed it to John and pointed at the air tank and the mask, before miming putting it over his face. Not being able to talk was a bit of a pain but Gordon had learned ways to deal with it when he and rescue victims did not speak the same language. Over the top gestures were universally understood - though he was praying John was also on the same page.

“Oxygen? We can go to a scuba store and buy an oxygen tank?” John hoped he was along the right lines as he watched Gordon’s face for a response.

His lover gave him a thumbs up and a soft smile. It wasn't as if they couldn't buy an oxygen machine from the pharmacy for sleep apnea patients but Gordon knew he could at least operate a scuba tank and besides - you don't need a medical prescription to purchase one. 

John twisted the key in the ignition and the vehicle growled into life. He steered the car towards the Princes Highway, heading Southbound. Lithe fingers gripped the steering wheel tight as the roads were busier than John was accustomed to, cars flying past him at high speed as he kept at a slower pace.Stealing a few glances at the beautiful scenery, John smiled as the sun beat down on his hands.

He looked down beside him to see that his lover was asleep, his breathing settled but burbling slightly. John sighed as his body sunk further into the seat, his rigid muscles relaxing somewhat. After an hour or so behind the wheel, John’s concentration was lapsing and his mind becoming lethargic. 

Looking up, he saw an exit up ahead for the coastal city of Wollongong. He would be grateful for a break and to find a hotel somewhere. Continuing towards the coast, John finally brought the car to a halt in a small parking area beside some kiosks just off the north beach. His lover was still sound asleep beside him.

Pulling Gordon’s wallet from his pocket, John exited the car making sure to lock it. He ambled over to the scuba shop he had followed colourful hand-written signs for.

Upon entering the shop, John was focused on the rows of cylinders on the far wall. Standing himself up straight, he strode over and inspected the many options before him. He selected a fifteen litre capacity three hundred bar tank and attempted to lift it off the shelf, struggling to do so and bringing it to the flood with a thud. 

John rolled the cylinder over to the small clothing rack, selecting most of the brightly coloured shirts and a few pairs of denim shorts. He picked up a large rucksack, big enough to accommodate the sizeable gas cylinder, and picked up a breathing mask with the tube attached. Thankfully the shop assistant was kind enough to pick the cylinder up before following John to the counter.

The shop assistant eyed John suspiciously as he stood waiting to pay, never once speaking to him. John found that there was not enough cash in Gordon’s wallet to cover the cost of the items, he fished into his own pocket and retrieved his card to pay for the goods. John sighed as he stuffed all of the items into the bag, silently thanking the assistant who helped to him maneuver the bulky cylinder into it also.

John swung the substantially weighted bag across his back, awkwardly fighting to keep his balance as he became top heavy on his unsteady fawn-like legs. Staggering back to the car, John opened the passenger door and swung the bag carefully into the footwell, avoiding Gordon’s legs.

Gordon stirred as John gave him a shake to rouse him, stuffing a shirt into his hands. It was sky blue with a skeleton ribcage, hibiscus flowers and ivy woven into them. 

Surely after all these years and awful Hawaiian shirts John couldn't have spotted a genuine Reg Mombassa? Gordon was certain John wouldn't have known the damn difference - a bright loud shirt was a bright loud shirt - and Virgil would have turned his nose up at such carass comical artstyle. Gordon always wanted to own one but never saw the point on splashing out the several thousand dollars they were, even second hand.

He saw the price tag and almost died. Twenty dollars? For a VINTAGE Mombassa? 

Gordon started coughing, the surprise and shock all hitting him at once.

“Are you ok?” John hissed, helping Gordon to sit up as he coughed, noting his wide eyes.

The older Tracy nodded and indicated to the shirt.

John looked down at the shirt in Gordon’s hands then at the beaming smile that was across his face, “You like it? Thought you hated my choice of clothes,” he laughed quietly as he knelt on the sill of the door, “Was all they had, I got a couple more if you want to see?”

Gordon nodded and watched as John showed him more, shirts from other brands like Rip curl and Osmosis and at least one other Mambo but nothing else was as pure vintage and stylised. He still gave John a tight hug even though he couldn't tell him exactly why that one shirt was special, even though the other ones were stuff he'd wear all the time at home - especially the tie dye.

“We need to get changed and clean up a little so we can get ourselves a hotel, there’s some huts just on the beach,” John offered as he moved the clothes away so Gordon could get out of the car. 

John watched on, his head cocked in interest, as Gordon meticulously folded the first shirt that he had handed him and placed it onto the dash of the car as if it were sacred.

“You don’t want to wear that one? I thought you liked it.”

Gordon nodded quickly smiling at the shirt before pointing to the vast bloodstain on his current clothing.

“Don’t want to get blood on it, huh?”

Another nod before Gordon picked up the rest of the clothes before closing the car door, indicating for John to lock it.

John supported his lover as they walked towards one of the baby blue wooden beach huts. Once inside, he helped Gordon to undress, painful grimaces flashing across his face as the full extent of his injuries were revealed.

Gently pressing his forehead against his lover’s, John set about placing featherlight kisses upon Gordon’s battered skin, careful not to inflict any pressure as his lips ghosted across each bruise he could reach. It was as though John was trying to pull the hurt and pain from his sibling’s body. 

After wiping away the blood as best he could with his old clothes, John helped Gordon to get dressed before dressing himself and heading back to the car feeling slightly fresher.

Driving a little way back up the road away from the surf shop, John stopped to investigate a hotel he had seen on the drive down, pulling the car into the parking area and cutting the engine. 

Gordon squeezed his knee in assurance. John was going to have to do most of the talking and while he had booked things over the holocall before, he rarely had to in person - especially since he and his brother despite the clean clothes still looked like they had been in a serious road accident. Gordon lifted the duffle bag and almost buckled under the weight but refused to show it, despite being injured he had to still show some strength just to put John's mind at ease that this was still the best decision they were making for them.

John kissed his lover on the cheek before he got out of the car and walked towards the building, leaving Gordon behind at the car.

Gordon looked out across the road and dropped the duffle bag on the tarmac to wander over, tossing his shoes aside as he did so. The sea air was calling out to him and to feel the sand under his long since blistered toes was like a therapeutic drug injected into his soul.

John came out of the hotel and started to panic, Gordon just suddenly taking off enough to frighten him until he saw him standing on the other side of the road watching the ocean waves. He sighed and headed over to join, paying attention to how unusually at peace Gordon was, eyes closed, a soft smile on his face listening to the sea and feeling the wind whip around him and the sand under his bare feet. John tentatively reached out for his hand and grasped Gordon, entwining his fingers into his.

Gordon turned and kissed him, his bruised lips caressing John's pale thin ones. It had been a long time since Gordon had John to himself on the beach...sadly this time he couldn't chase his love down the dunes and into the waves - make love on the beach and get sand EVERYWHERE.

He gave John's hand a little shake, aware that they needed food and rest.

The healing powers of the ocean had to wait an extra day.

John walked back towards the car and picked up the weighty backpack once more, being careful this time not to swing the damned thing. They walked to to hotel after locking the car and after a short elevator ride, John led Gordon to their room at the far end of the narrow corridor. Scanning the room key, John swung open the door to the room, allowing Gordon to shuffle inside. 

Wasting no time, John was quick to help his lover lie back into bed as he carefully removed his clothes, setting up the oxygen tank and mask. He didn’t offer it to Gordon just yet but sat beside his lover on the floor tracing swirling galaxies on his skin.

“I love you,” John croaked, his voice small.

Gordon’s hand reached up and pulled John down into a light kiss to show that he loved him in return. He wanted to keep going but his body wouldn't have coped.

“Rest now, Clownfish,” John soothed as he stroked a hand through his lover’s fluffy red hair. “I’m just going to shower, do you want any food or anything?” 

Gordon shook his head. He wasn't able to swallow much other than soup and water anyway. He watched John go for a shower before fiddling with the air tank and pulling the mouthpiece in before lying on his side.

He was deep asleep when John crawled into the bed to check on him, a little impressed with how well the oxygen was helping his brother breathe watching his body rise and fall with every breath.

Pulling the covers up over himself, careful not to disturb his sibling’s breathing apparatus, John observed the eerie sight of his lover beside him. The rhythmic wheezing of oxygen moving through the tube, keeping his lover’s breathing regulated, helped lull John into a restless sleep.

_John was vaguely aware of a dull hissing sound around him, his body numb and ensnared in a paralysing state of rigor. Weary eyelids opened revealing cerulean irises that darted around a swirling smoke-filled room, the inky acrid vapour stinging at his corneas._

_A foreboding sense of uneasiness engulfed his mind, swallowing all hope and optimism as it permeated his psyche. Devoid of all cheerfulness, John lay there trapped as the seething hissing sound grew more intense._

_A dense, chilled and substantial weight could be felt gliding high across his motionless thighs, sliding across his abdomen and up over his quickly rising thorax. Eyes roamed around to identify the offending figure causing the pressure on his chest before they fixed upon the blurred form of his lover beside him._

_Sharply inhaling, John regarded in terrified horror as he watched the thick powerful body of an enormous python flex and constrict around Gordon’s lifeless body, unrelenting in its pursuit of destruction. The sound of fracturing ribs and tearing flesh invaded his ears as Gordon’s body was choked and compressed beyond recognition._

_His lover’s face was bloated and painted with globs of blood and mangled sections innards that he had expelled as he had been killed, the life strangled out of him. Fear and panic accelerated through his body at the harrowing sight._

_John turned his attention to the python’s wide head that had reared from his chest. Unable to cry out, John watched as the python’s forked tongue flickered into his open mouth before snapping back into its unhinged jaw._

_Every part of his body was howling at him to move, his brain too alarmed to process anything as the serpent began to coil itself into a helix around his neck. John forced every ounce of effort in his weak body to scream out._

Gordon felt something pounding his back, the pain in his chest flaring up making him shift around onto it just as an arm struck out, Gordon swift to catch it before it struck his chest from the front. Through half open eyelids he pulled John's light figure to rest against his body and while his brother was fighting him, he started to run his fingers soothingly down his back in slow gentle patterns, drawing them with precise purpose.

His fingers applied a bit of pressure, drawing stars he was familiar with that he had used to navigate Thunderbird Four by when navigation was out a few times after rescues and he had to make his own way back home. He then moved onto playful fish, dancing rats like the ones John used to own at his university and of course - the tentacles of the octopus, to remind John that he was always protected by his personal guardian. 

It may not be helping much but John's violent movements were at least subsiding, whether it was from being pressed against him and hearing the steady rhythms of his heartbeat or his tentative approach to soothing him...something somewhere was at least working little by little, even if he couldn't fully make the dream go away.

_John’s body was now completely surrounded by the squeezing muscular coils of the snake, feeling like arms crushing around him, watching on as the python finally relinquished its chokehold on Gordon’s corpse beside him. Powerless and paralysed, he felt warm liquid trickling from his eyes and nose, blinking as his vision turned blood-red and pressure built up in his skull._

_Choked noises fell from his lips as the serpent began crushing his brittle bones like toothpicks, sickening crackling and snapping noises filled the smokey room. Achingly heartbroken, John silently mourned his lover’s untimely demise as bloody tears fell from his eyes. All fight and life being compressed out of him._

_Blood rushed up from his throat as it spilled over from his lungs, a macabre blood fountain spewing from his lips as the last of his air was squashed out. John’s lips formed his sibling’s name over and over as he slipped painfully into darkness._

Gordon continued his soothing patterns, relinquishing his hold with his other arm and John's involuntary movements were under control and used it to run his fingers through his blonde hair, still oily from washing without shampoo. His fingers caressed his scalp working playfully and wistfully just like the ones dotting on his spine. His hands were like a magic potion, touching and warming areas of his lover, making him relax in his arms. He tentatively moved his hands along John's most sensitive places he could reach, the third set of ribs in his chest and that soft spot under the belly button leading into the pelvis. John's breath started to hitch, but in a good way, Gordon using his own mental road map of where John loved to be stroked and caressed to try and change what was going on in his head by making his body’s pleasure zones override this thoughts.

John awoke as if someone had hooked his temples to a car battery, desperately attempting to process the feedback all of his senses were forcing rapidly into his brain, all traces of his nightmare evaporating. No grogginess or sluggishness lingered, just pure unadulterated adrenaline surging as he fearfully tried to sit up, strong arms holding him down with gentle hands caressing his sensitive sweat-soaked body.

His lungs were screaming at him to take a breath as fought the pressure in his skull and throat as his airways spasmed, unable to breathe. Finally overcoming the desperate struggle, John heaved air into his lungs, his chest expanding harshly as he gasped. He sharply turned his head in search of Gordon’s eyes, his face tinted maroon as a small dribble of deep iron-rich crimson blood trickled from his eye.

The mouthpiece for the oxygen tank was pushed between his lips and held there until his breathing evened out and as it did so, his hair was being stroked and teased until he calmed down. Gordon hadn't sat up from his position but John needed the air so he gave it without even thinking about his own desperate need for it because he was now lying flat on his back.

Shaking hands came up and pushed away the oxygen supply away, back towards Gordon’s own face. Blood-ringed eyes pleading with him to take back the mouthpiece he so greatly needed. 

John sunk further into Gordon’s embrace, the familiar sound of the gentle hiss of oxygen entering his lover’s battered lungs serving to regulate his own breathing. The dimly lit room was still tinted red as John blinked his eyes, feeling his lover shift beside him. Exhausted, John curled his body closer to Gordon’s, nuzzling his neck in appreciation.

 


	18. Accepting a dire fate

Morning passed over into midday and late afternoon before there was any sign of movement. Gordon managed to get into the shower but still checked over John, tending to him by loosening his clothing, making sure he drank water and giving him the oxygen for a while before making the effort to wander from the hotel to the seven eleven down the street, buying several packets of soup and plastic cutlery before hobbling back to use the kettle in the hotel room's small kitchenette to make enough watery soup for two and waking John up to help him drink it, gave him his medicine before laying him down again, a bit happier he was looking and sounding a bit better than before. With enough rest, he hoped John would improve… not get worse.

He let out very rattling deep breath as he sat kneeling by the bed, running a hand through John's surprisingly thickening pale hair, over his strong defined features that now made his cheekbones stick out and his jaw look a unnaturally long, the purple readings around his eyes….then there was his shoulders, all bone, wasting away.

Gordon wondered if he could have spared John this rapid decline, give him an extension to his fastly fleeting life. He still wanted to take him on a safari in Africa to see the animals and take him on a tour of Europe, however all those plans were being washed away like the grains of sand on a beach.

He had to be strong, John needed him to be as the prospect of death has probably occurred to him long ago and he needed someone to ease that pain, to make him forget till the very end when it eventually happened.

Gordon wished there was more he could do than watch him slowly and painfully die. It was like floating out into a misty lake with your hands chained behind you without any paddles.

Even worse, Gordon couldn't even make any sounds to tell John how much he loved him and physically doing it would just hurt him and add to his decline.

John needed him to stay awake, be alert and vigilant because he needed around the clock care, he needed the oxygen far more than Gordon with his crushed unhealing chest did. He needed things Gordon just couldn't provide for him….

Gordon had inadvertently started to kill his lover by being unable to do anything for him and keeping him away from the best possible care he needed.

For a few passing minutes his brain contemplated calling Scott to take John home, whisk him off to make him better and quite possibly put a bullet into his own brain for being a selfish and feral creature.

But it might even be too late for that now.

Silent tears trickled down his face and into his folded arms as he hid his head in them, his shoulders shaking with sobs, tears John will hopefully never see because he needed someone to be there, be his rock through the worst moment in his life.

Gordon had to be that someone. There was no running away, no abandoning him….he needed to stay and be the shield John came home on.

John vaguely felt the hand running through his hair retract and a slight shift in the weight on the bed beside him. Flickering open his bloodshot eyes, he looked down and saw his lover’s hunched form shuddering by his abdomen, quiet choked breaths and bubbling noises emanated from Gordon’s body.

Reaching for the mouthpiece attached to the cylinder, John gently lifted his hand to Gordon’s face, guiding his head up to accept the much needed oxygen. He pulled himself with little effort to sit before his lover, his legs either side of Gordon’s kneeling body.

Skeletal hands came up to Gordon’s face and held it lovingly, kissing his forehead and wiping away the tears that were tracking slowly down his bruised cheek. John blinked rapidly as his sapphire eyes, now looking more brilliant contrasted by the deep red that surrounded them, knowingly searched the sadness reflected in the warm honey ones of his lover.

“Don’t cry little Clownfish,” he breathed soothingly, kissing the tip of his lover’s nose, “We’ll get through this, together… Like always. Just like that night all those years ago when we promised it would always be us.”

John tentatively wiped another tear that rolled down Gordon’s cheek, “Don’t mourn for me yet, my love… I'm nowhere near done yet,” his face lit up with a grin as he winked, “We’ve got so much more ahead of us… I’m not done fighting yet, and I know you sure as hell aren’t either…”

The younger man trailed off as he saw the slight curl of a smile play on his lover’s lips. Moving his hands to Gordon’s, John locked his little finger with that of his lover’s and squeezed it carefully, looking up into the deep tawny eyes.

“Even when our bodies have been reduced to dust floating through space… We’ll always be together… Forever… Pinkie promise… Remember?” He looked hopefully at Gordon, who smiled and nodded in response, returning the squeeze. John beamed as Gordon remembered the action from their childhood, promises never to be broken between them.

John pulled Gordon’s body close, careful not to apply any pressure to his delicate chest.

“Come up here and rest, we have all the time to rest,” John offered, feeling confident that of their older siblings had wanted to catch up with them, they would have done so the instant he used his card yesterday at the surf shop.

John helped his lover into bed, laying him on the spot where his own body had been so that he could be close to the oxygen supply he so desperately required. John would return to the shop the following day if he was up to it to purchase another. Pulling himself to cover his lover’s back, John wrapped his arms protectively around Gordon.

“Always…” he whispered, “I’ll always be right behind you.”

Gordon rolled over and wrapped John in a tight hug and wheezed as best as he could, “Never behind me, by my side...by..oursides…”

John found it hard to swallow past the lump in his throat as he returned the hug Gordon had encapsulated him in. “You’re absolutely right, side by side against the world,” he whispered, placing light kisses on his lover’s face before returning the oxygen piece back in Gordon’s mouth, “Hush now, love… Save your strength… Just rest.”

“Can't…” was the last strangled word he managed before the breathing piece was given. He needed John to understand that he needed to watch him, make sure he was ok. He couldn't even do that...it was as if the universe had always set him up to fail, even with the most important thing in his tiny little world bubble.

John gave Gordon a confused look before comprehending his lover’s discomfort, “We both need the rest,” he tried to reassure him, stroking his limp hair affectionately.

Gordon pulled John in closer, not caring if it hurt. He wanted John to not just see, but to feel and hear his heart beat out a weird melody, the one reserved for when his heart was a flame whenever John was near.

Resting his head upon his lover’s chest, John let the rhythmic thudding of Gordon’s heart hypnotise him, tapping out the beats softly onto the muscular flesh of his lover’s arm.

John wasn’t sure of how long they had been lying there cuddled together, nuzzling and delicately skipping their fingers across each other’s bodies. Intimately connected but not taking it any further. Like an unspoken secret language of caring touches and nudges, each meaning words that were never uttered.

They must have dozed off at some point, but late afternoon turned into night before revealing the glimmering sky that was soon to reveal a magnificent sunrise. John opening his eyes after what felt like seconds to see the yellowish pink tint in the sky signalling daybreak.

Nuzzling one more into the warm musky skin in the crook of Gordon’s neck, John waited to see if it would be enough to rouse his sleeping lover.

There was a murmur and John could feel the tingling sensation of fingers moving against his shoulder blade. Gordon's body had decided now it had the chance, it was going to make him stay put at least on the bed. Lower down however John could feel something pressing against him through Gordon's shorts. He was still very attracted to John and it was showing, no matter what John looked like, no matter what he thought about himself, Gordon wasn't attracted to what was on the outside of him but what was on the inside.

He also didn't seem as bothered about it being hard either, Gordon choosing to hold John close, preferring the gentle cuddles instead of putting his body through utter agony just to satisfy his hormonal drive. Something John was only beginning to appreciate since he never quite understood fully why Gordon refused his sexual desires from time to time over the years…

It was never just about sex. His love for him was deeper, more platonic than he was given credit for.

If only Scott and Virgil could see that.

John burrowed his head further into Gordon’s neck, humming softly into the warm skin as he smiled, cherishing the tranquil caress as they nested beneath the thin bed covers. He felt his lover huddle his body closer, drawing him nearer as their desire for closeness burned.

Gordon’s weakened state, though concerning for John, inspired and pushed him to be stronger. Gordon had encouraged him throughout his entire life, nurturing his confidence and gently helping him flourish without ever pressuring John to be more than he was.

“Morning,” John whispered against the strong pulsing artery in Gordon’s neck.

He was greeted by a hand brushing his face. Stroking it and running off into his hair.

There was an audible grumble of a few syllables that made a smile across his face. Eventually Gordon shifted so that John was on top of him and before he could speak, held a finger to his lips. he was light enough that laying on top didn't hurt him that much, which was safer than the other way around. He cuddled him close again and started to kiss him briefly, mindful that he needed more breaks for air.

He didn't want to get up, he just wanted John to lay with him forever.

Feeling his lover’s erection moving underneath him was sending John’s brain haywire. The control Gordon had over him, over his sexual drive, had always been there. The ability to draw him to arousal and tease him to release with minimal effort, never once abusing it.

John melted onto his lover’s body, carefully propping his weight onto his slim arms as not to unnecessarily aggravate Gordons injured chest. Quick deep kisses ensued, allowing Gordon enough time to catch his breath between them.

Gordon then put a finger to John's lips and helped him off his waist and onto the floor before standing up himself, picking up the holophone and finding some music. As Gordon’s favorite Ben Folds song started to play he offered his hand out to John to dance, pretending to sing along even without his voice.

_What will they write about me?_   
_What will the version be when all is said and done?_   
_Will they remember all of the places seen, the poems lost,_   
_Or am I just wondering on? Yeah, I'm just wondering on_

He twirled John around slowly way from the bed into the more open space of the room and started to playfully waltz, John laughing away at how silly he could still be even without a voice, all battered and broken...but that was just his body - you could never break or lock up what made him...well Gordon!

_So it all comes out in the wash,_   
_What would you see?_   
_Tattered pages in the ink stained pockets of your jeans?_   
_So I've come to pay my respects at the wake,_   
_I've buried it all and I'm dancing on my own grave._

As the music of the melancholy song picked up in tempo, so did their dancing, Gordon pulling John in and away and spinning them both around without caring about how fraile John was, not caring about the extreme levels of pain he could feel in his aching muscles, acting like they were still young teenagers at a ballroom dance.

_I used to be my father's son_   
_(I used to be) number one_   
_(I used to be) paper and pencil_   
_(I used to be) endless potential_   
_(I used to be) Heaven and Earth_   
_(I used to be) my net worth_   
_(I used to be) one public, drunken moment_   
_(I used to be) high paid and low rent_   
_(I used to be) a man on a mission_   
_My best chart position_   
_The man in the mirror_   
_You're proud of your cure_   
_A new day, a new town_   
_Your racehorse, your cash cow_   
_'Til I let you all down_   
_No, I want to be. I want to be._

_I just want to be._

As the song slowed down and died away, Gordon pulled John close and held him tight, burying his head into his shoulder and running his fingers affectionately through his hair. He wished they could keep dancing like this forever.

Breathing softly through his nose John listened to the great amount of effort it was taking for Gordon to accomplish his own breaths. Holding him close, John returned the light touches, stroking the back of Gordons neck as his head lay nestled in the crook of his own.

They held each other silently as the sound of quiet breathing filled the room, John finally moving to gently support his lover against the wall. Littering kisses over Gordon’s bruised chest, John moved lazily to place his lips caringly upon his golden hued skin. There was no feverish lust, just a slow burning desire to heal and bring contentment to his lover.

Gordon managed to stop him again before John reached the shorts he bought for him when they arrived. It's not that he didn't want it, he just knew he couldn't handle it. Sure sex right now would feel so good but Gordon didn't want to suffocate and die on him by accident.

Instead, he picked John up with ease and stumbled outside of the room, slowly navigating around the hotel till they were outside, putting him down to take a breather. He was trying to take him down to the beach, to heal both of them with the salty sea the warm air and the therapeutic sand underfoot.

Now, he wasn't sure he'd make it that far.

He wanted to get better, he wanted John to get better he wanted all this.. This stuff to go away, leave them alone and let them just ‘be’.

John pulled Gordon closer to his chest as his lover heaved for air. After waiting for him to recover, John took his hand and laced their fingers together as they slowly strolled down towards the pale sandy beach where the azure water of the sea lapped gently against the shore.

Sitting Gordon back onto a bench, John knelt before his lover and slowly removed his socks before rolling up the baggy three-quarter length jeans that covered his legs. After removing his own socks, John waited patiently as Gordon stood himself up and padded onto the warming sand.

John smiled as he watched Gordon visibly relax as he neared the water’s edge. This was where his lover was most at ease, surrounded by the gentle lulling of waves as the sea undulated in swells and dips. It was the first time in a long while that he had seen Gordon truly relax.

There was a wave, an invite to come and join.  
Gordon didn't want to go alone, not anymore.

The sun was slowly making its way higher in the vast sky over the horizon as its rays beat down upon them. John happily trudged through the sand as it slipped between his toes. Aside from the two lovers, the small beach was empty, not a single soul in sight.

As he approached his lover, John gracefully tugged his shirt from his torso pulling it over his head and throwing it at Gordon’s feet. His lover gave him a confused look as he slipped off his shorts and discarded them upon the sand, leaving him stood there in his boxers.

John kissed Gordon briefly on his way towards the water, the cool waves slapping against his shins as he walked through them. Drawing a sharp deep breath when the water reached his crotch, John leapt up into the air before diving in and plunging his body into the waves.

Surrounded by the pleasant cooling water, John realised how feverish his skin had been, like quenching red hot steel into a frigid ice bath. He swam around through the sea, marvelling at the freedom he felt. John couldn’t remember the last time he had gone swimming, entering the water with the intention of relaxation and fun in contrast to the last rescue he had attended with Gordon on the underwater hotel.

Propelling himself up towards the waves above, John resurfaced and gasped down another lungful of air before lazily treading water and beaming at his lover still standing on the beach.

Gordon was chuckling with silent laughter as John froliced around in the water and willing him to come deeper. He wanted to so much but if he was to go under that maybe the last breath he'd ever take.

Sitting down on the wet sand in only ankle deep water he flopped back with his eyes closed, letting the waves going in and out lightly caress his skin a little. The sounds of the sea filled his eardrums calling his name the same way John's eyes forever whispered to him the secrets of the universe.

The water lapped over him lovingly, the salt soothing and singing to his aching bones while his brain envisioned magnificent coral reefs, long oceanic travelers and hidden unexplored deeps.

Water dripped on his forehead and wearily he opened his eyes. John was leaning over him, dripping water everywhere, his hair all dangling like stalactites in a arctic cave.

He was grinning.

“Are you sure you're ok with me not fixing this?” He offered sultrily, brushing his wet hand against the straining tent in his shorts.

Gordon closed his eyes and reached for John's hand and guided it under the fabric for his brother to touch.

John slowly snaked his fingers to surround his lover’s needy erection, dipping his head forward to brush his lover’s parted lips. Pulling the shorts further down, John carefully moved between Gordon’s legs before replacing his skilled hands with the damp heat of his mouth. He lavished his lover with his tongue and let his fingertips graze the sensitive skin around his lover’s hips.

Shallow gasps and struggling huffs escaped Gordon’s lips, a part of him devastated that he couldn't voice aloud how much he was enjoying John's attention.

He touched John's wetback that was facing him and tried to stroke it until he remembered something.

The lesions on his pelvis would be all exposed for John to see.

He started to frantically poke John's boney back to get him to stop as he knew what would happen if he came.

He didn't want to give John a mouthful of bloody semen.

John pulled back as Gordon released himself onto the lower part of his stomach. His heart fell as he took in the sight of the darkish marks that covered his pronounced hip bones. There were flecks of pinkish colour in the milky liquid covering his abdomen. John glanced up at his lover in shock.

“Wh-what happened? What are these?” He stuttered as he ghosted his fingers over the lesions.

Gordon tried to speak but instead sat up coughing. He roughly tugged up his shorts and tried to stand up hurriedly, but crashed down on all fours for his efforts. He couldn't even explain that he didn't know where they were from nor say he was sorry he gave into John's persistent teasing and desire to play with him.

He wanted to die right then and there for being so damaged he couldn't even tell John what was wrong, how much he loved him or help him live longer so they could still be together.

Slumping back onto his backside, John sat on the wet sand as the waves gently rocked him. The realisation that Gordon’s current state was not just due to his injuries hit him like a freight train. Looking at his lover’s hunched form, his eyes blurred slightly as tears stung at the corners.

John felt a sickening guilt pooling in his stomach, acid bubbling up his throat. He alone was the reason Gordon was deteriorating so fast, his injuries not healing. John had infected his sibling with the crippling disease that was already causing his own body to waste away and weaken.

Though they had spoken about this very scenario, John had no preparation for the way he would feel when it actually happened. His own selfish need to be with Gordon was dragging him down and sentencing him to the same fate John faced.

John hugged his knees tight to his chest and curled in as his breathing quickened, his body reacting to the hideous revelation that he had given his lover, his older brother, HIV.

Gordon, his entire universe of light, energy, excitement and love was slowing being destroyed because of him. It was as if he were snuffing out a great burning flame, suffocating and extinguishing it painfully as it was slowly starved of oxygen.

“G-Gordon…” he choked, unable to look up, “I’m s-sorry… it’s b-because of… it’s the… Oh G-God, no!”

There was a quiet whimper as John couldn’t even bring himself to say what he was thinking.

Gordon breathed out heavily hanging his head before crawling back over to his shaking sibling who was balling his eyes out and wrapped his arms around him tight. He wanted to heal John, make him better - not break his heart.

No...not this time.

Gordon grunted as he pulled John to his feet and dragged him over the road again to the hotel, John now confused and protesting that Gordon was hurting him with his tight grip around his wrist.

Inside their room, Gordon grabbed the holophone and hunted for the nearest, fanciest expensive looking restaurant in the area and showed it to John and tried hard to indicate he wanted to spoil John, say he's sorry for being the useless person everyone kept telling him he was. He wanted John to be happy, spoiled and loved - not in tears, not worried about him being a mess and being Gordon's nanny. That's not how it should be and he'd be damned if John was going to be made to feel shit for something Gordon allowed himself to be exposed to.

John stared at the restaurant displayed on the holophone before him, shaking his head quickly as he wiped away his tears looking up at Gordon’s frustrated expression.

“No,” he stammered quietly but with defiance in his tone, “I’d rather stay here with you.”

Slipping the sheet off the bed to cover his exposed body from the cold, John sat back on the bed as he looked up at Gordon.

“We don’t have to go anywhere like that… You don’t need to push yourself for me… I thought we were staying away from the pointless fancy stuff? Hell! The greasy spoon across the road would do fine… As long as I’m with you I don’t care where we are.”

‘Then we'll go.’ Gordon formed soundless words getting on one knee before his brother. He tried to think of how to make it all ok, to show John no matter what none of this was his fault.

He had nothing other than the ring with Tolkien's elvish that John had given him and the shark tooth around his neck from his days back at WASP, something Troy Tempest gave him to remember the crew by.

It had never once came off in all those years and for the first time ever, Gordon removed it and tied the leather string collar around John's neck, the shark tooth matching his porcelain skin which, while it was more pale than it had ever been, still looked beautiful against the white of the tooth.

John stared wide eyed at Gordon’s as he shakily reached up his hand to touch the tooth that dangled around his thin neck. Understanding the enormity of the gesture, John quickly pulled his lover close and held him gently in a thankful embrace.

Holding back his urge to apologise repeatedly, knowing it would only serve to aggravate his stressed sibling, John simply settled himself upon the floor, wrapped in the sheets as his damp body shivered.

“I need to go and grab another oxygen tank when the store opens,” he thought aloud, pulling the covers tighter around him, “Shall I pick up some food while I’m out?”

Gordon held his hand and kissed it. ‘I want to come too.’ He breathed out, before lifting John off the floor and pinning him back to the bed, finger pursed to John's lips. Just because his body was now off limits for a while, didn't mean he couldn't return the affection. He kissed John's shivering wet body, trailing his tongue until he reached his soaking wet underwear and slowly removed them to start pleasuring him, making him feel a million dollars.

John grabbed his hands at Gordon’s shoulders, trying to sit himself up as his sibling teased his body into submission. He felt the hot mouth of his lover around the tip of his needy erection before it was replaced by a cool blow of air, causing more shudders.

“Y-you don’t… Ohh-have to -Ah!- to do this. Gah! Gordon! Uhhh… Ugh-Ahhhh! Oh, shhhh… D-don’t s-stop!” A combination of John’s emotionally numb mind and the pleasurable sensations being inflicted upon his hypersensitive body were making coherent speech a struggle.

Teasing lightly, Gordon stayed gentle and methodical making sure every lick, nibble and deep throating was felt, running his hands lovingly across the light graduation of hairs around John's pelvic bone and his inner thighs. He aimed to be as tender as possible, making love to his body with his touch and the warmth of his mouth.

John tasted salty from the sea, a little gritty from the sand but he didn't mind - heck if he wasn't marked in such an unpleasant way he would have had sex right there on the beach...however the blood mixed in with everything was the end of any of those ideas in future together, Gordon now aware if he is that bad he'll have to fix it himself so he didn't get John sicker with something else.

He'd have to face the inevitable soon, he knew. John was dying and it was happening faster than he could try and make him better. There will be a day where they'll have to stop running, with John unable to continue.

Gordon didn't want John's last days - last hours - to be trapped in an unfamiliar hotel in a country he knew so little about, instead of getting the proper send off he deserved which was to be left to float forever in space, the one thing he loved more than Gordon.

The problem was, John would no longer be fit to fly again even if Gordon was to take him home to sneak him up to Thunderbird Five to see the world from space one last time.

Scott and Virgil were right, Gordon was killing John but not in the way they thought he was.

Gordon withdrew his playful game, his thoughts now clouding his mind too much with the possibly this wasn't helping John either. He lay beside his brother who to him, regardless of how skeletal he was becoming, was still beautiful, still his guardian angel who he didn't deserve. Wrapping his arms around his lover's fragile frame he forced himself to make noise, even if it sounded strangled and inhuman.

“You are the stars ...in the darkest of night... the glow of ...creatures of the deepest ocean...my guiding...light...I risk it all f-for you...I owe you endless...debt and intend...to repay it.”

“You owe me nothing,” John mumbled as he snuggled further into his sibling’s embrace, “Just being anywhere with you is more than I could ever want.”

John pulled the cover up over their bodies and desperately tried to warm his shivering body up. What he wouldn’t give to have his star coloured coat back… It had been abandoned somewhere in Sydney during their hasty getaway.

“I love you, Clownfish,” John whispered, smiling as he placed a finger over Gordon’s bruised lips, “Rest your voice, please. Do you still want to come with me? It’s really no trouble to go alone if you need some time to relax and recover.”

Gordon kissed John insuring his answer. As of now, John was never going to be left alone, regardless if he wanted it. He knew John would hate him being a shadow all of a sudden but maybe it was time he reversed the following around roles again.

“Come on then, we’ll get you some food too,” John smiled as he slowly sat up.

After dressing himself and helping his lover out of his wet clothing, Gordon held out the shirt that he had folded so carefully when John had bought it for him.

“You like this one, huh?” He chuckled softly as he helped Gordon pull it over his battered body.

Gordon reached for the phone, pulling John along with him as he was trying to help do up the buttons. He flicked the search engine up and showed John a second hand clothing listing of the same shirt and how much it's worth.

John’s eyes widened in shock as his mouth fell open. “Holy moley! How much?!” John gawped at the price before him, “You’ve always wanted a Reg Mombassa! I remember you saying… Is it the real deal?”

Gordon nodded quickly, his smile lighting up his entire face, eyes twinkling as he slipped the phone into his pocket.

Feeling pretty pleased with his purchase, John admired the bright colours and intriguing design that covered Gordon’s chest, pulling him into a soft kiss.

“You ready to go?”

He got a very enthusiastic thumbs up in response and then Gordon playfully linked his arm in with John's and almost danced them both to the door in his enthusiasm.

This was what he wanted, to have John smile and be happy. Ok so he had to start goofing around more again but that's not such a BAD thing, right?

John grinned involuntarily at the return of his playful sibling, glad that he was happy with his shirt. They bounced happily out of the hotel and walked along the road a little way, soaking up the rays of sunshine as they held each other’s arms tightly.

They walked past a few ice cream parlours and a couple of kiosks that weren’t open they until they approached the greasy spoon café that John had mentioned where Gordon tugged lightly on his arm.

“I’m more than happy to chow down here if you are,” John giggled as Gordon stared at the chalkboard menu above the cash register.

There was a nod and a gesture to the standard fish and chips, something he hoped he could swallow. Looking up as John started to order, he spotted a TV overlooking the customer seating.

It was of the swimming carnival in Melbourne.

Eyes twitched, then without any regards for other patrons watching it he walked over, stood on a chair and yanked the cable out, cutting the broadcast.

There was alot of angry voices in response to his actions but Gordon drew himself up and puffed himself out and based on his current beat up and bruised appearance, the voices turned to whispers of people still miffed but too afraid to confront him.

John finished ordering and paying for food before he hurried over and led Gordon to sit at a table away from everyone else before retrieving the hot drinks and orange juice he had ordered.

Sitting himself across the table, John watched as all eyes of the patrons were fixed on Gordon and himself. Luckily his lover’s back was facing the gawping and angry looks.

He watched as Gordon stirred his tea absentmindedly, his eyes looking straight past John into the distance, apparently lost in thought. The younger man quietly slipped his juice and awaited the arrival of their food.

Gordon knew he was out of line with what he did and in one way, was super lucky no one could recognize him as a teenager in the spotlight who froze on the platform and screwed up under pressure.

Even now, he couldn't run from it.

He sighed, reaching out for John's hand and to gently stroke it, turn it palm up and tease each individual finger. It calmed him down a little, focusing on John again.

Remember what's important, Gordon. It's not about you - it's all about John. He's what matters, everything else you NEED to forget about.

John recognised the hurt in his lover’s eyes, the quiet guilt and embarrassment from all those years ago. It had crushed him then as much as it did now, he needed to reassure Gordon that his perceived failure was just that, a perception and not a reality.

“It’s ok my little Clownfish,” John soothed quietly, raising a hand to gently to Gordon’s face leaning over the table to press a light kiss on his forehead, “I’m still so proud of you, everything you’ve done… Everything you still do. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, see your worth and value.”

Gordon’s eyes remained focused on John’s hand as he caressed it slowly, methodically.

“You’ve nothing to feel bad about,” he whispered in a hushed tone, none of these people understand. Remember this... Those that don’t know, don’t matter and those who matter already know.”

Gordon nodded. He shifted his arm when the food was set down and made the effort to eat it, having to gulp the juice and his tea just to help it slide down. He watched John eat with ease though was aware he was never going to gain any weight regardless of how much he woofed down.

‘Slow down.’ He gurgled out the sounds. ‘You’ll make yourself sick.’

He tapped John’s nose playfully and brushed his blonde hair from his face.

“Hmm?” looking up from his food to see Gordon looking at him, making gestures as to how fast John was eating. Sitting back slightly, suddenly hyper conscious of himself, John slowed his pace though his body was ravenous for the food before him, feeling as though it was the first food he’d had in weeks.

He smiled apologetically at Gordon as he tried to savour the food before him. John watched as his lover made a good effort through the food on his plate, given there was a substantial amount there in the first place, his progress more promising than that of the previous attempts.

Pausing for a moment, John let his stomach adjust to the sensation of a large meal before he pushed his plate away, desperately hungry but unable to eat any more. Nursing his coffee slowly, he picked at the remaining bits of salad garnish on the side of his plate, attempting to cram as many nutrients as he could into his weak body.

Gordon didn't let John sit around with his drink, instead helping John off his seat and dragging him from the eatery, sloshing the coffee around in his hands.

He had been thinking about something since they walked past the shops in the street and right now he stopped in front of a tattoo parlour. He gestured for John to wait outside before slipping in and waving at him through the window. He proceeded to buy something and came back outside with what looked like a do-it-yourself tattoo kit.

John grinned knowingly at Gordon, “I should have guessed that you’d be getting something like that in there.”

Gordon poked him in the chest gently and ran his hand around John lazily as he circled him before stopping around his back. Then with his finger, he traced a design down the back of his shoulders before tapping the box as John turned around.

He wanted to give John his much needed wings.

“What are you plotting?” John grinned, knowing his lover couldn’t reply but trusting him all the same.

John felt as Gordon traced lines across his back and quickly turned around to face him, “Just gotta get some more oxygen then we can head back, alright?”

On the way back to the hotel, Gordon had slung the tank over his shoulder, gave John the box he bought and while he let out a few grunts, he still carried it back to their room and set it up correctly ready for use.

As John put the box down Gordon patted the bed, indicating for him to sit down and aided him in sliding off his shirt.

Gordon may not be the artist that Virgil was but he did draw alot back in his science role in WASP for data collection and was at least capable of a decent level of competency in illustration. As for the tattoo kit he was about to use, he learnt how to operate it from his time behind bars for stealing cars to decorate fellow prisoners. It was that, or become some convicted con’s bitch - and Gordon knew if that happened to him he'd have killed himself from shame when Scott picked him up to live with him in the states after his release day.

Just as well that was not to be his fate - as that was the same week he found John's university address and dorm number amongst the mess of papers Scott had piled on the kitchen bench.

His second chance.

Gordon set the small electronic handgun device up, inserting the little vial into place. He knew this wouldn't hurt much at all as most inks were now mixed with a light anesthetic so after the first few initial pricks it would began to feel like fingers caressing your skin.

Much kinder than his ones, which were done the old fashioned way - pissed as a possum under peer pressure.

He began slowly, patterning flowers up along his lover’s spine, ready to weave and morph them into John's wings.

As he started in the feathers, fanning them out, he thought back to the day he showed up at John's dormitory door, the stranger that answered and when they realised who each other was just from reintroducing themselves. That stranger who was tall, lithe high society was his brother whom Gordon was afraid he'd never see again.

And for weeks he lied to Scott, saying he was looking for work, only to end up at John's dorm to spend time with the only person who didn't know he had been in jail and didn't talk down to him like he was an animal.

John inspired him to get into a few courses just so they could do study dates - ones that were real and not him just lying his arse off just to be with this beautiful creature who was supposed to be related to him but acted and flirted with him as if they were strangers that had become close friends.

That's how Gordon fell in love with him. John welcomed him into his world with open arms… something no one had done in over six years.

He no longer felt alone.

John felt the rhythmic tickling of the needle as Gordon carefully worked on adding a design onto his pristine porcelain skin. He wished he could see the lines taking shape on his back, see Gordon’s flowing hands creating art on his very skin.

He could remember the first time he had saw Gordon’s tattoos all those years ago at the airport in Singapore, his lover dressed up in uniform, grey sleeves rolled up to reveal a small section of the candy red sea creatures still glossy from the healing process. John had wanted to get tattoos ever since, though never allowed to by their father. It would have ended up getting Gordon in more trouble than it was worth as he would have been blamed for John’s rebellion, unfair as it was.

There was a sharp sting as Gordon adjusted the tattoo gun into a new position until the anaesthesia kicked in and the soft tickling resumed. John wondered how on Earth his brother had been able to endure the pain without any of the numbing qualities that this ink possessed. He imagined though, that had a great deal to do with the fact he had been steaming drunk at the time. John had only really ever been dangerously drunk once in his life, the night where Gordon had come to his rescue at a booze-filled party that had almost ended up with him being brutally raped.

Not once had John drank more than two or three alcoholic drinks since that night. The thought of the unwanted hands upon his body still made his skin crawl to this day. It was, however, one of the countless times that Gordon had come to his aid, rescued him and provided safety and reassurance. Just as he was continuing to do so as John felt his body waste away from the disease that was slowly tearing great chunks out of his immune system, like a ravenous wild animal.

John had come to quietly accept his own fate some time ago, realising that their actions were only making light of the inevitable. Originally, as soon as he had found out his diagnosis, John had wanted to run, to keep his deterioration from his lover, to spare Gordon the horror of watching him become an emaciated skeletal wreck. He didn’t want Gordon to watch him die. Though some years ago, John had promised his brother that he would never run away again, never leave him in the dark like he had the morning after their first passionate experience in the hotel overlooking the Sydney skyline. John realised that Gordon would never let him suffer alone, even if it meant taking all of the beatings he had so far.

John felt a lump from in his throat as he thought of what lay ahead, not scared of his own death, but the fear of leaving Gordon behind. That’s what was terrifying him the most. To leave the man who had given everything to ensure his safety, make John smile and enjoy what little life he had left.

What would become of Gordon when he passed? Would the disease currently draining him begin to pull the life away from his effervescent brother? Would it slowly strangle his last breath far too early? So many horrific questions that plagued John’s mind as soon as it came to rest, his lover was the only thing that could keep the barrage of fear at bay.

They were being strong for one another whilst the twisted cruel hand of fate was dealing them their deadly cards, leaving them no choice but to throw their chips all in to see the next card to turn.

Yet there was nowhere else John would rather be in the world than by Gordon’s side.

Together… Forever… Not even death would be able to wrench them from one another.

Gordon start to wipe the last of the ink and the little trickle of blood as he cleaned up the masterpiece that now branched across John's frail shoulders, encompassing them in a inky embrace and like water flowed down the sides of his back and within the middle, roses looked like they had been stitched through John's spinal cord entwining their way visually in and out if his skin like a creeper.

He then kissed John’s neck at the base to indicate that he was done.

John stood up, excited to see the artwork his lover had created upon his skin. Swaying slightly at the headrush he rushed over to the mirror, turning his back to face it and craning his neck to take in the beautiful set of feathery wings that spanned his shoulders and down his back. Twisting head to look over the other shoulder, John spotted the roses that looked to be entangled in his skin.

Gasping in adoration and surprise, John whipped around and jumped back towards Gordon, accidentally knocking him onto the bed with happiness.

“It’s awesome! I love it, thank you, Clownfish,” he gasped in between grateful kisses as he leaned over Gordon’s body, “Can you take a picture with my camera?”

He was replied with a nod and Gordon got up to take a picture, one of John lounging on his stomach on the bed and the beautiful vibrant colours that were now splashed across his skin. He handed the device over to show John on the viewer.

Happily taking the camera from his lover, John looked over the delicate lines and bold colours that now embellished his pale skin. The luscious burgundy of the roses standing out as if his skin were paper.

“Incredible,” he breathed, putting the camera on the bedside table before kissing Gordon again, “It’s so beautiful! I can’t believe I never asked you to do something like this sooner, you’re far more talented than you let on.”

“Thank you, it’s perfect.”

Gordon kissed him softly and mouthed the words ‘I'm sorry you should have gotten those wings sooner.’ His lips kept pressing against John's, not wanting to stop.

John gently lay on top of him on the bed, pushing aside the tattooing equipment and running his hands beneath his lover’s shirt gently skimming his finger across the skin so as not to ignite pain from the bruises.

Their kiss continued with Gordon drawing struggling breaths every so often, John feeling guilty for becoming so easily aroused and not wanting to hurt his beaten lover. Fighting the feeling down, John gingerly unbuttoned Gordon’s shirt and slipped it from his shoulders before raising his covered erection to Gordon’s backside.

Gordon’s arms gripped John quicky, his eyes asking his lover if this was ok to do, especially after what John saw of his body at the beach. Unlike John who just looked paler and more sickly with a few dark bruises, Gordon's skin was scabby, still oozing blood from wounds - some of it visible on his shirt despite his best efforts not to ruin it - red sores from his belly to his pelvis and between his thighs, clear warnings that he was infected with something and it was spreading.

Sure, John had seen and had sex with him in worse physical states before, twice after two different chest surgeries, one major hip surgery and several other complicated messy scenarios where Gordon needed serious rehabilitation or bed rest for several months after spending alot of time with tubes and wires poking out of him from various accidents… but this was different, this time he was more than likely diseased or suffering some sort of nasty infection from not tending to his wounds properly.

Having any sort of sex with him could potentially be John's last.

John answered his lover’s silent question by pulling Gordon’s mouth down to meet his and slipping his hands under the fabric of his boxers, loosening the pants also before pushing them down to grip his lover member.

“Are you sure you’re going to be ok?” He queried before shuffling out of his own pants as Gordon nodded in response.

Pulling his lover back to sit above his narrow hips, John moaned softly as his erection was free to press against Gordon’s now bare skin.

He threaded his fingers through Gordon’s thick hair and lovingly caressed his bruised face, hoping to convey his desire and love for his sibling through the tender touch.

John was no longer concerned by his own health and the risks he could potentially face, his concern was to make Gordon understand how beautiful he was, both inside and out. The man’s loyalty and moral compass were the very tip of a vast iceberg of endearing qualities that John had spent their lives as lover’s exploring every intricate detail of.

‘Only for you.’ Gordon struggled to voice outloud. John knew by now he'd give him anything he wanted if he asked.

John worked his hand around Gordon’s thick member and gently stroked it until he heard barely audible gasps and felt his lover twitch around as he sat up straight to open his airways as wide as he could.

Easing his own erection free from under his lover, John matched the strokes with his other hand and released a gentle moan, his brilliant blue eyes fluttering as he watched Gordon’s body writhe above him.

Having slicked his length in fluid, John carefully nudged Gordon to kneel up higher so he could sink unhurriedly around John and surrounding his erection completely.

John continued to lazily rub Gordon’s erection as he stilled to adjust to the younger man’s presence inside him.

Gordon lay his head back against John's shoulder, softly panting as his body was entered and pressed against. John was still in deep, still hard and still determined to make love to this utter wreckage that was his emaciated figure, he started to force himself to still make this worth it for him as hard as he could, bound by his loyalty to never disappoint him, to never treat him like he was a fraile shut in and to be the perfect lover.

John nuzzled into the crook of Gordon’s warm neck, gently placing kisses along the skin there as he wrapped his free arm around his lover protectively. Whimpering quietly, John moaned as Gordon moved around him.

Whispering passionate and devoted words into his lover’s ear, John faintly confessed his adoration and gratitude for their years of time together. Tracing his overgrown nails lightly across Gordon’s skin as he moved his hips up hesitantly, always watching his lover’s reaction, hyper aware of any discomfort he may cause.

Gordon started shouting, the only way he could utter anything audible for John's ears. He wanted to encourage him, let him know that despite the shambles and pain he was in, he was still enjoying it, the positive sensations was something he was trying desperately focus on other than the pain clawing and tearing into his chest and throat.

“John….uhhhh J….John…” he rasped out, struggling to voice his pleasure. “John…..”

John held his lover close to him, his body tiring far faster than he had hoped for. Quicker thrusts upwards into Gordon’s body brought him ever closer as small moans escaped his lips.

“I… Love you, Gordon,” he breathed softly, whimpering as he felt himself lifting his lover to support him.

Expending all of his dwindling energy, John released himself deep within his lover. His body falling heavily against the bed, taking Gordon with him as vision blurred and consciousness abandoned him.

Gordon dragged John close, reaching over for the newer air tank mouthpiece and set it in his brother's mouth before holding his limp body close as he could barely move around much more to get the other tank.

He'll survive, besides….he maybe tired now but there was no way he was going to sleep. He wanted to protect John even to the end….even if he had to make sacrifices to do it.

By the time he gave out it was seven in the morning, the sun warming his naked body as it shone through the window, helping him keep his ill brother warm and safe until he woke up.


	19. Goodbye Clownfish

Waking in the unmoving arms of his lover, John strained his eyes against the warm morning light. He became aware of the oxygen supply currently in his mouth as he blearily remembered passing out. John groaned weakly as he looked around at Gordon lying beside him, chest barely moving and face paler than he’d ever seen, even after the hydrofoil accident. 

Carefully lifting his hand, John inserted the mouthpiece between his lover’s bluish lips. Holding his face still, he made sure that Gordon’s lips made a tight seal around the mouthpiece, a desperately helpless feeling overwhelming him as tears began to fall down his cheeks. Glistening sapphire eyes searching for signs of improvement.

“G-Gordon?” John choked almost soundlessly, his hands pawing feebly at his lover’s face, powerless to help, “Gordon… No! P-please… You need to b-breathe for me, ok? D-don’t leave me… P-please? G-Gordon!”

There was a rattle of sorts from Gordon, the oxygen not quite helping anymore but John’s voice was forcing him to stir. He hadn't long just felt the embrace of sleep and was a little disorientated.

His hand shifted to rub his eyes and he felt something grab it and uncurl his fingers.

‘John?’ His lips mouthed as he grunted softly, eyes tired and now open, mouthpiece falling out. ‘What's wrong?’

John could not find the words in his throat as his head slumped back against the bed, too weak to move. Having slept for most of the last few days, he had not been taking his medication at the right intervals. He knew that Gordon should be taking them now too, the thought alone was enough to force him to roll over towards the bedside table, collecting the orange container and shakily retrieving it to his chest.

Taking out two tablets, he ingested one and placed the other into the corner of Gordon’s mouth next to the oxygen mouthpiece.

“T-take this,” he pleaded, watching as Gordon grimaced and seemed to swallow the bitter tasting pill.

“You almost… Stopped breathing again,” he breathed, another tear rolling down his face.

Gordon shifted to touch John's face and brushed his hair from his forehead, stroking his face and cupping his jaw.

‘I'm sorry…’ his lips framed the words. ‘I'll try not to sleep...next time…’ he breathed out, pushing his weak body upright into a sitting position and pinching his brow. He staggered to his feet to grab a drink of water and while John couldn't see, he spat the pill out as he was unable to swallow it.

He knew John meant well but if he tried, he'd choke. He turned around and weakly smiled. Right now John looked stunning lying on the bed his tattoo radiating his innocence and inner beauty. He didn't mean to scare such an angel.

John smiled up at the man that was his everything, scared for his life and what little hope they had ahead of them. 

“What do we do now?” He asked, the fear creeping into his child-like voice.

Gordon shrugged. He couldn't think while his brain was fully feeling stuffed with cotton wool. He knew staying here they'd be holding off the eventual end of them both so he tried to think of what they could do.

There was a mini golf course down the road….maybe they could do that?

John frowned as he observed Gordon’s sluggish state, “Perhaps you need some more rest,” he offered, as he looked sternly at his lover, “Sleep? Please?”

He watched his older brother shake his head. Gordon knew if he went to sleep now - regardless of the extra air - he wouldn't last long before his body shut his breathing down. Suffocation not his idea of leaving this world… at least, not yet. 

Shuffling himself up off the bed with great effort, John stood up and made his way over to the small kettle, flicking it on and selecting two sachets of instant hot chocolate from the small container beside it. He pulled the mugs closer to himself and emptied the sachets of brown powder into them.

He felt Gordon’s arms snake slowly around his thin body as he carefully poured the simmering water into the pair of mugs before stirring them. 

Picking up the mugs, John coaxed Gordon towards the bed to sit down before handing him his drink. The younger man sat himself cross legged on the bed opposite his lover who leant up against the headboard for support. He smiled sweetly at his brother as he watched him sip the soothing warm liquid.

He watched his lover sigh, shoulders relaxing and the tension slowly leaving his features. Gordon held the mug and gave John a cheshire grin before drinking more, looking more relieved with every sip. He reached over and rubbed John's shoulders, massaging them to reassure him everything was fine.

He coughed, trying to clear his throat and was impressed he got some sound in his voice, acquiring an amused grin for beating his own failing body even if it was for five minutes.

“There was a fair...at the park..we...passed yesterday.” He croaked. “That...sounds like f...fun.”

John looked up in shock, a beaming grin on his face, “Your voice!” He called excitedly, almost spilling his drink, “Fun fair, I’m on board!”

Watching Gordon’s reaction soften and seeing his warm smile return made John’s heart flutter. His sibling was returning to him, if even for a brief while. Guilt subsided and worry drained slightly as Gordon drank more of his warm beverage.

“Good…” Gordon chuckled a little. “‘Cause I'd...like that.” His voice started to get caught in his throat. “Sim...gam...an..un..” he frowned and shrugged. Oh well, at least he didn't have to talk to have a good time with John at a carnival.

“Was nice whilst it lasted,” John smiled, reaching to squeeze his brother’s shoulder lightly, “Save your strength little Clownfish, we don’t want you to tire yourself out before we get there.”

After finishing their hot chocolates, John placed the mugs upon the nightstand and nestled himself into a pillow against the headboard, pulling Gordon to rest against his chest so that his airways were clear, offering him the oxygen supply as he cuddled him close. 

He may not want to sleep but at least Gordon could rest comfortably until later in the day when the fair would be more vibrant. 

John quietly traced planetary systems and constellations carefully along his lover’s back, easing his own mind of worries and relaxing Gordon’s tense muscles.

There was a quiet mumble from Gordon. “I don't... want either...of..us to...di…” he rasped, refusing the oxygen and just listening to John's racing heartbeat and was at least assured that out of both of them, John was still going reasonably strong...and that if anything were to go wrong he'd still be ok even if he had to abandon him to return home to be surrounded by family one more time.

A family that still loved him…but would put Gordon's head on a spike and skin his hide for a floor rug for under Virgil’s piano.

“No...matt...at….Joh...I..al..ys...lov...ou.”

“Neither do I, Gordon… But we’ll always be together, remember? I love you more than anything in the universe… I’ll be damned if anything will keep us apart,” John whispered into Gordon’s ear as he continued his imaginary drawing upon his lovers skin.

They lay there for a short while, before John finally released a silent sob he had not realised he’d been holding. He was terrified of losing his brother, to be left alone in a world that would be so pointless and empty without his guiding ray of sunlight. Pulling his lover closer, John buried his head into Gordon’s auburn hair and breathed deeply, the scent of his very being enough to soothe him. There was nothing left in the world that would be worth a damn thing if he didn’t have Gordon to share it with, to smile at him and make everything seem so infinitesimal and inconsequential by comparison. 

“Always together,” John reiterated to his soul-mate, the missing piece to his complicated and misshapen puzzle. Sniffing quietly he gasped out a laugh and nuzzled his pointed nose further into Gordon’s hair. “Besides, now you can’t escape you’re truly stuck with me!” 

John jokingly pulled his brother close and snuffled his nose against the fuzzy skin of Gordon’s strong jawline, nudging him playfully.

Gordon grinned, returning the affection with eskimo kisses, breathing in his younger siblings scent, marking him with his own by rubbing his jaw against John's neck and shoulders, kissing as he went. His body shivered but this time not from anticipation… but from being cold and too weak to push on and follow through in making love to his lover who was clearly up for it with his returning lavishing kisses and hands caressing his naked skin.

John pulled the bed covers to wrap around Gordon’s body as they lay cuddled up to one another, John instinctively drawing his lover close and protectively nuzzling his his neck. 

“Warm enough, love?” John offered as he watched the rhythmic and steady rise and fall of Gordon’s chest as he relaxed. The holophone by the mugs on the nightstand buzzed loudly as they remained huddled together.

There was a beautiful birdsong lulling through the air as John resumed the careful tracing of celestial patterns underneath the bed covers, a stark contrast to the dark thoughts plaguing his mind.

John was fearful of what he would do if Gordon were to lose his battle to stay alive, how he would never be able to live without such a beautiful creature. After his outburst at their eldest brother, there was little chance of John being welcomed home with open arms, not that he would want to go there after all Scott and Virgil had done to Gordon.

He was not scared of dying, but the mere thought of Gordon not being by his side filled him with a paralysing terror.

John was drawn from his thoughts by another buzzing noise from the holophone and Gordon's arm reaching for it.

His brother flicked it open and held it so whoever was viewing it could see both their semi naked bodies huddled together on the feed, neither of them caring if their family knew they were having sex anymore.

It was Scott, along with Alan, Virgil and their father.

Gordon didn't flinch. Insead he held the holophone a bit further away so they got a good view of him resting against John who was still naked and exposed...with a very needy erection in full sight of everyone.

Their father’s face was contorted with disgust and rage, his eyes furiously flashing away as he held his hand up to cover his missing sons from view, swearing under his breath.

Scott’s expression was furious and sickened as he glared directly at John, cobalt eyes twitching as they seemed to bore into John’s own icy hued irises.

Virgil looked pale and withdrawn from the others to one side, he simply fixed Gordon with a loathsome stare, hatred radiating from his body language.

Alan’s face was stretched into a broad grin, like he was just given the most incredible juicy piece of gossip that he could not wait to share with whoever had the misfortune to be in earshot. 

“No… Fucking… Way… I knew it!” the youngest Tracy smirked, his face lighting up at the sight of his immediate older brother’s naked in bed together, earning a sharp smack on the back of the head from Scott who not once removed his scowling look from John.

“This is simply abhorrent!” Their father howled, refusing to look at them, “The pair of you are repugnant, how you could do such a nauseating thing… Gordon, you are monstrous… And John, I expected so much more of you… What an embarrassment! Neither of you are my sons!”

Monster… there was that word again. Never mind the the fact he turned his life around, forget that he risked his life multiple times to save lives of strangers and children. Ignore the fact he is decorated and respected science officer who used to work for the prestigious WASP organization… Gordon would forever be the son who went off the rails when their mother died. The boy who cost his country an Olympic medal, the brat who stole cars and was branded a failure and a disgrace because he went to prison and rubbed shoulders with killers, rapists and druggies.

Gordon would forever be a monster to his family.

Well, if that's how they were going to be until he died…

John let out a gasp as Gordon leaned down over his horny body and started to lick and massage his long hard member with his tongue, not caring about the looks and the mortified expressions on the holocall. He blocked it out completely, focusing on the one person who knew better, the one person who WANTED to spend time with him, WANTED him to love and protect him, WANTED his body, his soul and his dedicated spirit.

And mostly as of this very second, wanted his body on all fours so he could film himself fucking him to prove Gordon wasn't alone in their relationship.

Gordon slipped his finger underneath John’s tackle and pushed it in rewarded with a moan from his brother and sounds of disgust and yelling for him to stop over the phone.

Truth was, Gordon just didn't care anymore. If he was going to die, then he was damn going to show the world that he and John were and always will be lovers.

John watched as their father stormed angrily out of the hologram before his eyes fluttered shut and his head fell back against the headboard. 

Alan whooped in encouragement, earning another harsh slap from Scott as he tried not to look completely mortified. 

“For fuck sake Gordon stop it! Wasn’t defiling Thunderbird One enough for you?” The eldest shouted, as he desperately avoided looking up at the scene before him.

Gordon kept going, fully deep throating his sibling against his bodies will. Even if John didn't cum, the fact that their dumb idiot eldest brother was continuing to yell at them instead of hanging up showed what a pretentious controlling prick he really was.

“Uhhhhh… Gordon! Ah! Nnnnhg!”

John’s moans were not restrained as he almost forgot the audience stood before them shifting uncomfortably, too lost in his own pleasure filled heaven. 

He was trying so hard to keep his hips still so as not to hurt his injured sibling. 

“Uhh! Ah-Shit! What the hell do you even want?” John snapped between guttural purring noises.

“What WE want-” Scott growled, “-is an explanation for what that ANIMAL did to Virgil. Just LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID, GORDON!”

Gordon hesitated in what he was doing and withdrew long enough to look up and see how unusual in colour Virgil was. Sure, he wouldn't dare wish this disease on anyone but his lack of sympathy was clear.

Virgil had been trying to kill him at the time… heck, he was the main reason he was dying. Gordon then sat up, took the holo phone and shifted it as he moved onto his fours, ready to receive John and give them all a optimal view.  

‘I'm looking…’ Gordon's lips said wordlessly. ‘But I don't give a fuck,’ and because John couldn't read his words from his position moving around behind him he added, ‘I'm dying because of you… tonight… is my last… so fuck off...’

He then lowered his head onto the bed, his arms hunched over so his backside was presented to John and that they could see his lover and talk to him again if he wanted to… Gordon was done with them. He had never been a Real Tracy in their eyes and he no longer wanted to be one. He just wanted John… that was all.

“Whatever Gordon has done was in self defence or to protect me from you two monsters!” John cried out as he grabbed the phone out of Gordon’s hands and brought it to his own face, “Now... you’ve got two choices,” John growled quietly, “You either hang up right now and leave us alone like I asked… Or you stay for the sequel of our film in Thunderbird One.”

“You wouldn’t dare…” Scott’s face twisted fiercely as he instinctively stood in front of Alan who peeked out from behind his shoulder.

John adjusted the phone so the sight of his emaciated abdomen and hips filled the screen as he gradually pressed his needy erection deep within Gordon’s waiting body.

Moaning softly at the tight sensation of his lover’s body, John slowly unsheathed himself before burying his length harder into gripping heat.

Artificial growls of protest and shouts of revulsion filled his ears as he continued to make love to Gordon, John’s free arm reaching down to pleasure his lover simultaneously. 

“I… Uhhh- warned you!” John snarled placing the phone on the bed in front of Gordon and pulling his lover to kneel upright with him, one hand still stroking his weeping member, the other holding him in a protective and possessive embrace. 

Staring at the hologram of his furious brother over Gordon’s shoulder, John sunk his teeth into his lover’s nape earning a strangled moan. Soft pants and huffed breaths filled the air, occasionally disrupted by outraged shouts from the eldest.

Virgil’s form stood with eyes tightly shut, silent and unsteady on his feet. Alan seemed to be pleasantly entertained by the entire ordeal, pushing Scott out of the way and voicing some occasional encouragement. Scott however was intensely agitated, his face a fierce beetroot red as he savagely bellowed his insults at John.

“You sick sadistic FUCK!” The eldest yelled, his ferocious expression filling the hologram now, “John, what in the hell is wrong with you?”

“Ahhhh… You’re the one still watching,” John smirked deviously, “Getting a kick out of it are you? Uhh! A little envious of me? Maybe you’re jealous of Gordon here with my dick pounding his tight arse… Green never was your colour, Scotty.”

Scott roared angrily in vexation as he stepped back from the feed. “Un-fucking-believable.”

A soft dull thud caused Scott to snap his head away from the two lovers, concern spreading across his face as Virgil collapsed out of sight and Alan mobilized immediately to assist. John slowed himself, the effort of keeping up with his desires depleting almost all of his energy making his body weary.

The eldest rounded back to face them as he spat bitterly at John, “Well I hope you’re fucking happy there, Johnny… Thanks to your depraved and infectious jaunt, Alan and I are going to lose THREE of our brothers… Was your little trip worth it? Was it worth wiping out sixty percent of International Rescue? WAS IT?! You selfish, ungrateful, disgusting little FUCK! I hope you rot in your twisted hell.”

The holocall ended abruptly leaving the room eerily silent.

Gordon felt John withdraw hurriedly, shoving him down onto the bed.

“What did you do to Virgil!?”

Gordon rolled over to look at John, his face all red and full of anger. “Answer me, Gordon.”

“I bit… him…” Gordon croaked.

“Why?!”

Gordon didn't answer, instead he got up and shut himself in the bathroom, John still yelling at him demanding answers.

What was Gordon going to say though? I did it to defend myself, to protect you? 

He knew those were his answers but they were not good enough. He didn't mean to get Virgil sick - hell at the time he had no idea that he was infected… just covered in strange marks which he assumed was from not treating his injuries properly.

And now, the once good-natured Virgil was also going to die. Sure, he would have killed Gordon if he had the chance… however this was not the outcome he had wanted. 

Looking at his reflection all he could see staring back was his battered, bruised and gross looking figure, his face still black and blue with unhealing scabs. The monster everyone saw was now staring back, finally revealing that it had been there all along… he just lied to himself about it over and over, pretending that everything his did in his life was justified.

He was never one of THEM. Always the IT. 

He had never been so mad in his life… and he had very little of it left, the second he rested he knew he would die. He couldn't stay awake forever… he knew he had only a few hours.

And they were going to be spent knowing he fucked everything for everyone around him, dragging them down into his pit of blood, feasting on their kindness and murdering them with failure.

Lashing out at the mangled feral figure in the reflection, he shattered the mirror with his fist and continued to throw his fist into the broken glass wishing to whatever deity that had been rolling the dice that dictated his playing piece in this game of life had killed him or at least made him have better choices.

Clutching the basin, he started to violently cough, clumps of blood being spat out into it… dark red and black all draining into the plug, over the basin’s edge and dripping to the tiled floor.

His hand, his entire arm shredded and embedded with shards from the mirror, his entire damaged and grotesque form slumped to the tiles as he started to break down, his mental state completely busted with cogs and wires everywhere, just like his body which was ripping itself open, letting everyone see the beast inside.

He should have never survived the hydrofoil accident all those years ago. Maybe… maybe if he had died then… none of this… none of this would have happened. John would have had a normal life, and everyone would have just forgotten he existed… just like they all had with their mother.

It would be throwing his love for John away but right now all that it had done is sentence them to exile, to be left to rot away.

He had hurt John just by being in love with him.

Now… he was paying the price.

“Gordon!”

John slammed his fist brutally against the bathroom door in frustration, hearing a sickening crack and conscious of the stab of pain radiating from his knuckles, aspirating a sharp breath through his grinding teeth.

He had heard the repeated dull smashing of something solid against glass followed by intense coughing and finally a heavy thud.

Scott’s words were ringing in his ears.

Why did he have to go and help that man in the restrooms at the station? Always trying to prove that he was capable of doing what his other siblings did… Help people.

But no…

All he had done was fail, to get himself infected with a deadly disease and pass it on to his lover who was dying.

Dying because of him. Dying because he was completely incapable of looking after himself for two goddamn minutes!

He paced impatiently around the bed several times and rapidly pulled on a pair of boxers before his eyes settled on his pills. There were only ten or so left in the container. Reaching out a shaking hand, John picked up the yellow container and held it tight, fingernails tapping it nervously as he continued to amble around the room until he returned to the bathroom door.

John collapsed against the closed door and buried his head into his skeletal hands, screaming out until his voice went hoarse. Mumbling incoherently, he pulled his knees into his chest feeling absolutely disgusted with himself. Scott was right, he had been so selfish that he had pushed Gordon too hard. 

Lifting his head up and letting it fall back against the door, John held the little pill container up to the light.

“Gordon?” 

There was only silence that followed. Even now John was still pushing his lover too hard, asking too much and crushing him.

“It’s all my fault,” he mumbled as he eyeballed the numerous pills, “I… I’m sorry I lashed out… I… Fuck…”

The desire for the world to swallow him up and suffocate him slowly was overwhelming. It wasn’t Gordon he was angry at… It was himself. The last thing he could do to redeem himself was to show his lover, his soulmate… His EVERYTHING that he was not the monster that those cruel people masquerading as ‘family’ said he was. John’s only purpose not was to keep his lover happy, comfortable and loved. 

John watched as a trickle of blood ran down his fingers, dripping into the floor as his body ached as it recessed from its adrenaline high. 

“I’m sorry for messing everything up, I never meant for this to happen… But I wouldn’t change a thing about us… Not for the world, Gordon. I love you, so damn much it hurts,” he muttered quietly, knocking at the door with his head, “None of this is your fault.”

Slowly the door opened and hands caught John as he fell backwards, Gordon kneeling back on the floor to hug him.

“Never your fault….” He rasped as best as he could. “I should have stayed….out of your life….when I got out of prison….” Blood covered arms held onto John’s naked body tight. He had heard John's pleas as he tugged mirror shards out his hand. “If I never showed up….you...you would have never….fallen in love with me….and I you….”

“You are my everything….the only thing in this...bubble….don't you damn...wish it away…”

“You...are my angel… in the darkness.” Gordon mumbled into John's hair.

“If you never showed up, I would have stayed miserable at University… Would never have got to enjoy life, never seen your optimism and got to feel truly loved…” John held Gordon’s blood slicked arms tighter to his body, “I wouldn’t wish that away for the world…”

“You’re more than I could ever hope for and far more than I ever deserved. You’ve my protector always keeping the monsters away… I owe my life to you, Clownfish. Always yours, I’ll be right here until the very end.”

“Virg….would have...taken you…” Gordon murmured. “Selfish creature….I couldn't let...you go.”

John paused for a moment as he thought carefully about his lover’s words. There was no way that Gordon would have knowingly done anything to harm their brother like that, even if Virgil and Scott had caused the damage that was slowly and painfully killing his lover.

“I understand,” John whispered, looking up into Gordon’s warm golden eyes, “I’m sorry for getting mad, I didn’t think.”

They remained in their embrace for a short while, light touches and small kisses littering one another’s skin. John carefully sat up and gently helped Gordon into the bathtub, running the warm water across Gordon’s body to remove the majority of the blood that was there. He returned the showerhead to its slot, fitted the plug in place and turned the taps to begin the steady of stream of water. 

John tentatively slipped in behind his lover and began to softly and lovingly wash his body. There may not be anything that the younger man could do to prevent the inevitable, but he could make his lover comfortable and loved for their remaining time.

“Always know that you have achieved so much in your life and inspired me to do so too. The moment I saw you in the airport in Singapore… Stood there in your WASP uniform, you’d become this proud and dedicated man and I was awe struck! Never let their opinions skew the reality of how hard you’ve worked and all your accomplishments.”

John dipped his hands into the rising water and wiped Gordon’s face softly. 

_Collecting his bag from the conveyor, John made his way through the passport control into the arrivals lounge of the magnificent airport. Having been to many different countries over the years, John had never experienced such an opulent airport. Each staff member smiled warmly and offered their assistance, which he politely declined. If this was just the arrivals area, John wondered what the rest of the grand building had to offer._

_Before heading down the escalator, John scanned the group of faces waiting below, instantly his eyes were drawn to a copper haired man barely recognisable as his brother._

_Gordon’s hair was swept neatly into place, his broad shoulders and arms more muscular as his body tapered down to a narrow waist and hips. The uniform he wore had been rolled up at the sleeves, revealing brilliant blood red tentacles that snaked around his tanned skin, glossy and crimson in the brilliant light of the lounge area. There was a great deal of confidence and pride in the way his elder brother stood there, tongue poked out in concentration. Gordon hadn’t yet noticed John’s presence at the top of the escalator, instead his focus was on scribbling something into a piece of cardboard._

_John stepped onto the escalator and placed his bag on the step in front of him, beaming happily as he watched his brother hold up his piece of cardboard with the word “Duckling” scrawled across it._

_When he finally spotted him, Gordon’s grin widened and walked over, his face changing to surprise when he was forced to look up at him more than he usually would have and theatrically measured his height to John and realised he only came up to his jaw._

_“Growth spurt huh?” Gordon mused. “Going to tell me the secret? What next, Alan taller than me too?”_

_John laughed as he pulled Gordon in for a tight hug, his head nestling on top of his older but shorter brother’s head._

_“I could say the same for you,” John smirked, pinching Gordon’s arms before pulling his forearm up to get a better look at the tattoo he realised was an octopus._

_“Seems like you’ve grown new skin too,” John laughed as he spotted the squid that adorned the other arm, “These are awesome! That would explain why you’ve been wearing long sleeve shirts on our calls.”_

_John hesitated briefly before leaning his head down to reach Gordon’s, capturing his lips in a deep and wanting kiss. “I’ve been waiting to do that for months,” he breathed, running a hand through the hair on the back of Gordon’s head, “Damn I’ve missed you so much.”_

_Gordon returned the embrace and was a little more lingering in his kiss as he pulled John down to his level. “Same. Sexy holo videos don't do the real thing justice, nor give me the warm tones of your voice and your kind heart.” He noticed John still staring at the tattoos and rolled the skeeves right up to the shoulders briefly “The long sleeves are part of my uniform and these ‘tattoos’ are because the guys got me drunk last week after I told them you were coming to Singapore - the famous NASA boy you are.” He ruffled John's hair playfully._

_John gave him a confused look and Gordon laughed, “I talk about you alot, alright? Hard to avoid it when my old post was in an underwater tin can. anyway, you'll be staying with me on the base in my little unit. They only allow immediate family because of security and all that, like the army...uh however there is one catch,” Gordon grinned like a mischievous imp. “You’re not my brother. You’re there as my spouse.”_

_John blushed furiously, a dark pink hue rising to cover the high points of his cheeks. “They think I’m your husband?” Gordon nodded as John smiled embarrassedly._

Gordon tried to speak but John held a finger to his lips. Maybe he knew, maybe he didn't...right now he just wanted Gordon to feel special, feel like the loved protector he was.

“Always loved you, always will, Clownfish… You are not the monster they think you are.”

John continued to delicately remove all traces of blood from his lover’s body. Reaching forward carefully, John turned off the taps as the water level reached their chests. He gently coaxed and encouraged Gordon to lean back against him and let the steaming water ease his aching muscles.

“I'm not….the perfect…..man you...think I am…” Gordon struggled the breathe out, the weight of the water heavier than it should be. “I'm….sorry…”

Gordon fought the desire to drift to sleep in his lover's embrace, aware that his weight would still be too heavy for John to shift if he lost consciousness. 

“Let's...make tonight…one hell of...one to remember...Then...who knows? We'll...keep partying… I'd...want that…”

“You are definitely the perfect man I know you to be,” John reassured his lover, “We’ll dance the night away together at the fair.”

He let Gordon relax, continuing to occasionally squeeze his shoulders if he looked to be drifting away. 

When the water started to drop in temperature, John hooked his toes around the chain attached to the plug and tugged it away to let the water drain gently from around them, taking the blood and pain away with it. 

John stepped out of the tub and grabbed a bath sheet wrapping it around his lover to dry him. 

Gordon playfully and lazily fended him off, eventually grabbing the towel to return the favour, gently and lovingly toweling him dry.

He kissed his lovers skin as he went, until he was on his knees before him, making love to his privates and lavishing his sexual need with attention. 

Last one for the road.

John arched and relented, falling back against the cool wall tiles and sliding towards the floor as he recovered from his blissful crescendo. Gordon was almost immediately at his side, kissing him softly as they sat together on the floor.

“Thank you...Jonathan…” Gordon whispered faintly, behind the kisses. “I love… you.”

“Love you more,” John grinned against his lover’s face, silencing any protests with more soft kisses, “Let’s go get ready for the night of our lives, shall we?”

The afternoon sun was nice warm and inviting as they strolled around the fate stalls, Occasionally stopping in front of some art and craft maker and having a good sticky beak at their wares. Every food stall John bought something - homemade fudge, candies, cakes, chips - anything he could eat right away, his ravenous hunger giving him this incredible compulsion to eat anything he saw. Gordon was just as bad with skill games, if he could try his luck and win a prize he’d have a go - from throwing darts at balloons where he won John a giant stuffed octopus, to fishing ducks out of a pool and winning him a small fluffy yellow bunny. He tried everything he could to ensure John was having a great time, he wanted John to remember him because he was fun, because he gave him the best time of his life… Gordon wanted to repay him for everything.

Seeing the ferris wheel over by the rides, he pulled John along till they were at the foot of it, paying for a ticket and Gordon slipping a few extra dollars into the woman's hand for her to make it linger a little longer once they were at the top to enjoy the sunset.

As the wheel went round slowly, John leaned into his arm, clutching the stuffed animals enjoying the gentle ride until they reached the top and the wheel halted.

Gordon then stroked his lover's face, the warm orange and pink light from the sunset making his features so pure, so innocent and angelic.. Like the day he first laid eyes in him when he first met him again after years of being separated.

Gordon wanted to keep John alive more than anything in the entire world, he wanted his beautiful angelic soul to continue a little longer, to keep changing the world around him for the better.

John sank closer into his lover’s warm embrace, looking up into his burnt amber eyes that glowed brilliantly in the beautiful evening light.

“Thank you,” John muttered lightly, “For everything you’ve done… I appreciate it more than you’ll ever know.”

As the sky darkened, the wheel started moving again, bringing them back to the bottom. A tired John stepped out but before he could suggest them going back to the hotel, Gordon had taken him to a secluded hilly spot a little away from the fairground to sit and cuddle John, just as bolts of colours filled the night sky with explosions of patterned lights.

“It's so beautiful Gordon!” John grinned excitedly giving him a hug and pulling him down to cuddle him to watch the fireworks. “So incredible! Just like you.”

Gordon held John tight, looking up at the sky too and watching the spectacle unfold above them.

He was thinking back to his first ever time meeting John again after years of absence again...and how nothing, not even fireworks made his heart flutter the way John did.

_He stood infront of the door, palms sweating, heart racing, demons swimming around in his head. He couldn’t remember knocking, though the sound echoed around his brain like the death call of a crow._

_“Hey! Twink Fairy! Get the door would ya?!”_

_John was torn from his study notes as his dorm mate hollered at him from the room next door. Sighing, the young man stood silently from his bed and trudged over to the main door of the dormitory he shared with three other guys. All of them were studying more physical subjects, leaving the more intellectual Tracy boy to isolate himself in his room to study. They were quick to encourage John to go to parties they attended, drinking copious amounts of alcohol and watching on as they took a cocktail of drugs and the antics that they fuelled._

_Swinging the door open, John regarded a nervous and unfamiliar young man stood before him, shining auburn hair shaved at the sides of his head framing lightly tanned skin, a stark comparison to his own. John shifted uncomfortably as he felt the bright pair of large golden-amber eyes that peeked out from under the stranger’s feathered fringe scanning his body. The man looked to be of a similar age to John, though he did not recognise him as one of his dorm mate’s buddies._

_“Uhh… Hello?” John prompted quietly, causing the man to jump from his thoughts slightly, “Can I help you?” His accent still held a strong British twang from his youth spent in the English schools his father had chosen._

_“Errr…” Gordon froze. Standing in front of him was a tall slender stallion of a man with a English accent, blonde feathery hair framing his face and gracing his shoulders, kinking around in wavy curls. His heart skipped a beat, this young posh gentleman was every woman's handsome sexual fantasy, every gay man's delicate butterfly._

_And one fine man Gordon wanted to get to know better, as he didn't know many openly gay people from growing up in the backwards red bushlands of Adelaide - at least ones that were attractive looking. They were usually big blokes, tough guys looking for other tough guys._

_Gordon had to admit, he wasn't into bears, no men with the muscle structure of a brick shithouse._

_Fuck it, even if John never wanted to see him again, Gordon wanted to know if this bloke in front of him swung his way._

_He realised he was stalling. Gordon nervously ran his hand through his hair at the back of his head, his accent peppered his a harsh but deep occa as he spoke. “G’day, I'm looking for John Tracy. You know him? I uh...I'm staying with his brother Scott and thought I'd drop by and visit...have a bit of a chin wag, ya know, general catch up.”_

_John eyed the stranger suspiciously as alarm bells were sounding in his head. He knew full well Scott didn’t often entertain guests at his apartment and the idea that his older brother would have given his details to someone he didn’t know was highly unlikely. He was unsure who this handsome young man was or what he would have wanted with him, but something about him was drawing John in, intrigued by the strong accent and warm eyes._

_“Yeah, I know him… And you are?”_

_“One of his brothers.” Gordon said sheepishly. “He's got four of us, the poor bastard.”_

_“No you’re not!” John snapped quickly, retreating slightly back into the room._

_Gordon wedged his foot in the door as it was slammed on it. “Look, what's it to you!? How would you know? I didn't waste my time trying to find this damn place to get told to fuck off, alright ya big galah!” He growled._

_“I haven't seen him in...four years or more and I'll be damned if some English toffee nosed wanker tells me I can't see my own fucking ‘duckling’ of a brother alright?”_

_John’s eyes widened as he regarded the indignant man through the gap in the door, his eyes searching the caramel pools before him._

_“Clownfish?”_

_“Oh so he's told you about me?” Gordon’s tone changed suddenly as fast as the wind could, filling with genuine surprise. “I honestly thought...I mean of course he would! There's only one brother he's got who's eight months older than him!”_

_“N-No way…” John stuttered, opening the door wider and reaching out a hand to the man’s face, “Gordon? W-What are you doing here?!”_

_Gordon frowned, confused. “I'm looking for my little brother…though I'm not sure what he looks like anymo...oh my FUCKING GODS!”_

_He gripped the blonde man by the arms as things started to fall into place, a face from some of Scott and Alan's recent photos finally given a name._

_“J-John!? Is this really you? You're….you’re so damn tall! And skinny! Who’s been feeding you? You need meat on those bones!” He blabbed incoherently. “Like holy fuck man! It's...it's really you!”_

_He started to calm down a little. “It's..really you… and you've grown up so much. I'm sorry I barely recognized you….you look so different, so incredible. Bet all the ladies chase you around huh?”_

_He wrapped John in a tight embrace, so glad that even after a false start John had not forgotten him like everyone else._

Gordon sometimes regretted this memory, especially of late with everything he had put John through...but it was also one of the most significant in his entire life - the day he found out someone told him hadn't forgotten about him, wanted him to stay and hang around.

He almost didn't but for John, he would do anything because he remembered him.

Gordon’s arms started to relax their grip around John, hands slowly slipping away from his brother - his lover - his only friend in the entire world as he silently lost the last of the air his lungs could hold. His body always hung on, fighting for life for John but this time there was no way it could continue, giving up it's stranglehold of his tortured soul to give John a little more life to live longer, to fill his skeletal body with the energy to do anything he wanted to be happy.

Gordon was no longer dancing on his own grave...he was going to be laid to rest in it. His soul whispered a silent thanks for one last beautiful moment, one where he saw John smile, saw him as beautiful as he had always been, inside and out. 

John fought hard to keep the smile on his face as he watched the last sliver of life leave his lover’s body, even as he felt the shift in weight as Gordon’s body relaxed into the beckoning arms of eternal rest. 

Lifting his head to the sky, the blonde man blinked at the few tears in his eyes as they fell noiselessly down his face. Inhaling a deep shaking breath, John pulled Gordon’s body towards him, cradling it into himself protectively

“Always together…” mumbled words fell from his mouth, “Always… Wait for me amongst the stars, Clownfish… I’ll be there soon… you won’t be alone for long.”

John sat quietly as the hours of the evening passed him by, clutching his lover’s lifeless body to his own shivering form. He knew that his own body was failing him, slipping away as he grieved silently for his lover.

As the lights of the fair died down in the early hours of the morning, John hauled himself to sit in front of Gordon’s body. He recognised that his own body was failing, slipping into shock as he pulled his lover’s arms around his neck so that his body rested against the blonde man’s back. 

Using every last ounce of dwindling energy that somehow remained, John staggered determinedly to his feet dragging his lover with him as he slowly trudged down the hill in the eerie dark, only the faded moonlight to guide him. 

John stumbled and fell hard several times as he walked along the hard tarmac of the road. His lover’s weight crushing him, skin splitting open allowing blood to pour forth. Each time he summoned himself back to his feet with Gordon’s weight on him, desperately determined to bring him to his final peaceful resting place.

Falling limply to the sandy beach, John panted as he stared out towards the obsidian expanse of undulating water. His lover’s body was frigid and immalleable as John pulled it close for comfort and security.

Another torrent of tears could have burst forward, though they never came to be. Gordon’s voice played over in John’s mind, like a broken recording, wondering still how it was that his lover was so cruelly taken from him too soon. John found that he did not feel any anger or resentment – Gordon deserved to be at peace after such a valiant fight and there was nothing more peaceful than the absolute relief of death... 

His best friend… The one his heart would belong to for all of eternity.

Pulling the small container of pills from his pocket, John speedily consumed the remaining white powdery tablets, choking and coughing as they stubbornly caught in his throat. If by some miracle someone where to find them, at least this would ensure his success of choosing his time to go.

Fighting to his feet, John collapsed to the sand unable to stand any longer. He resorted to pulling his brother’s body by his arms towards the waves. Water had molded and shaped Gordon’s life like a meandering river eroding and redistributing it’s banks as it flowed. In the icy shallow waters, John splashed around trying to remove Gordon’s belt to hook through the belt loops of their pants, joining them together.

Pawing at the water, John pulled them both through the swell of the breaking waves into the swirling current beyond. 

The first time John’s head bobbed beneath the churning waves he was shocked and spluttered as the water rushed to overcome him. The second time it happened however he was more prepared, his body instinctively holding in great lungfuls of breath. His lover’s lifeless body was pulling him down towards the abyss below.

Emaciated limbs thrashed like flowing strands of seaweed around him before he finally wraps them around Gordon’s sinking body. John placed a loving and delicate kiss on his lover’s cadaverous forehead one last time. 

Taking one final look to the stars, John focused his cerulean and fatigued eyes upon Gordon’s bloodless and tranquil face before submerging fully beneath the heaving waves.

By the time John could no longer hold the breath in his weary lungs, the murky saltwater is surging down his windpipe. The rushing seawater is bitter and algid, expelling any remaining air that would sustain his life which rose in a captivating stream of bulbous floating bubbles towards the ocean surface. 

Though he wasn’t sure what he had expected from the ordeal, John was sure he would have felt anguish and pain. It felt more like the aphotic water was alleviating him of his distresses and uncertainty, melting them into a still serenity.

The starlight faded to an indigo tinted darkness as their bodies slipped further into the depths.

In his terminal moments, John’s mind was transported through the life he had shared with his soulmate. Poignant memories of their childhood and relationship flicking past like a lazy zoetrope forming a jolted motion of images. Their meeting after all those years apart… Their first night spent in one another’s passionate embrace… Their chance meetings and exciting holidays… Gordon’s proud and impressive stature as he waited for John at the airport… The devotion, protection and caring nature he offered John throughout their lives.

John had never been able to repay Gordon in that respect but he had loved him unconditionally in return. John’s heart and spirit, though allowed to run free to roam, had always belonged to Gordon.

As his eyes closed for the final time, John’s perishing mind cast one last image of he and Gordon floating through an endless calm obsidian lake, the universe of stars and planets surrounding them as they clutched tightly to tone another’s hands.

Together. 

Forever.

 


End file.
